The Ties that Bind
by Drive all night
Summary: Life - It's like an Undercover Op..things can jump off in unexpected ways -BURZEK
1. Chapter 1 - What does it say?

Adam wiped his hands on his jeans and then squeezed them together as he rocked back and forth nervously on the couch. Kim suddenly appeared in the doorway, his eyes flew to her face but it was un-readable and the small plastic stick was clutched tightly in her hands. She placed it upside down on the table in front of them and sat down silently beside him. He grabbed her sweaty hand and held it tightly as they waited, running his thumb over the engagement ring that she wore proudly.

He adored this woman.

Now before them was their future, on a small plastic stick. He leant forward and turned it over. Kim's eyes closed as she inhaled deeply. "What does it say?"

"It says we are having a baby." Adam stared at the word making sure he read it right. "Wow." He turned to look Kim who hadn't moved, her eyes were still closed but her hand tightened around his so he knew she had heard him.

She let out a long slow breath as she opened her eyes and stared straight ahead. "Oh, okay." She stumbled. "So, well, that's it." The words wouldn't come. Her mind whirled and she wasn't sure if she felt nauseous because of the actual pregnancy or just the confirmation of it.

"Are you okay Darlin'?" Adam noticed that all the colour had drained from her face, she looked pale and he wasn't sure if she was about to vomit. Kim nodded, still unable to look at him. Adam slipped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer pressing his lips against her temple letting them linger for a while.

"Adam." Speaking slowly as the words started to form. "Really?"

"Really."

In her head she heard herself screaming _….Why was he so calm?_

Everything was smashing around inside her, she felt tired and nauseous, frightened, excited and overwhelmed. They had discussed the possibility that she was pregnant when Kim realised that she had missed her last period but they hadn't had time to sit down together and talk about it or take the test…until now. Or more specifically they were too freaked out to discuss it.

Work and life had been a little crazy the last few weeks and it wasn't until she went to take her pill and had to start a new pack that it hit her that she had not even had her period.

Adam had been pleasantly surprised when he started seeing Kim that she did not suffer wildly from pre-menstrual tension and apart from the occasional complaint that her back was aching or her boobs were tender it usually came and went with little fanfare. With Wendy it had been a minefield each month. So when she seemed a little moody and quiet he eventually asked her what was up.

"You remember that weekend camping you had with Halstead?" Adam nodded as he took another bite of his apple. He was sitting at their small dinner table with his feet up on the other chair. "And how happy you were to be away that weekend because I had my period and you get impatient because you have to cool your jets for a few days?"

He shrugged and smiled. "It was good timing."

"How long ago was that?" Kim started pacing across the floor.

Adam had to think. "End of April. Why?"

She stopped pacing and shot him a withering stare. "And do you remember my period since then." She was sure that the stupefied look she got was because he didn't understand. She wasn't making sense, even to herself. "It's now halfway through June, six weeks ago."

He let out a long slow breath. "So…." He swallowed hard, the half chewed apple catching in his throat. "What are you saying? Do you think you're pregnant?" He said the word even she had been too frightened to say.

"I don't know." She sat down at the table and they just sat and stared at each other. The only thing that was comforting was Adam holding her hand and making small circles with his thumb. "I think I should take a test. Don't you?"

He nodded and Adam had insisted that he wanted to be with her when she took it. "I am not letting you watch me pee on a stick."

"Fair point. I will let you pee in private however the big reveal, its you and me together okay?" he had made her promise. Unfortunately work had got busy and they hadn't seen each other much. He had been undercover for two nights and she had been on nightshift when he was finally home. Now they had a weekend off together and they had two days now to right this ship that had just been hit by a monster wave with that one little word. _Pregnant_

"Okay." Slowly she nodded letting it all sink in. "Okay. Are you happy?"

Without a moments hesitation he answered, "Yes." That comforted her, his enthusiasm and the sincerity in his voice. Right from the start he told her that having a child with her was what he wanted. Sure the timing wasn't great but he didn't care. "Are you?"

"Yes." Her response was a little more hesitant. "Yes." She repeated.

He sensed a but…

"But?"

"I think I am terrified."

"Think?" he laughed nervously "I know I am terrified." He reassured her. "But it's you and me and we can do anything. How cute is this kid gonna be?" Again he pressed his lips against her temple.

"Adam." Finally she turned to look at him and a smile crept across her face. "You're going to be a Dad. Adam Ruzek is going to be a Dad."

He kissed her slowly and softly. "And you are going to be a Mum, a pretty awesome one at that."

Kim rested one hand on her stomach. "It seems a bit surreal that there is a baby in here. I've thought about nothing else for the past few days. Roman thinks I've completely lost the plot." Adam placed his hand over hers and let all his emotions wash over him. Overwhelmed, protective, devoted and terrified, but he was also grateful because it was happening with the woman that he adored and loved beyond reason.

"So what do we do now?"

"Well, you can make me some toast." She felt a surge of nausea. "Little Ruzek is making me feel like crap."

Adam leapt from the couch and returned a short time later with toast and his laptop. "What's that for?" Kim inquired as she nibbled on the corner of her toast.

"Well I am pretty sure that you and I know absolutely nothing about pregnancy so it's time for some research." And with that they spent the next hour trawling through the myriad of websites with a very varied assortment of advice, warnings and utterly terrifying stories.

"I don't know if I feel better or worse after reading that." Adam closed the lid of the computer and leant back on the couch. Kim curled her feet up and nestled into his comforting arms. "You know I like what you said before." He whispered as his fingers played with her hair.

"What was that?"

"Little Ruzek. It's pretty amazing."

"We still need to get this confirmed by a doctor." Now that the initial shock was starting to wear off Kim was trying not to let this all get away from them. They needed official confirmation although that little plastic stick just sat on the table mocking her. When he had gone to make her some toast she picked it up and turned it over and over in her hands to see if it changed. It didn't, it still said that she was pregnant.

"I know, but I get the feeling that you are pretty sure."

"Let's see, I missed my period; first time ever." She ticked off a list on her fingers. "My boobs are so freakin' sore, I feel like crap and I'm tired like all the time. Coupled with the fact that I got that bout of food poisoning just after you got back from camping and I vomited for 3 days straight which I am assuming rendered those little pills completely ineffective and we spent that weekend shortly after basically going at it like rabbits. So yes, I do believe you have knocked me up." She was almost breathless when she finished.

"I heard no complaints that weekend."

"Not complaining….just pregnant."

They found a doctor who confirmed that they were indeed expecting and that Kim was approximately six weeks pregnant. They came out with a list of things to read, and appointment with an OBGYN and some prenatal vitamins and a whole heap of anxiety.

"So are you going to be weird about this at work?" Kim asked as she sipped on some sparkling water at their favourite coffee shop on the way home.

"No."

"We can't tell anyone yet. Not until 12 weeks, just in case." The Doctor had reassured them that the baby was so tiny and well protected that Kim was quite safe to continue her normal duties. Soon enough she would be off the beat and resigned to desk duty for the duration of her pregnancy but right now, apart from no more alcohol, coffee and getting plenty of rest everything could continue as normal.

"I know." Now that it was official Adam was starting to feel the enormity of what was happening and it was a little terrifying. He looked at Kim, who was looking just as stunned as he was. "You know what?"

"What?"

"Since this morning, since we found out there is one thing I forgot to say. " He leant forward and stared directly at her. "I love you, you know." A small tear brimmed over the edge of her eyes and trickled down her cheek. "Hey come on." He kissed her cheek, tasting the salty wetness on his lips. "We are going to be great at this."

After their late lunch they strolled down by the lake for an hour before Kim decided that she wanted to go home. They chatted about the next few weeks, deciding just to take it one day at a time at this stage. Small chunks of time they could do; the bigger picture would have to wait.

Once at home Kim went to lie down and promptly fell asleep. The bone aching tiredness lately was something that she hadn't experienced for a long time, even three night shifts in a row couldn't have made her this tired and that usually whacked her about for days. This was something else.

Adam decided to go for a run while she slept. Man, he needed to clear his head. They had gone from planning a wedding, rather half-heartedly he had to admit to suddenly preparing to be a family. The thought of it made him smile. What about the wedding? They hadn't even mentioned it since this morning; he had no idea if she still wanted to get married. Surely she did, but before or after the baby was born. _Oh, god he was going to be a father, responsible for another life, oh god_. He ran harder.

Kim was still asleep when he got back so he grabbed a quick shower before gently lowering himself down beside her. Almost without thinking he rested his hand on her stomach. That beautiful stomach that was protecting and growing his child. Kim stirred and rolled over to face him. He was smiling down at her. "Hey, feeling better?"

"A little. I have never been this tired before. It's insane." Kim stretched out and rolled in for a cuddle. "How was the run?"

"Good. I did have a moment when I thought Holy crap I am going to be a father. A little freak out if you will."

"I think I am in a constant state of freak out right now."

"You hide it well."

The next couple of weeks were spent in a daze. Sometimes they talked about the baby, sometimes they didn't, but Adam always kissed and talked to her stomach everyday and often slept with a hand protectively on her waist. He had always been great in the mornings bringing her coffee, which he now switched to dry toast and ginger tea before she even got out of bed and that seemed to keep her nausea under control. In her workbag he packed little snacks for her during the day and checked in to make sure she was eating, not doing too much and when he was working he wanted to make sure that she was eating dinner & sleeping.

They had a Doctors appointment at 8 weeks and everything was progressing well. The scan confirmed the presence of Little Ruzek, it's likely appearance date in late January and thankfully that it was all alone in there. Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time was intense, the relief they felt was surprising.

Although it was too early to tell yet they both decided that they wouldn't find out what they were having, which seemed to be unusual these days but they liked the idea of being surprised on the day.

Three weeks after their appointment Kim was in tears in the bathroom. "What's wrong?" Adam rushed in.

"Look at me. My boobs are about to explode out the top of my bra. How am I going to get my vest on?" Adam looked at her boobs…again. They were magnificent at the moment, not that they weren't already. She also was starting to look a little thicker around the waist. "I am not sure I can make it much longer without anyone noticing."

He was fast learning that rationality was uncommon in pregnancy and nothing he usually offered helped the situation but what the hell if it didn't matter what he said right now he might as well say what he was thinking. "I think you look fucking awesome."

She swung around quickly and grabbed his groin, usually something he enjoyed but the menacing look in her eyes made him grimace slightly and hold his breath. "Well how about I make your balls swell until they feel like they are going to burst and then shove them flat under a bullet proof cup?"

"Harsh Burgess, very harsh." Snaking his arms around her thickening waist and resting his forehead on hers. "I'm sorry for doing this to you, but I do think you look awesome, I am finding this pregnancy stuff a turn on. I can't help it."

Kim released her grip, much to his relief and leant on him. "By the end of each shift I have to loosen my gear belt a notch. Roman is going to notice something is up soon. Not to mention Platt, she keeps looking at me weirdly."

"Should we tell them then?"

"I really want to wait until 12 weeks."

"We can make another week. You've only got three more shifts then a few days off."

On her last shift before a two-day break Roman walked into the change room just as she was pulling on her vest. He noticed she grimaced a little. "You okay Burgess?"

"Yep." She straightened up instantly and smiled. "Just went a little hard at gym this morning." Grabbing her jacket she threw it on quickly, thankful for the unusually cool and rainy night so that it covered her bulging vest. Even the side straps were becoming a little snug. "Let's go before Platt has us doing curfew checks all night."

By the end of shift she couldn't wait to get out of her uniform, get home and into some comfy clothes. Adam was waiting by her car. She was heading home just as he was coming in. "How'd you go?" Kim leant on him, exhausted from the week and ready to go home and sleep.

"I am so tired I actually think I might sleep all day."

Adam came home with dinner, having stopped by their local Italian take-out and grabbing some pasta. He also swung by grocery store to pick up some bananas. Kim certainly had a thing for banana's right now and it was a sure fire way to bring a smile to her face if he came home with a bunch. Flowers just didn't make her smile like bananas did.

He liked how, at the end of the day her belly would stick out just a little bit like she had eaten a huge meal and she would curl up on the sofa with her head resting in his lap and his hand caressing her belly. "What are we going to do about the wedding?"

"Haven't really thought about it." Kim honestly hadn't given it any consideration since this pregnancy became a reality. "Do you want to do it before the baby comes?" She asked already knowing how she felt. It was enough at the moment just dealing with being pregnant, planning a wedding was not something she felt capable of doing right now.

Adam agreed that at the moment it was not something he wanted to be spending his time and energy on. "Really I just want to do anything I can to make sure that you and my baby are happy, safe and healthy. I really want to marry you though."


	2. Chapter 2 - What the hell is this?

"So today is the day." Kim wandered into the kitchen, her wet hair wrapped in a towel. She opened the fridge door and stared at the contents blankly. Closing the door again she turned and reached for a banana.

"If this baby comes out looking like a banana I am blaming you." Adam barely even looked up from the computer. Kim came and stood beside him and rested an arm around his shoulder.

"What you reading now?" she peered over his shoulder at the screen.

"Just checking what Little Ruzek has in store for us this week." He pointed at the screen and rattled off all the vital statistics. "We are now about the size of a plum."

"So what time are we due at your mother's?" While they felt closer to the people they worked with everyday it wasn't fair that they should hear before their parents did and as they were going to tell everyone at work on Monday this weekend was it. It felt strange though, for the past six weeks they had kept it to themselves and now it was time to come out of the closet, so to speak. They were nervous and excited in equal measure. It was going to be a busy few days and once it was out there it was going to get crazy.

"Well this is a nice surprise." Janet, Adam's mother, declared happily when they walked in hand in hand. The aroma fresh coffee overwhelmed Kim as Janet brewed a pot and she felt a wave of nausea surge through her. Most days she was fine now but if she was a little tired it seemed to be worse. That and Adam's driving this morning had been somewhat hectic. Adam noticed that she had gone a little pale and he handed her a glass of water that she sipped it slowly while he took the opportunity to distract his mother by teasing her about her new haircut. Ed, his stepfather came in from outside when Janet called and by that time Kim had recovered a little.

"So to what do we owe this honour?" Janet asked as soon as they all sat at the table. "Have you set a date?"

"No, not yet." Adam took long sip of his coffee; he was enjoying teasing his mother. Kim nudged him under the table with her leg. "Actually we have postponed the wedding for a bit."

"What, Why?" He smiled at this mother's obvious disappointment, knowing full well their news was about to change everything.

"Well we just don't think we can pull it off, all the planning and stuff at the same time as getting ready for the baby to arrive."

It took barely a few seconds for it to sink in. "Oh my god." Janet shrieked. "You're pregnant?" She looked from Adam to Kim who was nodding and smiling happily. This was definitely fun and she was glad they took the time to do it face to face. Unlike Adam's initial suggestion that they send a group text with the ultrasound picture.

She leapt up from the table, almost spilling her coffee and threw her arms around Kim. "So Mom, I guess that means you're happy?" Adam added dryly. They hadn't really felt that happy jump and down pure joy yet so it was good to see it on someone else. For them their feelings so far could be described as shock, terror and quiet excitement. His mother however was just full on, out and out joy.

She grabbed Adam's arm and pulled him in for a hug without letting go of Kim. "Oh my god, yes yes yes." She chanted and even Ed was swept up in the excitement.

Eventually she calmed down enough to get all the details. "When are you due? How long have you known? How have you been?" All the questions came out in a rush. "Oh I guess you can't have coffee, can I get you something else?" She turned to go back to the kitchen but Adam put a hand out to stop her.

"Whoa ease up Mom." He offered Janet his seat beside Kim and she sat down heavily still holding Kim's hand. "We are at 12 weeks, the baby is due late January."

Kim finally got a word in. "I've been not to bad, a bit queasy some days but that is easing off now. We had an Ultrasound a few weeks ago." she reached into her bag and pulled out the grainy picture and handed it to Janet who looked at it in awe. "We've known for about six weeks, and it came as a huge shock, it was completely unexpected. For the first few weeks we just walked around in a bit of a daze, but we are pretty excited." She glanced up at Adam who just looked happy.

"What about work?" a flicker of concern flashed across Janet's face. She was never comfortable with Adam choosing to follow his father into the Police Force, the worry never stopped particularly with the Unit he worked in. Now she had twice the worry.

"We haven't told anyone else yet. That'll be on Monday so we wanted to tell you and Kim's family first. The Doctor has assured us that the baby is perfectly safe where it is but it is getting a little harder to hide it." Adam tried his best to reassure his mother and he didn't want her to start to question Kim's decision to stay on patrol.

Janet stared at the photo in her hand. "Look all you like Mom, you can't tell what it is. It's too early." Adam squeezed her shoulder. "And before you ask, we don't know want to know what we are having. The day it's born is the day we will know."

Kim sagged down into the car seat as they pulled away from his mother's house. "I think that went well." Adam squeezed her hand. "One down, two to go." Eyeing Kim from the corner of his eye he noticed how tired she looked.

"We can catch up with Dad later if you want to go home and rest?"

"No, it's okay. I will just close my eyes for a bit. Try and drive a little less like a lunatic please." She rested a hand on his thigh and he covered it with his, rubbing circles with his thumb as he drove.

"I do not drive like a lunatic." He slowed down a little anyway; more to make sure that it took a little longer to get there so Kim could doze off. He also took the time to enjoy the feeling that finally someone close to them knew about the baby and they were as excited as he was. He didn't expect his mother to cry as they left which also started Burgess off. He was getting used to her tears lately, and they could come at anytime. The epic meltdown when watching a random TV show about the Amish had been a sight to behold and he was completely at a loss as what to do. Trying to figure out if he was required to respond with a hug or just leave her alone was one of his biggest challenges to date.

His father was just as excited with their news. There had been times when he wondered if Adam was ever going to settle down long enough to have a family. He had kept his relationship with Kim to himself for quite awhile although lately she had pushed him to spend more time with his Dad, for which Bob was grateful.

Bob, along with his partner Susan fussed over Kim and Adam started to see that his job was done and the next six months were going to be all about Kim.

With all the details delivered for the second time Adam insisted that he needed to take Kim home to get some rest. She did find it sweet that he was so considerate and attentive to her needs right now but she wasn't sure if she could last another six months with his constant fussing. Once at home Kim crashed out on the bed and Adam headed to the gym and she was still asleep when he got home.

Kim came out about an hour later to find Adam propped up on the sofa, feet on the table watching a baseball game. "Hey Darlin'." He tilted his head back to look at her when he heard her in the kitchen. "Good sleep?"

"Hmmm." She mumbled, grabbing bottle of water and an apple before flopping down beside him and throwing her legs across his. Adam rested his hand on her thigh and stroked it gently. "Did you go to the gym?"

"Yep, you were dead to the world when I got back."

"You kept me up late last night." Kim took another bite of her apple and then handed it to Adam, suddenly finding it unappetizing.

Adam took the apple, he was used to finishing off her food lately. She would feel like eating something, start it and then push it aside. "That is not how I remember it." He winked.

"You could say no."

"I've told you a thousand times my job is all about keeping my girl happy." He slipped his hand down between her thighs and under the hem of her shorts.

Kim slapped his hand away. "I think I might go for a run." So far, apart from slowing her down a little bit she still felt pretty comfortable exercising. The doctor had explained that she was able to continue to exercise like she normally did, as long as she listened to her body and adjusted accordingly. She had also talked to an instructor at the gym who advised her on what she needed to drop or alter and her Yoga teacher had changed some of her classes to suit.

They spent a very lazy Sunday together, sleeping in and going for a long walk along the river and a late lunch before heading out to Kim's parents place for dinner. They didn't make the family dinners often because of their shifts and they had just avoided them lately so they wouldn't have to reveal their secret too soon.

Adam accepted a beer from Kim's father, John and joined Peter, Kim's brother in law outside on the back deck. It was a balmy Chicago evening and the breeze was just starting to take the edge off the day. Kim stayed in the kitchen talking to her mother and sister. Amanda poured her a glass of wine, which Kim had to refuse. "Why? Are you pregnant or something?" she asked, laughing.

"Actually, yes I am." Amanda stopped with her glass halfway to her mouth while her mother just gaped at her.

"Sure you are." Amanda snorted.

"Trust me, I would really love a glass of wine right now but I'm afraid for the next six months that is a no-no. Apparently if you spend a few days throwing up everything you eat it drops the effectiveness of the pill to about 80% and that was all we needed to slip one through." She clicked her fingers together for dramatic effect.

Ellen Burgess stopped staring at her daughter long enough to let out a little yelp. "Oh my god. I'm going to be a grandmother again." She threw her arms around Kim and was joined by her sister. "When?" she leant back and looked Kim up and down. Now that she looked closely she noticed that she was looking a little bustier and when she put her hands on her waist she seemed a little more solid. She often thought her daughter was too thin but knew that she ate well, not particularly healthy food but plenty of it and worked hard to stay fit.

"Late January. It was a huge shock and we have freaked out several times but it's definitely happening and it's all going pretty well so far and we are excited." She pulled out the ultrasound picture for her mother.

"Go tell your father." Once Ellen had got all the information she needed she pushed her towards the back door.

Heading outside she winked at Adam before slipping her arms around her father's neck. "I am assuming that Adam is still in one piece because he didn't tell you that he got me pregnant?" she whispered in his ear. He grabbed her hands. "No, he did not." Kim looked at Adam who was chewing his bottom lip nervously. He knew that Kim's father liked him and they got on well enough, but things can change when you get their little girls' pregnant out of wedlock.

John was just as happy as his wife was. They only had one grandchild, Zoe who they adored. Zoe was nearly 11 and had recovered well from her liver transplant but Amanda and Peter had struggled to have a baby and decided that while she was worth all the pain and expense of IVF they weren't willing to put themselves under that sort of pressure again.

Kim followed Amanda into the kitchen after dinner to help with the dishes. She had been pretty quiet during dinner. "Hey, you okay?" Kim leant against the bench.

"Yep." Amanda held her hand under the running water, waiting for it to warm up.

Kim could tell that she wasn't and had the feeling it was all to do with her pregnancy. "You've been quiet all night."

"Kim I am fine."

"Liar. You are upset with me. Is it because I'm pregnant?"

Amanda sighed. She didn't want to be upset; she wanted to be happy for her sister. It was an exciting time for her and Adam and they deserve to be happy but it still hurt. "I am happy for you, I really am." She turned to face her sister. "It's just a little hard. It's been so easy for you and I am jealous and I don't want to be."

Kim wrapped her arms around Amanda's shoulders. "I know this must seem unfair to you." She rested her head on her shoulder. "I don't think I can do this without you though."

"You want have to. Just give me a few days. " She hugged her tightly. "It's great news. I am so happy for you both."

They were done and it was out in the open. "Does it make it seem more real now?" Kim asked as she drove home. Adam had suddenly discovered one of the few benefits to him - the fact that he now had a designated driver for the foreseeable future.

"Yep." And it did. It had been an intense weekend and they both felt like it was all that they talked about. When they got home that night they agreed that they were not going to mention it again. Despite the fact that had accepted it and were both pretty excited now it was still overwhelming at times.

Kim looked a little pale as she got ready for work the next day. "I think I am just nervous about telling Platt. You never know what she's gonna do." Adam laughed, he was pretty sure that Platt was going to be fairly excited. While Kim often worried that Platt hated her Adam knew that if Platt actually made the effort to rag on you it meant she believed in you.

"Burgess." Platt eyed her suspiciously. "You're early. What can I do for you at this particular point in time?"

Kim stood at the desk and hopped nervously from foot to foot. "Can we go in there?" she pointed to the spare office. Platt stared at her for a moment and then hurried across the foyer looking rather annoyed.

"What is it?" she barked, as Burgess closed the door behind her. Early shift was always the busiest as she had to assign daily tasks, hand out squad cars and deal with the mountain of paperwork that couldn't be filed overnight. So basically she was her grumpiest in the morning and the perfect time for Burgess to drop her bombshell. "Spit it out." She added while Kim just stared at her looking like she was about to puke.

"I…." she stuttered. Platt looked at her impatiently. "I wanted to let you know that I am pregnant."

"You're what?"

"Pregnant. I'm 3 months pregnant."

A faint smile crept onto Platt's usually stern face as she folded her arms across her chest. "Well, well. So lover boy is not a dud."

"Ummm no." Kim spat out indignantly.

"And I suppose that means I will need to find Roman a new partner, find you some desk work to do in the meantime."

"Not right away. I am hardly showing, I can still do patrol for a little while yet." Kim bit down on the rising nausea. This was all happening a little quicker than she thought. She wasn't ready to give up Patrol just yet. "My Doctor says it's fine at the moment. It's still so small….." her voice trailed off when she saw the look on Platt's face. "….like a plum." She finished with a whisper.

"Burgess, I am not having you and _your plum_ out on patrol." She was going to kill Adam later for putting that inane thought in her head. "I would never hear the end of it from your Baby daddy." Kim did wonder if she was every going to call him by his actual name. "He'd be hanging off my desk every five minutes checking up on you." She headed for the door "and there is a protocol to follow here." Pausing at the door she turned and smiled softly. "Congratulations Burgess. It's wonderful news."

Adam faired better upstairs. He knocked on his Boss's door. The bullpen was still empty being so early but he knew that he would be in already. Voight looked up from his paperwork. "What's up?"

Ruzek stepped into the room a little. "Boss, I've got some news for you. Umm…" he was suddenly nervous. For weeks he had been busting at the seams to let everyone in on their secret and now that he could he was nervous. "Burgess is pregnant." He blurted out.

"Really?" Voight couldn't hide the surprise in his voice. He stood up and smiled coming around the desk to shake Adam's hand. "Congratulations that's great news. Is Burgess doing okay?"

"Getting there. Bit queasy and tired but not too bad."

He pulled Al aside and told him in private and then left a copy of the ultrasound photo pinned to the break room fridge having captioned it. _'Little Ruzek'._ Lindsay saw it first and screamed, she grabbed the photo from the fridge and marched into the bullpen, which got everyone's attention. Adam kept his head down pretending to continue with his reports while trying to hide the smile on his face.

"What the hell Ruzek?" she yelled. "What the hell is this?"

"Ah Erin that is an ultrasound photo." He answered as deadpanned as he could.

"I can see that smart arse." She snapped. "It says Little Ruzek." By now the rest of the team had gathered around Erin who was still brandishing the photo like a sword.

"That is does." Leaning back in his chair with a smile from ear to ear. "But don't tell Burgess she just thinks she getting fat."

"Burgess is pregnant?" Halstead spat out.

"Yes Burgess is pregnant. We are in fact 12 weeks pregnant and despite being completely freaked out initially we are now pretty excited." And judging by the response he got so was everyone else. Intelligence was getting a new team member. This was the village that was going to help them raise their child and he looked around at them all gathered around the grainy picture and smiled.

When Roman arrived Burgess was slipping on her vest and sighed as she tried to do up the side Velcro grips. "Damn it." She muttered.

"What's up?" he asked as he threw his bag into his locker and pulled out his vest and gear belt.

"I guess I'm surprised at how quickly this baby is growing." She replied casually.

"Baby?" he almost dropped his belt. "You're pregnant?"

"I am indeed."

"Does Ruzek know?"

"Of course he knows." She rolled her eyes. "You don't think I would let him get away with doing this to me?"

Roman gathered his composure and congratulated his partner with a bear hug. "That's great…" he looked nervously at Kim "Isn't it?"

"It is. We are pretty excited; completely terrified and still in shock but pretty happy." She reassured him just managing to keep her voice from quivering. "But it does mean no more patrol for me. Platt is having conniptions out there about me being on the streets so I am guessing by tomorrow she will have some boring desk job for me and you will have a new partner." She grabbed her bag as they headed out of the locker room.

"Romeo." Platt yelled across the foyer as Intelligence appeared from upstairs and headed towards the door. "Come here."

The whole team stopped and looked at Platt and watched as Adam slowly walked towards her. "What's this I hear about you knocking up one of my patrol officers?" Kim stopped in her tracks as she came around the corner causing Roman to crash into the back of her.

"Umm, so I guess Burgess told you."

"Yes she did. And while I don't like having to find Roman a new partner, because all he will do is complain and whine I feel it is my duty to warn you to take care of Burgess or I will kick your ass into next Christmas….." she then smiled. "And congratulations. Although I am not sure the world needs another Ruzek in it."

"Aww Sarge you've got my heart all aflutter."

"Go." She pointed to the door and to the rest of the team standing and watching "All of you. GO." Adam scooted out the door by not before seeing Burgess hiding out of Platt's line of vision. He winked and gave her a little wave.

"Burgess, quit hiding and come here." Of course Platt knew she was in the vicinity, that woman had a sixth sense. "You and Roman have crime prevention talks to give at these nursing homes today. Try and not get into any trouble. Roman make sure Burgess doesn't get carried away. I know what you two are like."

Roman grabbed the paperwork and keys from Platt and headed for the exit, closely followed by Kim. "Well this should be an excellent day. Old People. Yay for Ruzek's super sperm." He cheered sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. At least once you are rid of me as a partner you'll get to go back to doing some real police work while I will spend my time filing reports and getting fatter."

"Hey, don't hate on me. They know what causes pregnancy these days."

"Don't start on me Roman. I warn you I am tired and emotional, I could blow at anytime." Kim snapped. "Besides, I hold you partly responsible."

"How do you figure that?"

"Remember when you insisted we eat at that crappy diner and I ended up with food poisoning. I vomited for days and that Roman," She poked him playfully on the shoulder as they headed towards their patrol car. ". apparently can make the pill slightly ineffective."

"Hey, I am not taking the blame for the consequences of your sex life."

Kim didn't have the chance to speak to Adam all day. While her and Roman were busy with their rounds of Nursing Homes, Intelligence were dealing with gang shoot out in Humboldt Park and unfortunately if Burgess had plans to go home at the end of shift they were soon quashed. The whole team insisted on celebrating the their news with beers at Molly's after shift.

It was comforting that everyone was so excited for them. Now that people knew it suddenly didn't feel like they wear going it alone. They laughed as they talked about how many times they had freaked out, Kim's love of bananas and Ruzek's collection of random pregnancy facts. Adam kept a close eye on Kim who was looking weary. Roman had pulled him aside and told him that they had been on their feet all day so while he was enjoying the celebration he was keen her get home.

"You can stay and have a few beers." Kim leant on his shoulder and stifled a yawn.

"No, not tonight." Adam slipped an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. "It's been a big day."

"Cut it out you two." Halstead threw a napkin at Ruzek. "That's what got you into this situation."

All Kim wanted to do was get home, get out of her jeans and have a shower. By the end of the day they were a little snug and having spent all day in her work pants, which were unforgiving at best and then the evening in jeans she couldn't wait to get home and put on some loose clothing and let it all hang out.

In the car on the way home was the first time they had been alone all day. "Everyone seems pretty excited?"

"They were." Adam smiled at the memory of his big announcement. "Lindsay found the Ultrasound picture I stuck on the fridge and went nuts. It was great. Voight was pretty chuffed too.

"Platt was too, I think. Although I reckon I might have spent my last day on Patrol for awhile." Despite trying to smile Adam could sense her disappointment.

"That's not unexpected though. We knew that Platt was going to go by the book."

"She is worried that you will be hanging off her desk every five minutes annoying her." Kim's eyes watered and she wiped them away angrily. These damn hormones.

"Hey Babe." Adam rubbed her leg as he drove. "I know this is a lot for you."

"I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly. The last few weeks have just been so overwhelming." Kim just burst into tears and Adam squeezed her leg tighter and pushed his foot a little harder on the accelerator.

By the time they got back to their apartment Kim had calmed down but she did appreciate the soothing hug she got as soon as the door closed. "I wish I could stop all this happening so fast." Adam whispered. "Slow down this train but I can't."

"I know, it just feels so real now. There were times when I almost forgot that I was pregnant but now everyone knows and I am so tired and feel bloated and I am just an emotional beast. I'm sorry." Adam smiled at her little rant. "I just really want a shower and get out of these jeans."

"Why don't you go do that." He pushed her towards the bathroom.

Adam had always adored her body and didn't think it was possible to love it anymore than he did but the changes, subtle as they were so far, made him happier than he had ever been. He loved how her stomach was swelling now, when she was dressed it wasn't noticeable and in the mornings you could barely tell she had a belly but by the time he saw her in the evening it was definitely there.

Kim loved how he seemed to be embracing impending fatherhood. He touched her belly at every opportunity, kissing and talking to their baby each day. The warm water slid over her body and she rested her head on the cool tiles and while she was weary she was also feeling lonely. The fact that everything was changing around her and it was all out of her control was hard to handle, she liked to be in control. People were making decisions about her that she had no say in and while what was happening was incredible and wonderful it would be nice to be seen as the woman that she was rather than just an expectant mother.

Sticking her head out from behind the shower curtain she called out to Adam. Smiling as he appeared looking a little concerned "What's up?"

"I want you." And certainly Adam didn't need to be asked twice. He was stripped down and in the shower in record time. Kim felt a surge of desire zing through her and her tiredness was instantly forgotten as soon as Adam's lips crashed into hers and his hands ran down her back and pulled her wet body hard against his. Her sex drive had remained pretty constant throughout the pregnancy so far, much to Adam's delight and he was certainly gong to make the most of it while it lasted.

Surprisingly Platt let her remain on Patrol for another two weeks on the proviso that they took a calmer beat and she was no longer called to help out Intelligence. Adam would have liked her to stop but knew that he had to give her time to come to terms with it. Roman was pretty understanding and didn't complain even if she knew that he preferred the more exciting roles they once had. Burgess took that time to accept that things had to change but it was decided that until she could no longer comfortably sit in her vest all day and they stayed out of trouble she could stayed on Patrol, for now.


	3. Chapter 3 - It's just a precaution

"Ruzek." Voight stuck his head out of his office and scanned the bullpen quickly. They had no big cases at the moment but there was always things to do, people to chase up and CI's to keep onside so most of the team were at their desks, filing reports and catching up on the utterly boring yet necessary paperwork while waiting for something to jump off. "Where's Ruzek?" he asked.

"I'm here Boss." Ruzek emerged from hallway having just been and changed his shirt in the locker room. He had managed to spill a cup of coffee all over himself as he tripped on the step coming back up the stairs.

Voight beckoned him into his office and he couldn't quite figure out the strange look on his face. When Voight closed the door behind him Ruzek suddenly felt nervous, very rarely did anything good come from these chats. "What's up Boss?"

"Roman has taken Burgess to Chicago Med."

He felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. "Is she okay?" managing to squeeze out a few coherent words as his head spun wildly and his heart thudded against his ribs.

"She's fine." Voight reassured him placing a steadying hand on his shoulder. "She was in the Patrol car and it got side swiped." Ruzek's hands starting shaking and he squeezed them together and he was finding it hard to breathe. "Roman insisted that she get checked out. Go." Voight nodded towards the door.

Ruzek was out the door like a shot and bolted down the stairs. "Hey." Platt called out as he ran towards the door. He stopped briefly and looked at her. "What?"

"Call me once you see her." He waved his hand and kept going.

Voight had followed Ruzek out of his office and the rest of the team turned to look at him for an explanation. "Burgess has been taken to Chicago Med for a check up, their patrol car was side swiped. She's okay and they are just checking to make sure all is good with the baby."

His hands were still shaking as he got in the car instantly hit speed dial. Nothing. Straight to voicemail. He dialled again. Pressing his foot down a little harder he wished he had taken a pool car then at least he'd have the benefit of lights and sirens.

He wasn't really sure how he got to Chicago Med, he was running on instinct by that stage and like the time she had been shot he found himself banging on the desk trying to get some attention. He flashed his badge, although he didn't really need it this time and he was directed up to the Maternity Ward. He spotted Roman sitting in the hallway with his head resting on his knees as he came out of the lift. A lump formed in Ruzek's throat and he tried to swallow it as he ran towards him.

"Roman." He barked, surprised that anything came out at all considering how dry his throat felt.

Roman lifted his head at the sound of Ruzek's voice and pushed himself up off the floor. "It's okay, she's okay."

"Where is she?" In the past Ruzek would have lost his cool but he knew Roman would do anything to protect his partner however the words still came out harsh. In the past week, since they had told everyone about her pregnancy Kim had complained almost daily at how over protective Roman was being, moaning that _'He might just be worse than you.'_

"The Doctor just went in." He pointed to the room across the hall from where he had been sitting. "Man I'm sorry." Adam patted him lightly on the arm as he passed and pushed open the door.

Kim burst into tears as soon as she saw him, she had held it together so far but the sight of Adam and the worried look on his face pushed her over the edge. "I'm here." Adam grabbed her hand and kissed her softly before he turned to the Doctor. "What's going on?"

"We are just about to have a look." He pressed the probe into Kim's abdomen and moved it around for what seemed like a lifetime. Adam whispered quietly to Kim as she gripped his hand tighter and tighter. "It's okay darlin', I'm here."

Suddenly the prolonged silence was punctuated by the baby's heartbeat, loud and strong. "There it is. That's what we want to hear." The doctor declared as he paused and captured some data before he continued moving the probe and looking at the ultrasound screen. Finally putting the probe down he wiped the gel from Kim's stomach and then did an internal exam, which Adam was still unable to be comfortable with someone poking around down there. Kim winced a little as the Doctor finished the examination and Adam focused on brushing her hair back from her damp forehead.

He finally turned to look at them both. "It all looks fine. The heartbeat is strong, no signs of bleeding and the placenta looks like it is in good shape and attached well to the wall nice and high. Bub is moving around as we would expect." He smiled at them kindly. "Your cervix is still closed up nice and tight. You are not having any cramping?" Kim shook her head. "I would prefer you to stay overnight and have some monitoring just to make sure you don't have any contractions but I am pretty hopeful. Everything is looking as it should."

Adam rested his head on her forehead as relief flooded through him. The Midwife set up the fetal monitoring machine and Adam slipped out to see Roman to let him know that the baby and Kim were both fine and they were staying for the night to be monitored.

He let Roman go in and see Kim briefly while he rang Platt. She answered almost instantly and he could only imagine her waiting for his call and barking at anyone who dare come at her. It would have been a brave person who crossed Platt's path today. "They are both fine. They ran some tests and the baby is still kicking around and she's had no contractions. We are staying in tonight just to make sure. It's just a precaution."

"Do you want to break it to Burgess that her Patrol days are over or should I?"

"I think she knows."

Platt sounded relieved and asked him to send Roman back "He needs to explain himself. I will never understand how those two find so much trouble or destroy so many of my patrol cars. Come to think of it she wasn't much better with Atwater, perhaps it is Burgess that I should be chatting too. " She muttered as she hung up.

Ruzek rang Voight quickly before heading back in and they wished Roman luck as he left to face the Wrath of Platt.

Upstairs Intelligence let out a collective sigh of relief when Voight told them that Burgess and the baby were fine.

Ruzek perched on the edge of the bed and tucked her hair behind her ear and ran his thumb over her cheek. "What happened?"

"We pulled over a car and it was pretty routine. I was running a licence check in the car, because of course Roman was being his usual over protective self." Ruzek smiled a little. "Another car just came from nowhere and side swiped the car, not my side but Roman just freaked out and insisted that I come in. The guy that hit us was drunk and Roman just about lost it." Her voice shook a little as she spoke and she squeezed his hand tightly.

"And I am judging by how upset you are and how shaken Roman looks it was a fairly hefty hit.""It knocked me about a bit inside the car." He showed him the developing bruise on her upper arm where she hit the dash.

"Jesus Kim." Adam rested his hand on the red large mark. "Does it hurt?"

"A little."

"What am I going to do with you?"

"I am guessing you won't have to worry about me being on patrol anymore. There is no way Platt is going to allow it now."

"For once I agree with her."

"Yeah, but it's still tough." Kim looked down at her shaking hands.

"You probably shouldn't have been on Patrol anyway." As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them, they sounded harsh.

"You're angry?"

He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose before speaking. "A little. I'd hoped you would see sense and come off patrol once we told everyone but I supported your decision. I was worried that something like this would happen or some maniac would resist arrest or something and you'd get hurt. I am more angry at myself for not telling you how worried I was."

"It's easy for you."

"Yep I don't have a care in the world." Adam's voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Can we not argue about this? I made a mistake. I've learnt my lesson." Adam took a moment to calm down before he kissed her forehead and agreed. What was done is done and he'd said his piece and they had to move on.

Eventually she fell asleep with Adam lying beside her with one arm protectively holding her against his chest. The rapid beating of the baby's heart had him fixated. As Kim slept the heartbeat slowed slightly and the midwife assured him that it was just because the baby was also sleeping. She checked the data on the screen "No signs of any contractions, so that's good." She pointed out on the screen what they were looking for with contractions and how they would show up. It gave him something else to watch.

Will Halstead, Jay's brother dropped by. He didn't work in Maternity but Jay had called him to let him know that Adam and Kim were there. Kim was still sleeping as Adam slipped off the bed while Will checked the notes at the end of the bed and he reassured Adam that the Doctor had told them everything. "It all looks good, perfectly normal."

"Thanks Man." Adam shook his hand. The more people kept telling him that everything was fine the more he started to believe it.

Adam rushed home and grabbed a change of clothes for Kim. Burgess was awake when he returned, Will had stayed until she woke so that she wouldn't worry about where Adam had gone. He didn't want her to wake up alone, because somehow Platt would find out and he would be next on her hit list, after she was done with Roman. Pausing at the door before she realised he was there he followed the path of her gaze. She was staring at the monitor with both hands on her stomach and he could see the worry etched on her face. "Hey." He stepped into the room and slowly she dragged her eyes away from the screen and looked at him, trying to smile

"Hey."

He held up her bag. "I went and picked up some clothes for you. I assumed you wouldn't want to go home in the morning in a hospital gown or uniform." He dropped it on the floor and leant down to give her a kiss. "You okay?"

"Fine." She turned back to look at the monitor. Adam felt his chest tighten a little when he noticed the intensity at which she was watching that machine"Are you worried?" He stood beside the bed watching Kim as she stared at the machine.

"Aren't you?"

"Yes, of course I am." He sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hands on hers as they rested on her stomach. "I sat and watched that screen while you slept and so far it's telling us that everything is alright and I am really trying hard to hang onto that."

"I'm sorry." She couldn't stop the tears from spilling down her cheeks.

"Hey hey Darlin' you don't need to be sorry. It was an accident and you are fine and our baby is fine, still tucked up in there safe and warm." Adam climbed on the bed and stretched out beside her, his arms holding her tightly until her tears subsided.

Will came back just after his shift ended and they sat and chatted for a while. Will was more than happy to spill the beans on some of his brother's earlier escapades before he joined the Rangers. It managed to take their mind off the baby and the accident.

Frustratingly every time she needed to pee they had to call the nurse in to unhook her from the monitor otherwise it would set off all sorts of alarms that had people charging into the room and she needed to report if she had any spotting or bleeding. Needless to say neither of them got much sleep.

Before they were allowed to leave in the morning they had another ultrasound, which again showed that everything was fine. Kim was told to take it easy for a few days. She had a follow up appointment in a week with her OBGYN but to come straight back if anything changed.

They decided not to tell their families, as that would only mean more people worrying and fussing. When Adam finally let her turn her phone back on she listened to all her messages including one from Kelly Severide over at Firehouse 51. They had been called out to get the driver out of the car and was surprised when Roman told him that Burgess was pregnant. He also insisted that she go get checked out. When he got back to the Firehouse he asked Mouch to follow up with Trudy for Burgess's number.

Adam's phone also was running hot so he sent a general text to everyone.

 _Thanks for all your messages. Kim and the baby are doing fine and will be discharged home this morning. It's been a pretty long night & we are looking forward to getting some rest. Will be in touch later today._

"Do you think I have been selfish?" Kim asked suddenly as they got into the car.

"What do you mean?"

"I was so hell bent of proving to everyone that I was still capable of being on Patrol that I ignored the fact that I shouldn't be on Patrol. It was selfish because I wanted nothing to change because everything around me was changing and I couldn't stop it and I was losing control and I was too stubborn to admit it. And I didn't think to ask how you felt about it, actually I think I knew I just chose to ignore it because I knew that you would support me either way and that was selfish too." She looked at Adam who was smiling a little.

"Nice little rant Burgess." He paused searching for the right words. His anger, which they both knew was driven by fear had subsided. "I get that this has had the biggest impact on you. And I know that you feel like it's all happening to you and nothing has changed for me, but it has because I want to protect you and wrap you in cotton wool and I know I can't." Adam's voice became quieter the more emotional he got and he couldn't look at her because he knew she would be crying and that would be too much. "You are doing the most unselfish thing anyone can do, you are growing my baby…..' he corrected himself. "…our baby and I am not sure how we are going to get there but we will, one day at a time."

Kim didn't know what to say so she said the only words that made sense right now. "I love you."

"Well we still have that in common."


	4. Chapter 4 - That just sounded wrong

Kim sat with her feet up on the table. She wedged a cushion behind her back, which was aching constantly lately. Coming home at the end of the day, whether it was alone or with Adam the first thing she did was have a shower and then sit down with her feet up for a few minutes. It had been a surprise when Platt and Voight had argued with the Ivory Tower, successfully, to add her to Intelligence for the duration of her pregnancy. She had taken on some of the duties that Nadia had fulfilled however being a sworn officer she was in a better position to take Statements, interview witnesses and chase up leads. She worked closely with Mouse and basically kept the unit running while the team was out dealing with cases. Occasionally she would type up reports for them if she had time. It was better than being stuck downstairs filing traffic reports, at least she felt useful.

Tonight, while she waited for Adam to get home she was reading through the documents that they got from the Hospital having decided to deliver at Chicago Med. They had been back to see her OBGYN who gave them the all clear from the accident and the pregnancy was continuing as normal however it had taken her a few weeks to convince Adam that she was perfectly fine to go back to her usual exercise routine Kim was a lot less cranky and a better person to be around if she had the chance to exercise.

She nibbled on some almonds and cranberries while she waited for Adam to come home and cook dinner. They had been making a real effort to eat better because of the pregnancy; there was a lot less take out these days. Surprisingly Adam was far better at cooking than she was although there had been some memorable inedible creations and his mashed potato often turned into glue.

It wasn't long before she heard the key in the lock. "Hey, Babe. Sorry I'm late." They had barely seen each other all day. Most of the day they had been out at a crime scene, briefly returning with a POI before heading straight back out again. He kissed her forehead as she leant her head back on the couch. "Whatcha reading?"

"Stuff from the hospital." He headed straight to the kitchen, grabbed a beer and some stuff from the fridge and started dinner. Kim came and sat up at the bench while he cooked. "We have to enrol in birthing classes soon."

"I guess so." He took a mouthful beer, setting it down on the counter while he grabbed the pan from the cupboard. "So I assume that means you need to tell me what you want to do so I can agree to it." She could see the faint hint of a smile as he turned back to the stove.

"You are a smart man."

"What are you thinking?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. Already she had people asking about what she was going to do, natural birth, C-section, Epidural…. The list went on. "I think I want to give it a go, you know naturally, without drugs. What do you think?"

"I want you both healthy." She had made it pretty clear from the start her feelings on drugs in pregnancy and refused to take anything even for a headache so it was no surprise that she wanted a drug free birth if possible.

Kim rolled her eyes. He could be so frustrating sometimes, so typically male. "Really? Is that it? Don't you have an opinion?"

Adam certainly had an opinion when Kim had bought up a home water birth. Kim had tried to talk to him about the birth but he was too busy watching a game and just muttered _'whatever you want'_ as he leant forward and threw his arms in the air as the white sox loaded up the bases. So she told him that she wanted to have the baby at home in a swimming pool in the middle of the lounge room floor.

"What?" he muted the game.

"Well that got your attention."

"I don't think so." He shook his head.

"You don't think so?"

"Babe, no way. We are not having this baby at home. No way." Kim laughed at him and he promised to pay more attention next time. She had to agree with him, the thought of having the baby at all was terrifying enough. Having it at home….not if she could help it.

He took the pan off the stovetop and came and leant across the bench grabbing both her hands. "Darlin' I am not the one that that has to give birth, so whatever you want is fine with me, except the water birth thing, that just sounds disgusting and somewhat terrifying. I will tell you one thing though." He made sure that she was looking at him. "I will not sit by and let you endanger your life or that of our baby. If things go wrong I will do whatever I need to do to keep you here with me, both of you. Whatever it takes."

"That's all I want too."

Adam went back to cooking dinner. Kim grabbed some plates and set the table. "People seem unusually interested in all the details. It kinda freaks me out a little."

"I know. What's her name?" he clicked his fingers as he tried to think of the blond uniformed cop at the District. "Connolly or something…..she cornered me downstairs and asked me today what we were having, if we were going to book in for a C-section, go drug free and then started telling me how she waited too long for her epidural. Honestly I don't give a shit about anyone else's _birth stories._ " He handed Kim her dinner and took his across to the table. "We are not going to be like that are we?"

"I hope not." Kim pushed her food around her plate. Adam watched her for a little while as she picked at her dinner.

"What's up?"

"I feel like nobody thinks we are capable of this."

"Who cares?" he squeezed her hand and made her look at him. "Who cares?" he repeated. He placed his hand on her small bump. "This baby is going to have the most awesome, coolest and hottest parents in the world. Sure, we don't have a clue what we are doing but show me one new parent who does." That made her laugh. "Now eat something please."

Kim picked up her fork and started eating again. Once dinner was finished they sat on the couch with the paperwork and started filling out the forms. "So it says birthing classes, six of them. A breastfeeding class and a father's class." Kim ticked all of the boxes.

'What the hell is a father's class?" he grabbed the list from her. Reading through the synopsis he groaned. "I think I took less classes to handle a gun." ' _The father class was designed for first time fathers to discuss their fears, concerns and feelings'._ God it sounded terrible.

"Well you could do with some help discussing your feelings." Kim added flatly.

"I am very well capable of discussing my feelings. I tell you all the time what I am feeling."

"Telling me I'm hot and that you want to have sex with me is not talking about your feelings."

"You are so mean to me sometimes Burgess." Adam pouted and tried to look hurt.

"If I have to go through all this including pushing this baby, which will be about the size of a pumpkin out a hole the size of a plum you will be coming along for the ride."

Adam screwed up his nose. "That just sounded wrong."

Kim handed him a brochure on the benefits of breastfeeding. "I've done my research." He looked at the brochure "and I must say yours are still the best looking breasts I've seen."

"Why thank you, however that is not the point of research."

Adam cocked one eyebrow in her direction. "No?"

"And from all your _research_." Adam laughed as Kim actually used air quotes. "What did you come up with?"

"Well, I think I know you well enough to know that you will want to do whatever is best for this baby so that means you plan on breastfeeding and I am guessing for as long as possible."

Kim leant over and kissed his cheek. "Aww you do know me."

"I also know that it means you will need to be wearing these very ugly bras for quite a while yet." He snapped the strap of her bra and she slapped his hand away.

"What else have you been researching?" She knew that he spent a lot of time trawling the Internet for information and it was pretty sweet and each week as the baby grew she would come home and find a different piece of fruit or vegetable on the table which indicated it's current size. This week was an avocado. Personally she sometimes found it frightening the amount of so-called knowledge that was available and tried to stick to the more reputable websites. However Adam often took great delight in trying to find the most ridiculous advice possible. His advice about not eating lemons because it would make the baby hairy still made her laugh.

"I know we need a lot of shit, I know no matter how prepared we think we are when this baby…." He patted her stomach. "..comes home we are going to be completely clueless and I also know I have about six weeks of living like a monk."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course you'd research that."

He was as excited about going shopping as he was about the father's class. Actually he wondered out loud on several occasions as Kim dragged him from one shop to another that shopping might actually be worse. "What are the boxes for?" They had been at it for almost four hours looking at Prams and Car seats.

"Names." Burgess shrugged like he should know as she grabbed the two gift boxes, one pink and one blue. Adam just looked back at her confused.

"I thought we could use these to help make a decision about names. So over the next few weeks if you think of a name write it down and put it in the relevant box and then we can sit down and go through them and see what we like."

"I was thinking Adam…"

She held up her hand. "Stop right there…No." She slid the boxes towards to sales assistant. Adam dumped the pile of onesies, blankets, muslin wraps and vests that Kim had loaded him up with on the counter. Every time they went out they seemed to come home with more and more stuff. "This baby has more clothes than me."

The girl behind the counter asked. "So boy or girl?"

Adam rolled his eyes. "Yep, one or the other." He replied dryly.

"Oh so twins."

"No, just one. It's either a boy or a girl…" Kim put a hand on his arm knowing that some smart arsed comment was on the tip of his tongue.

"We don't want to know."

"Oh, makes it hard to shop."

"Not really." Adam sighed. He didn't do baby shopping well, hell he didn't do any shopping well but ditzy sales assistants did his head in and baby shops seemed to have an abundance of them. They were either young and idiotic or so overly gushing about the miracle awaiting them he actually felt like he needed to down a few shots before they even started. He was glad to get out of there.

At home Kim sat the boxes down on the bench. "Are we really sure you want to cross Adam off the list? I've done some research and we can go with Addy for a girl. Adamae, Adamaris."

"Stop making up names."

Adam came up behind Kim and rested both hands on her belly. At 17 weeks they were looking forward to having their next ultrasound just so they could see their baby and they were hoping to feel it kick soon. "I think, somewhere in their Bubs is jumping up and down at the thought of being named after me."

"Let it go babe."

"What if we put in the names we like and just draw one out when it's born and that's it. No matter what."

"Don't be ridiculous."

Adam tried to look shocked but could help but laugh. "You really are scratching Adam?"

"In all its variations. Yes." Kim pushed him away lightly so that she could finish unpacking the few groceries they had picked up. "I could just pull the I'm giving birth so I get to choose card. You know Kim can be a boys name too?"

"My son is not going to be called Kim, no offensive Babe, but it needs to be more manly." He handed Kim the milk and cheese to put in the fridge.

"Son?"

"I have a feeling. My little QB."

"Or perhaps a Ballerina?"

Adam snorted. "Could you imagine you or me sitting at the ballet?"

"Totally."


	5. Chapter 5 - Wow, look at you

Halstead looked up from the folder he was reading and whistled as he looked at Ruzek. "Have you seen this boat man?"

Ruzek nodded, he certainly had. It was awesome and he and Jay were about to go undercover on this beauty for at least a week, perhaps two. Their Intel had told them that it was being used as a drug running boat as part of an elaborate plan bringing Cocaine and heroin in from Canada. It was a luxury cruiser and while smaller, dodgier looking boats were often picked up this one just seemed to be bringing in the majority and slipping through.

So they were to be part of the crew and they had been working for weeks to get on board. The last trip they missed out on but their luck had changed and they were set to leave in the morning. Today was their last briefing.

Olinsky whistled as he peered over Ruzek's shoulder at the picture of the boat. "She's pretty." He patted him on the back. "You ready?"

"Absolutely." He was looking forward to the job despite not looking forward to leaving Burgess for a couple of weeks. It had only been five weeks ago she had been in a car accident and that was the end of her Patrol days for the remainder of her pregnancy and while everything was fine that didn't stop him worrying.

When this job first came up he leapt at the chance to go undercover. They had argued about it, Burgess was pissed off that he seemed so eager to go. Any undercover operation was a risk and he had been angry at her for putting herself and the baby at risk by staying on patrol and now it seemed he was doing the same or at least he was not concerned about the risk he willing to take. "Why is it okay for you to take a risky job but not me?" she had yelled at him.

"Because this is my job."

"And being on Patrol was my job." Kim knew she was being completely irrational but couldn't stop herself. There was no way she even wanted to still be on Patrol and she was happy being upstairs but did he need to be right all the time and so friggin' smug about it?

"I am not pregnant." Which was a completely rational argument that meant nothing in her irrational pregnancy addled brain.

"So I guess it doesn't matter then." She threw up her hands and stormed out. Eventually they both calmed down and talked about it, rationally. It didn't mean she had to like it, but he was right. This was his job.

"You know we'll look after Burgess right?" Al rested his hand on his shoulder for just a moment and reassured him, seemingly knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"I do."

That night he held onto her tighter than usual. "I am really going to miss you."

"Don't worry about me. I have half of the 21st District looking out for me but promise me that you will be careful." He couldn't worry about her and had to focus on the job at hand. "Both you and Jay."

"I promise."

The hardest part of this operation is that they were dark. They could track the boat via GPS but would have little idea what was happening on-board. Ruzek and Halstead had taken some crash courses in crewing a boat and Atwater had tried volunteer himself but his chronic seasickness soon put paid that, he started vomiting within half an hour of setting foot on the lake. At least Halstead and Ruzek had some limited experience on boats and didn't suffer horrendously from seasickness. They had teased Atwater mercilessly about it and had left Kwells and a spew bag beside a glass of water on his desk… _'just in case'._

A week passed and they were still out and nobody had any idea of what was happening. They had no contact with either Halstead or Ruzek. Antonio had flown up to Green Bay were they GPS had them sitting for the last two days. He at least got eyes on the boat as it was docked and got close enough to see both Halstead and Ruzek safely working on board. He called Voight and Burgess to let them know that all seemed fine. Their initial concern was that their phones may have been compromised or the tracker discovered and ditched.

Ruzek spotted Dawson down on the pier. He managed to get onshore and for a few minutes and chatted casually to the 'fisherman' hunched over his bait and tackle. "We haven't come across any drugs, but there are places we haven't got to yet." He bent over and picked a fish up out of the bucket. "We are definitely being kept out of the loop."

"Put my fuckin' fish down." Antonio growled as another fisherman made his way down the pier. Ruzek dropped it back in the bucket and stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets and waited until the fisherman had set himself up further down the pier. "When do you leave?"

"Tonight." He kicked the bucket lightly. "How's Burgess?"

"She's good man."

It was another week before they got closer to home and it was a long week for everyone involved.

Halstead looked at Ruzek. "Man you are really killing my buzz." They crawled into bed late one night after a few beers with the rest of the crew. Ruzek had the surly act down pat and the longer it went on the more miserable he got.

"Whatever." He pulled the sheet up over his head. Not only was he really missing Burgess he also couldn't talk about her. He hated pretending she didn't exist.

Jay snorted. "You are no fun when you are not getting laid."

Burgess arrived at work to find only Voight upstairs. He came out of his office and grabbed both Halstead's & Ruzek's guns, badges and phones from their desks and stopped by Burgess's desk. "They are just about to dock."

"Okay." She nodded.

"Sit tight, we'll bring them home."

"Thanks Sergeant." He squeezed her shoulder as he left. Now the real worry began because until they all walked back up those stairs safely it was not over. The final sting was quite often the most dangerous part and when things could go sideways quickly.

Turning to the pile of paperwork on her desk she sighed and opened the first folder and successfully distracted herself with work. When she heard the gate open she swung her head around in anticipation. "No need to look so disappointed Burgess." Platt snapped as she dropped a sandwich on her desk. "I'm guessing you haven't eaten."

"I'm not very hungry."

"You may not be, but…" she pointed at her expanding waistline. "…its not just about you anymore is it? And when lover boy get's back and finds out that we haven't been looking after you he will get all whiny and carry on…." she pushed the sandwich across the desk towards her. "…So eat."

Platt pulled up a chair and unwrapped her own sandwich. "You doing okay?"

Kim looked at the sandwich trying to decide whether it was edible or not. She took a bite and nodded as she chewed. "I am."

"I suppose it's been a long few weeks, not knowing what is going on."

"It has, but…" she shrugged. "I know it's what we both signed up for." Platt could sense that she wasn't as convinced as she tried to sound.

"One thing I know about Voight is that you want him on your side and he will move heaven and earth to make sure his team comes home every night. He wouldn't have sent them if he thought it was going to be too risky. He's on your side."

A small tear escaped the corner of Kim's eye and she hoped that Platt did not see it. "I know." Looking down at the sandwich in her hand she forced a smile. "He's been good. Everyone has."

"You know…" Platt started. "When your baby daddy turned up here I knew he had what it takes to be a damn good cop, but I didn't think he would be quite the doting father to be. He's surprised me. I thought he'd run a mile from commitment."

"Thanks… I think."

"You are good for him." Platt stood up abruptly as if she suddenly realised that this conversation was veering into territory that she didn't want to go. "They'll be back soon." Platt disappeared back down the stairs, leaving Kim alone with her paperwork and thoughts.

When her phone rang she snatched at it quickly. "Hey Darlin'." For her right now his voice was the sweetest sound in the world. She exhaled slowly.

"Hey." Adam imagined her smiling. "I've missed you. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. All good. How are you?" Voight had handed him his phone and suggested that he call Burgess as they waited for DEA to finish with the other arrests. They had both been arrested along with the rest of the crew and Voight and Dawson, wearing DEA vests had hauled them off in handcuffs and shoved them in the back of their car before taking off the cuffs. Both he and Halstead would have to be debriefed by DEA before they could be released though so they had a good few hours left in this job. It had to be a quick call but he didn't care, he just wanted to let her know that he was okay.

"I'm good. It's great to hear your voice. You sure you are okay?"

"Darlin.' I'm good, we both are. Hey I've gotta go. We need to talk to DEA. It's great to hear your voice too."

"You feel better now?" Halstead laughed. He had been lucky, Lindsay was right there with them so he got a few moments to check in with her.

"A little." Sure it was great to hear her voice but that made him miss her even more. He felt himself getting more desperate and that meant he was more annoying to everyone else.

It was another few hours before they arrived back. Olinksy, Atwater and Lindsay had come back while Voight stayed with Dawson and they waited for Halstead and Ruzek to be debriefed by DEA. Atwater assured Burgess that Adam was fine. "A little rough looking, he looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards but they are both fine."

Her shift had finished but she waited in the break room for them to return. Lindsay quietly pointed Ruzek in Burgess's direction as he came up the stairs. He casually leant against the doorframe. "Hey."

Burgess flew out of her chair and straight into his arms as he stepped into the room. "You're here."

"I am."

"Are you okay?" Kim leant back and checked him out, opening his jacket and running her hands over him to make sure. Apart from being unshaven and a little sunburnt he looked good. She didn't mind a little stubble but wasn't overly impressed with the full beard look, but right now she didn't care as long as he was back and safe.

"I am." He grabbed her hand and kissed it softly, whispering. "I missed you like crazy."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

'Darlin' I am fine." He kissed her hard, not caring who was watching. 'How are you?" he asked as he pulled away.

"I am good." She kissed him again. "I am so happy to see you. I missed you."

He took a step sideways and pulled her further into the room. "Wow. Look at you." He placed one hand on the baby bulge. Kim was still wearing her jeans but she had a definite bump now. "You've grown so much."

"I think I we both comfort ate." Kim rubbed her hands over belly.

"I can't believe how much bigger you are."

"That's just what every woman wants to hear."

"I love it." He pulled her in for another hug, breathing in her sweet smell that he had missed so much and loving feeling her body against his again. She centred him and it wasn't until he had been away a few days did he realise just how much he craved her in his life. As the week started stretching into the second it festered inside him. She was like a drug and he was addicted to her. "God, I can't believe how much I missed you."

"You two, get out of here." Voight stuck his head through the door. Adam didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed Kim's hand, slung his bag over his shoulder and literally dragged her out. As soon as they were home he dropped his bag grabbed her around the waist and with one hand gripping the back of her neck kissed her long and hard. She felt the tenseness in him; his strong arm around her waist almost crushing her against his torso. Kim eventually broke their kiss when she felt out of breath. He looked down at her, passion and intensity flaring in his eyes as she rested a hand on his cheek. "It's okay babe."

He wasn't often like this; the last time she remembered him being so intense was when he went undercover at that Political Rally that ended with Felicia being murdered. She knew he was worked up and in desperate need to release it but she needed to just calm him and get him to slow down. It wasn't as easy to keep up with him at the moment and while she knew he would do nothing to hurt her he was almost shaking in anticipation, like a junkie needing a fix.

Adam sighed and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Only thinking of myself."

"Hey, it's okay. Really, I've missed you too." She took his hand and placed it on her belly. "This is just in the way a little more now." Taking his hand she lead him to the bedroom and pushed him towards the bathroom for a shower. Two weeks on a boat had taken its toll on his hygiene and while he begged her to join him she knew that wasn't the answer. When he came back minutes later Kim had taken off her shirt and she let him run his fingers over her taut stomach. "Can you feel it move yet?" he asked spreading his fingers out so that his hand covered her whole stomach.

"No." she lied smoothly. She had started to feel some slight fluttery movements over the last few days. Her sister had informed her that it was the baby moving and she knew how disappointed Adam would be if he had missed it. Even though he wouldn't be able to feel anything yet she wanted him to share in her excitement when she felt it. "Everyone keeps telling me any day now."

He started moving his hands lower and lower and he had obviously calmed down a lot so she was happy to let him continue. He kissed her belly, his beard tickled her stomach as he was whispering to the baby that he was home and when he finally worked his way up and pressed his lips against hers she could feel the change in him and it wasn't long before the rest of their clothes were discarded and he got his hit.

"You seem more relaxed now." Kim was nestled into his side as he was running one hand up and down her side.

"I am. I didn't realise how much I needed you until I couldn't have you."

Kim stroked his abdomen. "I do what I can."

"So, tell me about you. What's been going on?"

"Not much to tell. I had everyone fussing over me. We have a freezer full of meals, courtesy of our parents. Lindsay and I hung out and caught up on a few chick flicks. Work was pretty busy and I got in plenty of gym and yoga. Roman and Atwater kept me occupied on the weekend and I definitely feel like I got a lot bigger, and guess what?"

"What?"

She leant into him and whispered. "It's about the size of a banana."

Adam laughed. "That's completely awesome. I love it. Did you have your scan?"

"No, not yet. It's on Tuesday. A couple of weeks late but I didn't want to go alone." She had convinced her OBGYN to wait until Adam returned. They both couldn't wait to see their baby again and she didn't want to go without him.

The next morning she was propped up in bed waiting for Adam to bring back some breakfast. She smiled to herself as her hands were resting on her belly. "What are you smiling at?" Adam carried in a tray with some toast, tea for her and coffee for him. "You like me serving you breakfast in bed in the nude?"

"Yes I do….." she grabbed his hand as he sat on the edge of the bed and pushed it low on her belly. "I think I felt it. Like butterflies."

"Really?"

"There is goes again." He couldn't feel anything but that didn't matter, the look of pure joy on Kim's face was enough and the smiled on his told her that she had made the right decision to share that moment with him. "I think someone else is happy that you are home."


	6. Chapter 6 - Shoot to Kill

Adam noticed her desk was empty when his foot hit the top step and he briefly wondered if she had come in yet. Perhaps she had an appointment that he forgot about. _'Unlikely._ ' He thought as she generally reminded him constantly when she had them. He had left early, before Kim was dressed when Al picked him up on the way through as he had a tip from a CI that he wanted to check out. The tip had turned out to be a complete waste of their time when he didn't show so they headed back to District hoping that a case would jump off soon because it had been pretty quiet lately. Quiet equalled boring and before long the Ivory Tower would find some training for them to do.

However when he saw her coat hanging over the back of the chair and her phone on the pile of folders in her in tray he knew she was here. Glancing around Adam wasn't surprised to see Burgess sitting in Voight's office. Burgess was often in there sorting out paperwork, getting him to sign reports and the like.

"I understand if you don't want to do this." Voight looked at Burgess who was scanning the file he had handed her. "But we really need you."

"What is the plan?"

"This pregnancy clinic has pushing some pretty out there alternatives like getting them to 'free birth'…whatever that is." Voight smiled wryly. "During some of their appointments they report being drugged and one woman claims she was sexually assaulted. But we've got nothing and no-one can get in there to see what's going on."

She rested her hand on her ever-expanding belly. At 7 months pregnant Kim was probably feeling the best she had in a long while. "What can they tell us?"

"Not much. They go in for a check up and are offered some vitamin injection and that's all they remember. We have some ideas but I just want us to run our eyes over them and get a feel for what's going on. We can't send someone in who is not pregnant, obviously."

Kim wasn't sure if she was nervous or excited. "I would be going alone?"

"No." He stood up from behind his desk and opened his door calling Ruzek into the room.

"What's up Boss?"

Voight explained the job to Ruzek, exactly the same why he had pitched it to Burgess. Ruzek furrowed his brow. "Can I say I'm uneasy about it?"

"Sure." Voight nodded. "But…we need to stop this before more women are assaulted."

"I get that, I really do. But isn't there some other way?"

"Don't you think they've tried? Why do you think this has now landed on our desk?" He had to admit even he had gone back and forth on taking on the job when the Commander pitched it on his desk but at the end of the day it was their job, this is what they were paid to do. However, he wasn't paid to put the life of an unborn child at risk.

Adam leant forward and looked intently at Kim. "Can we at least talk about it privately?" Voight agreed. He gave them a run down on what the plan was before they headed out to grab at quick lunch to discuss it.

"Adam…" Kim squeezed his hand across the table. "We can do this."

"We don't know how dangerous these people are."

"That's why you'll be with me. All we have to do is find out who is talking these women into having a these injections."

If only it was that easy. He flicked through the file and read a victim statement and it made his skin crawl. How could someone do that to a pregnant woman? What sort of man was he to let his wife and child be knowingly put in that situation? Could he do it? Could he be the Police Officer he needed to be? He shook his head slightly trying to clear his mind.

"Let's do this. Let's stop this happening to anyone else."

"Are you sure?" Adam was still hesitant. He couldn't stand the thought of putting them in any danger, he didn't know how he could turn his mind to work when Kim and his baby were in the firing line, this wasn't what he signed up for. Both of them knew the dangers that being Police meant but their baby was a different kettle of fish. Kim nodded. "I will shoot to kill, just so you know."

"Of course you will."

They headed back to the station and all sat down and planned the operation. Adam still wasn't completely comfortable with the whole thing and Voight did offer to send Halstead in with Burgess but he was defiant. If this was going to happen he would be going in with her, he wasn't going to trust anyone else with his wife and child. He knew that every single one of them would protect them both but he couldn't sit on the sidelines and worry about what was going on, he needed to be there every single minute. "No. If Kim is going to do this I will be going with her." He was defiant. "One little doubt that Kim and Halstead aren't a real couple could ruin the whole thing and then this will all be wasted." He successfully argued. "We've got one shot at this."

Work was work and he trusted that Kim could handle herself. No one deserved to go through what those women went through and he couldn't live with himself if they let it continue. This was a case that was cutting a little close to the bone but he was grateful that everyone seemed to be more focused than usual in getting all the little details right.

He could also tell that Kim was a little excited to be back doing some real police work. She didn't enjoy sitting back while everyone else did the hard yards, that wasn't her style. She had always been the first to put up her hand when a job needed to be done. She was fearless.

Their cover story was they had just arrived from Minnesota, Richard and Karen had been married for three years and Karen was very much into doing things the natural way. They had an appointment set up for the next day.

Adam was particularly quiet when he finally came home. He had gone to Antonio's boxing gym after work. He needed to hit something. Dawson watched him take his frustrations out on the punching bag. He came and held it for him. "Burgess is a tough woman."

"Yep." He narrowed his eyes and focussed on the bag.

"You know you never stop worrying. Once you see that sign on the pregnancy test you never stop worrying. Once it's born you'll be even worse."

"Great." He paused and shook his arms. "But you never knowingly put Laura in the line of fire did you?"

"No, but Laura is not a cop. We are all in the line of fire everyday. Even Burgess." Antonio he held the bag away from him for a moment. "Remember we all go home everyday. Every single one of us." He let Ruzek have one last go on the bag before telling him to go home. "Love your woman man."

"You are worried aren't you?" Kim motioned for him to sit down with her once he was showered and had dinner.

"Yes." He slipped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her forehead softly. "Is that okay?"

"It is. And I wouldn't be doing it if there was any other way nor would I do it if you weren't with me."

"I don't really like the thought of someone touching you."

"Ahhh…I have people touching me constantly. My OBGYN, the midwife at the hospital…."

He held up his hand "You know what I mean, these people are not the same. They are rapists, they are dangerous."

"I know Babe." She stroked the rough stubble of his cheek and made sure he was looking at her. "But think of those women and their families, wouldn't you want to know that someone was out there tracking down these bastards and stopping it. Could you imagine…."

"Stop." Adam placed his hand over her mouth. "Don't say it."

Kim leant in nice and close and whispered seductively while kissing him softly. "Then how about you and I do the wild thing. I am guessing Richard and Karen like to get a little primal."

"Stop trying to distract me."

"Is it working?" She left a trail of kisses along his jawline. Kim could feel Adam starting to relent under her continued ministrations as she nipped at his ear. He slipped one hand under her shirt and rested it on the smooth skin of her stomach, stretched tight over swollen belly and closed his eyes and let Kim do whatever she wanted.

He would never be okay with putting them at risk however much he knew it was there best chance of putting an end to the horror these women had endured. The baby kicked against his hand making Kim stop and place her hand over his. "Even bubs wants you to stop worrying for just a little bit."

Adam slipped one hand behind her neck and pulled her in for a long hard kiss. She straddled his lap as his kiss lessened in intensity but not in passion. Kim's baby bulge was pressing into his abdomen and she wiggled to try and find a comfortable position grinding her hips into his groin. Pregnancy or not she was damn flexible but there were too many layers between them, too many clothes that needed to come off.

He held her closer, loved her longer and slept closer that night.

They spent the morning in briefings and with Mouse hooking up Kim's wire and setting up the cameras they were trying to hide in the clinic. They were also hoping to get a wiretap on the phone but were just waiting for the court order. Adam paced nervously while Kim got changed. "You alright buddy?" Halstead squeezed his shoulder.

"Yep."

"Hey, you are in there with her and we'll be just outside."

"I know. I know." He nodded.

"Dude I know this is a tough one for you…"

His head snapped up suddenly. "No Jay, I don't think you do. You've got no idea."

Jay held up both hands in surrender. "You're right, sorry." Adam apologised for biting his head off.

"By the way, the button down comb over hair look you got going on is hot." Jay teased him and Adam punched him lightly in the chest. Jay turned as Burgess came out of the locker room. "Wow Burgess, Not your best look." Kim was wearing a shapeless white top and some slouchy pants and sandals. Adam laughed out loud, more out of nervousness than anything. He actually thought she was particularly sexy right now, but then again she was usually showing off her bump in fitted tops, skinny jeans and tight dresses so it was a little strange to see her in something so un-Kim. This look was not quite the turn on. "What?" she had her hands on her hips but he could see the twinkle in her eye. "I kinda like these pants, they are very comfy." Adam shook his head. "They are so not coming home with you."

He slipped the wedding ring onto his finger that Mouse had supplied and was surprised at how normal it felt. Kim saw him looking at his hand and twirling the ring and it made her heart swell a little. They hadn't talked about it for a few months, they just wanted to focus on one thing at a time and the most important thing they had going on was their baby. Watching him right now reassured her that they would eventually get married.

When they arrived at the clinic they filled out the required paperwork and that would have been fun if the situation weren't so serious. Adam was surprisingly calm; he had flicked the switch and was all about the job at hand. They were called through into the interview room and Adam's eyes darted around looking for anything they could use. There was nothing. Not even an examination table.

"So first baby?" A small dark headed woman bustled through the door grasping a folder tightly to her chest.

"Yes."

"And you have just moved here from Minnesota. So I assume all your pre-natal care is on file there."

Kim leant into her bag. "I bought it with me." She handed over the file that Mouse had pulled together.

The woman, Evelyn, took the file from Kim and read through it quickly. Nodding and making some notes along the way. "You want a natural birth? No interventions?"

"Yes."

"Only if things are going well?" Adam interjected, protectively draping his arm around her shoulder. When they had discussed the case and read the statements from the victims and their partners they decided that Richard would not be entirely comfortable with his wife's birth plan.

"Mr Dalton, things always go well until modern medicine intervenes." She then turned to Kim and took her blood pressure and listened to the baby's heartbeat. They always loved hearing the baby's heartbeat and despite the gravity of the situation Adam smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "All looks good. Have you had your Iron levels tested? Your Vitamin D?" Kim shook her head. "Alright. That is a recommendation of this practice. We find that if those levels are normal then rarely does anything go wrong."

Kim agreed to the blood test and Adam watched closely to make sure it was only a blood draw. They walked out of there with another appointment and very little information. Out of all the staff in the building they only saw women. He grabbed her hand as they walked out the door and didn't let it go until they were in the car. "Well, that was interesting? What do you make of that?" He asked Kim as they drove off.

"Not a lot." Kim's brow furrowed. "Are you thinking that my tests will come back low in iron or something and I will need an injection or infusion?"

"I think we can safely say that is exactly what is going to happen."

And that was precisely how it played out. When Kim returned for the follow up appointment she was taken through to another room to wait for the Doctor. It was decided that Kim would arrive alone under the pretence her husband was running late. He would arrive a few minutes later. When he did he was asked to wait in the lounge. "I will just find out what room she is in." He sat back down reluctantly. Pulling out his phone he sent a text through to the team who were waiting outside.

Kim's wire was up and they could hear the Doctor explaining to Kim what he was going to do. They heard Kim asking about the injection and that she was nervous. "Has my husband arrived yet?" She had given them the signal to go. Mouse pushed the message to the team and they all leapt into action.

Erin strolled through the door with Jay. They approached the desk and asked the woman to step back with her hands in plain sight. Jay flashed his badge. "Karen Dalton. Which room?" he snarled. Adam was on his feet already, his hand resting on his gun that was tucked into his waistband in the middle of his back. She nervously gave up the directions and both Adam and Jay took off, drawing their guns as they did.

Adam burst through the door and pointed his gun directly at the Doctor and growled. "You touch her and this is going right between your eyes." The midwife screamed and started to move away towards the door. "Don't you move honey." He added menacingly, pointing at her without taking his eyes off the Doctor. Adam moved towards Kim who was pulling on her gown to make sure she was fully covered, his gun still pointing at the Doctor. Jay moved into the room too and yelled at the nurse to put the syringe she was holding back on the tray. Voight wasn't far behind them. As soon as Voight came in he grabbed the Doctor and Adam lowered his gun and turned to Kim and grabbed a sheet and covered her over.

"Are you alright?" He could see she had a cannula in one arm, obviously insitu ready for the drugs. Kim assured him she was fine.

"Paramedics are enroute." Voight informed them. "They are going to take you to Chicago Med to check you out. Ruzek you go with Burgess." Al came in and led the Doctor and Jay followed with the nurse. Erin already had the front desk nurse in the car and the whole place was swarming with cops and forensics.

Voight stayed with them until the paramedics walked Kim out to the Ambulance. She tried to protest that she was fine but no one paid any attention to her. Voight came a slipped an arm around her shoulder and squeezed it lightly. "You did good." Adam was standing beside the open door of the ambo. "Both of you did."

Adam rode in back with her. "Are you sure you are alright?"

Kim squeezed his hand. "We are fine."

"Did he touch you?"

"No. But I am glad you came in when you did."

At the hospital Kim was put on a monitor for a short while and everything was fine. The baby's heartbeat was perfect and it was kicking around like normal. They removed the cannula from her arm and sent it off for testing despite Kim assuring them that they did not inject anything. They also took some blood for testing as well as a urine sample.

Once they were discharged they headed back to the District. Platt looked up from her desk and lowered her glasses. "Burgess." She beckoned her with one finger. "Are you alright?"

"I am fine Sarge. All clear." Platt looked over her shoulder at Ruzek who was nodding in agreement.

"Well well, if it isn't the A team." Antonio saw them first as the came up the stairs. "All checked out?"

Burgess nodded as she took her seat at her desk. "All good." Voight came out of his office. Adam had already spoken to him via phone while they were waiting for the test results so he knew that they were fine. He pulled the whiteboard towards the centre of the room. The team had obviously been working on the case since they had been at the hospital and it now included photos of the Doctor and rest of the staff.

"The syringe contained fentanyl. It is used as twilight sedation and the dose probably knocks the women out for about 20 minutes so they can't remember anything. It doesn't harm the baby so that is something to be grateful for." Voight continued. "Alison Jackson." He pointed to the nurse who Kim recognised as being in the room. "Has asked for a deal in exchange for spilling all the details on this guy. " He slapped his hand on the photo of the Doctor. "Dr Marshall Whitman."

"How long has he been getting away with this?" Adam asked. He would love to get a few minutes alone with this guy although he knew that Voight wouldn't allow it. However he hoped that Voight had already had a 'chat' to him.

"We are still working that out. Unfortunately for him the sedation didn't work on one woman and she made the report enabling us to finally nail him. We have no idea how many women he assaulted but going by the nurse I assume it's been quite a few." He looked around the room and settled on Burgess and Ruzek. "And we have you two to thank for putting yourselves out there. I know it was a tough call."

Adam found her sitting in the locker room, her hands resting on her belly with her head bowed. He touched her shoulder as he slid in behind her and wrapped both his arms tightly around her. "Babe. It's okay." Kim leant back against him. "Pretty intense hey?" she had just finished writing her report for the case.

"Yep."

Voight had called him into his office. "I appreciate that this case was hard for you, both of you but I was impressed."

"Thanks Boss. I can't say that I enjoyed it but I am glad we caught them. It was tough putting Burgess in that situation knowing what happened to those other women. She's a tough cop though, never missed a beat."

"Why don't you take Burgess home." That's when he found her in the locker room.

"Come on." He stood up and pulled her to her feet. "Let's go home." They slipped quietly down the back stairs so as not to bump into anyone. Kim was pretty quiet on the way home and decided to take a shower as soon as she got in. "I need to wash the day away."

Adam sat on the edge of the bed and waited. His mind whirled and he wished they could walk away from the case and forget about it but that wasn't likely, at least not yet. It had been a long day, his adrenaline pumping for most of it. It was emotionally exhausting as he worked hard to focus on getting the job done rather than focussing on the fact that Kim was involved. They had certainly had more than their fair share of operations that jumped off in unexpected ways.

Kim came out with a towel wrapped around herself. "I thought you would want to give me the once over." He lifted his eyes and came out of his retrospection a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"That's not particularly romantic."

"It's not romantic at all." Kim chuckled. "You keep asking if I am alright so I thought you'd like to make sure."

"I trust you. I am not so much concerned about you physically as I am concerned about you emotionally." Adam pulled her towards him so that she was standing between his legs and he rested his head on her stomach.

She buried her hands in his hair. "I just want to curl up into bed with you."

"We can do that." With his hands firmly around her waist. "But first you need to have something to eat." Kim tried to argue that she was not particularly hungry but quickly gave up and relented. There was no way Adam was going to let her go without eating.

Reluctantly she threw on jersey dress and followed him into the kitchen where he quickly heated up some vegetable soup and toast. Once she smelt the food her stomach growled, letting her know that she definitely was hungry. Kim hauled herself up on the barstool, not quite the easy feat it once was and leant with her elbows on the bench as Adam dished up two bowls.

"You enjoyed being back in the thick of it hey?" He came around and sat up beside her.

"Well a little." She mumbled as she took a mouthful of the hot soup. "I liked the being doing some real police work type thing but it was a little too close to home for me. I can't believe that people can do that to a pregnant woman. I feel so terrible for them, I feel like I should go and talk to them, make sure they are going to be okay."

"I don't know Darlin'…" he paused as he blew on a spoonful of soup. "Do you think that is wise?"

"Probably not, but I just want to tell them that it's over." She felt like it was the one way she could get closure and put it behind her. Usually once a case was done and her job was over she moved on to the next thing, but this one was going to linger. But she couldn't do anything about that right now so all she could do to take her mind of it was take her fiancé to bed. Finishing off her soup she grabbed his hand and led him back to the bedroom. Adam followed without protest.


	7. Chapter 7 - Revenge Porn

Voight stood looking at the whiteboard. The pictures of the victims stared back at him as he rocked back on his heels with his hands shoved deep into his pockets. One female, young white with rope marks around her neck, found hanging in the garage by her parents. The other; again white but a little older overdosed in her bathtub. Both with extortion text messages on their phones, demanding $25K or they would be exposed and so far they could find no link between the two girls. "Where the hell is Mouse?" Voight barked angrily.

"I'm here boss." Mouse came bounding through the door. "So, I traced the messages and both of them had deleted at least 2 dozen previous messages over the past month, demanding money etc. and…"

"And what Mouse?" Voight was agitated.

"And nude photos of themselves sent from a website. It's a Revenge Porn website."

Al scratched his head. "A what?"

"Revenge Porn." Mouse started, his hands working as fast as his mouth as was his way. "It's a thing these days. Girls send photos to their boyfriends; they split up or share them with their mates. Anyway, they end up on this website and then they start demanding money to take them down. They tell them they are going to send them to their parents, work colleagues, schools whatever."

Voight stopped him before he got too far. "Who runs this website?"

"That I am not sure of yet. It's pretty well masked. The IP addresses are run through various countries, they are pretty good." He handed Voight a folder. "There are about 40 different girls on the site as far as I can tell." Voight flicked through the photos quickly before handing them off to Halstead.

"Alright. You two." He pointed at Lindsay and Ruzek, "Go talk to Anna Gibson's parents" he touched one of the photos. "Find out who her boyfriends have been lately." Antonio and Atwater would take the other girl while Al and Halstead stayed behind to try and identify some of the other girls and find out if they had been blackmailed yet. Mouse disappeared back downstairs to continue trying to crack the website.

Halstead handed Al half the photos and he started flicking through them. Suddenly he stopped, staring at the photo tyring to work out where he knew that face. Then it hit him. "Hey Halstead." He flicked through the next couple of photos. "You ever meet Wendy, Ruzek's ex?"

"Once or twice. Why?" Al dropped the photo on Halstead's desk.

"Holy shit. You sure?"

"No." They both looked at the photo. "I know she sent Ruzek photo's when they were together. Never this explicit though."

"You don't think Ruzek had anything to do with these?"

"Nah." Al answered quickly. "When they split I asked him what he did with them and he said he deleted them. I don't think Burgess would be impressed."

"Maybe it's not her." Halstead was finding it hard to get his head around it all. He couldn't understand how gullible some girls were, with all the media and education about online safety these days. Did these women know that their photos were out there for the world to see? How many more woman were suffering? What kind of bastard does this?

Halstead called Lindsay to find out how far away they were and they were already on their way back in. They had gotten a few names for Mouse to follow up with. Al went to fill Voight in on the discovery.

"Are you sure?" Voight rubbed his brow. All of them were pretty confident that they knew Ruzek well enough to know he knew nothing about it. As far as they knew since they split, and certainly since he had been seeing Burgess he had not seen or heard from Wendy.

Both Lindsay and Ruzek trudged up the stairs, coffees in hand. "Ruzek." Voight beckoned, "Got a minute?" He dropped his jacket off at his desk along with his coffee and headed into Voight's office were both he and Al were waiting. He had just spoken with Kim, she had taken a day off for a Doctor's appointment and was owed some time so decided to spend the day shopping with her mother and sister for baby stuff, a duty for which Adam was grateful to be released from so he knew she was fine.

"What'd you find out?" Voight asked.

"A couple of names, Mouse is checking them out. I think he is still waiting for something from Dawson and Atwater. The parents were pretty cut up, they knew nothing about the site or the threats."

"Halstead and Al went through the photos from the site and this popped up." Voight handed him the photo. "Is this Wendy?"

Ruzek stared at the photo in disbelief. "What the hell?" He grabbed the other photos that Voight handed him. "Sarge, I promise I had nothing to do with this."

"We know." Al stood up. "We weren't 100% sure if is was her. You sure this is Wendy?"

"I'm sure." He couldn't believe it. "I haven't seen her for…." He tried to think. "Nearly three years. What do we know?"

"Not much." Voight shrugged. "Mouse is trying to crack the website. We don't know if all these woman know that there photo's are up on the website, we don't know if they have been blackmailed also. "I'll get Lindsay go out and talk to her."

"No. I'll do it." He felt it was the right thing to do. It was a long time over with Wendy but he still felt obligated to protect her, and he hated that the others had seen those photos. She didn't deserve that. He had tried to explain to her about sending them after Al had seen a few of them, and they were pretty tame by comparison but she just didn't seem to understand the risk. Once they had split up he deleted her photos from his phone and not given it another thought.

"Hey." Halstead came after him as he headed to the locker room. "You okay Man?"

"Yeah." He sat down and gripped the edge of the bench. "It's a bit of a shock you know. She doesn't deserve this."

"What you gonna do?"

"Talk to her." Adam slapped the bench with both hands. "Fuck knows what I am going to say. I haven't seen her in like three years." He turned to face Halstead. "Hey Wendy, good to see you and I do mean all of you." Cocking his head to one side "Can you say awkward?"

He had knocked on plenty of front doors over the years and it always got his heart pumping but he had never felt quite so nervous as he did as he knocked on her door. "Adam." Wendy stuttered obviously he was the last person she expected to see on her doorstep.

"Hi Wendy. Can I come in?" He tried to sound as professional as he could.

She had given up hoping a long time ago that he would appear in her life again. It took all her strength not to reach out and touch him just to make sure he was real. "What do you want?"

"Umm….I need to talk to you." he took a deep breath before continuing. "..Officially."

Wendy stepped aside and let him in, showing him through to the small lounge and offered him a coffee. He accepted her offer, stalling for time. As he waited for her to come back he looked around her place. It was certainly neat, as it had always been but definitely not as nice as what they once had. There were a few photos on the side table and he picked one up of her with her sister. She was a gorgeous girl and there was a time he certainly loved her. They hadn't ended on bad terms; it had just run its course so he didn't hate her. He couldn't hate her.

"So how are you?" she asked as she handed him the cup of coffee.

"I'm good, great…. And you?"

"Fine." She stared at him hard. He was older now but still able to make her heart skip a beat. She had regretted that she didn't fight harder for their relationship, she had often wished that she had given herself more time to get used to him being a cop rather than bailing out so quickly. Of course, through their mutual friends she knew that she had started seeing someone else, obviously he wasn't going to wait around for three years but he had apparently started seeing this cop not long after they split up. After that Wendy had but not really kept in touch with anyone from their life together. "You still seeing that cop?"

"Yeah." He picked at the chip on the rim of the mug, thinking that it was very unlike Wendy to have a piece of crockery with a chip in it.

"Okay. What?" She sat back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest.

"Ah, we have a case at the moment and you came up during the investigation. There is a website…." He swallowed hard. "A Revenge Porn website and a few girls have been blackmailed and ended up taking their own lives." He just had to say it. "You are on that website."

"What? What is a Revenge Porn website?"

"It's photos that people send in of their girlfriends, ex's and the like. Obviously ones they have sent while they were together and then when they split up these photo's become public."

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"There are photos of you on that website. Have you been sending photos to a boyfriend, had a falling out with anyone recently. Can you think of anyway those photos could end up on a website like that?"

Wendy looked mortified. "No." she cried angrily.

"Have you been contacted for money? Blackmailed?" he pushed on.

"No?" She insisted but her voice was starting to lose its bite.

He looked at her sceptically. "I don't believe you." Adam showed her a couple of the photos, laying them out on the table in front of them.

"Oh my god." Wendy buried her head in her hands "Put them away."

"Look." He came and sat next to her, their thighs touching slightly and she held her breath. It was overwhelming suddenly having him so close, feeling him next to her, smelling him. It was familiar and comforting. When he grabbed her hand she had to stop herself from leaning in and kissing him. "We are trying to shut it down at the moment but what we really want to do is find out who is doing this and put him or them away. We need as much help as we can get."

"I don't know anything."

"Who have you been seeing? Who have you sent photos too?"

"Other than you?"

"Wendy, come on." Adam let go of her hand. "This is serious. Two girls have killed themselves because of this. Help me out here."

Wendy eventually gave him some names. It seemed that she hadn't exactly been settled since they had split up and had dated several different men over the past few years. "I keep looking for another you." Tears spilled down her cheeks "I stuffed up the best thing I had. I gave up so easily. I wish…."

Adam grasped his notebook tightly in his hands. "Don't do this." He whispered. "We both know it was for the best. You and I would have never had made it."

"This cop; do you love her?"

"I do."

"More than you loved me?"

Adam stood up. "Wendy, I'm not doing this. I am not here to talk about my personal life. If you want someone else to handle this from here on in let me know. I just wanted to give you the courtesy of not finding out from someone else, but let's keep this completely professional. Let us know if you remember anything else." When he got back in the car he breathed out slowly. That was harder than he thought it would be and Wendy telling him that she regretted breaking up had thrown him. He felt nothing but sympathy for her, for what she was going through but that was it. It had been a long time since he came to realisation that while he had loved Wendy it was nothing compared to what he felt for Kim.

"Hey Darlin'." Adam threw his keys, wallet and badge on the side table and popped his gun into the safe. Kim was sitting on the floor, crossed legged and surrounded by shopping bags. "Looks like you had a good day." He kissed her on the forehead before heading to the kitchen and grabbing a beer and returning to the couch.

"We did." She held up a small white all in one suit. _'Cute.'_ He mumbled, obviously distracted.

"Hey babe…" he patted the seat beside him. "Come sit here for a minute." She didn't like the tone of his voice; it generally meant that something was up. The last time he was like this he then went undercover for two weeks.

"What's up?"

He waited until she came and sat down next to him. "We caught a new case today."

"Please don't tell me you need to go undercover again?"

"No, nothing like that. It's a Revenge Porn case, a website with some very explicit photos and a couple of the girls killed themselves because of it."

"Sounds unpleasant."

"That it is. One of the women on the website…" he paused and took a sip of his beer. "It was Wendy."

"What?"

"I saw Wendy today. I went to talk to her." Burgess looked a little surprised but said nothing. "About the case. It was pretty awkward. I mean I haven't seen her for close to three years."

"What did she say?"

"She denied it at first and she didn't want to admit that she's been all over the place since we split up. She mentioned that she regretted it, regretted giving up on us so quickly." Adam chewed his bottom lip nervously waiting for Kim to respond.

"And do you?"

"Do I what?" Adam slipped an arm around her shoulder and twirled some of her hair around his fingers. "Regret this….not in the slightest. I told you the day I showed up at your door that I was here because that's where I wanted to be. Nothing has changed. This is still where I want to be, every single day, with you."

"Good." She grabbed a cushion and shuffled around so her head was resting in his lap, he slipped one hand under her shirt and rubbed her belly. Suddenly the baby started kicking against his hand and a smile lit up his face. "Hey little one." he whispered as he tickled the spot he felt the kick.

"Wendy asked if I was in love." He knew it would be wise to keep some things to himself but with the likelihood of Wendy coming in to the District at some stage he wanted to lay it all out. He didn't want this coming back to bite him on the arse.

"What did you say?"

"That I was…" she could sense a but and she waited for it…"But I didn't tell her that we were engaged or pregnant."

Kim closed her eyes. "Why not?" he may have been completely inept at understanding a lot of what went on in a woman's head but even an idiot would notice that she was pissed off

"I just wanted to keep it completely professional."

Kim sighed. There was absolutely no reason to doubt Adam and his feelings for her, he made them pretty obvious but she had always had that lingering doubt about her role in them splitting up and how quickly he had bounced into her bed. It had been years ago and they were happy and about to be parents so it was ridiculous to feel the surge of jealously she felt right now.

"Hey, talk to me." Adam was watching her face carefully as she slowly opened her eyes.

"I don't…" Kim couldn't even put into words what she was thinking right now. "I don't know what you want me to say."

"Say that you know how much I love you and that you know I would never do anything to hurt you or this baby."

She finally opened her eyes and looked up and met his steady gaze. "I know you love the baby." She pushed herself up slowly and waited a moment before standing, knowing that she sounded bitchy.

"Hey." He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Hey." Kim eventually looked at him. "Are you okay?"

"Yep, I am fine." Kim pulled her hand away. "I think I am going to have a shower. Can you please sort out dinner?" Her tone was short and Adam dropped his head back on the couch and let out a long slow breath before he pushed himself up off the couch and headed into the kitchen.

He never really discussed Wendy with Kim. Early on they had decided that it got them nowhere, just as she never really talked about her previous relationships. That was all in the past and they had an amazing future ahead of them starting with the birth of their first child.

Kim let the hot water beat down on her back. They had been on the move all day, going from one shop to the next and everything ached. Every day she felt herself getting bigger and bigger with the stretching of her muscles and skin and it frightened her to think that she still had two months to go. She honestly didn't think she could fit it in.

Adam had dinner ready when she came back into the kitchen. "So." He started once he had placed their meals on the table and sat down. Kim's head snapped up and he could see that she did not want to talk about the case. "How much shopping did you actually do today?"

"Plenty. Mum was getting pretty carried away. I think she bought most of it. Clothes mainly and some blankets."

"Between all our parents I am not sure we will have to buy anything."

"Why didn't you tell Wendy about the baby?" Kim blurted out suddenly.

"It wasn't appropriate." Adam was trying to navigate this minefield without a map. "It was awkward, you know. The photo's were pretty explicit and it was embarrassing for her."

"So it wasn't because you didn't want her to know for some reason?" Kim knew she wasn't making any sense. Hell she didn't even understand how she felt right now so how could she explain it to him.

"No. Nothing like that at all. I think you know how excited I am about this baby."

"I do." She pushed her plate away. "I'm sorry. I just….I don't know. It was a bit of a shock." Adam reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "Just ignore me."

"I am not going to ignore you. You are upset. I don't like that."

"Can we not talk about it? It's shouldn't really matter. It's work, I don't always like what you have to do and I would prefer you didn't have to see your ex-fiancé but you do." She shrugged. "I'll get over it."

"Kim, come on babe. I am sorry I didn't tell Wendy about the baby but it wasn't deliberate. It just never came up."

"I get it. Can we just drop it?" Adam sighed knowing that she was still annoyed but pushing the issue would have just made it worse. Eventually she would tell him one way or the other what she really felt. Kim grabbed her plate and took it into the kitchen.

"You didn't finish your dinner?"

"Because I am not hungry." She dropped it into the sink. "Don't nag me."

"Okay. Whatever."

Platt was on a day off so the desk sergeant had no idea who the girl was asking for Officer Ruzek. "He asked me to come in and make a statement." Wendy stuttered nervously. She hadn't been in here, obviously, since they day she broke off their engagement. She wondered if anyone would recognise her. "He is out at the moment but I can get someone from Intelligence to come down." The Sergeant picked up the phone and called upstairs before Wendy had the chance to tell him she would come back later and asked Burgess to come down and get her.

As Burgess came down the stairs she tried not to falter as she recognised Wendy. They had never met when she was with Adam so knew that it was unlikely that Wendy would know who she was, but she definitely knew who Wendy was.

"Hi Wendy?" she came to a standstill beside her. "I'm Officer Burgess. Everyone else is out at the moment but if you want to come upstairs I can go through the statement with you." She was surprised at how even her voice sounded.

Before Burgess came down she had turned the board around so that Wendy wouldn't be confronted with the evidence and victims photos. Leading her straight through to the break room she grabbed the folder from her desk. "Can I get you a coffee or something? I'm sorry it's not good coffee though." Burgess offered.

"Just water thank you."

Burgess placed the glass in front of her and pulled out her note pad. "Have you worked in Intelligence for long?" Wendy asked.

"No, I am just working up here because of my pregnancy. You can't work patrol while pregnant." Kim opened the folder, pulling out a few photos hoping that would get them started on the real reason they were here. She didn't want to get into a personal discussion with Wendy.

"This is pretty embarrassing." Wendy muttered sadly and Burgess squeezed her hand lightly.

"I know this must be hard." She started and she did feel bad for Wendy and what she was confronted with. "But we are doing our best to find the people responsible."

"Is that where Adam is now?"

"The whole team is out there chasing a couple of leads." They went through a few photos and Kim took a statement from Wendy and was just finishing up when she heard the gate swing open and footsteps on the stairs. Asking Wendy to wait where she was Burgess jumped up and closed the door behind her.

Adam was hanging his coat on the back of his chair and grabbed his cup for a refill. "Adam." She stopped him before he got too far with a hand on his arm. "Wendy is in there." She pointed to the break room. "I've just finished up her statement and she's looked at the photos."

"Really?" Wendy could see them from her seat at the table. She saw the subtle hand on his arm, the look on his face when she talked to him. She couldn't hear the conversation, but it was brief.

"It's okay." Kim smiled at him. They had not really talked about it again last night. Kim made it clear that she didn't want to discuss it. They actually didn't really talk much at all, although Adam tried. As usual he got to enjoy feeling the baby moving and kicking when they went to bed but still by the next morning Kim was not willing to talk to him, keeping the conversation to the bare minimum. However as soon as they hit the bullpen it was business as usual.

As Kim turned to brief the rest of the team on her progress Adam headed in to talk to Wendy. "Are you okay?" he asked closing the door softly behind him but he didn't get any closer. He leant against the bench and folded his arms across his chest.

Wendy looked up from the table and he could tell that she had been crying. "I'm fine. Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are you going to be a father?"

"Yes." He didn't miss a beat.

"That's her?" She nodded her head towards Kim

"Yes."

Wendy stared out the window into the bullpen. She could see Kim standing talking to the rest of the team. "She seems nice." A small sob caught in her throat. "I wish I knew." Adam followed her gaze.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you yesterday. It didn't seem appropriate. We are pretty excited."

"Boy or Girl?"

"Don't know yet. We want it to be a surprise." Adam didn't want to be having this discussion, he shifted uncomfortably.

"Were you seeing her before we split up?"

"No. We were colleagues and we knew each other." He did not know why he felt the need to elaborate. Perhaps it was because Wendy was going through enough as it was and he didn't want to add to her pain. "We started seeing each other well after we finished. We've been engaged for quite a while now but obviously with the baby due soon we decided to wait."

Kim was back at her desk by the time Adam walked Wendy out and she stopped by Kim's desk on her way past. "Thank you and good luck with the baby. I always thought Adam would make a great father."

Kim forced an uncomfortable smile and rested a hand instinctively over her stomach. "Thank You." Adam squeezed Kim's shoulder as Wendy headed down the stairs and he followed her out.

"I don't suppose it would be appropriate to ask you if you wanted to catch up sometime?" Wendy stopped on the stairs suddenly and turned to face Adam.

"No it wouldn't and it wouldn't be fair to Kim…." He shoved his hands into his pockets. "…or to you."

She rested one hand on his arm. Adam looked at it and then at her and she pulled it away. "I'm sorry, I…." She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to tell him that she still loved him, that she missed him everyday. She wanted Adam to tell her that he was sad that it ended between them but that wasn't going to happen. He had moved on, he was about to become a father and he wasn't waiting for her to come back. He wasn't waiting like she was. "…I shouldn't have asked."

"Take care Wendy. We will let you know if we need anything else." He headed back upstairs and picked up on the threads of the case they were discussing. Mouse had finally cracked the website and they had an address to head to. As the rest of the time filed downstairs to gear up Adam hung back to talk to Kim.

"Are you alright?" he crouched down and leant his hands under his chin on the edge of her desk.

"Of course. I'm fine." Kim forced a smile. "Go and get ready. They'll be waiting for you."

"Not until I know we are okay? It must have been hard talking to Wendy."

"Can't say I enjoyed it, but really Adam I am fine. Please go. We will talk about it later, I promise." She urged him to leave.

"Alright." He stood up and winked and ran his hand lightly across her cheek as he left.

Just as he pulled into his parking space at home he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. They had managed to track down the three guys responsible for the website and they were currently in lock-up awaiting charges. He pulled out his phone but didn't recognise the number.

 _'I still love you.'_

Kim had hopped out of the car and turned to see him still sitting there, staring at his phone. "What is it?" She just wanted to get inside and get out of her jeans into something more comfortable and eat; she was starving. It would be just her luck that he was being called back into work.

His phone beeped again. _'Can we meet?'_

"Let's go inside." He jumped out of the car and grabbed both of their bags. Once inside he turned to Kim and handed her his phone. "I think these messages are from Wendy." Kim read them and handed him back his phone without saying a word. "Babe, I had nothing to do with this. I swear."

"Why is she texting you?" How did she get your number?"

"When I saw her I gave her my card in case she remembered anything, it was for the case." He rubbed his brow. "Today when I walked her out she asked if we could catch-up sometime and I said no."

"Okay."

"Okay?" he repeated. "Do you believe me? I told her that we were engaged, that we are excited about the baby. I gave her no indication that this meeting was anything but professional." He felt something akin to hate starting to form and he had never felt that about Wendy before. Why was she doing this? Why now?

"Okay."

"Stop saying Okay."

"What precisely do you want me to say?" Kim asked as she kicked off her shoes.

"Anything really." He snapped at her. "Anything that tells me that this isn't going to become some huge deal. Anything other than Okay."

"Fine. I don't like it."

"Neither do I."

"What are you going to do?"

"Ignore it." He deleted the messages and threw his phone down on the couch. Coming towards Kim he reached for her hand and placed the other on her cheek. "We good?"

"We are good." Kim sighed and lent into him. "Can't say I blame her. You'd be hard to get over."

"Lucky you'll never have to."

His phone beeped again. He ignored it as he leant in to kiss Kim. "You going to get that?" she asked when they broke apart.

"No."

"It could be important." She kissed him lightly and headed into their bedroom to get changed. Coming back out could she Adam pick up his phone and check the message. "What does it say?"

"It's Wendy again. Begging me to come see her." As he held the phone it beeped again. Kim could see a change in him; anger was starting to bubble up. She was surprised when he dialled the number.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he seethed. "Did you learn nothing from the last few days? Stop texting me; stop sending me….or anyone photos. Don't you get it Wendy; It's been over for a long time. I am happy with Kim and yes I love her more than I have ever loved anyone before. Don't call, don't text." He hung up abruptly and threw his phone on the couch.

Kim came out of the kitchen and grabbed his hand. Adam was bubbling with anger and his hands were clenched tightly by his side and he couldn't even look at her. "Babe, calm down."

"She's so fuckin' stupid."

"Adam." Kim rested her hand on his cheek. "Babe, come on."

He grabbed the phone and showed her the messages. _'Adam, please I want to see you. We are not over. Come and see me please.'_

The next was a photo, a naked photo _. 'You can't resist his, I know you.'_

"Why is she doing this? Kim, trust me I haven't even thought about her in three years. I don't want this. I love you."

"Adam, I know." She didn't like how agitated he was. "Please calm down."

"I shouldn't have agreed to go and see her. Voight offered to send Lindsay but I thought I owed it to Wendy to talk to her myself. Big fuckin' mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing."

"It was the right thing to do."

"But now this." He pointed at his phone. "I don't understand why she is doing this and I am worried it is not going to stop. I don't want it to come between us and become an issue for us."

"Honey." She grabbed his hand and rested it on her stomach, knowing that if one thing would calm him down it would be the baby. She waited a few moments before slowly his hand started to relax and he started stroking her gently. "Honey, look at me."

Adam bought his gaze up from her stomach to her face. "It's going to be okay. She isn't going to come between us unless we let it. We are stronger than that aren't we?" Kim spoke quietly.

"We are." He agreed.


	8. Chapter 8 - He's kind of a legend

"Hey Burgess" The young probationary officer, Willis looked around the empty Bullpen wide-eyed, as most of them did when they finally got to see beyond the gate, hell she had done exactly the same thing. "So this is the Holy Grail." He let out a long slow whistle as he stared at the whiteboard with their latest case at other end of the room. He tried to make sense of the photos with all the lines connecting them, all the question marks and notes.

Everyone heard about the Intelligence Unit in the Academy so he had been ecstatic when he got assigned to the 21St District straight out training and was hoping that he would get the chance to get involved with the Unit. It was common knowledge that Voight often called up Patrol to help but he had to know you and trust you and that was easier said than done. Up until now though he had only seen them coming and going and Voight had no idea he even existed. When Platt had asked him to take the mail upstairs he had almost whooped for joy. Unfortunately he found only Burgess upstairs.

"Yep. This is Intelligence." She muttered, shifting in her seat slightly to ease her discomfort. The baby seemed to have its foot fairly implanted in her diaphragm today. There wasn't a lot of room left and with each passing week it felt like she had to move further and further away from the desk to fit it in.

Willis turned to look at Burgess and nodded at her stomach. "How long you got left?"

"Six weeks."

"How hard is it to get up here? I mean I heard Ruzek didn't even finish at the Academy. He's kind of a legend." He came and sat on the edge of her desk.

"He did finish." She hated that everyone thought he had skipped out on the Academy; it annoyed her more than it bothered him. Adam tended to just laugh it off. He graduated with his class, whilst working in Intelligence. "It was a pretty unusual set of circumstances. I can't see it ever happening again."

"How'd you get up here?"

"I slept with Ruzek." She smiled sweetly yet her voice dripped with sarcasm. "You know because he is a legend and all." She turned to her computer as an email alert popped up. "Anyway, what can I help you with?"

"Oh, here…" he handed her some mail. "Platt asked me to bring these up to you."

She grabbed the pile and flicked through them. Most of it was internal and destined for Voight's desk, except the one that was addressed to her. She smiled up at Willis. "Thanks." She nodded dismissively.

Opening the envelope Kim pulled out its contents. "Oh god." She gasped as she dropped them on the desk like they were poisoned. Her heart rate increased along with her breathing. They were photos of Wendy and Adam, obviously together, kissing and cuddling up to the camera and a photo of them in bed together.

Kim slowly got up from her desk and headed towards the break room and poured herself a cup of hot water and sliced lemon, her hands shook as did and she cursed herself when she burnt her tongue on the hot liquid. _What the hell was going on? There had to be a rational explanation for those photos. Didn't there?_ Heading back to her desk she looked at the photos again and they felt heavy in her hands. They were definitely photos of Adam with Wendy. He looked younger and she tried to tell herself they were old photos but her rational mind was drowned out by her fear. Her head throbbed and she pressed her hands to her temples. She had so many questions and absolutely no answers and she was alone and drowning in her anxiety, fears and anger.

Her phone buzzed on her desk with a message from Adam. _'We are just stopping to grab lunch. What do you want?'_

 _'Nothing.'_

 _'You okay Babe?'_

Kim didn't answer him and slipped the photos back in their envelope and into her bag. She couldn't deal with this right now, she didn't want to deal with this at all anymore.

When the team returned she tried hard to focus on the details of the case and did her best to avoid any conversation with her fiancé other than what was required for work. Adam eyed her suspiciously all afternoon. "What's up?" he followed her into the break room when she got up to refill her water bottle and closed the door behind them. He reached out to put a hand on her arm but she gave him the distinct impression that it was not welcome so he placed both hands on his hips. "What's going on?"

"Not here Adam. This is work and we promised to keep it professional. Can we talk later?" She left the room quickly before he had time to answer.

"Oh we will talk later." He muttered but she was gone and he had no clue to what was going on. He was at a loss to explain what had changed from the time he left a few hours ago when they got called out to a crime scene and now but he knew he wasn't going to like it.

Kim found him in the locker room at the end of shift grabbing his bag. "I want to do this here because I don't want to take it home." She handed him the envelope and watched as Adam pulled out the photos.

"What the fuck? Where did these come from?"

"I got them in the mail today."

"Kim." he took a step towards her but she backed off a little. "Kim, Baby. Please. I have no idea what this is all about. They are old photos, from years ago. I swear to you I have not seen Wendy since the day she walked out of here. You know that." He sounded desperate. The flicker of doubt in her eyes made him feel weak. "Did Wendy send them to you?"

"I don't know, I think so." This time she didn't back off when he took a step towards her. He held her lightly on her upper arms. The anguish on her face killed him.

"Baby. Come on. I don't know anything about these photos. This is getting out of control." They had been dealing with this for the past two weeks. Wendy had called Adam constantly; sending through photo's of herself in various states of undress and messaged him until he blocked her number. They had seen her standing outside the station and Adam had tried to talk to her brother to ask him to get her to back off but that had been futile.

"It's getting too much." She lowered herself onto the bench as her breathing laboured. "I can't do this anymore." He grabbed the photos and shoved them in his back pocket.

"This is over, so fucking over." He slammed his locker door causing Kim to jump. She had never seen him look so angry as he stormed out of the room. As quick as she could get up she ran after him, calling out for him to stop but he ignored her as he flew down the stairs and out of her reach.

"Burgess. What's goin' on? Slow down." Atwater stopped her from chasing him down the stairs fearing she would fall. Lindsay leapt up from her desk and came over to help Kim sit down as she started hyperventilating just as Halstead came in from the hallway.

"It's Adam. Can you go with him? Please? You need to stop him." she begged.

"What's happened?"

"It's Wendy. He's going to see Wendy. She keeps harassing us, sending messages and photos trying to come between us. He's so angry. Please stop him." Her words were stilted and she was struggling to breath . She felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

Atwater and Halstead both took off after him while Lindsay stayed and tried to calm Burgess down. Lindsay handed her a glass of water. "Jay and Kevin will stop him."

"What if they can't? I've never seen him like this. He's going to do something stupid. You know what he can be like." Kim took a sip of her water, her hands shaking the whole time. She felt like she was going to vomit. Lindsay held her hand tightly. "How long has this been going on?"

"Since that Revenge Porn case. When he went to see her she basically told him that she still loved him. It started just after that; he kept getting text messages and photos, phone calls late at night. We blocked her number and then she started turning up outside the station, she never came near us and when Adam saw her she drove off. He went and talked to her brother but they haven't seen her for months." Kim breathed out slowly. "Then today she sent me photos, here at work, of them together.." her voice wobbled "..obviously very together. I guess she wanted me to think that he had been cheating on me."

"There is no way. He loves you too much and the baby."

"I know; they were old photos from when they were together." That much was obvious. And she did know that over the last couple of weeks he had either been at work or they had been together. "But just for a moment it put doubt in my mind and I hated that." Kim twisted her hands together "I hate that she made me doubt Adam. We were determined that she wasn't going to come between us, that we were stronger than that."

"You are. You have this amazing thing going on together." Lindsay rested her hand on Burgess's swollen belly. "He's not going to give all that up."

By the time that Halstead and Atwater got out of the building Ruzek was already heading out of the car park. They managed to follow him and rang Mouse to either get them an address or track Ruzek's phone. Atwater tried to call him but he wasn't answering.

He was banging on Wendy's door as they pulled up. "What the fuck Wendy." He screamed as she opened the door flinging the photos at her feet. "This ends today."

"Adam." She sighed and tried to reach out and touch him. Halstead and Atwater came running up behind him and managed to restrain him. They had never seen their buddy so off the chain.

"This ends today." He repeated. "What the fuck do you think you are doing? Sending those photo's to Kim."

Wendy took a step backwards, her face suddenly lit up with fear. This wasn't how it was suppose to go, he wasn't supposed to be angry with her. He was supposed to realise that he needed to come back to her. Halstead stood in between them. "Kev, get him out of here." Atwater tried to drag Adam away but he was fuelled by rage and was able to push past Kevin, which was no mean feat.

"Just to let you know. Your plan to drive a wedge between Kim and I hasn't worked. It would never work because we are strong enough to withstand whatever shit you try and throw at us. We just sit and laugh at how pathetic you are." He knew those last words stung as Wendy staggered like she had been slapped across the face. "I never hated you for leaving, I felt sorry for you when your photo's were on that website and I did you the courtesy of telling you myself because I thought it was the right thing to do. But now I wish I hadn't bothered. You're pathetic and I wish I'd never met you."

Halstead let him get it all out. He could also see that Wendy was reeling from Ruzek's harsh words, but he couldn't blame his buddy for saying them. He put his hand out as Ruzek took a step towards Wendy.

"Enough Ruzek." He nodded to Kev to pull him back.

"I'm not done." Adam seethed.

"You are done." Halstead warned him. "Go back to the car."

"No."

Halstead didn't want to pull rank but felt he had no option. It was the one way he could get him to step away. "Who do you think you are talking to? I gave you an order."

As Atwater led Ruzek away Halstead turned to Wendy. "Count yourself lucky that you are not on your way to lock up for harassment and stalking. I don't have a Restraining Order on me but I can get one if you want." He waited for Wendy to acknowledge that she was listening to him. "Just so we are clear. You will not contact either Ruzek or Officer Burgess again. As cops we don't really like saying things twice and personally I don't like it when you hurt my friends. Are we clear?"

Wendy nodded and Halstead returned to the car. He jumped in Ruzek's car drove off with him while Atwater followed. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

"I don't know. I just wanted it to stop. Kim…."

"Kim doesn't need you jammed up on this. Why didn't you tell us about this earlier?"

"We thought we could handle it. That it would just blow over. When I looked at Kim today and I saw doubt in her eyes, doubts about me and whether I had cheated on her I lost it."

Jay put a hand on his arm. "I get it, but you need to keep your head straight. Going after Wendy like that was stupid and what would have happened if Kev and I hadn't turned up?"

Adam banged his head against the headrest. "I don't know."

Lindsay had taken Kim home and she flew out of the chair when she heard the key in the lock.

Adam caught her in his arms and buried his head in her shoulder "I'm sorry Baby." He whispered.

"Adam you scared me. I have never seen you like that."

"It's okay. I'm sorry." He repeated. "I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?" He looked down and saw how pained she looked. He hadn't thought about what him running off like that would do to Kim, he didn't think at all he just knew that it had to stop, that he had to put an end to it.

Halstead and Lindsay gave them a few moments before interrupting them as they went to leave. Adam thanked Halstead for his help as he saw them out. He was grateful that both Halstead and Atwater had caught up with him because he didn't know what he would have done. It was the fear he felt when he saw that brief look in Kim's eyes that fuelled him. He couldn't remember ever been that out of control, that close to the edge and it scared him. God knows what Kim felt. He hugged Lindsay and thanked her for looking after Kim.

Kim sat down slowly on the couch. The last few hours had taken it out of her. When Adam slipped his arm around her shoulder she collapsed against him. "I'm sorry Baby, I never wanted you to see me like that. I was so angry and when I saw that you doubted me, just a fleeting look I couldn't take it."

"I hate her for making me feel like that." Kim finally lifted her head and met his steady gaze. "You scared me."

"I felt like she was winning. We didn't want this to come between us and when you showed me the photos and the look on your face…." Adam turned his head and couldn't finish his sentence.

"Adam Baby," she rested her hand on his cheek and made sure he was looking at her. "It's okay. It just took me a moment to get there. I love you and I trust you. It was just such a shock and I know, in my rational mind that it wasn't as it seemed, but it was confronting and I was alone and my fear took over and it wasn't fair to you."

"What also made me angry was seeing you struggling to breath, you and my baby struggling. I hated that." He ran both hands over her beautiful baby belly. Knowing that under his hands was his baby and he was often overwhelmed with the feeling that he had to protect them both and seeing Kim struggle today freaked him out.

Voight pointed at Ruzek the moment he got in the next morning and beckoned him into his office. "Want to tell me what's going on?" He asked as he closed the door and returned to sit behind his desk. He leant back in his chair and hooked both hands behind his head and looked at Ruzek.

"What do you mean?"

"I have had a call from Area Central. Apparently three of my officers threatened and harassed a young woman yesterday?"

Ruzek tilted his head back and breathed out slowly. His fear that this wasn't over had just become reality. "Boss I can explain."

"I hope so because they want to talk to you."

"Ever since that Revenge Porn case Wendy has been harassing me and Burgess. She sent messages, photos, called at all hours and would be waiting outside the District. Yesterday she sent Burgess some old photos of us together, trying to make it seem like I was cheating on Kim. I lost it but I swear I didn't touch her."

"What exactly did you do?"

"I went and told her to stop, I told her that she was pathetic. Halstead and Atwater were there, they can verify it."

"Why didn't you come to me? Before it got to this point. She is claiming that you pushed her, threatened her and Halstead intimidated her. Halstead is currently at Area Central explaining himself. So I hope your stories match."

"I didn't touch her. I swear. I never laid a finger on her." Ruzek sat down and dropped his head into his hands. "I just want this to stop. It's hurting Kim, she doesn't need this right now. I worry about what this is doing to her and the baby."

"Right now you need to get down to Area Central and tell your side of the story." Voight held out his hand. "And I need your phone."

"What for?"

"Mouse is going to download all your messages, calls etc. from Wendy. You need to show you had no contact with her if this goes south on you."

He handed over his phone reluctantly. "Can we not tell Burgess about this just yet?"

"Sure." Voight slipped the phone into his pocket. "For what it's worth I believe you. I just wish you'd told me sooner. And don't talk to Halstead or Atwater until you are all done. We are playing this down the line."

Ruzek was glad that Kim wasn't in the Bullpen when he came out. She had headed out with Lindsay to follow up at Chicago Med regarding a victim's report they had been working on. He could get out without having to explain himself. He wasn't sure that he had it in him to stay calm. Wendy was still screwing with them by going to Area Central.

Fortunately his version of events matched Halstead and Atwater's accounts. They received Mouse's report on his phone with all the deleted messages he had received and the lack of responses from him. "However…" the IA guy added. "…. Don't think what you did is acceptable. Do not try and deal with this yourself. Let us handle it."

"What are you going to do?" Ruzek leant across the desk and stared at this guy he was supposed to trust and who had the ability to pull his badge. "My fiancé and I don't need this to drag on. She's pregnant, due in about six weeks. So I need it to stop now."

"We've got a request for her phone. If she wants this to go any further she needs to hand it over. At this stage, with Halstead and Atwater's account of events matching yours somewhat it seems like you are in the clear." He scanned his notes. "We might still need to speak to Kim Burgess…"

"No." Adam interrupted him.

"What do you mean No?"

"She doesn't know that I am here now. She doesn't know that Wendy has filed a report. Do you need to bring her into it?"

"Depends on what the complainant decides to do."

"Please keep Kim out of it. This is taking too much out of her."

"Perhaps you should have thought about that before you tried to deal with this yourself. You're on Voight's team; you of all people should know how he works. I am not quite sure why you didn't talk to him about it before it got this far." It was pretty rare that anyone in IA promoted the Voight way of sorting things out so Ruzek was a little taken aback.

"At the time I didn't think she needed to face Voight's way of doing things. Now I am not so sure."

The IA guy stood up and shook his hand. He actually seemed like a good guy. "Good luck with your baby. I'll be in touch."

When he got back to the District Voight informed him that Wendy had withdrawn her complaint and warned him that under no circumstances he was to approach her again. "If you hear from her, see her hanging around or if you are worried about her contacting Burgess I want you to tell me. You will not deal with it yourself." The phone rang on Voight's desk and he reached for it. "Do I make myself clear?" Ruzek nodded as Voight answered the phone and pointed to Ruzek to leave.

"Where did you go today?" Burgess asked him as they headed out of the District. They were stopping by Molly's for a quick drink on the way home with Roman, Atwater and Dawson. Honestly it was the last thing se felt like doing but Adam was keen and with the stress of the last few weeks it might do them good to forget about it for a while.

"Ivory Tower." He had been back and forth all day on whether to tell her what had gone down. This whole thing had been a mess from the start and he just wanted to put it all behind them. They had more important things going on. "Wendy filed a complaint."

"That bitch."

Adam opened the car door for her and helped her step up into the passenger seat. He loved his truck but it wasn't ideal for a woman in her eight month of pregnancy. "It's all sorted now. Halstead, Atwater and I all checked out and when they asked Wendy to hand over her phone she pulled her complaint."

He jumped in the driver's seat and reached for her hand. He could see Burgess chewing on her bottom lip. "Is it really sorted? It's over?" She was starting to doubt that this day would ever come.

"Well Voight knows now so.." he shrugged and started the engine. "..She'd be a fool."

"Can we not talk about it for now." She was over talking about it, she was over thinking about it. Yesterday had been painful and Adam had done his best last night to make sure she knew exactly how much he loved her. That was one thing he was good at.

Voight did know, as did Al and surprisingly they appeared in the same coffee shop as Wendy a few days later. She recognised them as they walked in and her eyes darted around for a quick exit but Al was leaning on the counter looking at her and Voight was between her and the door.

Grabbing his coffee's Al stopped by her table. "Wendy." He waited until she looked up at him. "I am assuming we have heard the last of you?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"Sweetheart, if we wanted to threaten you you'd know about it. Consider this a friendly warning. It's time for you to move on." He nodded towards Voight. "He's very protective of his team. Like ridiculously so." Al tapped the table lightly. "Goodbye Wendy."


	9. Chapter 9 - Unicorns and Rainbows

Kim inhaled deeply as her eyes focused through the window to the wintery morning outside and pressed lower into her pose. Adam loved watching her, she looked peaceful and he knew that it calmed and centred her, not that he ever figured out what that actually meant but it was beautiful to see despite her near constant complaints that she felt like a beached whale. He leant in and kissed her goodbye. "You still coming in for lunch today?"

"I am." They were in the last few weeks of the pregnancy and it was just a waiting game now and for two people with very little patience it was a challenge, a frustrating challenge. Kim had finished work a week ago at 36 weeks but was surprisingly bored already. She'd had a list of things she wanted to do before the baby arrived and was excited about finishing work, the last few weeks were quite tiring but she had ploughed through the list and was now just twiddling her thumbs each day waiting for Adam to come home.

The nursery was almost done, Adam had picked up the cot on the weekend and they just had to put it together. She had washed all the clothes they had purchased and they were folded and carefully put away in the chest of drawers. They had bought home a huge swag of stuff from her baby shower at the District on her last day and even that was all put away. She had packed and repacked her bag for the hospital and it was sitting on the floor just inside the nursery. Nesting, as some would call it was now complete and their apartment was spotless, she'd culled her wardrobe and re-organised Adam's closet much to his displeasure. Each morning he grumbled that he couldn't find anything, or more specifically he couldn't find his favourite jeans. He couldn't get his head around the fact that she really did hate those brown jeans.

Platt smiled and peered over the top of her glasses when Kim appeared in the foyer. It was bitterly cold out today but she had got off the train a few stops early and walked the rest of the way. "Burgess my sister looked bigger than you at six months. You sure you're dates are right?" she asked as she leant over the desk and rubbed her belly as Kim unzipped her jacket. Platt had become surprisingly maternal in the last few months, joining her for lunch if the rest of the team was out, coming in with cute little things for the baby and organising her baby shower.

"I am sure." She ran her hands over her swollen stomach. "Well I don't think there is any more room in there so it's time to leave."

"You know." She beckoned for Burgess to come closer. "I've heard that sex can really get things moving. "

"Oh wow Sarge….." Burgess felt herself blush and looked for a way out but Platt had a tight hold of her hands.

"If Romeo is not putting out I can have a word with him? If he's all squeamish about it…."

"Ummm." She stuttered finally pulling her hands away. "Thanks Sarge but we are fine."

Platt nodded before picking up the phone and calling upstairs. "Hey come and get your happy accident. She's taking up space down here." She barked and hung up abruptly.

"Well that was awkward." Kim met him at the gate and followed him upstairs. "Platt was giving tips on how to bring on labour." Without actually repeating the conversation Adam understood completely what she was talking about. They had had that exact conversation a few nights ago.

Kim managed to get a bit of a rest in the afternoon propping her feet up on a pillow as she looked sadly at her cankles….she'd never had cankles before. Dropping his bag inside the door as usual when he arrived home Adam was surprised to see Kim emerge from the bedroom in just a black lace bra and, to his complete surprise, his brown jeans. "I knew you loved them, you were always trying to get into them." Kim threw her head back and laughed as he leant in and kissed her neck while he ran his hands underneath the waistband of the jeans feeling her matching lace thong. "I must say I am loving this late pregnancy sex thing you've got going on. " He led her back to the bedroom. "If only Platt knew." Since Kim had finished work she seemed to have a lot of excess energy that she was keen to burn off at the end of the day and Adam seemed to be the beneficiary of that and he wasn't one to complain.

Early the next morning she woke him up by running her hands up and down his thighs. He opened one eye slowly "Really? Burgess you're killing me." She laughed and started kissing his neck slowly and he happily relented. "Climb on Babe."

The next week followed a pretty similar routine. Burgess giving him an early morning wake up call and Ruzek barely making it into work on time. So much so that eventually Halstead commented. "Why do you always look like you just crawled out of bed?"

"Maybe I have…" he winked and laughed before heading straight into the break room to grab a coffee. Halstead followed him.

Halstead held out his mug for Ruzek to fill. "So Burgess is good?"

"Burgess is very good." Ruzek's eyes twinkled; Halstead just rolled his eyes and nodded. He got it.

The afternoon spent building the cot was a tense affair. Adam was far from what you could call a handyman. Kim sat crossed legged in the corner, her back pressed against the wall with the instructions laid out in front of her and she tired to help but it quickly descended into frustration for both of them. Adam snapped at her when she suggested calling her father, which then led to Kim throwing the instructions at him and storming out.

"It's done." He eventually came out of the room two hours later and grabbed a beer. "Do you want to go make sure it's safe and I didn't fuck it up?"

"Oh alright…I see we are still pissed."

He took a long swig of his beer. "Sorry. Go and check it out. Seriously." He grabbed all the boxes and took them out to the trash. When he came back Kim was in the nursery running her hand along smooth wood and he leant on the doorframe watching her.

"It's kinda surreal isn't it, that something like this is in our house and in a couple of weeks we'll be tucking our baby into this bed." Kim spoke without turning to look at him, he wasn't even sure how she knew he was there.

"I can't wait." He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist while he rested his chin on her shoulder. "I just want to meet this little one. I'm done waiting." Kim covered his hands with hers and leant back against him.

"It's beautiful, you did a good job."

At 38 weeks Kim had a Doctor's appointment and he was happy with how things were looking and gave no indication that the baby's arrival was imminent much to Kim's annoyance. The thought of two more weeks of this was depressing. She felt uncomfortable, restless and wasn't sure how much more her skin could stretch.

"What did he say?" Adam was in the car with Al on the way to interview the parents of a victim of a violent assault. Talking to Kim was a pleasant diversion.

"Nothing as usual." She sighed heavily. "Everything is as expected and its just a matter of time. Baby is still doing what it should be doing, it's well and truly locked and loaded though, just getting fatter."

"You or Bub?" he teased.

"You did not just ask that." Kim really wasn't in the mood for jokes. She was getting impatient.

"Sorry Darlin'…" Al had just pulled up outside the house. "Hey, I gotta go. You going home?"

"No I'm going to yoga."

"Really? You sure?"

"Yes I am sure," she snapped and then softened her voice instantly. "I feel like I need a good stretch. I promise to take it easy."

"So you ready?" Al asked as they headed up the path.

"Think so, I just really want to meet him…" Al looked sideways at him. They had been pretty adamant that they did not want to know what they were having…. "or her, the wait is killing me. Do you remember Lexie's birth?"

"Yeah." Al smiled as the memories came flooding back. He hadn't seen much of her lately. "Meredith was in labour for 34 hours."

"I think Burgess would have my balls in a sling if that happens."

"Meredith almost did." He knocked on the door. "It got pretty ugly, but hey it's worth it."

Kim attempted the pregnancy yoga class but it didn't seem to help. Her back ached and the baby was sitting so low now she felt like she needed to pee constantly. She went home and tried to lie down for a while grabbing a hot pack she rested it against her aching back, not that it helped much. Everyone kept telling her to rest while she had the chance, easier said than done when the moment she lay down she had to get up to pee.

Adam didn't manage to get home until almost eight and found Kim in the bath. He sat on the edge and drew circles around her bulging belly button. "How was the yoga?"

"Pretty crappy actually. I think that's me done for a bit." Kim closed her eyes. "My back is killing me. I am so over this."

Adam made her some breakfast before leaving for work as Kim faced another day of being bored, impatient and uncomfortable. Her sister came over and they went out for a walk, which was slow going in the snow. Kim just felt better in herself if she got outside the house. "Rug up and be careful. It's slippery out." Adam muttered something about whether she should be going out when she told him during a brief phone call just before lunch. His protectiveness was sweet, if not completely annoying at times.

Thankfully work had been pretty slow and Adam managed to get home a little after six. Kim was standing staring out the window at the dark winter night, the snow was falling lightly and she had always loved how peaceful the world seemed when it snowed, the absolute silence of it was mesmerizing. She pressed her hands into her lower back as she rocked lightly from side to side and focussed on the softly falling snowflakes as they fluttered against the window.

He shrugged out of his coat and hung it up and locked his gun in the safe. It was something he was still trying to get used to. Usually it was just in his bedside drawer but they had both decided the earlier they got used to locking them away, the better. "Hey, Baby."

She turned her head only slightly. "I am glad you're home." Her voice was barely audible and she again settled her gaze on the snow falling outside.

Coming to stand beside her he leant in for a kiss but she barely acknowledged him and continued rocking. "You okay?"

"Adam I think I am in labour."

A wave of panic surged through him and he barely managed to get a word out. "What?"

Kim glared at him. "I said I think I am in labour."

"Are you sure?"

"No." she snapped. "No, I am not fucking sure, I have no fucking idea because I have never done this before but hey.." she threw her hands up in the air. "..Let's go with that." She leant on him she rocked from side to side with another contraction.

"How long? Why didn't you call?" His panicky voice was not all that comforting.

She sucked in a deep breath as the pain started to subside "All afternoon I think but I thought it was just those Braxton Hicks contractions then about an hour ago I was pretty sure. I figured you'd been home soon and….." she paused. "I didn't want to worry you in case I was wrong and you were on a job."

 _Think Adam think_ he silently willed himself as he tried to recall what they had told them at their classes. Really those classes were months ago, how the hell was he supposed to remember them now! "How far apart are they?"

Kim looked at him sharply. "I don't know, every 15 minutes maybe." She started walking around the room and her tone softened again, "They are definitely getting closer together."

"What do you want to do? Should we go?"

"I think I want to take a shower first."

"Really." Adam's voiced rose an octave or two. "Are you sure?" In all honesty all he wanted to do was go to the hospital but instead found himself rubbing her back while she leant on the wall of the shower. The hot water was drumming into her back as she breathed through another contraction, which were not only getting closer together but were also starting to last a little longer now.

He helped her out of the shower and managed to dry her off before she got annoyed with him again. He grabbed some pants and a sweater for her to put on. "Just get me a dress or something." She growled. "What good is a fucking pair of pants?"

"Did the shower help?" he asked _._

"Yes Adam, it's all fuckin' unicorns and rainbows now."

Adam grabbed her bag and helped her into the car and she sucked in a deep breath as another contraction started. Adam held her hand as she tilted her head back and gritted her teeth until the pain subsided. "I wish you'd called me earlier."

"Why? So you could ask more stupid fucking questions?" _Okay_ , rolling his eyes skyward he breathed out slowly while he walked around to his side of the car, this wasn't going well. Kim was in pain and he was just terrified. He was calmer walking into a shoot out than he was right now.

They went through to the maternity unit and were admitted straight to the birth suite. On examination Kim was already 8cm dilated and progressing well and quite quickly. Which may have been a good thing because it didn't give Adam time to think, although he had the panic thing down pat.

One thing he was not prepared for, despite reading all the books and watching countless, and quite frankly horrific videos was the intense sense of helplessness he felt watching Kim in so much pain. He wanted to be calm and supportive but he had no idea what to do to help her. The midwife assured him that Kim was doing beautifully well, as was he and encouraged him to continue to support her however she wanted and it wouldn't be much longer.

Kim was unable to stay still and lying down intensified the contractions making them almost unbearable so they spent the next hour walking around the delivery suite, stopping every time she had a contraction. Once her water's broke she had another shower and it temporarily seemed to ease her discomfort not that he was stupid enough to ask again.

All he could do was tell her how incredible she was and how much he loved her. "I'm fine." She hissed through gritted teeth as another contraction racked her body "Stop fucking worrying, it's not helping."

When the next contraction started to intensify Kim told the midwife that she needed to push and once they checked her dilation that's when things got really intense. Kim refused to get back on the bed so they let her squat on the floor with Adam kneeling in front of her as she pushed. She would bury her head into his neck and let him take all her weight, falling to her knees between each round, which seemed to be coming in never ending waves.

Adam briefly looked at the clock. She had been pushing for almost half and hour, although it felt like hours and it seemed like there was no end in sight. The midwife didn't seem concerned at all and then she suddenly told Kim to brace for and prepare for one long hard push. She kept her head on Adam's shoulder, one arm around his neck and squeezed his other hand so tight he felt like it going to break. Kim groaned loudly almost knocking Adam over with her effort. "Okay." The midwife told her to take a few deep breaths. "The head is out, the hard part is over and your baby is almost here. One last push Kim and it's all done."

Adam could feel her whimper before moaning and burying her head into his shoulder. "Come on Kim, you're almost done. I know you can do this." Then suddenly with the last of Kim's energy lying between them was their baby.

Adam looked down at the tiny wailing newborn, tears freely spilling down his cheeks. "It's a girl."

"Oh my god Adam." Kim reached out one shaking hand and rested it on the crying baby. The midwife handed Adam the scissors so he could cut the cord before they helped Kim pick her up and got them both up and onto the bed. Covering them both with a warm blanket as the naked baby nestled into her chest and started searching for her breast. Adam's hands were still shaking as he brushed the baby's head softly. He rested his head on Kim's as they both stared at their baby girl and he kissed Kim softly when she briefly dragged her eyes away from her daughter to look at him.

After leaving them for a few minutes the Paediatrician took the baby to examine her while they finished off with Kim. Adam followed the Doctor at Kim's insistence and once she got the all clear the baby was wrapped and placed in his arms. He stood for a moment, tears streaming down his cheeks as he placed a soft kiss on the forehead of his daughter. It was the most surreal moment of his life.

They spent the next hour alone, just the three of them; their new family. Little Ruzek was finally here.

He called all their parents first and Kim spoke to them briefly also, along with her sister. They were all obviously ecstatic and for Adam's parents it was their first grandchild and he could feel their excitement down the phone and if they could have come into the hospital then and there they would have. Adam promised to send through some photos and let them know a name as soon as they had decided on one.

Now that their parents knew he sent a photo of the baby's tiny hands with one hand holding one of Kim's fingers and her other hand holding one of Adam's. He captioned it ' _10 little fingers'_. His phone went berserk.

' _Oh my god. WHAT?'_ Lindsay's message arrived first and they laughed at the speed of her reply.

' _YOU CANNOT JUST DO THAT._ ' Platt yelled back at him. Her use of capital letters was not surprising.

He followed it up, just a few minutes later with a picture of her feet, ' _10 little toes_.'

 _'RUZEK. I WILL KICK YOUR ARSE SO HARD….I SWEAR.'_ Platt shot back; clearly she was not enjoying this as much as they were, although her speed on the text message was remarkable.

 _'Seriously guys you are killing us here'_ Lindsay was a lot more polite but every bit as impatient.

They let them wait just a little while before sending through the one detail they were desperately waiting for. They could imagine them all sitting with their phones in hand… waiting….

 _'And NO little hose…..Little Ruzek is a girl'_ He couldn't stop smiling as he typed that message and hit send.

Adam's phone constantly beeped with messages of congratulations and requests for photos and of course a name. Platt really loved those capital letters.

The outside world just ebbed away as they watched in awe as she squirmed and wriggled and grunted in Kim's arms and were surprised when she seemed to eagerly attach again to Kim's breast for another feed. When Kim was helped into the shower Adam was encouraged to have some skin-to-skin contact with his daughter. He sat and stared at her, feeling her soft skin against his bare chest while he stroked her dark hair and let her hold onto his finger and ran his thumb gently over her tiny hand. Her brown eyes, framed by long dark lashes were staring back at him with a sense of wonder mixed with confusion until they finally slid closed. He may never have believed in love at first sight but that changed the instant he saw his daughter for the first time. He was completely in love with her. Kim, when she came out of the shower and saw them both together couldn't have loved Adam anymore. He looked so content, so happy and enamoured with his daughter.

"We need to giver her a name. Little Ruzek doesn't quite have the ring to it." Adam handed her back to Kim once she was settled back on the bed. She felt surprisingly good considering what she just went through but that was probably due to the adrenaline still coursing through her veins.

They had a shortlist of both boy's and girl's names but couldn't really settle on one they really liked and had decided to wait until the baby was born to see which fitted best. Kim looked at the now sleeping girl in her arms. "Polly." Kim declared suddenly looking up at Adam. "Let's call her Polly."

Adam nodded, it was his grandmother's name and he had been close to her growing up especially when his parents had divorced and they chose Elizabeth from Kim's grandmother. "Hey Polly." He leant over and kissed his daughters head. "Welcome to our world baby girl. You are the luckiest little girl in the world."

He finally sent through a few photos. One of Polly, another one of Polly and Kim and one taken of the three of them together.

 _'We'd love to introduce you to our beautiful daughter Polly Elizabeth Ruzek.'_

Some of the Unit were obviously at Molly's as they got a photo back from Lindsay with Halstead, Atwater, Roman and Dawson along with Herrmann and Otis from 51 all raising a glass to the camera _'Welcome to the world Polly Elizabeth Ruzek. We can't wait to met you.'_

Finally Adam sent everyone some more details _. 'For the winner of the Station Sweep, Polly weighed in at 7lbs 4ozs & a little under 20in long. She arrived at 2107 after a very intense couple of hours. She has already tucked into her first meal & Kim did great. We are head over heels in love.' _

The Midwife returned and watched Kim feed Polly, who was taking to it like a duck to water and then promptly fell asleep. "She will be a little drowsy through the night, it's been a big day for her. I would suggest that you try and sleep when she does. Congratulations you've all done very well. She's perfect." Adam and Kim couldn't stop smiling.

They eventually put Polly in the cot beside the bed and Adam climbed onto the bed with Kim, slipping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her gently in to rest her head against his chest. He pressed his lip into the top of her head. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For my daughter. I can't believe she's here and she's ours and we made her. I mean look how perfect she is."

"She is, isn't she?"

"So are you. You're perfect and beautiful and amazing and I love you so much." She looked up at him and Adam kissed her so tenderly it made her heart melt, especially when she felt his salty tears splash onto her cheek.

"Are you happy that it's a girl?"

"Absolutely. I mean look at her, she's beautiful." He answered without a moment of hesitation as he wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. All the way through the pregnancy he was convinced it was a boy, although he didn't really care either way. And honestly looking at her now, his perfect daughter he couldn't imagine anything better than that little girl.

Kim struggled to keep her eyes open and she was lulled to sleep by Adam's soft strokes through her hair. It would be a while before he drifted off. How his life had changed in the last few years yet he had never felt so peaceful and content and now he was a father. Only a few feet away was a perfect and tiny baby girl, his daughter that he had to nurture and protect for the rest of his life. It was wonderful, overwhelming and terrifying in equal parts.

He had no idea how long he had been asleep but they both woke with a start with the baby's soft cries. It took them a moment to realise where the noise was coming from and Adam leapt from the bed and picked up the baby while Kim called the midwife who needed to do some obs before she fed her again. He made sure that both of them were settled and back to sleep before he drifted back off.

The next morning they guided by the midwife as they bathed Polly for the first time and she did not like it at all. They did love learning about how to care for their daughter and it was as daunting as they feared. "I think her first word might be a curse word. You certainly had them spewing out at regular intervals last night." Kim lobbed a pen at him, which he managed to duck.

"Come closer baby and I will give you some kind of idea of how painful it was." Her voice, while light was menacing. "And I will give you some info for free, after what has just come out of me there ain't nothing going in for a long time."

Adam threw his head back and laughed. "Love you Baby."

Then their families arrived in a steady stream and Adam spent most of this time on the phone, returning calls and filling everyone in on all the details. He decided to use his time wisely because there was no way he was getting anywhere near his daughter. Who knew that one little girl could create such a ruckus?

"Congratulations Kid." Al was the first person he spoke to from work. "How's Kim doing?"

"Great, she was amazing but Al, childbirth is brutal. I think at one stage Kim was using the word fuck like a comma."

"A daughter huh?"

"Yeah. How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"I am already worried about when she brings the boys home. Handgun or long guns?"

Al laughed, knowing exactly how he felt. "Both."

They were grateful for the strict no visitor's policy from 2pm until 5pm and fortunately Polly and Kim slept almost the entire time. Adam took the chance to slip home and grab a shower and change of clothes. When he got back they were both awake and the room seemed to have exploded with flowers spilling over every surface. "Wow It's like a friggin' florist shop in here." He mumbled as he looked at for some space to put the box of donuts he had promised to bring back for Kim.

Voight arrived while Adam was lying on the bed having a nap with Polly sleeping on his chest. Kim was sitting in a chair reading through and replying to the never-ending text messages on her phone. "Well look at this." He nodded in Ruzek's direction as he handed Kim a gift bag and leant down to give her a kiss and hug. "Seems like every time I come to visit you in hospital Ruzek is asleep." They both laughed. Recalling when Kim had been shot and Adam had managed to sleep through Voight's entire visit.

Quietly he bent over and peered at the sleeping newborn. "She's beautiful. Thankfully takes after her mother." Adam opened his eyes suddenly and was surprised to see his Boss staring at him. He handed over Polly for a cuddle and Voight looked way more comfortable than he should.

The rest of the team closely followed him. The midwife looked surprised when she appeared to find the room full of cops all crowded around the bed and completely besotted by the little baby girl. Kim and Adam just looked on proudly as their family; the people who were closet to them met their daughter and fell in love with her as much as they had.

Platt, of course was in control and had Polly unwrapped on the bed so she could make sure she was as perfect as she looked from head to toe. Polly jerkily waved her arms and kicked her legs and finally cried in protest.

They took her home the next day.


	10. Chapter 10 - What do we do now?

Adam placed the car seat gently on the table and slipped an arm around Kim's waist. "Now what do we do?" They both stood and looked at their peacefully sleeping baby. She was snuggled beneath a soft white blanket that Kim's grandmother had crocheted while she was pregnant with Kim's mother. Ellen had also bought Kim home wrapped in the same blanket so it was a bit of a tradition.

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I have no idea." And that was no lie. "It's great to be home though, eventually." Kim laughed lightly. She doubted that he had ever driven as slow as he did on the way home from the hospital. Kim had teased him about his careful driving but the icy roads and having his newborn daughter in the car made Adam as nervous as he was the first time he got behind the wheel of a car.

"You just wait until you drive with her for the first time." He nudged her lightly. "You won't be laughing then."

Kim sat down gingerly. Once the initial buzz wore off she certainly felt like she'd pushed another human being out of her body and she wasn't quite sure if she would ever recover. Adam gently lifted Polly out of her car seat and the three of them sat and relaxed together at home as a family for the first time. If he thought that the actual birth was terrifying this suddenly felt worse. Polly, so far had apparently been doing everything she was supposed to be doing which a relief but now they were on their own. "I feel like we've lost our safety net."

They stayed there cuddling, stroking and adoring their little baby until Polly eventually woke ready for a feed. Adam fussed around making sure Kim was comfortable and warm enough, had something to eat and drink and then sat and just watched his girls together. Once fed and changed they settled her into her room for the first time, watching her as she drifted off to sleep. For such a small thing she was not particularly quiet and at the hospital they had been surprised at how noisy she actually was.

"Well so far so good." Adam declared as they reluctantly left the room with the baby monitor grasped tightly in his hand, it felt strange to be leaving her by herself. Polly had only been in their lives for a little under two days and every single little thing had changed. Did she know the hold she had on her parent's already?

Adam brought the rest of the stuff in from the car including the overflowing bags of gifts that everyone had bought for Polly and they sat down and sorted through the explosion of pink. "Hmmm I feel like I'm in a Disney princess movie." Kim commented. Her wardrobe had a distinct lack of pink and now they suddenly were surrounded by a riot of pink, frills, lace, flowers and flounces.

"Thank god for the Blackhawks jersey." Adam pulled the tiny hockey jersey from beneath a pile of pink and kissed it dramatically. "Thank you Halstead. Polly is gonna rock this jersey."

Kim enjoyed watching Adam's reaction to the various outfits that she pulled out. He didn't know much about dressing girls, and to be honest he was still struggling to get any clothes on her in something that resembled a reasonable time frame. "If only she would stay still things would be so much easier." He had moaned and Kim laughed at his attempts to dress her but in reality she wasn't much better. Some of this stuff that Kim was showing him was just plain cute, some not so much. They did agree on one thing, those flowery headbands were a definite no-go. Adam screwed up his nose. "Surely they are meant to hold back hair and she doesn't have any."

They were swamped with phone calls and text messages so Adam took both phones and put then on silent. After Polly had woken and been fed again they both got some much needed rest and Kim was asleep before her head hit the pillow. He had asked their families to give them at least a day to themselves to settle in before visiting. However he was thankful that his mother had been over before they came home and stocked the fridge and freezer with meals that they could just heat and eat as they tried to get into the routine of life with a newborn.

Surviving their first night alone was their first goal. And it was a long night with all three of them awake every two hours, although she did manage to make almost three hours from 4am. Kim woke with a start and had a small flutter of panic when she eyed the clock and it was almost 7am. She flew out of bed but Polly was still sleeping peacefully in the bassinet in the corner of their room and it wasn't long before she was awake and crying fiercely, she had a fair set of lungs on her as Adam tried to change her diaper before giving her to Kim. It wasn't so much the diaper he had an issue with it was trying to get her thrashing legs back into her suit.

Holding back their families was like trying to hold back the tide. Kim's mum arrived the next morning and promptly set about cooking and cleaning while Kim was made to rest. Adam was able to get out for a run while she kept and eye on both of them. "Where's Adam?" Kim was surprised to see just her mother in the kitchen when she came out with Polly ready for a feed.

"I am sure he won't be long." Adam had been with her constantly since Polly arrived only heading home once to grab a shower and run a few quick errands. "I had to push him out the door." Her mother laughed, "He took his phone, just in case you need him."

"He's besotted with Polly, sometimes I have to fight him just to hold her. I swear he'd breastfeed if he could." She laughed before grimacing as Polly attached herself to her very tender nipple. They assured her that the pain would subside after a few days once her body adjusted to it's new role. She inhaled deeply for a few seconds until it eased off. That was yet another delightful discovery. After feeding she passed the baby over to her mother while she went and grabbed a shower trying to wash away the joys of being three days post natal.

Adam's mother came over in the afternoon and Kim was able to get in a nap between feeds while Janet did some washing, particularly all of Polly's new clothes; their laundry basket had certainly changed along with their whole life.

"Oh god." Kim groaned loudly. Adam sat up suddenly having quickly become used to the jarring process of being sound asleep and then suddenly awake, usually by Polly's hungry cries. "What's wrong?" he glanced over towards Polly and there was no movement or noise and the room was only just starting to lighten up with morning.

"My boobs. God, they are as hard as rocks and leaking." Kim was holding them both feeling the dampness spreading beneath her fingers. Adam turned on the bedside lamp as Kim was peering at her suddenly full breasts and wet bra, and they both eyed the damp stain spreading across the sheets.

Adam was stunned as he peered down her top and let out a long slow whistle; they had grown overnight. "Wow. So I guess this is what we have been waiting for? I'm impressed."

When Adam made a move to feel them Kim slapped his hand, a little harder than she anticipated "Don't touch me."

"Oww." Adam shook his hand.

"They are so freakin' sore and it feels disgusting and soggy." Adam told her to shower while he changed the sheets. Kim was still showering, finding that the hot water soothed her swollen breasts and she was in no rush to get out until she could hear Polly's tiny cries through the streaming water and knew that her time was up and Adam would be changing her ready for her morning feed.

So far she had been getting about two hours between feeds and occasionally it was closer to three but she was hoping that now she had a bit more milk available they could stretch it out a little longer. The midwife did assure her that it was not uncommon that the first few days were constant feeding whereas once the milk arrived things settled down into more regular and spaced out feeds. One could only hope because she was not sure how long she could keep going at this pace. This was from a woman who slept like she was dead, as Adam often commented. Not any more and it had been pure torture so far.

The poor baby choked on her first mouthful as the milk gushed into her mouth. She spluttered and cried before settling back down and feeding well and she then slept for almost four hours. Everyone seemed to have glossed over the dirty, soggy uncomfortable delights that came with being a new mother. "No wonder no-one talks about it. It's like some secret little pact between mothers. Don't talk about the leaking orifices." She complained loudly. "And look at me I still look like I am about to give birth." She poked her flabby belly. This postnatal thing left a lot to be desired.

Adam seemed just as shocked as she was about all the little things that no one really talked about.

Like the black sticky poo that stuck to everything, he now understood where the comment 'stuck like shit to a blanket' came from. As it gradually changed colour it had the habit of getting into every single crevice and lord knows girls have a lot of crevices. Or the milk that dribbled out of her mouth or shot out at surprising velocity that then worked it's way into the creases of her neck or into her ear and they were stunned when it actually came out her nose. By the end of the first week they had been wee'd on, shat on and vomited on. Kim was still bleeding and it wasn't unusual to have breast milk leaking through her clothes but at least her nipples had stopped hurting and they fell into bed completely exhausted every night.

Why did nobody tell you about all this? All the cute little baby photos that populated the Internet hid the real truth. Babies were noisy, messy and a law unto themselves but they loved her.

A week into his Paternity leave they took Polly out for the first time. "How much shit do we need to take? She's a little baby." He had already hauled a baby bag, which was overflowing with spare clothes and diapers, blankets, their coats and the pram down to the car before even getting to Polly.

"It don't want her to get cold. It's freezing outside." She was making her first trip into the District. Adam had also laughed at Kim's chronic indecision about what to dress Polly in. "She's going to be wrapped up, no-one is going to care what she is wearing." Any further comments died on his lips as he saw the sharp look that Burgess gave him.

Kim had spent some of her rare spare time trawling the Internet for clothes for Polly, either ordering them online or asking her sister or mother to pick them up for her. They had only bought pretty basic clothes, which were mainly white before she arrived and now Kim was keen to dress her up more like a girl. Adam groaned at the thought of what this was doing to his Credit card.

"Nobody actually thinks we are going to be any good at this, I want to at least show people I have some idea." Finally she decided on a white all in one suit and a woolly coat with large bright flowers on it and matching beanie, which almost swamped her. Adam laughed as he squeezed her into the car seat and tucked a thick blanket over her. Kim nudged him playfully. "She looks cute."

Platt almost leapt over the desk when they arrived. "Oh my god." She squealed. "About time." And there was no way they were getting upstairs without Platt having a cuddle. Adam disappeared quickly and left Kim to deal with the mother hen that was Aunt Trudy. As well as whisking Polly out of her arms, she simultaneously demanded that someone, _"ANYONE"_ get Burgess a seat.

"Ruzek. Couldn't stay away." Antonio saw him first as he bounded up the stairs.

"Obviously not." Although no one was really interested in seeing him and Lindsay squealed with delight when she spotted Kim and Platt coming up the stairs behind him. "Look who's here for her first visit?" Platt cooed and eventually she relented and handed Polly over to Lindsay and soon enough even Voight was out of his office having a cuddle.

"So when do we get to wet the baby's head." Antonio asked and then burst out laughing as Ruzek looked expectantly at Kim to gauge how likely that was going to be.

Kim just rolled her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11 - That's my girl

Polly was lying in her father's lap, her legs curled up against his stomach and she still barely took up half the space. Her brown eyes widened as he talked to her softly and he lowered his head closer to her face. "You be good tonight or you'll never be invited back." He cooed. "And we don't want that." Kim and Polly were spending the night at her parent's house while he was on a night out with the boys. "What time will you be home tomorrow?" He leant back and called out to Kim who was busy packing their bags.

Kim carried both her bag and Polly's back into the lounge and dropped them by the door. "I don't know." Adam gently lifted Polly up and gave her a kiss before putting her into her car seat. He grabbed Kim around the waist and pulled her in for a long hug and pressed his lips to her forehead.

"This feels kinda strange. I am going to miss you both." The apartment was going to feel empty without them. Two weeks and he already couldn't imagine them not being here when he got home. "I almost wish I wasn't going out…"

Kim laughed "yeah right."

"I said almost."

"You won't even notice we are not here when you get home. I know what you are like when you all get together. I am tipping you might not even know your own name." They wanted to start a new tradition for the unit and from all the text messages that were flying back and forward all week it was hard to tell who was more excited.

He took the bags to the car and came back for Polly and lingered on his farewell kiss with Kim. "Drive safe, let me know when you arrive." It was only a half hour drive to her parents' place but it was slippery on the roads with snow and ice. He had offered to drive them over and come back in the morning to pick them up but Kim knew full well that he would be in no fit state to drive tomorrow morning.

They celebrated long and hard and it had been awhile since he had been this drunk. He had tapered off lately the closer they got to Kim's due date. So he let loose and he had plenty to celebrate.

Standing at the bar waiting for his round of drinks he was nodding his head to the music and barely noticed when a young blond sidled up next to him. She leant forward and smiled trying to catch his eye. "Hi." She purred.

Adam turned a little and gave her a half-hearted smile. She was pretty, he could appreciate that but it had been a long time since a pretty girl made him look twice. That wasn't where his head was anymore; he had no interest in anything more than not appearing to be rude because he had everything he needed at home.

"You look like ya'll having a good time." She continued, still leaning on the bar as she nodded back towards the group, which consisted of Dawson, Halstead, Olinsky, Voight, Roman and Atwater. Half of Firehouse 51 had also joined them along with Will Halstead. It was a big bunch of boys and it was no wonder they caught the attention of every girl in the bar. It was well know that Molly's was both a hangout for both Firefighters and Cops so it did attract a certain demographic. The single guys never complained about a lack of talent.

"We are." He picked up the tray of drinks.

"Can we join you?" she asked nodding slightly to the small group of women sitting a little further up the bar while moving a little closer to him.

"We're just here celebrating my daughter's birth so….." he smiled politely. "No thanks."

"Was she hitting on you?" Roman asked when he returned to the table grabbing his drink from the tray before Ruzek spilt the lot all over them.

"I think so." He shrugged as he handed out the rest of the drinks. "I've got two gorgeous women in my life, more than enough to handle. I don't need anymore trouble." but he happily accepted the ribbing of the single guys in the group for turning down the company of some lovely ladies.

"Well then, here's to Polly Ruzek." Roman lifted his glass. "And her mother."

"Amen to that brother."

Adam had no idea what time he staggered through the door with Atwater in tow. Atwater crashed on the couch while he managed to get his shoes off before collapsing on the bed.

The light was harsh on his eyes as he opened one eye and peered at the clock. Nine thirty, he sat up slowly and instantly regretted it. His head throbbed and his mouth felt like the bottom of a birdcage. He staggered into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face before he wandered out to the living room and found Atwater still crashed out on the couch. He poured himself a large glass of water and hunted around for some Advil before trying to wake Atwater up.

Atwater barely grunted at him and pulled the rug over his face. Adam went in search of his phone and found it on the floor beside the bed. He had only one message from Kim. _Are you alive?_ He sat on the edge of the bed and hit speed dial.

"Good Morning." _Well wasn't' she just chirpy this morning…_. _and oh so very loud._

Adam wasn't sure he could even speak his throat felt so dry. "Hey Darlin'." He croaked.

"Good night then?"

"What I remember. I think Polly's head is well and truly wet." Even speaking made his head hurt, he rested it in his hand and closed his eyes. "How was your night?"

"Average. I think your daughter partied as hard as you."

"That's my girl."

By the time he had finished talking to Kim he could hear Atwater moving about. Kim promised to bring home a greasy breakfast for them.

"Kev, man what did you make me do last night?" Atwater was sitting on the couch nursing a glass of water and his head. Adam decided that coffee might help and made them both a large mug.

"I am certainly glad that you only had one baby." He moaned. "And thanks to you I am here on your couch alone when I could be romancing some lovely lady."

Adam laughed, somewhat gingerly. "They were pretty keen. Sorry about that, but I am pretty sure you got a number. Not sure you would have done your best work last night. We were pretty trashed from what I remember."

"You shut them down pretty quick."

"Hey it was my night." He closed his eyes "I was there with my brothers and the only girls I want to party with weren't there."

"You showed them enough photos of Polly and Burgess. They got it."

Adam pushed himself slowly off the couch "Hey what can I say….I love my girls." and headed for the shower. The stream of warm water did breathe some life into him temporarily but it was going to be a long day.

They were still sitting on the couch, staring blankly at the TV when Kim arrived, with a baby in one arm and a bag of bacon and egg burgers in the other. "Kim Burgess, You are a legend. I love you." Adam willed himself up off the couch to help her through the door. Leaning in for a kiss she laughed as she pushed him away not enjoying the stench of alcohol seeping from his pores. "You two look like shit."

Adam had at least showered which had somewhat lessened the stench but not it's effects. "I would hazard a guess just about everyone is feeling like shit today, even Voight." Adam took the carrier from Kim and set Polly down on the coffee table pulling off the blanket and beanie that were keeping her warm. Kevin managed a small smile as he watched his buddy stroke his daughter's cheek and talk softly to her. How things had changed? The guy was completely whipped.

Atwater grabbed the bag of grease. "I love you too Burgess."

"Thanks Kev." She dropped down into the easy chair and put her feet up on the table. "I didn't know you were so easy to please." Looking at both of them she realised that she certainly didn't miss the hangover part of celebrating. They had spent their fair share of weekends eating greasy food and lying on the couch recovering. "So what did I miss?"

"Atwater was a hit with the ladies. I do believe he left one particular kitten all heartbroken when we left." Adam took a bite of his burger.

"Really?"

"You dragged me out of there." He tried to sound miffed.

"As I said earlier Man I am not sure you would have covered yourself in glory last night. Have I taught you nothing? Gotta make them wait. Keeps 'em keen." He swallowed the last of this breakfast roll and waited for it to settle, not quite sure if it would stay put.

"Like you made Burgess wait?"

"Hey man, I tried to make her wait but she jumped my bones and now look where it got us." He pointed at Polly, still sleeping in her carrier.

"Where it got you is a hangover the size of Texas and an afternoon looking after your daughter and dinner with your mother." Kim pushed herself up out of her seat and headed for the bedroom, patting his shoulder on the way past as he threw his head back and groaned. He had forgotten that his mother and stepfather were coming over.

Adam already knew that Kim was going to be pissed when she saw the state of both their bedroom and the bathroom. The bed was unmade, his clothes were still strewn about, smelling of both booze and cigar smoke and the damp towels were on the floor in the bathroom but he did not have the energy to get up. He was also pretty sure that any sudden movements would disturb the delicate equilibrium he seemed to have in his stomach at the moment.

"Kev you might want to make a run for it. I think I am about to get reamed." He leant back and saw a pile of clothes fly out the door into the hallway. Atwater was in no rush to move. Suddenly Polly started to grunt and squirm and Adam knew what was coming. "What the hell was that?" Atwater peered over into the carrier.

Ruzek knew exactly what it was. He weighed up the situation quickly. He had three options and they all ended in trouble for him. He could ignore it, call Kim or deal with it himself. Even in his precarious state he decided the likelihood of him vomiting as he dealt with Polly's diaper it was preferable to facing Kim's wrath. "That Kev, is my worst nightmare. How keen are you to learn how to change a diaper?"

He pushed himself up of the couch and unbuckled Polly and pulled her out. "Baby girl why are you doing this to Daddy?" She squirmed and let out a soft cry.

Atwater laughed. "You are on your own man." Adam thought about changing her right there and sharing his pain but headed down the hall to her bedroom. Kim came out of the shower and heard Adam gagging as he changed her.

"You okay?" Kim came and took over much to Adam's relief. Once she had changed her she brought her back down and handed her back to Adam without a word and headed into the kitchen and started banging around. Atwater finally took that as his cue to leave and as Burgess continued to make as much noise as possible Adam took Polly down to their bedroom but he barely had the chance to close his eyes before she woke and started crying.

"I think this is for you." He staggered back down the hall, his head throbbing and stomach churning. She handed Polly back to her mother so she could feed her.

It was a long day and he learnt that hangovers where even less fun when you had a newborn baby in the house. When Kim finally came to bed Adam was already half asleep. He had struggled through dinner and he was glad his mother left early and Polly was asleep for now. "Hey Darlin'." Adam threw out his arm so that Kim could snuggle into his side. "Polly okay?"

"She is. Hopefully she'll sleep a little better tonight."

"Maybe she missed her Daddy?" he hadn't even opened his eyes.

Kim barely managed to answer. "Mmmm perhaps."

"How's our form? We are such party animals now. What? It's barely 930 on a Saturday night." Adam laughed and he could tell that Kim was already half asleep and he wasn't far behind her.


	12. Chapter 12 - You remember Physics

Kim was listening to Adam talk as he gave Polly her evening bath. "Daddy's gonna to miss you so much tomorrow." He was trying to make the most of these times, those precious moments he spent with his little girl because going back to work meant that he might not be around every night to do this. She loved her bath now and would stare up at him as he scooped the warm water over her tiny body and sang to her with his sweet voice. It surprised Kim how Polly could recognise his voice and would it calm her almost instantly.

Polly still hated being undressed but as soon as she hit the water her tiny fists would relax and her legs would move jerkily as he floated her in the water. He loved his job, but spending the first two weeks of Polly's life at home had been perfect. They were exhausted and head over heels in love with her.

"I can't believe how much I am not looking forward to going back to work." Polly was asleep after a feed and Adam and Kim were relaxing together on the couch spending some rare time alone together before they went to bed.

Kim curled up between Adam's legs and leant against his chest. "I'm going to miss having you around all the time and that is something I never thought I would be saying."

"Oh Burgess you have no idea how much you hurt me with your words." Adam sighed dramatically, feigning hurt.

Even after such a short time it was hard to imagine what their life would be like without Polly in it. She enjoyed having him around all the time to help because while they loved her and were excited that she was finally here they were also completely exhausted, overwhelmed and Kim still had moments of doubt and anxiety. Having this tiny human being reliant on her for everything was daunting.

When Adam left the next morning Kim tried not to get emotional but a few tears escaped. She let out a long slow breath as she closed the door and walked down the hallway to their bedroom. Polly was sleeping in the middle of their bed having stayed with them after her 5am feed so that Adam could have some early morning cuddles before he got up. She gently picked her up and put her back in her own bed, waiting for just a moment until she was sure she was still asleep and then crawled back into bed and instantly fell back to sleep, hoping for another hour at least before she faced her first day at home alone with her baby.

If Adam was hoping for a quiet day to start back at work he was sadly disappointed. Barely had he made a coffee and finished showing the latest video's and photos of Polly than they were called out to a drug deal gone bad. He managed to send a few texts through the day and one quick phone-call as they were driving back to the station but it was nearly seven before he got home.

"Ah, Daddy's home." Kim declared happily despite Polly being asleep on her lap. She smiled up at Adam as he leant in for a kiss before collapsing onto the couch before gently taking her from Kim and planting a soft kiss on her head. Lying her down in his lap he rested his broad hand over her tiny frame, feeling it rise and fall with each breath. He couldn't believe how much he missed her today and he had been itching to get home to see her. "Busy day huh?"

"Insane, I barely sat down all day. Missed my girls too." They spent a few minutes talking about the case although Adam was more interested in hearing about Kim's first day at home alone.

"Well, the home visiting nurse came by and my mother and sister so we did fine. I got a couple of hours sleep this afternoon while Polly slept."

"What did the nurse say?"

Kim rubbed her tiny hand softly and smiled as she curled her fingers instinctively. "Little chubba here put on nearly 7ozs this week."

"Good job." He leant over and gave Kim a quick kiss. "You too Mom." Adam lifted her up and rested her against his chest, her soft head tucked in under his chin as she slept. "Has she had her bath?" He asked as Kim pushed herself up off the couch and headed towards the kitchen to heat up dinner.

"No. I thought you'd like to do that." Kim looked at the clock on the wall, "She's been asleep about half an hour." Adam sat with her for a little longer, enjoying her warmth, her sweet smell and the feeling of peace it gave him after a long intense day.

Adam eventually put her in her swing as she started dishing up dinner. He buried his head into between Kim's shoulder blades and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I missed you too." She turned in his arms and smiled as she leant into his embrace. Gently he pressed his lips against hers.

Adam missed her in more ways than one. Not that he had any intention of pushing himself on her but he hated not having sex and besides understanding completely why it wasn't going to happen anytime soon it didn't mean he liked it. He also wanted her to know that he still wanted and desired her as much, if not more than before.

Kim gripped the back of his neck and kissed him back harder. They spent several moments locked in a passionate embrace. "Hmmm." She whispered against his cheek when they parted. "You can come home from work and kiss me like that any day."

"It's a deal."

As much as they could they tried to establish a routine. It was almost impossible when Adam had a job that could mean he was home for dinner or crawled in at 2am and Kim had quickly learnt that newborn's and routine were a mutually exclusive term. They had days were everything went to plan and they had days were she didn't get out of her PJ's and managed a shower just before falling into bed.

The weather kept them housebound for days, which had driven Kim a little stir crazy. It dictated her movements, even getting to the store for food because there was no way she was taking Polly out in a blizzard and the roads were treacherous. When the weather cleared a little, the sky was a startling blue and Kim was determined to get them both out of the house.

Even seeing Platt would be a thrill. "It's about time Burgess." Platt was onto her the moment her foot hit the top step. "If it wasn't for all the photos and videos that Ruzek keeps making us watch I would have sworn he had you buried under a floorboard somewhere."

"You know baby's and blizzards don't' mix. Trust me it hasn't been fun for us either." Kim eased Polly out of her sling and handed her over to Platt for her cuddle before heading upstairs. The bullpen was virtually empty, Antonio and Atwater were on the phones and Voight was in his office. Everyone else was out but it wasn't long before Voight had taken Polly from Kim and returned to his office.

Burgess and Atwater were in the break room when everyone else arrived back. Adam led the suspect into the interview room and was surprised when he stuck his head into Voight's office and found him with his baby girl. "Well hello." He leant back out the door looking for Burgess who had now been joined by Al and Lindsay.

"Ruzek, you're lucky she has her mother's looks." Voight stood up and passed the baby back to her father, patting him on the shoulder on the way past. "Suspect in the interview room?"

"Yeah, with Halstead. He's waiting for you."

"Hey pretty girl." He kissed her cheek taking a moment to revel in her sweet smell. He didn't get long, as he stepped into the break room Lindsay already had her arms out demanding a cuddle. He looked at Kim and shrugged before handing her over and giving Kim a quick kiss. "This is a nice surprise."

"First day we've be able to get out of the house so we are making the most of it."

He poured himself a coffee and joined Burgess at the table. "It's pretty cold out?"

"I had to get out. We needed the Vitamin D. Polly was well wrapped up I promise." He rubbed her leg under the table. They still tried to keep things somewhat professional in the office. Voight had made it clear to Adam when they offered to let Kim come up to desk duty that it did not give him licence to carry on like a teenager on heat and they gave him no reason to regret his decision. Now Kim was on leave and he was a little more relaxed about it but they saw no reason to change their behaviour.

Lindsay eventually bought Polly back in when she had decided to create all sorts of havoc in her diaper. Surprisingly everyone disappeared rather quickly at the scene. For big tough cops who saw the worst of the worst they were pretty pathetic at the sight and smell of Polly's latest effort.

As the team went back to work Kim decided to feed Polly before heading back home; when this girl decided she was hungry she could go from mildly fussing to all out screaming in the blink of an eye. Voight allowed her the privacy of his office to feed and she could hear them out in the main office discussing the latest case. She missed being part of it, however much Adam tried to keep her up to date with their latest cases at home. Before she had finished feeding Adam stuck his head into Voight's office and told her they were rolling out. "See you tonight. Take it easy on the roads."

"Damn Ruzek you are a lucky man. " Halstead commented as they headed downstairs to follow up on another lead. "What's the big plans for Valentine's Day this year?"

"Valentine's Day." He snorted as they pulled out of the parking lot. "We have a newborn at home. I am lucky to get an hour alone with Kim before she is asleep. Be nice to have a baby that sleeps more than three hours at a time too."

"So romantic." They slowly picked there way through the peak hour Chicago traffic. "Hey, how about Lindsay & I babysit and you two go out for dinner?"

Adam laughed out loud. "You and Lindsay? Do you even know what to do with a baby? She's a law unto herself."

Halstead shrugged "Pfft…how hard can it be? You can do it."

"You'd be surprised. You remember physics at school right?" Halstead nodded as he laughed. "That was a piece of cake compared to getting a handle on Polly but I will pass it by the Boss."

It took a little convincing and a phone call from Erin to get Kim to agree to the plan. Kim was sceptical about how exactly those two were going to manage. She barely had a grip on the whole baby thing herself and she spent everyday with her but the lure of spending some time alone with Adam won out.

Jay was impressed as he watched Adam interact with Polly and get her ready for bed. There was no way he wanted any part of holding a slippery wet newborn baby, that looked frightening. "Wow, when did Kim convince you to do that?" Jay exclaimed as Ruzek lifted her from the water.

"Day one." He wrapped the soft white towel around her and gently dried her dark hair. "It's actually pretty awesome. I love it and kinda miss it when I don't get home in time to bath her. It's our thing." He had certainly developed his baby wrangling skills over the past few weeks and managed to get her pyjama's on with relative ease. Even picking her up and tucking her under his chin while he used his other hand to throw the towel in the hamper impressed Halstead. "I bow to the master." He joked as they headed out to find the girls.

Kim fed her and they made sure she was settled into bed before they left. She had left expressed breast milk in the fridge and instructions a mile long for every conceivable eventuality. Kim checked that her phone was fully charged, as was Adam's. "I haven't even left her to pick up groceries."

Erin reassured her with a quick hug. "Call as much as you want."

"That would be a little crazy and I promised myself I wouldn't be one of those crazy moms."

They had barely arrived at the restaurant when Erin sent them a photo of the still sleeping baby. Adam squeezed her hand before leaping out of the car and opening the door for Kim. As he helped her out of the car he pulled her close and kissed her softly. "I am so looking forward to this. Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

Despite their initial reluctance to leave Polly they had a wonderful time, it seemed like so long ago that they had been out as a couple. Kim started to relax and she did love how Adam didn't mind that she constantly checked her phone. After dinner he wasn't quite ready for the night to end so he suggested a walk along the river. Kim called Erin to check in and they had fed Polly and she eventually settled back to sleep on Jay's chest. "She must just really like her man cuddles at night." Kim smiled happily. They stopped for a hot chocolate and giggled like teenagers as they watched the crowd trying to figure out who had what going on. "Those two." Adam nodded at a young couple standing nervously at the counter. "First date?" Kim glanced over at them.

"Definitely." She giggled. People watching was fun and it was nice to talk about something other than Polly and work.

"I think we should get going." Kim finished off the last of her drink; Adam wiped a smudge of leftover milk from the corner of her mouth and then kissed her softly. She whispered against his lips. "I think my boobs are leaking."

Adam laughed as he pulled her in for one last hug. "I bet they still looking fucking amazing though."

When they got home Polly was still fast asleep on Jay's chest. He looked comfortable as he reclined on the couch while they watched a hockey game. "Cute." Adam teased, snapping a photo of his co-worker. "This one's going on the fridge at work." Kim disappeared instantly to change and express off a little milk.

"Is Burgess alright?" Erin asked.

"Yep, all good." Adam dropped into the easy chair.

"Seriously? Only you could stuff up your first night out after the baby."

"Erin, she's fine." Adam insisted. "It's just a little leakage issue. Unfortunately breasts are not like taps, you can't just turn them off. This is the first time Kim has missed an actual feed and I take offensive to the fact you think I am that useless. I do know how to behave myself. I was a proper gentleman." He offered them both a whiskey. "Do you want me to take her off your hands Jay or are you enjoying your little lady loving time?"

"Man Ruzek, I don't know how you leave the house each day." He had his hand resting on her back, holding her steady. It still amazed him how small she was.

"Now you know why I am keen to get home rather than sit at Molly's with you poor saps." He raised his glass in Jay's direction.

When Kim came back she sat on Adam's lap, still enjoying being close to him and it was nice having other adults around. "You know you look pretty comfortable there Jay."

Erin pouted. "I barely got to hold her."

"She really likes the boys." Kim agreed, rubbing her hand through Adam's hair. "I think Daddy is going to have some real issues in years to come."

"You know I carry a gun."

"And you're friends have guns." Jay added helpfully.

"You guys should come over for dinner sometime." Kim blurted out suddenly. It was not like they had ever really been the dinner party type people. Usually they all just met at Molly's or some other bar, but that really wasn't an option at the moment. Kim had reminded Adam that in no way was she going to allow him to take Polly to the pub.

"Wow, that's very domesticated of you Burgess." Jay exclaimed.

"Well actually we are all about domestic bliss these days, that and it is frowned upon taking a baby to a pub during a polar vortex." If Adam was surprised by Kim's offer he didn't show it. "It'll either be take out or our parent's pre-cooked meals. I don't actually think we have done more than boil some pasta and heat something up since we've had the baby."

When finally Polly stirred they left the boys watching the end of the game and disappeared into the bedroom. "How is it really going?" Erin asked as she watched Kim attach Polly to her breast.

Kim took a moment to answer, thinking about what to say as she waited for Polly to settle and really start sucking properly. "It's wonderful, amazing and utterly exhausting, it just doesn't stop, day in and day out. There are so many things people don't tell you about how bone crushingly tired you are, how your boobs leak and as for the other end…well that was just hideous and the less said about that the better." Kim paused as Polly detached herself and Kim helped her back on. "But Polly is amazing and we just adore her. Adam is wonderful with her and we are slowly getting into the swing of it."

"He talks about Polly and you all the time. He is really happy."

"This wasn't our plan, not for a long while yet but it is what it is." She shrugged. "And now we have Polly and couldn't imagine life without her."

"You going to get married now?"

"We haven't talked about it lately." Kim sat Polly up in her lap and rubbed her back gently until she burped before giving her the other side. "We parked it when we found out I was pregnant. We weren't really keen to try and plan that while freaking out over having a baby and then by the time we were less freaked out it was too close to actually having her. Since then..." She shrugged "we just haven't even thought about it."

Erin was gently stroking Polly's head as she finished her feed. Kim handed her the baby once done. "What about you and Jay? You seem happy."

Erin didn't even look up at Kim instead she kept her gaze firmly on Polly and making faces as Polly stared back at her. "We are going okay, you know it's a long way back to where we were and we are just taking it very slowly."

"Well you both seem really happy. I like it."

They headed back to join the boys. "Look who I've got." Erin sang as she re-entered the living room with Polly firmly snuggled in her arms. Adam looked up at Erin and then Kim and smiled. "All good now babe?" she nodded and smiled before sitting back down in his lap and Adam started rubbing her leg and kissed her on the cheek.

"Close your eyes Polly. Your parents are about to get mushy." Erin playfully held her hand over Polly's face.

Adam was already in bed when Kim finally settled Polly into bed, knowing that she would probably be awake in an hour. He threw the covers back and let her crawl in and get herself comfortable in his arms. "Thank you for dinner." She kissed him softly. "The whole night was wonderful. I really enjoyed myself."

"Anytime. It was nice to just spend some time alone with you. We need to make sure we don't forget to do that occasionally." He returned her kisses and started brushing her hair away from her forehead before planting a lingering kiss on it. "I love to make you smile."

"I wasn't too crazy was I?" Adam rolled over and pushed himself up on one elbow.

"No, not at all. It was just the right amount of crazy, from both of us." Kim reached up and started rubbing her thumb back and forth across the rough stubble of his cheek. "I love you." He bent down to kiss her slowly and enjoyed Kim's slow response but increasingly passionate response.

Before things could get further along they were interrupted by Polly's cries for attention. Being a Friday night and having the day off tomorrow Adam was happy to get up and change her before bringing her in to bed so she could feed. He propped himself up slightly in bed next to them and continued to chat.

"Erin asked about the wedding."

"Did she?" It was something he hadn't exactly forgotten about but decided that it wasn't quite the time to bring it up yet. "What did you say?"

"That we haven't really talked about it lately."

"Should we?"

"Perhaps we should." She ran one hand through his hair as he lay down beside her. "I'd really like to marry you."

"I'd really like to marry you too." He sat up a little and started stroking Polly's leg. "What do you think sweet pea? You'd like to come to our wedding? You'd be the prettiest little flower girl ever."


	13. Chapter 13 - I barely feel human

"Are you sure Voight is okay with you taking the morning off?" Kim was busy packing Polly's bag with spare clothes and diapers. It still made him shake his head the amount of stuff they now lugged around with them, just for Polly. Getting out of the house took more planning than a raid. The one time Kim left it up to Adam to organise Polly they had to stop at the store to buy a whole new outfit when she leaked out the side of her diaper and he hadn't bothered to pack anything else. The ridiculous price of the outfit she bought had taught him a couple of valuable lessons...Kim was way better at this stuff than he was and this girl was going to send him broke.

"He was fine." Adam was singing and playing with Polly's hands as she tried to talk back at him. Her mouth moved as she watched Adam's face intently but nothing came out this time. In the last day or so she had occasionally squeezed out a sound and because Kim squealed with delight she frightened Polly who them cried. It was time for their six-week check up and Kim had spent all night trawling through websites making sure that Polly was going to tick all the boxes. "Being a high achiever in High School is not helping your paranoia." Adam pulled the laptop from her grasp. They were in bed and the incessant light and tapping was annoying. Kim tried to get it back but he turned it off and put it on the floor on his side of the bed.

"You don't care if your daughter is meeting all her milestones?"

"Of course I care, but reading about what every other baby is doing is not going to change what Polly is doing right now. It's not like cramming for a test."

"You were a crammer weren't you?"

"Absolutely." He pulled her down and wrapped one arm around her wait. "Now either kiss me or go to sleep." Kim chuckled as she heard him groan when she rolled over and pulled the covers up over her shoulder.

Polly was starting to develop a real personality and her smiles were the most perfect thing they had ever seen. He remembered when Kim had sent him a photo of her smiling for the first time, she was so excited and he was so happy for her. Being a new mother, stuck at home wasn't easy for Kim who was always on the go and the centre of everything. She loved going out and catching up with friends and this was like her life had ground to a stop so the fact that she got to see Polly do all these things for the first time made Adam happy. Nights were finally a little more settled and she had started sleeping longer mostly which was great for Kim who could wake up, feed and as soon as her head hit the pillow again she was back asleep. However at times that was offset by the fact that some days she just cried and wanted to be held all day. Those were the days Kim missed Adam the most and he had come home more than once to find them both crying and he didn't know who to comfort first.

The Doctor was pretty thorough but lacked even a skerrick of bedside manner. Polly made it patently obvious that she did not appreciate being stripped naked and poked and prodded by the stranger and his cold hands. Adam bit his tongue as Polly screamed in protest as the Doctor dug his fingers into her hip joints to check her hips. He had been surprised at the immense feelings of protectiveness he felt regarding Polly; he had expected to feel protective but not the intensity of those feelings.

He was even less impressed as he examined Kim and the questions he asked her with all the subtly of a sledgehammer. "And I assume you are getting plenty of rest and help at home." Kim nodded. "And sex?" he asked bluntly.

"Not yet." She sucked in a sharp breath as he did an internal exam, pushing down on her abdomen and making her wince. He never got used to Kim having internal examinations throughout the pregnancy, he hated the thought of it and felt quite territorial which Kim had told him many times to stop being so ridiculous. He wouldn't call it possessiveness, because he didn't own her but that didn't mean he had to like it when people touched her and since she had become pregnant it seemed like a lot of people had reason to be touching, poking and prodding her. It was something that he never really thought about before, with his other girlfriends or even with Kim. He knew they needed to have Pap Smears and the like and what that meant, but during pregnancy and childbirth he felt that he was constantly holding her hand while someone else was touching her. It annoyed Kim how childish he could be sometimes.

Adam tried to focus on Polly, who he making faces at, trying to get her to smile while he bit down on the anger that was bubbling up inside him.

"You know you can if YOU want to." The way he emphasised the YOU made Adam seethe and he lifted Polly up beneath her arms and waved her above his face before lowering her down for a kiss to stop himself from blowing his top. The Doctor then moved on to examine her breasts with just as much sensitivity. "Any problems feeding?"

"No."

"Well that would probably take care of the birth control if you needed it. Or I can give you a script. You can give her some formula if you want to have a break. That might get you in the mood. There is no physical reason to abstain. That might also help with her weight gain, she's probably on the low side of normal." Kim knew that Adam would be bristling with anger before she even got off the table. She rubbed his leg and looked at him pleading with him not to say anything.

Kim hadn't worried about Polly's weight gain until today. She was growing out of her clothes and both Will Halstead, who had seen her a few times and the home visiting nurse had been more than happy with how she was going. The Doctor now made her doubt herself. The thought that Polly wasn't getting enough of her milk or growing well enough was devastating and Adam knew that she would now stress about it. That made him hate this guy even more. How could he undermine a new mother like this? Physically Kim was pretty much back to normal and Adam left the office basically really pissed off. "That guy is a complete fucking tool." He hissed as soon as they left. "Even Polly knew he was a tool."

"He wasn't particularly pleasant I agree." She could still feel the waves of anger peeling off Adam as they walked back to the car. "I thought Polly was doing well. Do you think she's too small?"

"No. Polly is perfect. Look at her. Everyone else thinks she is doing well. I trust them more than him."

He slotted Polly into the back seat. "He's a fucking tool. Did he hurt you?"

"No, it's fine Adam really. We don't have to see him again." She didn't like it when Adam got angry, not that she often saw it and it was never directed at her. Sure they pissed each other off at times and argued but it was different to this. "Please let it go."

They stopped for a coffee before Kim dropped him back at work. "You coming in?"

Kim didn't feel like seeing anyone right now. She would never admit it to Adam but the Doctor's visit had upset her; he had done little to make her feel like she was a success either as a mother or partner. While she knew that Adam was still distracted by the visit and he went on and on about it while they had coffee she would have liked for him to acknowledge that he at least thought she had been doing a good job. Adam looked sideways at her. "You sure you're okay?" she reassured him again that she was fine. She quickly kissed him goodbye as she climbed into the driver's seat and took off as she didn't want him to see her cry…again.

"How'd it go?" Erin asked, well aware that they had their six-week check up that morning.

"Doctor was a prick, but both Kim and Polly are all good." Adam was still a little pissed and everyone gave him a wide berth for a few hours until he calmed down.

Kim went home and cried, she was annoyed that she had let the Doctor get to her so much. Focus on the positives she kept telling herself, Polly is healthy _._ She rang the home visiting nurse and asked her about Polly's weight and the nurse assured her that she had nothing to worry about; Polly was fine. She explained that breast fed infants often looked like they were a little slower at the start putting on weight because of the charts that some people still used which were based on formula fed infants. As long as she was growing, having wet nappies and looked happy and alert Kim had nothing to worry about. "You are doing a good job." She reminded her. Why couldn't Adam tell her that? He just got all macho and territorial. Which wasn't helpful.

Adam got home early for a change. They had no real cases on the board and he had bitched and moaned all day about the Doctor's visit. Al literally pushed him out the door when he had had enough. His mood improved the instant he kissed his girls. He was certainly a lot calmer now but Kim did have a go at him about his petulance. "Just grow up. It doesn't help. I know you don't like it and I can't say I love it either but you getting all macho and beating your chest is kind of pathetic."

"Sorry. Forgive me for not liking every man and his dog fossicking around your lady garden."

"Adam." She threw her hands up in the air. "It's not even worth talking to you about it. You are such a child sometimes."

"I didn't know caring about you was such a sin."

"There is caring and there is being ridiculous. So unless you suddenly get a degree in medicine there will always be some other person who has access to my lady garden, as you so eloquently put it." Kim was trying to look annoyed. "I can tell you if I had to watch someone sticking something up your dick I wouldn't carry on like you."

"That's because sticking things up my dick is not how things normally go." All she wanted to do was reach over and slap the smirk off his face instead she suddenly burst out laughing. Sometimes their arguments were so petty.

"Are you worried about not having sex again yet?" Kim blurted out over dinner. He had bathed Polly and sang to her once she had been fed and she was now sleeping peacefully, at least for the next couple of hours.

"No." he answered honestly. "Are you?" He wasn't worried about it but he didn't like it. Taking care of himself certainly scratched his itch but he missed the physical and emotional connection that sex gave him.

"Yes." Adam was surprised by her answer and he hoped that he hadn't made her feel that way.

He cocked an eyebrow and looked at her thoughtfully "Is this because of the Doctor today? That guy was a fuckwit."

"Yes." It had been bugging her all day. They way he had made it seem like she was unwilling to re-instate their sex life it got her to wondering if Adam felt the same.

"Please don't worry." Pushing back his chair he put down his knife and fork and came and squatted down next to Kim, resting his hands on her thighs. "I love you, you know that. I saw what you went through and I see how hard it is being a new mum and I think you are doing an amazing job. We have this beautiful baby girl and I think she is the luckiest girl in the world because she has you as her mother. If I am completely honest I do really miss making love to you. Our sex life is awesome but you know I feel closer to you now than I ever did and it will happen again I promise you that," There were nights when they managed to get into bed at the same time and spent more and more time kissing and talking and touching. He did miss the sex, his body almost ached for it but what he wanted didn't really matter, what mattered was that Kim needed time and he could wait. "When you are ready."

"I really miss it."

"That's because we are awesome at it."

"We are, aren't we?" Adam couldn't help but agree as he kissed her hands before reaching up and capturing her lips in a soft kiss.

He sat back down at the table when he was sure that Kim was okay. "Are you concerned about getting pregnant again?"

"A little. I mean a vomited up a couple of pills and bang. Hello Polly. I know breastfeeding is supposed to be protective but it's not a given."

"So let's go back to condoms for awhile until you start the pill again." He shrugged like it was no big deal, and it wasn't. At the end of the day he would do whatever he had to, because he missed her like crazy. It was true that having Polly had changed something in them, they were closer and they had a deeper connection now but he felt like a part of him was dying. It was hard to explain. It was starting to hurt not having sex, physically hurt.

Kim smiled at him. "I think I love you just a little bit more." As soon as she finished her dinner and stood up to clear her plate from the table she stopped beside him and leant down and kissed him hard.

"I rang the nurse today." Kim had so many insecurities about motherhood. She knew she got things in her head and let them run away from her but she couldn't stop them some days.

Adam was rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher. "About what?"

"Polly & her weight gain."

"And what did she say." He was not surprised that she had followed up on that comment from the Doctor. Adam knew that as soon as the Doctor threw that at her she would stew over it all day.

"That I shouldn't worry."

"But you still do?"

"Of course, don't you?"

"I would worry if I thought it was an issue. I trust the nurse, and Will more than I trust some idiot who has laid eyes on her once." Adam wiped his hands on the towel and made his way over to where Kim was leaning on the kitchen bench. He grasped the back on her neck, running his thumb behind her ear gently. "He said the low side of normal. That means it is normal." Kim chewed her bottom lip, a habit he found totally endearing as she mulled over his words. "Polly is perfect. You get a gold star from me and Polly." He kissed her forehead lightly and gave her one last look before returning to his chores.

It had been awhile since Adam had to go condom shopping and it was not something that he needed to share with the team so he stopped on his way into work and hid them in the glove box of his truck. He had to remind himself that he was no longer a teenage boy as he felt a surge of excitement. This does not mean tonight is the night he kept telling himself. And he was wise to do so because he was pretty sure that getting home close to midnight was not conducive to a little love-making.

He organised for Erin to pick Kim up on Saturday afternoon for some girl pampering. They were off to get a manicure, pedicure and massage while he stayed at home chilling with Polly.

As Erin pulled the car away from the curb she commented on how sweet it was for Ruzek to organise their girl date. "That's because he's as horny as a 16 year old boy." Kim laughed. It hadn't taken much to see through his plans.

Erin rolled her eyes. "Oh man Ruzek."

Kim chuckled. "It's kinda sweet. I don't mind, it's not like sex is a chore and I am sure once I am back on the horse, so to speak all will be fine."

"You haven't had sex yet." Kim laughed at the look of horror on Erin's face. "That must be killing Ruzek."

"I am sure it is, but he's been so wonderful about it. Trust me, those first few weeks when even going to the bathroom was a terrifying experience you can't even imagine letting anything near you again."

"You know you are not exactly the poster child for the joys of motherhood."

"I feel like I am speaking out against the sisterhood. It's this secret society of rainbows, cute instagram snaps and fairies, but it's not. It's brutal, exhausting, terrifying and I barely feel human some days. Some days I look at Adam and wonder how he puts up with me, I look like hell, I feel like my body is not my own and I fall asleep the moment my head hits the pillow."

"Because Adam loves you."

"That he does."

The pampering session was perfect. A few hours away from Polly were rare and she wanted to make the most of it. She knew that Adam enjoyed spending time alone with Polly too, his 'Saturdate' as he called it. With all the shit they dealt with at work on a daily basis, tuning out and just being with his baby girl was a great stress reliever. If he got home and Kim could sense how agitated or distracted by a case he was she would hand him his baby girl and everything would melt away. Polly calmed him. Being a father was better than he imagined.

Erin declined the offer to come up. "Come on, if I know Ruzek he'll have some soppy romantic shit going on to lure you into bed. I would be cramping his style. Give my baby girl a kiss though."

"Luring me into bed is not so easy with Polly in the house and my boobs are about to explode." She grabbed them both and felt the fullness spilling out. "So whatever little plan he has will have to wait. Spontaneous romance and a little baby are a mutually exclusive term."

And wait he did. Adam was trying to soothe a hungry and crying Polly when she got in. Kim had sent him a message that they were on their way home so he had held off giving her some expressed milk much to Polly's annoyance and he hated hearing her cry. "How was it?" he asked when Kim sat down and started unlatching her bra. It was instant relief for both of them, Polly grunted as she latched on and Kim felt the pressure dissipate as she started drawing milk.

"It was very relaxing. Thank you." She leant over and kissed his cheek. "It was exactly what I needed."

Despite Erin's claim that Adam would have something soppy planned it seemed that his idea was to just spend the afternoon together. It wasn't time to worry about the laundry, the dishes or to clean the bathrooms. The three of them lay on the floor singing and playing and then rugged up, put Polly in her sling and they went out for a walk for an hour, strolling hand in hand comfortably while Adam happily carried Polly, claiming that it would keep him warm.

They stopped at one of their favourite little pizza places for an early dinner before heading home and Adam gave Polly her bath and insisted that Kim just put her feet up and do nothing before she then gave her a feed and put her to bed. Slipping into their bedroom she changed into a less maternity looking bra and matching panties and threw on her robe.

Kim leant into him as she sat down next on the couch. "Thank you for today. All of it, it was a beautiful way to spend an afternoon. I loved it."

"So did I and it was my pleasure." He brushed the hair from her face and kissed her softly.

Pulling away from Adam she asked, almost shyly. "Can I ask your opinion?"

Adam nodded as Kim stood up and undid the belt on her robe. "I think I am starting to look a bit like my old self. What do you think?" Kim looked at him, blushing a little as she let the robe slip down to her feet. She was surprised at how nervous she was, Adam had seen her naked many times since she'd had the baby so this was no surprise to him. He would never turn away from her, she knew that but in her sleep deprived mind she worried that he wouldn't like what he saw right now. The smile on Adam's face said it all. "I think you look fuckin' amazing." He did not care in the slightest that she still had a little belly as he grabbed the back of her thighs and pulled her closer and started to kiss his way from the tops of her thighs up over her stomach and waist as he stood up. Kim looped her hands around his neck jumping up and wrapping her legs around his waist and he carried her down the hallway to their bedroom.

Dropping her on the bed he sat down beside her and started to run his hands up and down her body slipping a finger beneath the waistband of her panties and watched as Kim sighed and closed her eyes. "Tell me what you want?" he growled, his voice was thick with passion and lust.

Kim's eyes flew open. "I want you. I want you to love me like you used too."

"No can do." His hand was stroking the ample cleavage that was spilling out from her bra. "Because I have never loved you as much as I do now." Adam kissed her with every thing that he had and then made love to her.

"You feel that?" He whispered into her hair as she rested it against his chest. "You get my heart all a flutter." Kim didn't answer but he knew she was smiling as he felt it against the bare skin of his chest. He felt calm again, he felt peaceful and content.

"You are sweet." Kim ran her hand lightly across his stomach. "I love how you make me feel special."

"I can show you how special you are again in just a minute."


	14. Chapter 14 - The Way

Kim chewed her bottom lip nervously while she tapped the pen on the bench. She looked at the long list in front of her. Every time she crossed something off the list she seemed to add three more things to the bottom of it. "Tell me again why we thought this was a good idea?"

Adam looked up from his position on the floor where he was lying and playing with Polly. She was smiling and gurgling back at him as he made faces and sang songs encouraging her to join in. Now that she had discovered her voice she certainly loved hearing it. Coming home after a hectic day at work he loved winding down by spending some time getting down on the floor with his little girl. Right now they were both lying on their tummies, face to face and it was hard to tell who was enjoying it more. "I thought everything was organised?"

"It is…I just have a feeling that I have forgotten something." When they decided to have a housewarming party just a few weeks after actually moving in to their new home it seemed like a great idea but the closer it got the more she worried that they wouldn't pull it off. Organising social events was not her forte and she was good compared to Adam. Catching up at the pub, he was good at organising that, some would say he was better at that than being a cop….but everything else forget it.

"What are you worried about?" he asked waving a toy at Polly to encourage her to roll over, which she did happily and reached out for the toy. It went straight to her mouth as she waved her legs in the air.

"Everything." She waved the list in his direction, finally exasperated with his distinct lack of interest.

"It's just a party."

Kim rolled her eyes. "Of course it is" She bit back sarcastically.

Adam gave Polly her rattle to play with before he jumped up and joined Kim in the kitchen. He slipped his arms around Kim's waist and kissed her shoulder. "It's going to be great."

They had been looking for a house since just after Polly arrived and they had finally found one that they both liked. Their two-bedroom apartment was too small for the three of them. They wanted room to grow and one that they hoped would fit in with their plans to expand their family down the track. The house had a garden for Polly to play in and two extra bedrooms. A small back deck overlooked the yard and came straight off the kitchen. It was a great entertaining house; it's just that they never entertained. "Everyone we want is coming."

He was right of course. "I can't wait." He whispered as he tightened his grip and kissed her cheek.

About lunchtime on the day of the party he sent a group text to their families and closet friends. _'Polly's got her wedding outfit all picked out. Hope you have too? See you at six.'_ It was a photo of Polly's dress on a hanger.

Their phones exploded into a cacophony of text messages and phone Adam sent one more text, _'Yes, tonight I get to marry the most beautiful person I know. Don't be late for this very important date.'_

They then turned them off for a couple of hours so that they could get everything set up. Their relationship had always been low-key and that's what they wanted for their wedding. The backyard was strung with some fairy lights, a fire pit sat in the back corner surrounded by chairs and the bar was in the shed. Food would be served through the night and even that was pretty low key, pulled pork, wood fired pizzas, tacos, and mini burgers, all their favourites.

Kim did call her mother. "What do you mean?" she yelled excitedly. "Are you and Adam getting married tonight?"

"We are." It felt good to finally tell someone and she couldn't stop smiling. Kim thought she'd be more nervous than she was at this point. Whatever happened for the rest of the day she didn't care. She just wanted to marry Adam. They had managed to keep it a secret from everyone, which for Adam in particular had been a challenge. "And we are hoping that you might take Polly home with you afterwards for the night?"

The actual wedding was going to be small with just their family, which obviously included the Intelligence Unit and Roman and Platt and a couple of Adam's closet friends then their extended group of friends were invited to the housewarming party from 8pm.

When they decided to finally get married the more they thought about what they wanted the more it became apparent that the big formal wedding was just something they weren't invested in. Polly had changed a lot of things and along with buying a house it just seemed stupid to waste money on the wedding. They didn't want to make a big deal out of it. Polly was a big deal and they based all their decisions now on what was best for her.

When they looked at a list of names that they knew their parents would want to invite they realised that some people on that list they didn't even know. That list would include Aunts, Uncles and Cousins that had no part in their lives. They wanted to share it with the people that were close to them. As a couple they had only been to church for "Hatchings, matchings and dispatching's" as Adam called them so he had a complete lack of interest in getting married in one. So they settled, or rather agreed that a small backyard wedding was perfect for them.

Adam greeted their guests wearing black suit with a white shirt, open at the neck. He'd bought a tie but as he was getting dressed Kim suddenly told him to forget it. She much preferred him without it and he breathed a sigh of relief. Ties reminded him of funerals. He couldn't stop smiling and loved seeing the shock and surprise on everyone's faces. Nobody was late, nobody wanted to miss this and his mother burst into tears the moment she saw him.

Kim had chosen a white dress with a satin skirt that grazed the ground. A split ran from ankle to mid thigh and the bodice was a loose draped sequinned top with thin straps that caught the light as she moved. Her dark hair was piled loosely at the nape of her neck and she kept her jewellery simple with just the diamond earrings that Adam had given her last night and her engagement ring.

When he got home from work he had disappeared upstairs with Polly and returned a little while later helping her hold onto a small gift. Polly was desperately trying to get it in her mouth and she wasn't all that keen to hand it over. Adam had bought her a beautiful pair of diamond earrings. When she thanked him he explained that they were from Polly and she had to wipe away a tear as she read the card.

 _'To my beautiful mom, thank you for marrying my handsome Dad. He really really loves you.'_

"Oh my god, you are getting married." Erin squealed and threw her arms around Kim. As soon as she arrived she left the boys searching for their first beer and found Kim getting ready upstairs. "You sneaky people. I can't believe you kept this a secret for all of us."

Polly looked adorable. Her pale pink tulle skirt and lace bodice perfectly balanced against her dark hair and caramel skin. She was definitely a Ruzek though with the way she loved a party literally babbling with delight as she was passed from person to person.

Adam swallowed the lump that suddenly appeared in this throat when he first saw Kim coming towards him. She was leaning slightly into her father as he proudly walked towards him. She looked so beautiful and so happy. He resisted the urge to run his hands over his face, he wanted everyone to see the tears; he wanted everyone to see how happy he was to be marrying her, the mother of his child, the love of his life.

When she came to stand beside him he could see the tears in her eyes too. He shook her father's hand and then took hold of Kim's and took a small step towards her and whispered, "You look beautiful."

Then in front of their family and closet friends they exchanged vows and finally got married.

 _'Adam, you may now kiss your wife.'_ The Celebrant concluded.

"Finally." Adam threw his head back and cheered.

The small crowd joined him and a few even wiped away a tear as he placed one hand on each cheek, smiled happily and kissed his wife for the first time _. 'I love you.'_ He whispered _. 'Thank you for marrying me.'_

Adam had Polly perched on his hip and held Kim's hand with the other as he relented to the growing requests for a speech _._

"Just over three years ago I was in the Academy and pretty happy with myself I must say. Then one day everything changed" He nodded at Al, who had taken a chance on him and he was forever grateful. "Since then I have found out that if you surround yourself with good people, the best people you can be a better version of yourself."

"I also met this insanely awesome woman who allowed me to be the man I always wanted to be, the man I am today. She taught me that true love is loving someone flaws and all and we are freakin' awesome together." He smiled at Kim, who was beaming at his little inside joke, a throwback to his proposal and squeezed her hand. "And it seems we also managed to make beautiful babies together." He turned to Polly and jiggled the little girl on his hip and kissed her cheek, which made her squeal and grab onto his face.

"I know you all are standing there thinking these two have so got it all together, but in reality we are like ducks. On the surface we appear to be gliding along in complete control however beneath water are legs are pumping a million miles an hour. You all make us look good."

"We wanted you all here with us tonight to thank you for your un-ending and unfailing support and love. To our parents who made us who we are and have loved us and supported us throughout our lives and our friends who help make us who were are today. It's been an amazing journey so far and we are grateful to have you all in our lives and we are excited to see what's next."

"So please eat, drink and be merry on this our first night together as a married couple. And I agree with you all…It's about bloody time."

He pulled Kim in for a long slow kiss until the happy jeers of the crowd forced them to part. Adam passed Polly over to Kim and they eventually drifted apart to mingle with their guests.

After talking to his parents briefly Ruzek wandered over to where most of Intelligence were gathering, beers in hand. More than happy to accept the ribbing he was about to receive. "Ruzek, you still owe us a bachelor party." Halstead berated him. "You sneaky bastard."

"You'll need to take that up with the wife." The words rolled of his tongue and he couldn't stop the smile spreading across his face. He had waited a long time to call her that. He turned to look for Kim and noticed her heading inside with Polly.

She headed upstairs and had just settled into the rocking chair when Adam appeared. "Hey."

"Nice speech." She smiled up at him and rested her free hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb along his cheekbone softly.

"I do believe you are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen." Leaning on the arms of the chair he kissed her softly.

They did not notice that Lindsay had snuck up behind them and took some photos. One as he kissed her, another as they broke apart and looked at each other and one as Kim stared up at Adam as he gazed down at his daughter feeding contently. She swallowed hard at the lump in her throat. Those images captured, for her at least in that moment what real love looked like. Erin left them alone.

Adam stroked Polly's leg as she fed. "You should go back outside." Kim could have stayed here with her two favourite people all night. "People will start wondering where we are."

"You trying to get rid of me already. We've only been married an hour."

She patted him lightly on the cheek. "Ha, I could think of plenty of other things to do with you right now, but we have a house full of guests, with more arriving soon and I currently have a 5 month old baby attached to my breast."

"I am so jealous of her right now." Adam ran a finger across Polly's cheek and her eyes fluttered open briefly. He loved watching them together and he also loved it when all three of them sat together while Polly was feeding. Some mornings, usually on a Sunday he would bring Polly into bed with them and prop himself up with some pillows so that Kim could lean against him as she fed and he would wrap his arms around her and stroke Polly's head. "It's actually pretty freakin' hot watching you two right now." He kissed her hard, sucking her bottom lip as he pulled away.

"Go." She pushed him away playfully. "But later I promise you're going to get so lucky."

"Promise?" He cocked his head to the side and smiled as she nodded in agreement.

As the party grew they barely had a few moments together except for their dance. She had left that up to Adam and he had chosen _'The Way.'_ by Bruce Springsteen. He had sung it to her one night when it had popped up on his playlist. Not being a huge Springsteen fan Kim had never heard it but the words were beautiful and the way Adam had sang it so sweetly it had come to mean a lot to them both.

Kim found it easy to focus on her husband and ignore the crowd watching them. She never felt comfortable being the absolute centre of attention like she was right now. They moved slowly to the music as Adam pulled her closer; their bodies fitting together like two halves of one circle, perfectly symmetrical, complete and stronger together than apart. He sang softly in her ear, low enough that no one else could hear. This was just for his wife.

 _The way your heart beats when I hold you tight_

 _The way you sigh when we kiss goodnight_

 _The way the wind blows through the trees_

 _Well hey, that's the way you belong to me_

 _The way you warm me baby when I'm cold  
The way you make me want you body and soul  
The way the rivers run to the sea  
Well hey, that's the way you belong to me_

 _The way you soothe me when I'm in pain  
The way you make the blood rush in my veins  
The way the winds rush through the trees  
Well hey, that's the way you belong to me_

Kim shed a few tears when her parents loaded Polly into their car to take her home. It would be Kim's first night away from her and Adam slipped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in close. "It's just one night." He whispered. "And it means I get you all to myself."

"It feels weird though." Wrapping both her arms around his waist she rested her head on his chest. "I really like her."

"So do I and I really like you and trust me, I'll make sure that you are so occupied you won't have time to miss her." He grabbed her hand and led her back to the party hoping that it wouldn't go on too late despite the great time they were having.

Kim joined Platt, Lindsay, Gabby, Sylvie and a few of the girls from Chicago Med who were busy planning a night out. "For your Bachelorette party." Platt declared. "Don't think you get away without having one. If they can plan a Bachelor party." She nodded at the rest of Intelligence and Adam. "We can too." Kim agreed. She would love a night out with the girls, they had been seriously lacking lately.

It was close to 1am when Adam and Kim farewelled their last guests. Although they doubted that Halstead, Atwater and Roman were actually heading home. The last they heard they were talking about some new nightclub downtown. If Ruzek was 'wimping out' on one last single man fling they were determined to make up for it. Adam actually called them the cab; he was keen to get them moving as he had other things he'd rather being doing.

"Before I take you to bed." Having discarded his jacket he still looked breathtakingly handsome as he held out one hand. "Dance with me?"

"Can I just go and get rid of this?" she grabbed hold of both her breasts. They were starting to feel quite full and she had had a few glasses of champagne so needed to dump it. "And then I am all yours."

Adam waited downstairs for her; he was flicking through some photos on his phone. He lingered on the few photos he had managed to take today. They were quick snaps of Kim when she was talking to their guests, she looked so happy but his favourite photo was a picture of his wife dancing with his daughter. Polly's head was resting on her shoulder and Kim had her eyes closed and she looked content. He never actually thought you could feel so deeply for someone that your needs didn't matter anymore. He felt like that about Kim for a long time and now those feelings extended to their daughter.

When Kim returned, still in her wedding dress he held out his hand and they danced and as he sang softly in her ear she melted into him.

 _When I lose faith you take my hand  
The way you make me feel like I'm a man  
The way the sun belongs to the sea  
Well hey, that's the way you belong to me_

 _The way you make me feel like I belong  
And if I could girl though I know it'd be wrong  
I'd lock you deep inside 'till the last rains fall_ _And hide you from the emptiness of it all_

"I think we can mark this down as a success." Kim looked up at her husband.

Taking her hand and leading her upstairs he smiled "Not yet."

Adam slowly undressed her, running his hands softly down her arms as the pushed her dress from her shoulders. Kim leaned back against his chest. His hands were warm against her skin and slowly Kim turned to face him. She undid the buttons of his shirt and slipped it from his shoulders before pressing her body against his.

Conflict surged through him. He wanted her now, so desperately that he felt a familiar ache deep in the pit of his stomach but he wanted to make this moment last all night. He wanted this to be something they both remembered, that one perfect night. Kim undid his belt as he continued to run his hands down her spine applying the right amount pressure to make her arch her back so her body pressed tighter against him. "Adam" she breathed his name as walked her back towards their bed, her knees buckling as they hit the edge of the mattress. Adam quickly discarded the rest of his clothes and joined her.

He hovered over her as she scooted back and he buried his head in her neck, breathing her in, a mixture of her favourite perfume, wood smoke and his baby filling his nose. He loved this woman beyond all reason. Lying beneath him, her eyes fluttered open as he pressed his lips to her forehead. Every little muscle, every dip and crease so well known to him yet it felt different somehow.

He groaned as Kim dug her fingers into his back, willing him closer. Desperate to feel every part of him, she wanted to lose herself completely and the way that he was loving every part of her it wasn't hard.

Her hand was grasping the back of his neck and he kissed her deeply. "You can't get rid of me now." He whispered against her cheek as they slowed their breathing, he rolled to the side pulling her with him to make sure he didn't lose contact, he wasn't ready to let her go just yet.

Kim nestled her head into his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head as she ran her fingers all over his torso, feeling the rise and fall of his chest under her hand. "So do you feel different now?" she asked.

"It's kinda strange. I didn't think it would mean as much as it does." Kim turned slightly and rested her chin on his chest so she could see his face, her leg slid between his and her hand was continuing down his thigh. "I really like lying here and thinking, my god I am here with my wife."

Kim held up her hand and looked at the ring on her finger, fitted snugly against her engagement ring. "It looks pretty good huh?" Adam kissed her hand and agreed.

Kim slipped her hand back under the sheet, which was barely covering them and continued and it wasn't long before she felt him respond to her touch. This time was more primal; hot and slick as the heat generated from their skin sent them both spirally wildly until breathlessly she fell against him, completely spent. Finally he reached over and turned off the light and they got a few hours sleep.

"Well this is not quite the romantic morning I was expecting." Adam brought in some breakfast; croissants, strawberries and tea and a coffee for him to find Kim sitting up cross-legged in bed expressing off some milk.

"Sorry." She looked a little sheepish, despite the fact that Adam often saw her expressing, although it was not often was she sitting naked in the middle of the bed. "I thought I would be done before you got back."

"I don't mind." He flopped down across the end of the bed, his boxers so low on his hips her eyes could follow the line of hair from his navel downwards and popped a fresh raspberry in his mouth. "I actually find it quite the turn on." He leant over and ran a hand up her calf. "As soon as your done I think I might just have to have sex with you again."

"Romance is dialled up high this morning." Kim smiled as she pushed his hand away.

He winked at her. "What do you expect we are a boring married couple now."

They had breakfast in bed and Kim barely had the chance to finish before Adam was clawing to get at her again, he couldn't get enough. When they finally crawled out of bed he pulled her into the shower and instantly had her up against the wall. He thanked god that she was an avid yoga devotee because man, did it make her flexible.

Finally they got dressed and called her mother to find out how their night with Polly went. They were enjoying being alone together and uninterrupted but it was a little strange without Polly and Kim was starting to miss her and Adam felt it too. They often, on weekends spent Sunday mornings in bed together; the three of them and it was his favourite part of his days off.

Her mother turned on face time and took them out in the yard where Polly and John were checking out the garden. Polly was smiling and waving her hands happily looking every bit like she had forgotten they even existed. Ellen assured them that she had been perfectly well behaved. "She woke as we got her out of the car but after a feed and cuddle she slept through until this morning." They were in no rush for them to come and pick her up so they decided to grab lunch before going to pick her up.

"Do you remember the last time we spent a weekend like that?" Kim took a sip of her soda water while they waited for lunch to arrive, smiling at the memories of the past few hours.

"Like what?"

"Well we've spent the last what…." She looked at her watch. "Eight hours basically naked."

"Still not enough." He winked.

"Probably not but I am hoping that the outcome is slightly different this time." They had initially started using condoms but that had certainly fallen by the wayside and so far so good. They had decided, however that Kim should probably look at going back on the pill before Polly started cutting back on her feeds as that increased the risk of Breastfeeding not being as protective and lord knows it seems it didn't take much. The doctor had assured her it was completely safe to do so.

Adam laughed as he took another bite of his BLT. "As awesome as our daughter is, I am hoping that we haven't fucked up this time too."

"So do I Baby."

He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "You are pretty hot when you are pregnant though." He winked.

On the drive to her parents Kim finally checked some of her messages, obviously everyone was congratulating them on their marriage and she had ignored them all so far more focused on just enjoying the morning with her husband. Being disconnected from the world had been nice and she made a mental note that they should do it more often. It was the photo sent by Erin that made her heart catch. "Look at this." She showed it to Adam.

"That's pretty sweet." It was a black and white picture of them kissing as Kim fed Polly.

Kim dialled Erin's number. "Oh my god Erin that photo is beautiful. Thank you." Kim babbled excitedly.

"Oh I know, I keep looking at it and thinking that's what love should look like."

"I didn't even know you were there."

"I guessed as much and I didn't want to interrupt. It was just such a beautiful moment and I really wanted you to know that was such a beautiful night. We just loved every minute of it. I can't believe that you kept it such a surprise, especially Ruzek." She laughed.

Kim chuckled. "I know, it was a big challenge for him." She squeezed his thigh as she looked at him and winked. "He's a constant surprise."

"He's going to cop it tomorrow at work."

"I would expect nothing less." She was still chatting when they pulled up at her parent's house and Ellen came out to greet them. Adam had got out first, while Kim finished talking to Erin, and whisked Polly out of his mother in law's arms, planting a kiss on Ellen's cheek. "Good Afternoon MIL." He teased. Polly smiled eagerly at her father as he smothered her in kisses but soon as she saw her mother her bottom lip quivered and she started to cry. "Aww my baby girl."

Once inside Kim started to unbutton her shirt and Polly displayed her eagerness and excitement for what was coming, obviously she got that from her father. "You missed your Mom." Adam leant over them and ran his hand over her head before he made a quick exit and Kim sighed with relief as she felt the pressure ease. "Don't worry sweet pea, I made sure she was so busy she didn't miss you too much."

"Did you enjoy last night?" Kim asked her mother while Polly continued feeding.

"I did, it was beautiful. Perfect." She took a mouthful of coffee. "What about you? Was it everything that you wanted?".

"And more." She switched Polly to the other side. "Maybe once I would have really wanted the big wedding." Kim knew that her mother was asking if she was happy that her childhood dream of the big, wedding with the church, the flowers and the big dress was forgotten. "But that's not really who Adam and I are. We are pretty low-key and laid back so it didn't make sense to go over the top and once we had Polly it just felt too big and too hard and such a waste of time and money."

"We would have helped you out?" Ellen just wanted to make sure her daughter was really happy.

"It wasn't only about that. It was simple and beautiful, exactly what we both wanted. It was perfect for us."

"It was beautiful and I do love seeing you so happy."

"Adam makes me happy." She sat Polly up and kissed the top of her head. "He's a good man."

"He is."

They packed up Polly and headed home. "So, here we are Sweet Pea." Adam carried her inside. "At home with your legally married Mom and Dad." He lay down on the floor and sat her up on his stomach, picking her up and throwing her up in the air and catching her and bringing her in for a kiss. He blew a raspberry on her neck as she giggled. Kim caught a glimpse of his wedding ring as he threw Polly in the air and caught her again and it felt right, it felt like they had done the right thing and she felt complete.


	15. Chapter 15 - My wake up call

Kim looked at her phone…again. Nothing… She threw it on the couch and sat back resting her head on the back and closing her eyes. For the first time in what seemed like hours it was quiet in the house. Polly was in her room, sleeping or more likely napping because that is all she had done for the last two days.

Last night Kim had gotten up four times to settle her, finally giving up on going back to bed and falling asleep in the chair with Polly sleeping upright on her chest. They had managed to get about two hours that way but Kim woke up with a stiff back and a headache. As soon as she tried to lie Polly down in her crib she woke and started whining again.

Adam had got up then and taken her out for a run with him before he went to work and left Kim at home with an unwell and very disgruntled infant. The run didn't please Polly at all but it did give Kim an hour to crash and get a little more sleep.

She hadn't heard from Adam all day, which wasn't all that unusual because they were working on a case and he had been undercover so he didn't always have access to his phone. On any other day she didn't mind, but after dealing with Polly for the last two days while she was teething and unwell she was exhausted and frustrated because she couldn't do anything to help her.

She had put her in her room after her last feed and let her cry. Eventually it went silent and Kim crept into her room and checked on her finding that she was red faced from the crying but sleeping, her chest still heaving sporadically as her sobbing eased. Kim could feel herself starting to cry, the exhaustion and concern for Polly left her feeling emotional and she felt that she was doing it alone at the moment. That wasn't Adam's fault; he worked and worked hard not just because he loved his job but also because he loved both of them. He couldn't always be around when she wanted or needed him to be, and she knew he hated that but when he was around he did his best to be present and involved in Polly's life.

She knew all that but it did not help her at that precise moment. Adam got to walk out the door every morning and she was left at home, day after day.

Through the baby monitor she could hear her starting to wake…again. Twenty minutes…she sighed but didn't have the energy to get up just yet but as the volume ramped up she pushed herself up and got her out of bed. "Polly honey, come on, how about giving me a break." She changed her diaper and checked her phone again.

Polly was lying on the floor beneath her play gym, crying when Kim heard the garage door opening. She breathed a sigh of relief.

"What's wrong with Polly? Is she hungry?" He leant in for a kiss and noted that Kim was in her gym gear and had her bag already slung over her shoulder.

"No, she's not friggin' hungry. I fed her an hour ago. She's just crying, like she has done all day. Not that you would know." She knew that it was unfair to be angry at Adam for Polly's current state but she just couldn't take another minute of her crying and whining. "She's all yours, I'm going to the gym." Adam picked up Polly and tried to soothe her as Kim stood by the door. "She'll probably happily take some milk from you as soon as I am out the door. There's some in the fridge."

Adam tried to grab her arm before she left. "Hey, darlin' you ok?"

"I just need to go." Her voiced quivered a little. "Please."

An hour later he had fed Polly and bathed her and it hadn't been particularly pleasant. Polly was not overly impressed with the bottle of milk; she always had a preference for her mother. He couldn't blame her for that; he quite liked her breasts too, but she usually took the bottle when Kim wasn't around without too much drama. He checked his phone and when he saw nothing from Kim he dialled her number. It rung out and went to voice mail.

Another hour passed and she still wasn't back so her tried to call her again. Polly was finally starting to settle as she lay curled up against his chest. When he dialled he heard the vibration of her phone under the cushion on the couch. Now he was starting to worry. This undercover op had kept him out late at night pretty regularly over the last few weeks and that meant not a lot of time at home with Kim and Polly. They knew that just because they had a baby didn't mean he couldn't pull his weight at work and the nature of Intelligence meant that late nights, long weekends and Undercover Operations were par for the course. It just wasn't easy for Kim, especially right now.

He offered Polly some more milk, which she refused and gave her some Advil and settled her to sleep in her cot. Kim still wasn't home and he was starting to think about calling someone to come over so he could go find her. It had been three hours and it was dark and she had no phone and he didn't like the uneasiness that crept over him.

"What the hell Kim?" he leapt from the couch as she came in. "Where have you been?"

"At the gym, I told you where I was going."

He held up her phone "Without your phone, three hours ago." Throwing it back on the couch angrily.

"So what? You're just pissed that you had to spend a few hours with your daughter. I can only imagine how tiring it was for you." Tiredness, anger and sarcasm were not a good combination.

Adam jammed his hands onto his hips. "Don't even go there. What the fuck?"

"I'm fine. You can relax."

"Relax?" He huffed throwing his hands up in the air "Sure whatever. Why didn't you take your phone?"

"I forgot it. Doesn't matter anyway. You don't answer yours."

"I told you I was most likely undercover today." Adam knew she was tired and the past few days with Polly had been hard. It was the first time she had been really unwell and Kim had borne the brunt of it. Arguing was not going to change that. He softened his tone. "I was worried about you. So shoot me."

"Now you know how I feel being stuck here all day with no idea what's going on." Kim knew she was being irrational but didn't care. "Where is she?"

"Asleep."

Kim sighed; she grabbed the railing of the stairs wearily. "I'm going to take a shower."

Adam sat back down and flicked on the TV. Surely there was a game on he could watch while they both cooled down. When Kim did not return like he hoped he crept upstairs to check on them both. Polly was still sleeping and he found Kim curled up in bed sound asleep. Grabbing the monitor he turned off the light and closed the door hoping that she could get some much-needed sleep.

When he heard Polly start to stir a little while later he bounded up the stairs and brought her down before she could wake Kim. Giving her the rest of the milk that was in the fridge which she took reluctantly he lay down on the couch with her until she settled back to sleep. It was close to midnight when he placed her back in her own bed and slipped into bed beside Kim. Kim didn't even stir when he kissed her goodnight.

They got a few hours sleep before the intercom crackled to life when Polly started to stir. Adam woke first and listened for a moment, hoping that she would go back to sleep before Kim started to wake. He could hear Polly still making a few weak cries before he heard the unmistakable sound of her vomiting. He shot out of bed and rushed into her room closely followed by Kim to find Polly covered in vomit, it was all over her clothes and sheets. Adam grabbed her towel off the change table and handed it to Kim as she picked her up.

They stripped off her clothes and Adam bought in some wet facecloths to clean her up. "Does she feel hot to you?" Kim asked when he came back as she held a hand on her forehead. Adam felt her cheeks; they were burning. Fumbling around for the thermometer they took her temperature and she definitely had a fever. "She's so hot." Kim voice trembled. They hadn't had to deal with a really sick baby before and had no idea what to do. She'd had a few little colds but nothing major.

They gave her some more Advil and Adam jumped in the shower with her to cool her down a little while Kim changed her sheets. Kim tried to feed her but she refused and the only way they could get her back to sleep was for Adam to sit up in bed with her head tucked under his chin.

Just before Adam's alarm went off at 530 Polly started to stir again, she coughed a little which was just enough to wake Adam but he was not quick enough to move before she coughed and vomited all over him. "Fuck." He tired to comfort her while Kim cleaned up the mess and he did his best not to gag.

Again she refused to feed which worried Kim. She had taken about half a bottle at about seven last night and then the other half about ten. Adam and Polly both had another shower together to clean up and as her temperature had shot up again they gave her some more Advil.

"I've called Will." Adam told her when Kim got out of the shower; she took the chance to grab one before Adam left. He was holding Polly who was dressed in just a diaper and vest and her head was lying on his shoulder, her eyes fluttering closed as he was trying to make some breakfast. "He's starts work at 8 so will stop in on his way." Will Halstead had always been happy to check Polly out whenever they were concerned. Polly reached out for her mother with a weak cry and almost fell into her arms. Adam looked at them both. Kim looked exhausted and worried and Polly looked lethargic and miserable. "Will you be okay?" He gulped down some coffee as he checked his watch.

"We'll be fine." Kim smiled weakly, squeezing his arm. They had been setting up this operation for months and it was getting towards the pointy end. Adam had been in the thick of it and it meant that he probably wouldn't be able to check in again today. If he pulled out the whole case could go south. "Go, I'll let you know what Will says."

"If you can't get me call Voight or Al, they may be able to get something to me."

"I'll call my mum to come over I promise. We will be fine." Kissing him, he lingered for just a moment and kissed Polly's head as it lay on Kim's shoulder. She barely moved. "Please don't worry, focus and stay safe and we will see you tonight."

"You look like shit." Halstead held out his cup for Adam to fill as they waited for the brief for the day.

"You always know how to woo me."

"Late night?"

"Yep and my wake up call this morning was a face full of vomit." He didn't even have the energy to laugh. "Polly's been pretty crook. She's vomited a couple of times overnight. Will is going to stop by and check her out."

"Well that's pretty unpleasant." Jay screwed up his nose.

"Tell me about it. I will never complain about my alarm again." They both grabbed their coffees and headed back in as Voight came out of his office. Basically they were waiting for Ruzek's contact to call, once they knew the details they would set up the sting. He checked his both his phones, hoping that Kim would call him before his UC phone rang.

Will Halstead arrived just as Kim got Polly back to sleep. "She's only had about 7ozs of milk since last night. She keeps refusing to feed and she's vomited twice overnight. We took her temperature and it's been about 102, she's had a few doses of Advil."

"Wet diapers?"

Kim had to think for a minute, she had obviously changed her several times but hadn't really taken much notice. "Not really wet. A little bit I guess." Kim wrung her hands nervously.

"Generally, how has she been? Is she alert and playing like usual or a bit sleepy and clingy?"

"She just wants to be cuddled. We can't really put her down."

"How long?"

"She's been unwell for the last couple of days, I thought she was just teething but last night was her worst. She vomited about 3am and then again at 530. She hasn't since then. She only sleeps for about half an hour to an hour at a time."

"Let's take a look." Will patted her arm. Kim led him upstairs and he felt her forehead and cheeks. "She certainly is running a bit of a fever." His cool hands on her face woke her up and she cried weakly. As she sat on Kim's lap he listened to her heart and lungs, much to her displeasure and checked her over for any signs of a rash. Checking her throat and ears he noticed that she had a bulging ear drum on one side and slightly swollen glands in her neck. "I would say she's gone and picked up an ear infection, it's not uncommon when they start teething. All the nerves and tubes are pretty close together and get irritated. Her glands are up a bit so her throat might be a bit sore which means she is not fussed about feeding. I guess she just feels pretty lousy."

Will reassured her that Polly was not seriously unwell. "Keep offering her feeds. You are still breast feeding right?" Kim nodded. "Keep offering it to her, even a little bit every hour will help, you can try water too if she will take that. Don't worry about solid food at this stage, the fluids are the most important thing. They can get dehydrated pretty quickly, especially if she is vomiting. Keep up the Advil and I will give you a script for some antibiotics. If you think she is getting worse give me a call or come by the hospital. I am on all day, just ask for me."

She thanked Will for stopping by and definitely felt better having had her checked out. She called Adam and caught him just before he was about to leave the station, which meant he would be out of contact until the job was done. "And you are okay?"

"I feel better now that Will has seen her. Hey, be careful today."

Adam promised that he would and now that he knew that Polly had been seen by a Doctor and she was fine he felt much more confident in his ability to block that all out and focus on the job he had to do.

By lunchtime Kim was starting to get more concerned. Her mother had come over and gone to the local Walgreens to fill Polly's script, which she promptly vomited up all over Kim. She was still refusing to feed and just wanted to lie on Kim and sleep and her fever had returned.

Suddenly Polly's eyes rolled back in her head, her arms and legs went limp before they started to jerk and her face twitched. All the colour drained from her face, as did Kim's.


	16. Chapter 16 - Tell him when he's safe

Ellen called an Ambulance while Polly was lying limply in Kim's arms. In her job she was able keep her nerve, still her mind and stay calm. Not now though, not as she looked at her daughter, lying in her arms crying weakly once her seizure had stopped. It felt like a lifetime but in reality it had lasted barely a minute. When your whole heart was lying in your lap every second was multiplied tenfold. Ellen did her best to calm her daughter while they waited but she could see the panic and fear written all over Kim's face and the Paramedics had to help her into the back of the Ambulance.

Arriving at the hospital Will Halstead quickly organised Natalie, his Paediatrician partner to come down and meet see them in the Emergency Room. Polly was now awake, but not really alert and Kim was beside herself. Her mother was following them in but right now she was alone and frightened, she wanted Adam to be here, she needed him here.

They took some blood to send off for testing and popped in an IV line to give her some fluids to help with her dehydration then they were admitted her to the Paediatric ward. She didn't even cry when they stuck the needle in.

"I am confident that Polly has had a febrile convulsion. While they are terrifying, they are usually harmless." Natalie explained to her. The words hit her between the eyes and Natalie rested one hand on her arm. "It's the body's way of dealing with the fever and many babies have them. They cannot regulate their body temperature as well as adults."

"You said usually harmless?" They were the only words that Kim really took in.

"Generally one isolated convulsion, that is short in duration like Polly's was is not a cause for concern. Saying that we will keep her an eye on her for a little while yet. Most babies never have another one. Let's just see what happens. We will keep her fever under control and I expect she will be fine."

"Is it something I did, should I have given her more Advil or started giving it earlier?" Kim blamed herself. She was supposed to protect her; she left her last night with Adam and went out because she needed a break without thinking about what Polly needed. Her guilt was crushing. Where was her mothering instinct? Her daughter was sick and all she could think about was that she needed a break.

Kim called Adam, in the vain hope that he might have got back already but it went straight to voice mail. They transferred Polly upstairs and Kim tried to focus on all the questions the nurse was asking her. They wanted to know her birth weight, current weight, her medical history, how she was fed, immunisations and family medical history. It just went on and on. "Can I get her out and hold her?"

"Once her fever comes down a bit."

All she wanted to do was cuddle her and never let her go. She looked so small and helpless lying in the cot but she was sleeping somewhat peacefully which was a small comfort. She tried Adam again but the result was the same. She didn't leave a message because it would have been a garbled mess of tears.

Instead she sent Jay a message.

 _'I've just taken Polly to Chicago Med and they are admitting her for some fluids and antibiotics. They have taken some blood for testing so we should know something soon. She's sleeping at the moment.'_

"Shit." Jay mumbled as he looked at his phone.

"What is it?" Voight was sitting beside him in his car as they sat outside the bar that Ruzek was currently in. They were waiting for some Intel from him about when his crew were going to pick up their latest cargo. Once they knew that they could put their raid plan in place and everything was pointing towards tonight. Voight certainly hoped so; they wanted to put this one to bed.

"That was Burgess. Polly's in hospital."

"What's wrong?" Voight shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He did not want to waste all this work and planning but would if he had too. He wouldn't be responsible for keeping a father away from his sick child especially if she was seriously ill or hurt. He wasn't that much of a bastard; after all he was a father and a grandfather himself. "Is she alright?"

"Apparently she's been sick for a few days but started vomiting last night. She hurled all over Ruzek this morning. Will was keeping an eye on them but she must have gone south."

Voight told Halstead to call Burgess and find out what was going on. He would pull Ruzek out if he had too, he was not sure how and his mind was whirling already trying to come up with an alternate plan. They probably had enough Intel now to nail them, he just want to make sure they had no possible way of getting off.

"Jay." Kim answered on the first ring. Watching Polly and staring at her phone were the only two things she had to do. Her mother had left to get them something to eat although it was the last thing on Kim's mind.

"Hey Kim. How's Polly?"

"We just got up to the ward. They have an IV going and she's on antibiotics now and something to bring down her fever, so I am hoping that she will start to pick up soon. Will and Natalie are looking after her." Her voice cracked. "Is Adam okay?"

"Yeah he is, it's all going smoothly so far. What do you want us to do? Do you want us to tell Adam?" He looked at Voight from the corner of his eye and saw him nod ever so slightly.

"No, no don't do that. We are okay." Kim kneaded her fingers in to the back of her neck, trying to release the tension that was building by the minute. "Don't distract him. Tell him when he's safe. He needs to focus on his job, I'll worry about Polly."

After a few hours of fluids and the antibiotics Polly had barely picked up. Kim tried to feed her and she latched on but she took hardly anything before falling back to sleep. Her blood tests came back normal and Natalie assured her that while she hadn't bounced back as quick as they usually did she hadn't got any worse so that was a good sign. Not that it made Kim feel any better. They were scratching their heads trying to figure out what was going on and that is not what a mother wants to hear.

Voight and Halstead watched from a distance as Ruzek wandered out of the bar and over to the park across the road. He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and walked past a homeless man rifling through a bin. Al really did have his homeless man act down pat and a little smile tugged at the corner of Ruzek's mouth. He threw a small box into the bin and paused only briefly, "Polly?" and Al shook his head "Nothing." He grumbled back and Ruzek kept walking. He returned ten minutes later with two bags of burgers and went back into the bar.

Voight had talked to Al and they both decided it was better, given Al had the chance to speak with Ruzek that at this stage they would keep the fact Polly was in hospital from him.

Adam got the feeling that Al wasn't telling him the truth? It was something in the way he avoided his eyes, but they perhaps it was all part of the undercover act. But he couldn't stop and ask, as he had no idea who was watching them. He didn't trust these guys as far as he could kick them and he knew they felt the same, but he had things they wanted. He could get them clean passports and documents for the girls they were bringing in.

He shook his head as he pushed open the door to the bar trying to get his head back in the game. As he stepped back through the door he flipped the switch.

Voight, Halstead and Al stood around Mouse as they listened to the recording that Ruzek had dumped; it contained all the details of the deal and the location of the container. The plan was to stake out the container and grab them when they came to collect, but they had to wait now and they had no idea how to get Ruzek out of there before then without blowing the whole thing. Voight made the call that Ruzek had to stay put, and they would keep him in the dark.

Voight decided to head over to Chicago Med himself to talk to Burgess, leaving Jay and Al to watch the bar.

Kim was asleep in the chair beside Polly. She woke when she heard the door open and was surprised to see Voight come in. Her heart thudded in her chest suddenly as a wave of dread washed over her.

Voight sensed it and instantly reassured her that Adam was fine. "I just wanted to check in on you both."

"Well she hasn't got any worse, but she's not much better either."

Voight rested his hand on her shoulder and softly stroked Polly's leg with the other. "You know we all love this little girl." Kim nodded; she did know that. "Whenever she is around the whole place just feels different. Happier. And with the crap we deal with that's just about as close to heaven as we are gonna get."

Voight pulled up a chair and sat beside Kim, leaning back he crossed his legs at the ankle and put his hands behind his head. "You know I am pretty proud of Ruzek. He's a good cop and the job he's done on this case has been spot on."

"I'm glad."

"I really wanted to get him out of there this afternoon, but I can't. Not this close to the end, it's all set to go off tonight."

"I wouldn't want you to do that. We are fine, Polly is going to be fine."

Voight told her a little bit about the plan for the bust before he got up to leave. He pushed the chair back into the corner, kissed Burgess on the forehead and reached through the bars on the cot to rubbed Polly's hand softly. "As soon as we are done he'll be here." And she promised to let them know if anything changed with Polly.

The more the day dragged on the more anxious Kim felt. Polly wasn't improving as quickly as everyone expected and as the afternoon turned into night Kim kept checking her watch. She had no idea what was going on with Adam with regards to the raid, Voight had only given her a basic outline, leaving out timings and the finer details and the silence was deafening. A million different scenarios crashed through her head and none of them were good. Her imagination was running wild and that was never a good thing but in the darkened room with the clock's relentless tick and while Polly alternated between sleeping and cuddling into Kim and she just waited and her mind wouldn't rest.

Ruzek's heart thudded in his chest. The risk of shots being fired was pretty high, these guys weren't mucking around and he was without a vest. The security of that vest was always comforting, it was part of the routine when they were getting ready for a raid and it helped get him into the right headspace. Tonight he didn't have that. He ducked behind a container when he saw Voight and the rest of the team creeping up on them hoping that they would get to them before anyone noticed that he had taken off. Intelligence caught them by surprise and fortunately very few shots were fired. He watched as one by one they took down the people smugglers.

Suddenly he felt the cold metal of a gun press into the back of his neck. "Get on the ground." The voice behind him growled.


	17. Chapter 17 - We think she's a keeper

Ruzek lifted his arms above his head and his gun was ripped from his hand as a knee struck the back of his legs making him buckle and fall. The air left his lungs in a rush as his shoulder crashed into the hard ground. Suddenly he had a knee is his back and was being handcuffed and dragged up. He was arrested along with the rest of them and shoved into the back of a Police car.

Halstead turned to him, smiling. "Well that was easy."

"You could have been a little more gentle."

"Where's the fun in that." The other cars took off before Halstead uncuffed him. He kneaded his throbbing shoulder. "Have you heard from Burgess?"

"Yeah. Bud, she's at Chicago Med with Polly." Ruzek whipped his head around, suddenly his own discomfort forgotten. "Polly's okay" Jay added quickly but Ruzek's heart still sank. He looked at his watch; it was almost midnight. They both turned as Voight came striding up behind him.

"Ruzek." Adam's eyes flared. They could all see that he was clearly agitated and just wanted to get going. Voight held out his hand and shook Adam's. "Good job, now get over to Chicago Med." Jay offered to drive him and handed him his badge, gun and phone as they got in the car. He had four missed calls from Kim from various times during the day but she had left no messages. He hit speed dial immediately but she didn't answer.

"I spoke to Kim a little while ago. Polly was doing okay. All the tests came back clear and she was sleeping when I talked to her. Voight went in to see her this afternoon so she knows what was going on tonight." They had kept in touch with her all day and Halstead had called her just before they headed out. It had sat uncomfortably with him all day that Ruzek didn't know that Polly was in hospital. He knew why Voight made that call and in reality there was no way to tell him anyway but he knew how pissed Ruzek was going to be.

Adam closed his eyes and thumped his head against the headrest. It had been a long day and he had tried hard to not worry about what was going on at home. He kept telling himself that if anything went south with Polly they would let him know. They hadn't though and he felt a little betrayed. Jay seemed to know what he was thinking. "We tried to think of a way to get you out earlier but Kim was adamant that we finished the job."

"Can we just hurry this up." He answered sharply while he hit redial on his phone. Still nothing. "Come on Kim, pick up." He growled frustratingly at his phone.

Fuck he hated this place. Every time he walked through these doors it meant something had gone to shit. First the bombing, then McCadden was murdered here, when Kim had been shot out on patrol and she was also brought here while she was pregnant and she was in a car accident and now here he was again because his baby girl was sick. The only good thing that had ever happened here was Polly, and while that was probably the greatest thing that had ever happened to him this place still held so many bad memories.

He quietly pushed open the door. In the darkened room he could see Polly asleep in the cot, Kim was tucked up in the reclining chair, looking anything but comfortable. Adam crouched down in front of Kim and gently placed his hands on her thighs. "Hey Baby." He whispered quietly and Kim's eyes shot open. "Hey." He repeated.

She literally threw herself at him and buried her head into his shoulder. Adam grimaced a little from the sudden contact with the shoulder that Halstead had slammed into the ground. He could feel her tears on his neck as he rubbed her back gently. "It's okay Babe, I'm here." Polly stirred in her cot a little before settling back to sleep.

"Thank god you're okay."

"Of course I am. How's Polly? What's going on?"

"She got worse and she had a seizure so I called an Ambulance. She was dehydrated, not feeding and so hot." Kim wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "They took some blood and put in an IV and started her on antibiotics. She was so limp and every time I tried to get her to fed or take some medicine she just vomited it back up again." He was still crouched down in front of her, rubbing her arms tenderly.

"What do you mean she had a seizure? What the hell does that mean?" For the briefest of moments he actually thought his heart stopped beating.

"A Febrile convulsion or something. They tell me it was just because of the fever and it's harmless. She hasn't had anymore."

"Are you sure? It doesn't sound harmless." Like Kim earlier that day all he heard was the word seizure. He felt like he'd been hit between the eyes with a hammer. "What's wrong with her?"

"They think it's just a virus along with an ear infection and a sore throat. It was terrifying. I've never been so scared."

"I'm know baby and I'm sorry I wasn't here." Sure, he hated that he wasn't around when she rolled over for the first time, or sat up by herself but this was different. His baby girl was sick and Kim was exhausted and he just got to walk out the door each morning and go about his day.

"As long as you are safe, that's all that matters."

"Job done." The recliner was just big enough for them both and Kim rested her head on his shoulder and quickly fell asleep and it didn't take long until Adam drifted off either.

Kim slept well at the best of times, let alone when she had barely slept for two days. Adam was always the lighter sleeper and often woke up first to Polly. So he was the one that stirred when someone snuck into the room. The nurse smiled at him and whispered. "You must be Polly's Dad?" as she checked her obs quietly and looked through her notes.

"I am. How is she?"

"Just giving her the next dose of Antibiotics. She's looking a little better. You certainly have had VIP treatment, Dr Halstead and Dr Manning both checking up on Polly. She's such a gorgeous little girl."

"Thanks, we think she's a keeper."

They got a few hours sleep before Polly woke. Kim tired to feed her and it was like a dagger to her heart when she only fed for a few minutes before arching her back away from Kim. Nothing she could do would convince her to feed some more. "Come on baby girl, you need to feed so we can go home."

She had a few mouthfuls of cereal, which she then promptly vomited up again. Kim burst into tears and Adam felt completely helpless. The nurse came in and took her temperature, which had spiked again. "I'm going to give Dr Manning a call." Adam sat on the arm of the chair as Kim sat with Polly lying silently on her lap; he slipped an arm around Kim's shoulder wondering how he was going to convince her that it was all going to be okay when he had no idea if it was.

"Do you have to go to work today?"

"At some point. I have all the paperwork from the UC operation to file so that they can finalise the charges." She rested her head against his leg and sighed. Polly's eyes slowly closed as she drifted off to sleep again. "I won't leave until we know what's going on though."

Dr Manning came in and Natalie examined her on Kim's lap. She checked her notes and checked out her ears and throat. Polly didn't even have the energy to protest at being stripped off and weighed. She had lost nearly a pound since she was last weighed, which Kim had only done last week.

"What I would really like to do is a lumbar puncture. I am pretty sure that we are not looking at meningitis but I want to rule it out completely. I am also going to change her antibiotic, as the ones we have given her don't seem to be working. I will also take another blood draw just to check it out though. We will leave the IV in for another couple of hours but keep offering the breast. If she keeps refusing we will probably pop in a NG tube to get her to take something." She noticed the horrified look on Kim's face. "Hopefully it won't get to that. She took a little something this morning didn't she?"

Kim nodded as she wiped away a tear. "Not much though and then she vomited again straight away." Adam rubbed her back softly; it was all that he could do.

"This is going to sound stupid, but try not to worry. She's little and viruses and infections can knock them about and it seems she has managed to pick up both at once. When we get the right meds into her she will bounce back quickly." Natalie patted her hand reassuringly.

Adam kissed the top of Kim's head "Hey, she's part you and part me. She's one tough cookie." And he really wanted to believe it; he wanted to say something, anything to make Kim feel better. The unexpected feeling of helplessness did not sit well with him. Sitting back was not in his nature but there was nothing he could do for either of them.

They took Polly down to a treatment room for the lumbar puncture. Adam insisted that he go too and watching her being held so tightly, against her will and listening to her scream was just about the hardest thing he had ever had to experience and he was glad that Kim wasn't there. It was brutal and his daughter's desperate screams sliced through him like a thousand knives. He wanted to tell them to stop and literally snatched her from the nurse's arms when they were done.

He sat with Polly when he bought her back to the room while Kim had a quick shower. Polly had eventually settled down as he walked with her, rocking her gently in his arms as he sang to her softly. She wrapped her fingers around his hand as he settled into the recliner.

The shower made Kim feel a little more human, she was still exhausted and overwhelmed but having Adam here helped ease the weight of it. She couldn't worry about both of them; yesterday had been too much.

Adam called Voight while Kim was in the shower. "How's it going?"

"We thought we might be able to go home today but it doesn't look like it. She's just had a lumbar puncture so they can rule out meningitis. We should know in a few hours." Adam was also concerned about the case and making sure all the required paperwork was filed on time. He didn't want to waste all that work he'd put in.

Voight offered to get the files sent over so he could finish his report so that he could stay with Polly and Kim.

True to Voight's word, Halstead arrived with the files and breakfast for both of them. "I assume the food here is crap." Kim didn't feel much like eating but Adam urged her to try and get something down. Halstead would come back later and pick up the reports.

All her tests came back clear and the change of medication finally did the trick. By mid afternoon she was happy to take a good long feed from Kim. She had stopped vomiting and by dinnertime she was sitting up in Adam's lap clapping her hands and playing peek a boo. Kim spent another night curled up in the recliner beside her bed while Adam left them about midnight and crawled into their own bed. Despite being dead on his feet he tossed and turned all night and he was back in the hospital with breakfast for Kim by 6 am.

Her IV came out that morning and they were discharged before lunch. Adam dropped them at home and went into work for a few hours to finish up with the case. When he got home Polly was sitting up and finally showing some interest in eating food. Up until now she had been mainly feeding from Kim, not that she minded and the hospital did tell her that it was all she really needed at this stage. She picked at the apple and cheese pieces on her tray but most of them ended up on the floor.

"This is a sight for sore eyes." Adam kissed Polly's head as she smiled at her Dad.

"It is." Kim was staring intently at Polly. There was something about the way Kim looked that made Adam pull up a chair beside her.

"What is it?"

"I shouldn't have left her the other night."

"When?"

"The night before we went to hospital. You got home and I just took off. She was sick and I was more worried about me than her."

"Kim." Adam leant across the table and grabbed both her hands. "This was not your fault. You didn't know she was going to get worse. I was here with her."

"I should have known. I'm her mother."

"And I am her father and I was with her." He rubbed his thumb lightly across her knuckles. "We're in this together remember."

"I feel so guilty."

"So do I." Adam reminded her. "I wasn't there when you both needed me the most. How do you think that made me feel? She's our baby and as long as she has either you or me that's all that matters." Adam was eventually able to convince Kim to let it go. No one was to blame; there was nothing either of them could have done differently that would have changed to outcome. "And Polly is fine. Look at her, it's like nothing happened. That, at the end of day is all that matters."

Kim cuddled her to sleep and as soon as Polly was settled for the night they both crawled into bed, Kim slipped into Adam's arms and they both were asleep within minutes.


	18. Chapter 18 - Morning, noon and night

A/N: Just a little happy Burzek to help you through the upcoming Burgess Horror Story that you are all enduring at the moment...I'm staying in hiatus until it's done :)

Until they actually arrived at the airport Adam was not sure it was going to happen. Kim assured him that she was looking forward to getting away with him for their belated honeymoon but leaving Polly behind was harder than she ever imagined. The closer the day came the more it started to hit home that they were going to be away from her for a week and having only spent the odd night away from her over the past 10 months Kim wasn't sure she would cope.

For the past two weeks she had been stockpiling milk for her so that her parents had plenty to use. Polly was eating pretty much everything now but Kim did not want to give up feeding her yet. She loved those moments together, each morning curled up in bed and in the evenings after her bath. Occasionally she would have a feed at lunchtime but Kim had tried to drop that one in preparation for her returning to work in a few weeks time.

Adam had a firm grip on her hand all the way to the airport probably because he was scared that if he let go she would do a runner. The idea of spending a week alone with his wife was exciting, they tried to have date nights at least once a month but it was never enough.

"Oh my god, Kimmee."

"Well that's not the usual Delta welcome." Adam laughed as the check in girl leapt from behind the counter and hugged his wife.

"Carly. Oh it's so good to see you." Kim was just as excited. It turns out they worked together back in her airhostess days. "Is this your boyfriend?" she eyed Adam up and down with zero subtly.

"My husband actually." Adam stood looking completely bemused. When she did get together with her old friends it was strictly girls only and she hadn't had one of those since they'd had Polly.

"Husband!" the squealing continued. "Is this your honeymoon?"

She could feel the people behind her starting to get antsy and Kim was starting to get a little embarrassed. "Yes, it is." She answered quickly.

When Carly finally handed them their boarding passes they had been upgraded to first class. Adam whooped for joy. "I knew I married the right woman." It certainly made for a more pleasant trip and a nice way to start their long awaited honeymoon. No wonder Kim had insisted that they fly Delta.

The further they got into the flight the more Kim started to relax as she stretched out and watched a movie uninterrupted for the first time in months. Close to the end of the flight Adam handed her his ear buds, he had been listening to some music for the best part of flight. "Listen to this." She popped it in her ear and smiled as their wedding song filled her head. "Are you trying to get me in the mood?"

"Is it working?"

"Honey." She leant over a kissed his cheek. "There is no way we are joining the mile high club."

"What? Hey." The thought hadn't even occurred to him. He tugged on the ear buds. "Now that you mention it."

Once they were landed they called home in the taxi on the way to the hotel to check on Polly who was, of course perfectly happy being spoilt rotten by her grandparents.

The sun was just setting as they got to their room. Kim pushed open the balcony doors and stepped out into the warm evening breeze while Adam sorted out the bags. She could hear the ocean; the waves relentless march to the shore and feel the saltiness hanging in the air. It was a pleasant change from the Chicago winter.

Kim had taken off her jacket and her long dress was blowing gently around her legs as she leant against the balcony and stared out at the calm night. Adam came out to join her and placed his hands on the rail either side of her and rested his head on her shoulder. "It's pretty spectacular."

"It's beautiful."

"I was talking about you." Kim turned herself around and Adam leant into her, pressing his body against hers and bent down and kissed her softly at first before increasing both the pressure and passion. He picked her up with one arm and as Kim wrapped her legs around his waist he carried her back into the room.

"Don't you want to get some dinner first?" Kim asked however she was pretty sure that she already knew the answer to her question.

Adam dug his fingers into her thighs and barely broke contact with her lips. "No."

When he finally let her go, she grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it over his head and started to work away on his belt and jeans. Adam slipped the straps of her dress off her shoulders and pushed it down over her hips.

It never ceased to be a thrill when they had sex. When sex was this good it was hard to say no, and Kim was just as much the instigator as he was. "Wow Burgess. Honeymoon sex is pretty damn hot." She was lying beside him, he could feel her breasts pushing into his side, her hips pressed into his and one leg slipped down between his thighs. Adam grabbed her free hand and entwined it in hers while his other hand was running up and down her back. "I think we should just stay here like this for the week."

"And miss out on all the fun activities." Kim teased, mocking the receptionist who had been excited to tell them of all the activities and amenities available to them.

Adam flipped her over suddenly and pinned her to the bed. "I am more than happy doing the same boring thing, morning, noon and night." He pressed his hips against hers letting her know that he was ready for round two.

"Boring. You think I am boring?"

"You, darlin' are anything but boring. You drive me fuckin' wild." He kissed her neck and left a trail of kisses down her chest, kissing one breast then the other. "I mean, you have me hard again already."

Adam groaned as she rolled away from him after they finished, hating the sudden loss of contact. "Where are you going?" Kim sat on the edge of the bed and hunted around for her long discarded underwear. She leant over and kissed his shoulder as he buried his head in the pillow. "Sorry honey, but these boobs need emptying."

He watched as she hunted around in her suitcase for all the necessary equipment and settled into the easy chair to get rid of the milk that was building up for what would be Polly's evening feed. Adam was happy to lie back and watch her. Wearing just her panties, she crossed her legs and tilted her head to the side and stared back at him. "What?"

"Nothing. I like watching you." He propped himself up on some pillows and rested his hands behind his head. "It's sexy as hell."

"You think everything is sexy at the moment."

"Can't help it." He winked. "I have a very hot wife."

"You think that I am nuts for doing this." It was more a statement than a question.

"No, I think you are the greatest mom in the world and I love every single little thing you do for my girl."

"You're sweet."

"I would really rather you say that I am hot, the hottest Dad in the world." Kim threw her head back a chuckled but looking back at him she had to agree. He was stretched out in bed, chest bare and the sheet barely covering his hips. He certainly kept himself in good shape, although he was not overly obsessed with working out. His abs were firm but he didn't have a rippling six pack and Kim actually found that more than appealing, but he was toned, his arm's and legs muscular and long. He was definitely the whole package. Fun, hot, sexy and fit with the biggest heart and the fact that he was such an adoring father was possibly the hottest thing ever. The two of them together melted her heart.

"You thinking of Polly?" Adam interrupted her thoughts.

"I am thinking of you and Polly actually. How much I love you two together."

"Well, she's pretty awesome." He jumped out of bed and gave her a quick kiss on the way into the bathroom. By the time he came back out Kim had slipped her dress back on. "I am guessing you are trying to tell me that you are ready for dinner?" Adam reluctantly got dressed while Kim tipped the milk down the sink and washed out the bottles and pump. It seemed like such a waste to throw out the milk and as she did she felt a little stab of guilt that they were here without her. Coming back into the room all those thoughts vanished when she saw Adam, now dressed standing out on the balcony, staring into space.

She slipped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his back. "Hey, come here." He pulled her around so he could see her face. "This is awesome, being here with you, having you all to myself for a few days."

"I know, it's pretty nice huh?" They stood for a moment, wrapped in each other's arms, the warm breeze swirling around them and enjoyed the moment, because they knew they were running out of these chances. Kim was back at work in a few weeks and then they had to juggle their jobs, haphazard work hours and a one-year-old girl.

After dinner they wandered hand in hand along the beach until Adam suggested they sit for a while. Burying his toes in the sand Kim sat crossed legged between his and he encircled her shoulders with his arms and kissed her behind the ear. Kim, free from having to worry about alcohol in her breast milk for the next few days relaxed and enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine with dinner. She rested her head back onto his shoulder and closed her eyes. "You tired?"

"Hmm." She muttered. "A little, it's been a long day and I feel a little tipsy."

"So back to the room and back to bed?"

"Ha, why do I get the feeling that means something other than sleeping?"

"If you wanna sleep, we'll sleep." He tightened his arms. "As long as you're naked in my bed I'm good."

"I've been eyeing off that bathtub." Kim jumped up and held out her hands and pulled Adam up so they could head back to their room. Kim filled the tub and turned off the bathroom light so the only light was coming from the bedside lamp in the main room. She slipped into the warm water and closed her eyes. "Hey. You coming?" she called out.

Adam leant on the doorframe obviously admiring the view. "I don't know; the view from here is pretty good." He eventually came and sat on the edge of the tub and played with her calf. Kim closed her eyes again and enjoyed the sensation for a few moments until he started running his fingers over her thigh. Suddenly she grabbed his hand and pulled him splashing into the water and laughed hysterically at his shock. He was fully clothed and soaking wet. "Oh so you want to play this game."

"I think I just won."

Already wet he shifted so that he was laying on top of her and slipped both hands under the water, one hand holding her free hand while he trapped her other arm beneath his shoulder. With his free hand he started at her knee and worked it higher and higher until she squealed as he reached his target. "The funny thing is you are completely naked, trapped beneath me and at my mercy whereas I am completely clothed and you can't get me." Kim wriggled around trying to free her arm all the while he kept playing with her. Laughingly he told her that he would continue until _'you scream my name.'_

And eventually she did, more than once.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with my wet clothes now?" Adam walked back out of the bathroom a little later, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably.

Kim just shrugged. "Not my problem. If you had just come in when I asked that would have never happened."

"You are my wife, you should be doing wifey things for me."

"Let me see." She sat up in bed. "I incubated your child for nine months and then pushed her out of my vagina and let her suck the life out of me every day since then. I think I have fulfilled my quota of wifey things." She threw a pillow at him playfully as Adam ducked back into the bathroom, laughing.

They woke late the next morning, the sunlight streaming through the slightly open curtains. Adam opened up the doors to the balcony so that the sound of the ocean could drift into the room and climbed back into bed. Usually by this time one of them had been up for a good couple of hours with Polly, either playing downstairs or sharing breakfast or all three of them lazing in bed together.

Pulling on some clothes they called home and were able to see Polly through the joy of face time. She was happily pulling herself around the furniture of her parents lounge and looking bemused at the screen where she could hear her parent's voices but not really able to figure it all out. Kim's mother assured her that she had been perfectly well behaved so far and no doubt being spoilt rotten.

"Did that make you feel better or worse?" Adam asked as they hung up.

"A little bit of both. I am glad she seems happy, it sucks a little that she doesn't seem to miss me."

"How many bad habits are we going to have to sort out when we get back?"

"Too many to count."

Kim pulled on a short denim skirt over her bikini and threw on a tank top as they headed out for a late breakfast and then to the pool for a swim. Adam knew that people would be checking her out, hell he was as she stripped down to her bright blue bikini. "New?" he raised one eyebrow questioningly.

"You like it?"

"You have no idea."

They spent the rest of the morning lazy around the pool, going for a swim occasionally and soaking up the sun. Adam decided he was going to try paddle boarding that afternoon and Kim wandered down and took a few photos of his entertaining attempts to stand up before heading back to the room to enjoy some peace and an afternoon nap.

That night they headed down for a drink before dinner. She noticed Adam smiling at someone over her shoulder just before they were joined at the bar by another couple. Adam introduced her to Alex, a guy he had spent the afternoon falling off Paddle boards with and he inturn introduced them to his wife Lisa. They were originally from Australia although had been living in Calgary for a few months now.

"Alex got transferred with work for two years so we are trying to see as much of North America while we can and it we needed to get some sun before the family descends on us for a White Christmas." They decided to join together for dinner and they had really enjoyed the company.

Kim had been excited to see a sunrise yoga class on the activities agenda and as Adam was still feeling a little seedy she happily crept out and headed down the to beach to join in. Adam groaned and there was a slight throbbing going on in his head as she kissed him before she left but he felt a better use of his time was to sleep, particularly after the amount of wine he consumed at dinner last night.

During the meditation at the end of class her mind drifted back to the hotel room. They were certainly making the most of their time alone together.

 _'Clear your mind. Focus on one thing, something that gives you pleasure. It might thrill you, it might calm you.' The instructor's voice drifted through her meandering mind._

Kim could only think of one thing. Adam. He did thrill her; constantly. Suddenly a particular part of him came into her mind and she couldn't shake it.

 _'Grab hold of that thought, don't let it go, let it wash over you.'_

Oh god.

 _'Think of how it made you feel.'_

Stop it.

As soon as it was over Kim almost ran back to the room. Slipping in quietly she found Adam still sleeping, the sheet only half covering his lower half. She lowered herself on top of him whispering in his ear. "Ads" it was a rarely used nickname and only when she really wanted something. If he was being particularly stubborn it usually made him cave in. "Wake up Baby."

Adam opened one eye. "You're back."

Kim slipped one hand underneath him and grabbed hold of him. "The yoga instructor told me to visualise something that gave me pleasure and to grab hold and not let go. I am not sure this is what she meant but it's all I could think about. So as you can imagine, Ads I really need you to wake up now."

Adam hadn't moved but she could see him smiling as she continued her ministrations.

"Ads." She cooed, kissing his neck and nipping at his ear. "Are you going to make me work for this? I know you want it. I can feel it."

Opening one eye slowly he remarked, his voice still croaky from sleep. "You've still got clothes on."

She let go briefly and pulled off her top and bra and quickly whipped off her pants. "Better?"

"Hmm." He was definitely enjoying making her work hard, both knowing full well what the end game was going to be. Of course he was going to give into her. Kim sat astride him and started massaging his back with long slow strokes, he could feel the heat coming from her and knew he could flip over and be inside her in a moment, but where was the fun in that.

Actually, there is plenty of fun in that _. Focus Adam, make her wait, it would be worth it._

It was starting to get uncomfortable lying face down and he tried to move his hips to get a better position and relieve the pressure a little but Kim was on to him. "You feeling a little bit cramped there Ads?" Eventually she allowed him to turn over but he grabbed her hips and held her up and away from him so that she couldn't lower herself onto him. "Tell me something." He growled.

"I love you." He shook his head.

"Nup, not good enough."

 _"_ What don't you love me?"

"Oh believe me Darlin', I love you more than life itself." He lifted his head off the pillow and kissed her as she leant in and then whispered. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you inside me, I want to feel every inch of you and I want it hard and fast."

"That's much better." He let go of her hips and she kissed him hard as she guided him into her, but he wouldn't let her dictate the pace, not yet. With his hands he rocked her hips gently feeling her fighting against him. He kept it slow until Kim bit his bottom lip. "Ouch." He grabbed her hips and in one move flipped her over, gripping her thigh, his fingers biting into her flesh as he wrapped her leg around his waist and he drove himself into her again and again delighted that she came along with him. He could feel her hold her breath and knew that she was heading over the edge so he slowed down and his slow deep strokes made her whimper and he let himself go as well.

"You going to Yoga tomorrow morning too?" He asked in between kisses.

"Last night you didn't want me to go."

"Well true, but that was before I knew you would come back and jump me like that." Adam propped himself up on one elbow and ran his fingers along her collarbone. "Best hangover cure ever."

"Maybe you can do Yoga tomorrow?"

"Maybe I will just do you." Adam kissed her hard and literally took her breath away before jumping up for a shower. "You coming?"

"In a minute. I need to pump and dump."

"Like I just did."

Kim gasped, genuinely shocked by his comment. "You did not just say that." He retreated into the bathroom laughing. He was still in the shower when she came in to dump the milk and wash out the bottles before jumping in the shower with him. They spent another day swimming and lazing around the pool. He even managed to go for a quick run before they got ready for dinner.

Adam stepped out of the bathroom after shaving to find Kim sitting on the edge of the bed doing up the delicate buckles on her shoes, her dark hair tumbling over her shoulders and covering her face. He grabbed his freshly ironed shirt and slipped it on and started buttoning it up as Kim stood up. "Wow." He whistled.

Kim blushed a little at his obvious delight and the lust in his eyes. She was wearing a tight fitting floral halter neck dress that hugged every curve, tight at the waist and finishing mid thigh. The halter neck showed just enough cleavage and her hair curled over her shoulders. It wasn't often that she dragged out the strappy sandals but he liked when she did as it brought her more up to his height. "Well don't you look friggin' awesome, Mrs Ruzek."

Having finished buttoning up his white shirt Kim eyed him up and down. Crisp white shirt, tailored black pants and newly shaven, he scrubbed up well too. "Not too shabby yourself Mr Ruzek."

Grabbing her hand he led her towards the door, stopping suddenly just before they walked out he turned to his wife and grabbed her around the waist pulling her tight against his body and crushing his mouth onto hers with such force and passion it left her weak at the knees. Just as quickly he stepped away and ushered her out of their room and off to dinner.

It was close to midnight when they got back from dinner. As soon as they were through the door Adam headed straight for the iPod dock still holding her hand and asking her to dance as the first notes of _'The Way'_ came through the speakers; their wedding song.

He spread his fingers out on her back, trying to feel as much of her as possible, his other hand entwined in hers as they started to move to the music. Kim reached up and played with the hairs at the base of his neck as he pulled their hips closer together. Softly he started to sing. Kim rested her head on his shoulder as they swayed slowly together and she melted at the sound his sweet voice.

 _Sometimes at night I lie awake_ _  
_ _I pull you close and feel each breath you take_ _  
_ _The way the rivers belong to the seas_ _  
_ _Well hey, that's the way you belong to me_ _  
_ _Well hey, that's the way you belong to me_

As the song ended Adam turned her slightly and bent her over backwards before softly pressing his lips against hers. When he allowed her back up she tilted her head up to face his and they locked eyes as the song finally faded out. They didn't need to speak.

Adam slipped his hand up and grabbed the back of her neck his other hand holding her steady as she melted under his searing kiss.

There was no need to rush, sometimes he couldn't wait to lose himself in her but tonight he wanted to feel every inch of her. He wanted to make her quiver under his touch, lose herself in his kisses, he wanted her to dig her fingers into his skin and hold onto him like nothing else mattered. He wanted to forget about everything outside these walls and make love to her for hours.


	19. Chapter 19 - Are you Surprised?

A/N: Just some more happy Burzek to make me feel better :)

"I can't believe you hit me with the ball." Kim complained rubbing her thigh and looking at the red mark that was already forming. They headed back to their room after a game of tennis with Alex and Lisa. As it turned out tennis is not really their thing, but it was still a lot of fun and they had spent more time laughing than getting the ball back over the net.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?" Adam rubbed the spot on her leg.

Kim laughed as she grabbed his hand to stop him. "No thank you."

"Ah, you love me." He leant in for a kiss and she playfully pushed him away. As he unlocked the door he stood back to let Kim go first and waited for her response. Kim screamed when she saw her baby girl standing up against the end of their bed. "Oh my god." She looked at Adam quickly before racing into the room.

Polly dropped to the floor and started to cry as Kim came at her with her arms wide and her face lit up like Christmas. She dropped to her knees and pulled her into her arms and smothered her with kisses. Adam helped her stand up with Polly and wrapped them both up in his arms and kissing them both. "How?" Kim asked tearfully.

"We planned this meticulously. You know undercover is my thing." He nodded towards her parents who were standing quietly off to the side. "I wanted to surprise you. Are you surprised?"

"Oh my god yes." She hugged her parents. "I can't believe you were all so sneaky." She kissed Polly again who had stopped crying the instant she was in her mother's arms.

They happily explained Adam's plan, who right from the start had decided that he wanted them to bring Polly along for the last few days of their honeymoon. He knew Kim was going to miss her terribly and was surprised she agreed to come away for as long as she did. And truth be told didn't want to be away from her for that long either, despite the lure of a week alone with Kim. Polly was such a big part of their life and being away from her for too long wasn't fun. As soon as he saw Kim's reaction he knew he had done the right thing.

Ellen reassured them that she had been the perfect house guest and also an angel on the flight before they left them and headed back to their own room to give them some time alone.

Adam dropped down on the bed next to Kim and Polly. "How much do you love me right now?" he asked cheekily as Polly crawled over to him and squealed with delight as he threw her up in the air. "Dad, da, da." She babbled happily. Kim bounced up and down on the bed.

"So so much."

Polly climbed back over to Kim and continued to babble away at them. It was just perfect. Eventually she started to wane and Adam sat up so Kim could shuffle back in between his legs and rest against him with Polly on her lap. Adam laughed as both of them sighed with relief as Polly started to feed from her. Kim rested her head back on his shoulder and he kissed her temple and while softly brushing Polly's hair.

Adam curled his fingers around the little dark curls that were forming behind her ears. She had her mother's long lashes and big brown eyes but her personality definitely came from Adam. She was very chatty, and loved to sing and play and squeal and had more energy than they could ever imagine. Fortunately she seemed to have Kim's petite frame also, lucky for her because he was a fair chunk as a baby.

Swapping her to the other side Polly gradually drifted off to sleep. Kim slipped her onto the bed and lay down with her. Adam curled himself into Kim's back and wrapped an arm around them both. "We make beautiful babies." Kim noted.

Adam agreed. "One day we'll have to give it another shot."

They had obviously discussed when would be the right time to have another baby. They didn't want too big a gap between them but Kim was keen to get back to work and she still felt that Polly was just a baby and deserved all their attention for a while yet. Another baby would have to wait for now.

"If there was only some way you could get pregnant, we could have another one right now." Kim laughed. "I can tell you one thing. If you had gone through what I went through there would be zero talk of another baby."

"Are you saying I am weak?"

"No, just male."

They both lay with Polly for a little while before getting up and leaving her to sleep. Kim unpacked her bag looking for her swimmers so they could take her down to the pool once she woke. Adam rang down to reception to organise a portable cot to be brought up. "She can sleep in our bed." Kim had offered but he shut that down pretty quickly.

"Just because she is here doesn't mean I am giving up on enjoying the rest of our honeymoon." He winked.

Once she finished unpacking Polly's bag she came and sat on Adam's lap who was relaxing on the veranda. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For organising this whole week. It has been amazing. And today, I can't believe it."

"I know. You know I am pretty stoked that she's here too."

Changed into their swimmers the three of them headed down to the pool. Polly hadn't done a lot of swimming lately. Chicago winter's weren't really conducive to it outdoor water pursuits and Kim hated the chlorine smell of indoor pools. She clung to Adam like a monkey when the water first hit her bare legs but before long she was squealing and laughing as he pulled her through the water and threw her in the air catching her before she went under.

Kim had found a lounge and sat back and watched. The joy on both Adam and Polly's face was beautiful, it melted her heart seeing them together. They took her to the beach after her afternoon nap, caught up with Alex and Lisa, the girls playing on the beach while the boys had another go at Paddleboarding.

When they eventually made it back to their room Adam jumped in the shower as Kim undressed Polly and handed her to him. After a feed and story she crashed out pretty quickly in her cot which they pushed over into the corner and dimmed the lights.

Her parents offered to look after Polly while they went out for dinner but they were happy to order in and spend a quiet night together.

"So…." Adam was already in bed when Kim climbed in. She had checked on Polly, covering her with a sheet as the room had cooled off. "Now it is time for you to thank me properly for organising your surprise."

"Where would you like me to start?" Kissing his fingers…."Here?" working her way slowly up to his neck which he arched slightly to give her better access. "…or here?" Trailing a row of kisses down across his chest she sucked one nipple into her mouth "..or here?"

Adam groaned softly as she continued across to the other nipple. She looked up at him from her position kissing his chest and his eyes were closed and moving up she captured his lips in a fierce kiss, sucking his bottom lip into her mouth until he opened his eyes wide. "Thank you Ads." She cooed.

He grabbed the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head in one swift motion. Kim had a funny thing about sleeping naked with Polly around. She found getting out of bed with nothing on to feed or soothe a baby a bit odd. Thankfully she was happy in a tank top and pair of panties so it didn't take him long to have her naked and sitting astride him. She rocked back and forward arching her back to change the angle and bit her bottom lip to stop herself from being too loud. Not only did she not want to wake the baby, the thought of her parents just next door was just as unsettling.

"I really should surprise you more often if that's the thanks I get."

"You surprise me everyday."

Kim woke early and snuck out of the room for her last Yoga class. Adam had grunted something as she kissed him goodbye.

The room was still quiet when she got back but now both of them were in their bed. Polly sprawled out right in the middle and Adam pushed to one side. It was cute; he had one hand draped over her. He opened one eye as Kim came in. "She woke up just after you left." He slipped out of bed and they both headed out onto the balcony. Adam slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss.

"How was yoga?"

"Good. I am going to miss the early morning classes."

"I already do" he winked and ran his hands down her spine.

Much to Adam's delight they had been upgraded to First class on the way back. Kim's parents took the opportunity to stay a few extra days. "So, good honeymoon or what?" He leant across and squeezed Kim's hand. Polly was curled up on her lap.

"I have no complaints."


	20. Chapter 20 - A Lucky shot

Atwater and Ruzek kept as close to the wall as possible. Ruzek felt a bead of sweat trickle down his temple; he wanted to flick it away but knew that another would just replace it. He rested one hand on Atwater's back as they crept closer to the door hoping that the late hour would offer them some protection and the element of surprise. Once they reached the door he grabbed the handle, checking to see if it was locked. It wasn't. He made eye contact with Atwater, who nodded back and he opened the door quietly and they both slipped inside. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust to the dim light.

Suddenly they heard a gun shot echo around them. Ruzek's ears started ringing as the sound of the shot ricocheted around the empty warehouse. He shook his head and turned slightly to the sound as another shot rang out. Atwater ducked just as Ruzek spotted the shooter and fired his weapon. He heard the gun drop and flicking on his flashlight he saw the shooter lying face down and as he crept closer he could see the dark ooze of blood spreading out from his head.

He whispered to Atwater, expecting him to be behind him but got no response. "Kev." He whispered again, a little more urgently as he scanned the rest of the room. His senses alert for another shooter but the sound of Atwater groaning snapped his head backwards.

Swinging his flashlight around he saw Atwater crumpled on the floor near where he ducked. Ignoring the fact he had no idea if they were alone. He scrambled across the floor, dropping to his knees beside him. "Kevin."

Atwater was breathing heavily. "Ruzek. I'm hit."

"Officer down. Atwater's been shot." He barked into his radio, knowing that would bring the rest of the unit. They were searching the other warehouses. "Warehouse 2. Ground floor. Plain clothes on scene, one offender also down. Roll an Ambo."

Ruzek tucked his flashlight into his vest. "Where you hit man?"

Atwater didn't answer. His breathing was becoming shallow and rapid. Adam used his hands until he felt the damp patch. The bullet had found the small gap in the vest around his arm. It was always a vulnerable spot. In the half-light he couldn't see his hands but he could feel his buddy's sticky warm blood seeping between his fingers as he pressed them into his body. "Hang on Bud." He urged.

Suddenly he was surrounded. Voight and Al arrived first, followed by Halstead and Antonio. They cleared the building and huddled around Atwater until the Paramedics arrived. Al grabbed Ruzek's shoulder and pulled him away as they started work on him, loaded him onto the gurney and were gone before his head even stopped spinning.

"What happened?"

Ruzek explained their movements; they had done everything right. "It was a lucky shot." Al reassured him but it didn't make it any better. He looked at the blood on his hands and he suddenly felt hot and sweaty. A bubble of nausea rose within him and he leant over and spilled his guts on the floor. He couldn't shake the feeling of Kev's blood seeping between his fingers, the sound of his shallow breathing and the paleness of his skin as they took him away.

Voight drove him to the hospital. He couldn't sit still so he paced up and down the corridor. Atwater was in surgery and that was all they knew as the entire team waited. He looked at his watch. It was almost 4am; he hadn't been home in almost 24 hours. Kim wouldn't know. Nobody knew. This had been a hush raid and until Voight knew that Atwater was going to be okay it was going to stay that way.

Atwater's mother had been told and Adam had embraced her when she arrived. She sobbed in his arms but all he could say was that he was sorry. It was barely enough. Voight sat with her instead and he was doing a much better job at comforting her than Ruzek did.

The whole raid kept playing over and over in his head. Could he have done something different? Were they not quiet enough? Why had they not seen the shooter first? Stupid questions, because there was no answer and no changing the outcome now.

"Go home." Voight eventually told him. He was making everyone nervous and it wasn't helping. "I will call you as soon as we know something."

"No. I want to stay."

"It wasn't a suggestion. You are too wound up." Voight laid one hand on his shoulder. "You need to go home and tell Kim. She'll want to know and it needs to come from you." Ruzek knew he was making sense. He had forgotten about Kim and how this would affect her, they had always been close. So much so he always knew if he dicked Kim around Kev would kick his arse without hesitation. He was too wrapped up in his own head.

Kim was surprised when she checked her phone and had no messages from Adam. It was unusual that he hadn't checked in. She knew they were on a raid and that it was going to be an all night job so she just assumed that they were still knee deep in it. Knowing how the Police grapevine worked, no news was good news but it still settled a little uneasy on her. He always checked in, even if it was just a text. She turned over and tired to push it from her mind.

She heard the front door open and could hear Adam moving around downstairs and she thought about getting up until she heard him coming upstairs. It had just turned six and she was on an afternoon shift today so she was in no rush to get up. "Hey baby." Kim opened her eyes as he came in.

Adam stopped for just a moment and took a deep breath. He was glad that he had changed his shirt and made sure his hands were clean. He had spent a good twenty minutes scrubbing them clean of Atwater's blood. He sat on the edge of bed without speaking. "Adam Baby, what's wrong?"

Kim could sense it. She could sense something in the way he looked at her and in his silence. "The raid, it didn't go as planned." He took a long shaky breath.

Kim sat up quickly and grabbed Adam's shaking hands. "Who?"

"Atwater. He's in surgery. We don't know anything yet." He pulled his phone from his pocket and laid it on the table beside the bed. "Voight will call when he knows something."

"Oh my god." Kim reached out and lifted Adam's chin as his head hung sadly, he couldn't meet her eyes. "You could have stayed at the hospital. Why didn't you call?"

"Baby. I was there. I was with him when he was shot. I couldn't stop it." His chest heaved as he fell against Kim.

"Adam, Baby come on. It's not your fault."

"You don't know that."

"Is it? Is it your fault?"

"No." he explained the raid to her. The words fell from his lips; but they could have come from anyone. He had repeated them so many times so far. To Voight and Al, to IA and the Street Deputy. A Police shooting bought them all out of the woodwork even in the middle of the night. As he finished they heard Polly wake up. "I'll get her." He offered. He wanted to hold her. She made the world feel like a better place.

When Adam came back into their bedroom with Polly he found Kim still sitting on the bed with her chin resting on her knees that she was hugging tightly and staring at the window. Atwater was one of her closet friends; they had been partners for almost two years before he had joined Intelligence. He put Polly down on the floor and she ran over to the edge of the bed. Adam sat down and this time he held onto Kim.

Adam grabbed his phone and checked to make sure he hadn't missed anything before lying down for the first time in more than a day. Kim could eventually sense his frustration with Polly who was not leaving him alone and took her downstairs. He was tired, stressed and emotional and having Polly bugging him would have ended in tears for only one person and she was only eighteen months old and didn't understand.

Kim could hear Adam in the shower. She had given Polly breakfast and snuck upstairs to see if he wanted anything but he was asleep. Yet he looked so tortured. He may have been sleeping but he wasn't at rest. She loved that he felt things so deeply, that he cared about those closet to him but sometimes it was too much. He didn't know how to pull himself back from the edge and he fought against her every attempt to get him to do so. Right now she had to let him be. His phone was lying beside him on the bed.

Checking the clock it was now almost 9am. Kim made him a cup of coffee and was waiting for him when he came down all dressed and ready to head back to the hospital. "Anything yet?"

"Nope." He ruffled Polly's hair and kissed her dark curls as she was sitting up at the table eating her breakfast. "I called Al and he's out of surgery but they haven't been told anything else yet." Taking a mouthful of the hot coffee he coughed at little as the hot liquid stung his throat. "I'm going back in."

"Sure. We'll come with you."

"I'm ready now." Adam tipped his coffee into a travel mug. "How long will you be? I need to get back to the hospital." He hopped from foot to foot anxiously. He should have never left. They walked through that door together and should have walked out together as well.

While Kim grabbed a quick shower Adam got Polly dressed, she could hear his frustration boil over with her because Polly wanted to help dress herself and Adam just wanted to get her damn clothes on. When she found them back downstairs Polly was still crying and Adam was just ignoring her, staring at his phone and quickly sending off a text.

The silence in the car was only punctuated by Polly's chatter in the back seat. Kim rested one hand on his thigh as he drove, her fingers moving slowly, steadily and she watched him. His face still had that tortured look that he had while he was sleeping. She didn't like it when he got like this, when he got so far into himself that he shut out everything and everyone.

He grabbed her hand and they walked through the hospital, Polly was perched on Kim's hip but se could still feel how distant he was. He was blaming himself. Kim knew it and so did everyone else in the waiting room.

Atwater was in ICU; still heavily sedated and ventilated. The bullet had penetrated his lung and also had ruptured his diaphragm. They had both been repaired and had lost a lot of blood from the damage that the bullet had done on its way through. Al had been right; it was a lucky shot.

Adam went straight through to see him. He looked so small lying in that bed, usually so full of life and bombastic. His mother was sitting by his bed. Adam pulled up a seat and held her hand. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop this happening."

"It wasn't your fault. Everyday you all go to work I know that this could happen. I almost wait for the call."

"It shouldn't have happened though. I saw him stumble and I kept going. I didn't realise he'd been hit."

"Adam Ruzek. Kevin would not be happy with you talking like this. You did your job. They told me you got the guy who shot him."

He nodded. That seemed like so long ago, he had almost forgotten about it.

Polly had made herself quite at home in the waiting room. She had managed to get a cuddle from Voight, a shoulder ride from Halstead to the vending machine and was currently keeping Platt entertained. Kim had to laugh at the look of confusion on the Sergeant's face as she tried to understand whatever it was that Polly was telling her. At this stage only every third or fourth word made sense, it was cute and at times frustrating.

Kim talked to Al, trying to figure out what went on and why Adam was acting the way he was. He hadn't said much but she knew him well enough. Al did too. "We only have Ruzek's version and it seems to add up. They went in, didn't see the shooter, Atwater was hit and Ruzek took down the shooter with a shot to the head." Al talked so matter of factly that it rattled Kim a little.

"He didn't tell me he killed the guy."

"I am not sure he even knows which end is up at the moment."

Kim tried to get through to Adam but it was impossible. He was shutting her out and Kim hated when he did that. After spending a couple of hours at the hospital, she had sat with Atwater briefly and when she came out Polly was running amok and Adam had apparently gone outside for some fresh air. Kim took Polly home for a sleep and was dropping her back at the hospital before her shift started.

It was almost seven when her mother called and asked her what time she was picking Polly up in the morning as she had a hair appointment at nine. "What do you mean pick Polly up?"

"Adam called and asked me to come and get her."

"When?"

"A couple of hours ago."

"I am sorry Mom. I thought Adam was having her tonight. I can call him and get him to come and get her."

"No, she's just gone to bed. Leave her here." Kim promised to come get her first thing. By the time she got of the phone she was fuming. "God damn it Adam." She muttered as she dialled his number. Roman looked at her from the corner of his eye as he drove.

"What's up?"

"Nothing." Kim waited for him to answer and ended the call when it went to message bank. She rang again for the same result and it did little to improve her mood. She knew he was struggling with Atwater's shooting but you don't get to retreat into your own little world and ignore everyone else. That changed the day Polly was born. Kim could deal with him shutting her out but it wasn't fair on Polly.

When she got home Adam was asleep. "How's Atwater?" she muttered when he woke as she turned on the light. She made little attempt to disguise the fact she was home nor that she was anything but majorly annoyed.

"Good. He's awake. Seems to be doing okay."

"How's Polly?" It was that precise moment he knew he was in deep shit. "Of course, you wouldn't actually know how Polly is because you dumped her on my mother. How long did you wait? Ten minutes, half an hour? What the fuck Adam? You don't get the luxury of wallowing in self pity anymore."

"She didn't need to be at the hospital. I thought it would be better if she went home."

"Then you should have bought her home. She's your daughter. She was your responsibility."

"I know she is my daughter and I was worried about her being at the hospital for so long. Why do you think I got your mother to come and get her?"

"Because you couldn't be bothered with her. Because you always do this. Something goes to shit at work and you shut everyone out. I'm a big girl I can handle it, I am used to putting up with your shit but Polly has no idea."

"Whatever Kim, what's the problem? Your Mom was more than happy to come and get her. She's happy."

"And you get to do whatever you want. I suppose you also managed to get a few beers in at Molly's too?"

"You've got no idea. Atwater was shot, in front of me and I didn't even realise."

"I know Atwater was shot." Kim found herself starting to relent a little. "I know you also shot the guy that did it. You were doing your job. If you had stopped he would have killed you both. You know that."

"So what? Yes, I got the guy. Didn't keep my partner out of hospital though."

"God Adam, why do you do this?"

"Do what?"

"You are making it sound like you pulled the trigger."

"I'm not."

"Then tell me, what are you doing?"

"Right now I am arguing with you when all I want to do is sleep. I've pretty much been up for two days."

"Fine. Sleep, whatever." Kim stormed from their bedroom, slamming the bathroom door behind her. Angrily she ripped off her clothes and jumped in the shower, letting the hot water soothe her. She took her time, knowing full well that he would be asleep when she got out and that was probably for the best. The hardest part for her was when she finally crawled into bed she rolled over and kissed him goodnight.

It was their thing, one thing they always promised each other they would do. A kiss goodnight or goodbye was not negotiable. Even if she didn't particularly like him at the moment.

"Where you going?" Adam was making coffee for both of them the next morning. He was dressed ready for work when Kim came down showered and dressed. He knew that she was on a night shift tonight.

"I'm going to get Polly." The rest of her sentence died on her tongue. It wouldn't have helped. She wanted to add that ' _you know your daughter who you dumped on my mother last night'_ but surprisingly caught herself just in time.

Adam held out her coffee. "Can you put it in a travel mug?" Kim hunted for her bag and phone.

"Take a minute and have your coffee."

"I don't have a minute." Adam sighed and hunted around for her mug. He dumped the hot coffee into it and held it out for Kim to take. "Will you be home tonight? Or should I get someone else to look after Polly while I am at work?"

"No, I'll be here."

He grabbed her lightly by the wrist as she slung her bag over her shoulder and pulled her closer for a kiss. He pressed his lips lightly against hers. "Have a good day, stay safe." Kim muttered, running her tongue lightly over her lips to capture the taste of coffee he left on them.

Adam gripped the sides of the bench with both hands and bowed his head. _'Fuck.'_ Why couldn't he stop himself from being a dick when shit like this happened? Kim had every right to be angry with him, shit he was even angry with himself, but recognising he was being a dick and doing something about it were two different things.

He stopped at the hospital on the way in. Atwater was sitting up, he still looked pale and his breathing was laboured although the nasal cannula was helping. Atwater picked up on his foul mood. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." Ruzek shrugged. "I just feel shit that you are here."

"Man, get over it. We did nothing wrong."

As much as Kim was pissed at Adam she did smile when she saw Polly's face light up when she saw him sitting beside Kevin's bed. After picking her up she decided to stop in and see Kev knowing that a visit from Polly would definitely cheer him up.

"Daddy." She cried and struggled to get out of Kim's arms, running into the room. "Up Daddy." He lifted her into his lap and kissed her sweetly. Kim knew, without a doubt that Adam adored her and would do anything for her. It was the times that he retreated so far into himself and shut her out that frustrated her. They just couldn't be those people anymore.

"Yes Kev is sick." He told her when she pointed at Kevin.

"I need my girl to kiss me better." Kevin added and Adam held her up to give him a kiss.

Ruzek kissed Burgess lightly on her offered cheek as he left. Leaving just the three of them. "What's he done now?" Kevin may have been jacked up on drugs but he wasn't that out of it.

"Oh you know Adam."

"So he's being a dick?"

"Don't worry about it. Just focus on getting better and out of this bed. You can't chase Polly around lying flat on your back."

"Burgess. It's me you're talking too."

"He is just frustrating sometimes when he gets inside his own head. He shuts us out and I can handle it but it's not fair to Polly."

"It's not one of his most endearing qualities."

"It is and it isn't." Kim laughed. "I do like that he feels things so deeply and he wants to always do the right thing by people but it's just not as easy anymore to let him go off and figure it out by himself. He was supposed to have Polly last night and sent her off to my mothers."

Kim took Polly into the station with her so that she could hand her over to Adam. They hadn't quite wrapped up for the day. Platt had offered to take Polly for half and hour while they finished up. Kim was just changing when he popped into the locker room. "We should be done soon. Where's Polly?"

"With Platt. How long?"

"An hour tops."

"Adam come on."

'What do you want me to do? Not do my job. I need to pick up Atwater's files."

"So you are not actually working a case, you are doing some of Atwater's paperwork?"

He knew that Kim was pissed at him that much was obvious and then when he suggested that he was going to take Polly into the hospital to visit Atwater once he was done he knew the shit was about to hit the fan. "She needs to be in bed by seven."

"I know." He snapped. "I am not completely fucking useless."

"Fuck you give me the shits sometimes. Seriously Adam." She slammed her locker door shut and gave him a frosty kiss goodbye.

"Stay safe." He called out to her rapidly retreating figure. Obviously she had told Platt to bring Polly upstairs sooner rather than later and barely ten minutes after Kim left Platt led her upstairs and pointed her in the direction of her father.

"So it's you and me Polly. What about we go visit Kev?" he had scooped her up and sat Polly on his lap. "You're mom is so pissed at Daddy? What should we do?"

"Kev." She repeated. Yep he was going to get no help from her and getting her home after eight, jacked up on McDonalds was not going to win him any favours.

"How's Polly?" he wasn't surprised that she called. They always had a chat late evening when either one was working. Fortunately he had just got her to sleep.

"Asleep."

"What did she have for dinner? She didn't have much lunch today."

"We grabbed some burgers and fries on the way home."

"Adam, really?"

"Kim please don't start. We stopped in to see Kev and it was getting late. She's fine, it won't kill her."

"Well aren't you just parent of the year right now?"

Adam sighed. He did not have the energy for this right now. He was tired and still on edge from Kev's shooting, having Kim nagging him about Polly was more than he could handle and he snapped. "Whatever Kim, obviously every fucking thing I do isn't good enough for you. Way to have my back. Stay safe Baby. I love you and I'll see you later." Kim couldn't believe he'd hung up on her.


	21. Chapter 21 - Ships in the night

Adam was asleep when Kim came in. He woke up briefly asked her about her shift, made sure she was okay and then kissed her goodnight as she crawled into bed.

He was up early, dressed and left for work before Kim even got out of bed. As always he left her a cup of tea beside the bed, dropped a quick kiss on her forehead and left while Polly was still asleep. Usually he would have stayed and got Polly up and given her breakfast but not today. He didn't want another argument.

Voight was surprised to see Adam sitting at his desk when he got in. He was usually always the first one in and the last to leave. "Has the sky fallen in?" Truth be told Ruzek was quite often the last one through the door and he understood why. That was not to say he didn't pull his weight because he did, at times more than was required. But being a parent required some serious juggling and he and Burgess seemed to have a pretty good grip on it and it didn't affect his work. They had all made some adjustments and it wasn't hard to have Polly around on the odd occasion, she was a bright light in their sometimes dark world.

"Just trying to keep up all Atwater's CI files as well as my own."

Voight noticed something. People always assumed he didn't really take much notice of things but he did. He could tell that Ruzek wasn't handling Atwater's shooting as well as he should. "You know Atwater's shooting wasn't your fault."

"I know."

"Then why are you acting like it is?"

"I keep going over and over it, did I miss something? Did we go in too quickly? I just want to get my head straight."

"You've got your IA interview today?"

"Yep."

"Did you tell Burgess?"

"No. She doesn't need to worry about this." Voight wasn't quite so sure about that. IA interviews were never pleasant no matter which side of the fence you fell. They'd all had their badges pulled at one stage or another or been raked over the coals for their actions or at times inaction. That was IA's job as annoying as they were.

He nodded and patted him on the back. "Get it done and get back here as soon as you can."

Al was also up his arse about his mood. "Jesus, what is with everyone lately. Just back off will ya?"

"Hey." Al poked a finger into his chest. "Watch your attitude. People are just making sure you are okay. Ease up okay?" Ruzek apologised immediately. He just wanted to get this interview over and done with and he wanted to look over and see Atwater back at his desk.

 _'Will you be home before Polly goes to bed?_

 _'Doubt it, just finishing up here and going to stop by the hospital.'_

He didn't get a response from Kim after the last message. He was already in the shit so it didn't matter how deep it was at this point. He needed to see Kev and he was quickly getting annoyed that all Kim seemed worried about was Polly. That probably wasn't entirely fair, of course he cared about Polly but she didn't see that he needed something as well. He needed his wife to support him too.

"You on your way home?"

"Yep." He scratched his rough beard. "Burgess has nightshift tonight so I've got Polly."

"You two fighting?" Atwater may have been up to his eyeballs on pain meds but some things even a blind man could see.

"That would require speaking and I don't think she's talking to me right now."

"Get your shit together."

He completely ignored Atwater. "I had my interview with IA today."

"And I bet they told you the same thing everyone else has. It was not your fault."

"Like a broken fucking record."

"Then why aren't you listening?"

"With all due respect Bro…." Atwater held up his hand to stop him speaking.

"Don't Bro me. I was there, I know what went down and this is all bullshit. You know it, everyone else knows it. Get over yourself and get home to your family."

He threw his bag in the mudroom and locked his gun away. Kim was curled up on the couch having a power nap, which she often did before a nightshift and he had hoped that he would get upstairs for a shower without waking her, not that he didn't want to see her but he knew she needed the sleep. Nightshift backed up by a day with Polly really took it out of her. If she could get a few hours before going into work that always helped. She pushed herself up into a sitting position as he came in.

"Hey. You're home." She grabbed her phone to check the time. It was a little after nine. She had about an hour before she had to get ready to leave. "How's Kev?"

"He's good. Another couple of days in hospital and he should be good to go home." He helped himself to a beer from the fridge and dropped down in the lounge chair. "How's Polly been?"

"Fine. She was asking for you."

Way to make him feel like shit. "Well she'll get me in the morning." he took a mouthful of beer. "I had an Interview with IA today."

"About the shooting? What did they say?"

"Same as everyone else. I did nothing wrong."

"Yet you still blame yourself obviously that's why you are like you are right now." She hugged her knees to her chest. "Why you can't stop yourself from stressing and worrying and hating on yourself."

Adam smiled at her sadly. She really did get him and he felt guilty for being so difficult. "You know me to well hey?"

"I do, doesn't mean I agree with it and am going to let you get away with being a complete tool."

"It would have been nice to have a little bit of support from you." Adam regretted it the moment the words left his mouth and he saw the flash of anger in Kim's eyes.

"You are a big boy Adam. If you wanted my support perhaps you could have shown me that you would have appreciated it. I will always support you but not when you are blowing me off. I am trying to do my job, be your wife and be a mother to your daughter. All you seem capable of doing is acting like you are the only cop in the world who has had to deal with a partner being shot." She pushed herself off the couch. "I'm going to shower and then I might go in early."

"Whatever." He said to exactly no one and he finished off his beer. Kim had already disappeared upstairs.

Adam groaned and peered at the clock. It was a not quite 3am and Polly was whimpering in her room. He had pretty much gone to bed as soon as Kim left. "Stay Safe." They had hugged briefly before she left, but that was usual. He lay awake listening for a bit to see if she went back to sleep but she didn't. "Mommy." She cried when he went to pick her up.

"Mommy's not here sweetie. It's just you and me." Thankfully she settled quickly in bed with him and while Polly went straight back to sleep he couldn't. He thought about her, how much he loved her and how he wanted to protect her from the world. He wanted to show her the beautiful side of the world especially since all he saw was the ugly side. Between Kim and Polly he had every reason to come home everyday. Having Kevin in hospital put a serious dent in his confidence to do that.

He peeled his eyes open and found two beautiful brown eyes staring back at him; they were the eyes of her mother just smaller. "Daddy." Polly patted his face lightly. "Awake Daddy."

"I am now." The last time he looked at the clock it was just after 4am and it was now barely 6. He closed his eyes again but that didn't last long. "Come and give me a cuddle." He pulled her into his arms and she happily snuggled in for a few more minutes.

Kim called him just as he was getting Polly's breakfast. "How was your night?" he shoved the phone between his ear and shoulder.

"Busy. And yours?"

"Well Polly was in my bed by 3 and awake by 6. She's just having breakfast. Will you be home or should I bring her in?" While Kim was due to finish at 730 more often than not she didn't get done in time so Adam would take her into the District for the hand over. Today was one of those days.

"Hey Adam." Kim whispered just before she hung up. "I love you."

"Back at ya Baby."

Polly was sitting up at Adam's desk when Voight arrived while he was grabbing himself a coffee. "Well, you are much prettier than the person who usually sits here." He chuckled.

"Pappa." Polly clapped her hands together and held them up for Voight to pick her up. They disappeared into his office and she was still in there when Kim came up.

"How are you today?" she stopped by Adam's desk.

"I'm okay." He dropped his pen and leaned back in the chair. "What are your plans for today?"

"I need some sleep, so Mum's I guess." At least they were having a civil conversation so that was a start. One more night of juggling and then Kim had a few days off, so as long as nothing jumped off a work they would have a couple of days to spend some time together.

"Burgess." Platt barked as she Burgess tried to get out of the building. "Bring my girl here." She demanded. Polly was happy to run around the desk into Platt's arms. Within a second she was up on desk and giggling away with Aunt Trudy. "Why do you look so miserable?"

"I'm tired."

"And you and husband of the year?"

"Like ships in the night at the moment."

"He's not doing well. This Atwater thing really shook him up."

"I know."

Platt had seen him sitting in the locker room after his interview with IA. She leant on the row of lockers and watched him for a moment. "I know everyone keeps telling you to get over it, that is wasn't your fault so I won't."

"Thanks."

"But can I ask, what exactly are you struggling with?"

Adam tilted his head back and sucked in a long shaky breath. "That it could have been me and I don't want to leave Kim and Polly."

"Adam." Platt folded her arms across her chest. "This is a dangerous job. You both signed up for that when you jumped into bed together. You have a beautiful daughter now and a wife that loves you. God knows why sometimes." She muttered the last line with a slight smile on her face. "You need to make everyday count for them. You could be an accountant, the safest most boring job in the world and get hit by a bus in your fancy suit, spilling your pocket protector all over the road."

"You have such a way with words that is unrivalled."

"Shake it off. Get your head back in the game and be grateful for everything you have. Sure you've got a lot to lose but that's because you have the most."

Polly wriggled her way across the desk towards Kim. "Stick with him." Platt slipped her glasses back on and waved them both away.

"Oh we will. We kinda like him. Don't we?" she looked at Polly. "We love Daddy yeah?"

"Love Daddy." Polly repeated.

Platt rolled her eyes, "Please just go. You hurt my head sometimes." her voice dripped with snark but she let a little smile creep across her face.

She was surprised that Adam made it home for dinner. He didn't tell her that Voight had basically kicked him out of the building. Atwater had visitors and no one was up for a drink. He swore that they were all ganging up on him. They all had his back, everyday at work and more than that they were his family, the same way Kim and Polly were.

"Daddy." Polly jumped up from her drawing when she heard the garage door. She looked at her mother expectantly. "Daddy's home."

"I think so." Kim loved her excitement every time she saw Adam. Sometimes it could be days before she saw him through no fault of his own and she knew he didn't really like it either. He would call her on face time just so he could talk to her before bed or in the mornings. They tried to make it work and it was hard enough. When Adam went into shutdown mode it made it even harder.

Adam scooped Polly up as she ran at him. "Hello Sweet Pea." He threw her up in the arm as she giggled and Kim felt herself forgiving him, almost.

He leant into Kim for a kiss and it linger for a few seconds. "Hey. How was your day?"

"Good." She responded coolly although that wasn't what she intended. "You're home early? I wasn't expecting to see you."

She felt Adam stiffen. He offered to give Polly a bath before dinner and disappeared upstairs with her before Kim could apologise. Even when he came back down and they ate dinner together it was obvious the strain was still there. "Why don't you go and get a few hours sleep." Adam offered once he had put Polly to bed.

"Adam." Kim put a hand on his arm as he came and sat beside her. Grabbing the remote he started flicking through the channels.

"What?" he snapped.

"I'm sorry. I am happy that you are home."

"Didn't seem like it." He threw the remote on the table. "You know I am trying."

"I know."

"You know, I know I've been a bit of a dick lately and certainly I have enough people telling me to sort my shit out. So I thought I would come home early and I guess I should be happy that Polly was at least happy to see me."

"Don't do this Adam. I was happy to see you but I must say I'd be more happy to see my husband from a week ago rather than this version of you."

"I don't want to fight with you right now. You're going to work soon, you should really get some rest. I know what you are like on your last shift before a break." He grabbed the remote again and flicked through until he found a game to watch. Kim wearily pushed herself out of the chair and headed upstairs. It was a few hours before he heard her moving around getting ready for work.

He tilted his head back to look at her. "You got some sleep?"

"Yep." When she leant in to give him a kiss her grabbed the back of her neck and extended the kiss. "I love you, be safe and we will see you in the morning."

He fell asleep on the couch and only woke when he heard Polly calling his name. He had no idea how long she had been awake but the crying had certainly ramped up. "Daddy." She cried. When he got up to her she was standing up, her face was red. "Sweetie, I'm sorry." He picked her up and rocked her gently. It was the sweetest feeling having her small head tucked up under his chin and his thoughts drifted to her mother and he realised how much he missed her lately.

It took a while to get Polly back to sleep. Every few minutes her chest would heave with a sob but eventually he felt her go completely limp in his arms. When he crawled into bed his arm reached out to Kim's side and he vowed that tomorrow night she would be back where she belonged. Close to him.

When Kim got home she found them both asleep in bed together. She stood at the doorway to their bedroom and looked at the two of them. Adam was curled around her little body protectively even if he was perched precariously on the edge of the bed. She pulled out her phone and snapped a photo of them together. There was hair everywhere, Adam's arm strong around his precious girl and her dark curls tucked up under his chin.

Kim crept into the room and grabbed some clothes before heading into the shower. It had been a long night and they barely got any downtime. She had tried to call Adam just before she left the station but he didn't answer. She guessed he was still asleep although he usually woke up when the phone rang. Rarely was it on silent unfortunately. He was always available. Her disappointment only evaporated when she saw them sleeping.

Adam heard the shower start. He blinked at the clock. She was early; it was just gone 8 am. He eased himself out of bed trying not to wake Polly. He wasn't surprised she was still asleep since they had been awake half the night. Something was annoying her last night and he got up three times and eventually just bought her into his bed about 530am. Polly had fidgeted and tossed about for a good hour before falling back to sleep.

"Good morning." he leant against the vanity. "You finished early."

"Yeah. We hit the ground running and the Desk sergeant took pity on us and let us check off early. I don't think we even got a chance to grab a coffee." She turned off the taps and as she stepped out of the shower Adam handed her a towel. "How was your night?"

"Up and down. She was not happy last night that's for sure."

Kim went to step around him to grab her clothes but Adam snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him. "Hey." He whispered before he grabbed the back of her neck pulled her in for a long slow kiss. "I've missed you." He muttered when they pulled apart.

"I missed you too." She wrapped both arms around his waist and leant against his chest. One of his hands was running across her bare shoulders and he buried his head in her hair and kissed her repeatedly. Suddenly Polly appeared in the doorway. "Mommy." Her voice was still laced with sleep as she rubbed her eyes. Adam dropped his head back and sighed as Kim untangled herself from him and picked Polly up for a cuddle. He just wanted Kim all to himself for a little bit. He wanted to reconnect with her in every possible way.

After a quick cuddle she handed Polly over to Adam so she could get dressed. All she wanted to do was to crawl into bed for a few hours but Polly had other ideas. They decided to go out for breakfast, there was a local café that had a playground nearby so once they had eaten Polly could have run around. Kim sat back and watched Adam and Polly play on the slide and swings. He seemed better today, more engaged and she felt that he was really trying and she vowed to let him know she appreciated it.

She slipped a hand in his as they walked home. It wasn't until Polly went down for a midday nap that they got a few moments alone. Kim wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his back as he was standing reading the paper. He grabbed both her hands and held them tightly for a few moments before spinning around and enveloping her in his arms. They stood there in silence.

"I want you so bad."

"Smooth Adam, very smooth."

"So you should go and get a few hours sleep now. You might not get the chance later." He slapped her butt playfully. Truth be told he would have loved to take her upstairs right now but chances were that Polly wouldn't be asleep for long enough for what he wanted to do.

"Wow. Polly calm down." She swung her head wildly from side to side in the trolley making it bounce all over the place. Adam placed both hands on hers as she had tight grip on the handle. "Stop it." He was starting to regret letting Kim sleep for the afternoon.

Firstly he took her into the hospital to see Kevin and unfortunately Kevin had chosen to share his candy stash with her and a glazed donut so right about now the sugar rush had kicked in as he wheeled his way around the supermarket trying to get the groceries done. It was up to him to cook dinner tonight and it was taco night in the Ruzek household. He tried to give her a banana that ended up squashed in his hand and in her hair so he gave up with only half of what he needed and went home. Kim was up and eyed him suspiciously when he carried in one bag of shopping and Polly bounded in behind him still as wild as ever.

"What happened?"

"Atwater happened. Atwater, candy and a donut."

While Kim bathed Polly Adam started dinner. When she came back down Adam retrieving his gun and badge from the safe. "Sorry Babe. I've gotta go." He was just as disappointed as she was. "I have no idea how long this is gonna take." They never did when they got called out. It could be done and dusted in an hour or two or he could not be home for days. She hoped it was the former. He kissed Polly goodnight before turning to Kim and laying one on her. "Just a preview."

It wasn't looking like he would get home much before the morning. He called Kim. "Babe, I'm so sorry. This is gonna take awhile, you should go to bed."

"Ah fuck it."

"I hear ya, I can tell you I would rather be home with you right now. I am itching to get my hands on you."

"What's the bet by the time you get home I won't be alone in bed?"

"As long as it only a little girl, no more than 2 and half foot tall I'll deal." The likelihood of Polly not being in their bed was slim. Morning sex was not a regular thing in their house, much to Adam's disappointment. He really did want to break this early morning visitor habit but then when Kim was a work he didn't mind it so much.

He did get home by mid morning and today it was his turn to crash out for a few hours but at least they got an afternoon together. They decided to have a Picnic by the lake and enjoy the warm afternoon sunshine, the fresh air would hopefully tire Polly out. Adam chased her around happily until he collapsed on the rug and Polly flopped down on top of him. Kim ran her hand through Adam's hair. "Welcome back."

As Polly tucked into a bowl of fresh berries Adam rested his head in her lap. "Atwater taking a bullet reminded me that I put my life on the line everyday and I don't want to leave you and Polly. I freaked out." He grabbed her hand and played with her fingers. "But Platt knocked some sense into me."

"I know how that feels. I just wish you hadn't shut me out."

"I'm trying now." He closed his eyes. "Platt reminded me that I did have a lot to lose but only because I have a lot."

"We are not going anywhere. She needs us, both of us." She pointed at Polly who was currently shoving as many blueberries in her mouth as possible.

Kim had to laugh at how keen Adam was to get Polly into bed after dinner "Adam, it's too early."

He rolled his eyes "She's tired."

"I promise you if you try to put her to bed too early it will take longer to get her to sleep and that would defeat the purpose."

"Baby." He groaned as he rested both hands on her hips, his fingers slipping underneath her t-shirt so he could touch her skin. Kim grabbed his belt buckle and let her hand brush against him knowing full well it was driving him insane.

Polly actually co-operated and was pretty much asleep as soon as Kim finished reading her story. She didn't even stir when Kim put her into bed. Adam was finishing up the dishes when she appeared downstairs. "Ads, honey." She beckoned him from the doorway. He didn't need to be told twice. He dropped the towel on the bench, grabbed her hand and ran up the stairs dragging his giggling wife behind him.


	22. Chapter 22 - Pre-season Training

"Happy Birthday Sweet Pea." Adam crept into Polly's room. The little girl was wide-awake and cuddling her favourite teddy like her life depended on it. He lifted her out of her cot and kissed her cheek. "Shall we go downstairs and let Mommy sleep a little?" Kim had got home a little after midnight and crashed after a bitterly cold and hectic shift. He didn't want to be up either, it was only 630 but there was no chance of Polly going back to sleep.

Polly rested her head on his shoulder. He couldn't believe his baby girl was two today. He really did love coming home to her. Polly's joy at seeing him helped rebalance and her innocence and gave him hope that there was still good in the world.

He made himself a coffee and toast and they sat down on the couch, turned on the TV and chilled out. Polly always helped herself to some of his toast before having a proper breakfast a little later. It was their little routine. Mornings didn't always work out this way, they weren't always so relaxed but he appreciated it when they did and this morning it was perfect. The worst was when both he and Kim started at the same time. They still hadn't got the early morning routine anywhere near perfected and it could often be a silent trip into work as they both cooled down.

Kim rolled over and reached out to find the bed beside her empty and the sheets cold. Heading downstairs she found her favourite people curled up on the couch, munching on toast and she stopped and watched them both for just a moment. Their life was busy, chaotic even, and monotonous. It was relentless and she wouldn't change anything.

The past year had been a blur. They had dealt with Adam being undercover several times meaning that he had been away for nights at a time, with the longest being just over a week. Kim would often stay with her parents when he was away working particularly if she was on shift as it was more settling for Polly. As all kids did they found that she did best with routine. Kim's constant changing shifts and juggling the care of Polly with Adam's erratic work schedule was hard work but so far they seemed to be managing.

Then Atwater had been shot and Adam took it pretty hard at the time and Kim had been pissed at him as he shut himself off from them. As Atwater recovered Adam settled down and things got back on an even keel but for a while they struggled to even talk to each other.

Polly had continued to amaze them though. She was changing constantly and watching her grow and develop her own personality was a joy. She was still very much a Daddy's girl and had him wrapped around her finger. She certainly had his temperament and they would butt heads with their stubbornness. Adam had yet to learn the fine art of negotiating with a toddler. He saw things as black or white and Polly saw every colour in the rainbow. He was lucky that because of Kim's shifts he probably got to spend more time alone with her than some father's did, often having her all night and on weekends. They had an incredible bond. She now talked constantly and Adam had taught her the odd phrase that Kim really wished he hadn't. Kim wasn't sure if Polly actually liked watching as much sport as she did or just liked to sit on her Dad's lap and cheer along with him.

"Happy Birthday my beautiful girl." Kim bounced down the stairs and joined them on the couch. Polly climbed into her lap for a cuddle as soon as she sat down.

"We wanted to let you sleep."

"I can't sleep. It's a special day." She kissed Polly's cheek and started to tickle her so she squealed and laughed and squirmed. Right now it was just the three of them on the couch sharing coffee and cold toast.

They had a house full of guests coming for Polly's Birthday in the afternoon. Fortunately both their mother's were sorting out the party food and cake, they just had to decorate the place, which they were sure they could manage. However it was no surprise that Adam had been less than helpful in that department. Once she shut down all this 'ideas' for the party he had pouted his way through the party supply shop, grumbling every time Kim held up something for his approval. He really hated pink and turned his nose up at everything and Kim eventually just ignored him.

"Burgess." Jay had cornered her previous week when she dropped into Intelligence. "Is it true that you put the kibosh on bubble soccer for the birthday party?" Adam had been keen and had even found an indoor venue nearby for them to hold Polly's 2nd birthday party in but Kim had shut him down and that's when his enthusiasm waned.

"She's Two….."

"But what are the adults supposed to do?"

"Ah, didn't Ruzek tell you it was fancy dress. Disney Princes & Princesses." Adam's head snapped up and Jay's mouth dropped open. "What?"

"Kidding."

The whole unit were there and Atwater and Halstead were probably the biggest kids of them all. They had the few other children there charging around like crazy in the snow and started an epic snowball fight that ended abruptly, as most things with kids in do in tears. Both of them appeared at the back door looking very sheepish and apologising profusely.

Polly was in her element; the Ruzek party animal in her was alive and well and her father definitely was egging her on. Her favourite present seemed to be the stuffed Koala that she received from their friends in Australia and she was still clutching it tightly as she fell asleep. Adam snapped a photo to send to them and he showed the photo to Kim. "That's cute." She smiled wearily.

Getting her into bed had been an event in itself. Kim stayed downstairs and tried to ignore the argument that was going between them yet every time Adam tried to leave the room she would start to cry again. She was overtired, irrational and completely hyped up on sugar. They vowed never to let her eat so much crap food again, but then again it was only your birthday once a year and Adam certainly remembered the best thing about his birthdays growing up was the copious amount of cake and candy you got to eat. Kim was determined however that it was all going in the bin tonight. Polly on a sugar high was ugly.

Kim was lying on the lounge room floor with eyes closed when Adam finally returned. "Wow what a day." He dropped down on the floor bedside his wife. "What you doing down here?"

"It's comfortable." She looked tired but content. "And quiet."

"True." He reached over and held her hand running his thumb back and forth over her palm. He was glad they had a couple of hours in the morning with Polly because they had barely spoken to each other for the rest of the day.

"And down here I can't see the mess in the kitchen."

"True." Adam repeated. It had been a long day but a lot of fun. He loved how much everyone adored their little girl and spoilt her but their place was trashed. The kitchen was covered with empty plates, a half eaten cake and other delightfully sticky crap. Kim had packed away some of her toys and stash of gifts but it still looked like a bomb had gone off.

They both enjoyed the silence for a while.

"Hard to believe this time two years ago you were cursing me for just breathing."

"I was not."

"Oh yes you were. I actually thought I would never have sex again."

"Of course that's what you were worried about."

"I had to take my focus off seeing what was happening to you." Adam smiled. "It's pretty horrific seeing your wife go through that."

"It's pretty horrific going through it." Kim reminded him good-naturedly. "I think it's time." Kim turned her head to look at Adam, who still had his eyes closed.

"Oh okay." He started to push himself up off the floor thinking that she meant starting the clean up. It was the last thing he felt like doing, although the thought of facing it in the morning was not very appealing either. Kim tugged on his hand making him lie back down, not that it took much to convince him.

"I think it's time we had another baby."

He opened his eyes and found Kim staring at him. "Really?"

"Don't you?" Rather than answer he rolled over and jumped up and grabbed her hands to pull her up off the floor. "Okay let's go."

Kim laughed as Adam dragged her up the stairs. "Well it's not going to happen tonight. My period is due in two days time."

"Think of it as pre-season training."


	23. Chapter 23 - Keep Banging On

Lindsay looked sideways at Ruzek as they were heading out to interview the parents of a missing teenager; she had been gone for three days and had gotten herself mixed up with some pretty nasty gangers. "Who pissed in your cheerio's?" His mood was as dark as the rain heavy clouds.

"Nobody pissed in my cheerio's" Ruzek adjusted his gun as it dug into his hip and continued flicking through the case notes without even looking at Lindsay. "But thanks for asking."

Lindsay took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "Are you and Burgess okay?" she asked, somewhat tentatively.

"We are fine." He snapped. He turned and gave Lindsay a forced smile. "Better?"

"What did you do?" Burgess was one of her few close female friends and she had been worried about her for the last few weeks. Something just seemed off but she kept brushing her off. Lindsay let it go, knowing precisely what it was like when people constantly stuck their noses in when it was not wanted. Ruzek seemed his usual self, until today.

"I take offense that you think I have done something." Ruzek sighed. "Why does everyone think it's my fault when Burgess is upset? You know we have been happily married for two years now I think I know how not to piss off my wife."

"Sorry, but you can't honestly tell me that you don't piss her off sometimes."

"Oh I know I piss her off, constantly but trust me I know exactly when I have and this one is not on me."

He knew that she was upset this morning the moment she came and buried her head in his back as he stood in the kitchen making Polly some breakfast. He had felt the defeat in her stance and the tears through his shirt. It broke his heart because hated seeing her cry. He had tried his best to comfort her but it made no difference. He knew she was starting to worry and that wasn't helping the situation. They had been told to relax and when he had suggested that she burst into tears again.

"Did you see Burgess this morning?" He asked, softening his voice. He had left before Kim as she was dropping Polly off at her mother's before her shift started.

"I did, she looks tired. She looked like she had been crying." Lindsay pulled up to the curb and turned to Ruzek before getting out. "I didn't mean to pry. I just don't like seeing you both miserable. What hope have Jay and I got if you two can't work it out?"

Ruzek jumped out of the car. "Hey Lindsay." He waited until she faced him. "Thanks for your concern, but really we are fine. She's not pissed at me I swear she was just having a rough morning."

"Is it Polly?" A knot formed in Lindsay's chest. They all adored that little girl and loved her like one of their own and the thought that there may be something going on with her didn't bear thinking about.

They headed up the path to the door. "Polly is great. A little too cheeky for her own good at the moment, but she's all good."

They interviewed the parents and got very little extra information, which was frustrating. "Well that was a waste of fucking time." He growled when they got back in the car.

Lindsay pulled into a café. "Let's grab a coffee." She insisted. Ruzek groaned and reluctantly followed her in. When they were seated with their coffees she finally spoke. "So out with it."

Ruzek breathed out slowly and leant back against the seat. Gripping the coffee mug in his hands he stared at the black liquid for a moment. He knew that there was no way out of this conversation. "When Polly turned two we decided to start trying for another baby. This morning, well let's just say. We are not pregnant." He felt like he was betraying Kim by talking about it. It was disappointing for him, maybe not as much as it was for Kim, but he wanted nothing more than to have another child with her. "We weren't even considering babies when we had Polly and now we want one it's just not happening." Polly was now two and a half and they both loved her like crazy and had always planned to add to their family so the past six months had been frustrating for them both.

"Oh." Erin didn't know what to say so she just leant over and squeezed his hand.

"Please don't say anything to Kim. She feels bad enough already and she would be mortified if she knew I had told anyone. It's been pretty rough and I hate seeing her so upset. It kills me. I just want to give her what she wants."

"Have you seen anyone?"

"Yep, but until you have been trying for a year they are not interested." He shrugged and smiled. "So I guess we just keep banging on….so to speak." He laughed and patted Lindsay's hand and thanked her for listening. She promised to keep it to herself.

Jumping back in the car Ruzek felt a little better, it had been a relief to talk about it. God knows Kim didn't want too. "Do you think you and Halstead would be up for a little babysitting soon?"

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

"Way back when we first started going out we spent a weekend up at my cousin's place near Crystal Lake. It's a little cabin in the woods. I thought we could get away for a couple of nights and just chill out and relax, just the two of us."

"Good idea." She would love nothing more than to spend a weekend with Polly. She and Jay had started talking about whether they were ready for kids but she still wasn't sure she was cut out to be a mother. Perhaps she was better being an Aunt, and the best Aunt in the world to Polly. "I'll talk to Jay."

"Now I've just gotta convince Burgess."

"Hey Darlin'." Kim was already home when he arrived home with Polly. She had been with his in-laws today and he had finished work first so went to pick her up. As soon as he put Polly down on the floor she took off towards her mother. "Mommy." She ran with her hands out. Kim scooped her up and planted a big kiss on her cheek. "Did you have a good day with Gran?"

"Yes." Adam slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her on the temple. "Your Mom says she's been an angel but then again she could burn down the house and they still would think she's an angel, although no sleep. We did some serious singing in the car to stay awake. She's had dinner though." Often she would have dinner at either of their parent's house, as it was late by the time they got home and Polly couldn't wait. Hungry Polly was quite feral, so they would just have to give her a bath and then they always spent some time playing and reading before tucking her into bed.

Kim forced herself to smile. "I love you, you know." Adam declared loudly. "Me Daddy." Polly asked.

"Yep, you too sweet pea. Alright." He grabbed her out of her mother's arms and set her down. "Bath time." And she ran off squealing up the stairs. "Daddy, daddy." She called when he didn't follow immediately.

"Are you okay?" he asked Kim. She nodded and kissed his cheek. "I'm fine."

Adam really wished that Kim would talk to him more. She would do anything to change the subject whenever he tried to broach it with her. He would ask her how she was feeling and she would brush it off. "I'm fine, a little disappointed but it is what it is." She would shrug and either busy herself with Polly or find some other excuse to leave the room.

"Can I run something by you?" She was curled up against his chest watching something mind numbing on TV. She pushed herself up so that she was looking at him before he continued. "How about you and I go away for a weekend?"

"What for? What about Polly?"

"Two nights, that's all. Just you and me. We haven't been away for ages and I thought it might be good for us."

"So I can relax. Is that what you mean?" It came out a little harsher than she expected and she felt him stiffen.

"Geez Kim. Is it a sin to want to spend time alone with you?"

"No it's not. I just don't want your pity."

"Pity you? Have you thought that maybe I feel as gutted as you. What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing." He could see the tears brimming in her eyes before she wiped them away angrily.

"You know this isn't easy for me either." He clenched his hand tightly. "I don't suppose that really matters to you though does it? Do you think I like seeing you like this? Do you think I like the fact that you won't even talk to me about it?"

"What is there to talk about? I'm not pregnant. End of story. Life goes on."

"What is there to talk about?" he repeated, annoyed at himself for letting his frustrations show. "Oh I don't know how about how upset you are every time you get your period? Or how about you are worried that there is something wrong? How about what do we do next, if you don't fall pregnant? How about how I feel about it?" They were both surprised at the tone of his voice, how harsh his words sounded, except for the last sentence. It was then that his voice cracked a little with emotion. His hand was still clenched tightly on his thigh.

"I'm sorry. I just really wanted this. I didn't think it would be like this. I mean I threw up three pills and we had Polly and now…." She held her hands out. "Nothing. I don't know how to talk about it without feeling so helpless. I am scared that if we talk about it that it will make it real. I promise myself that next month will be different and if it doesn't happen then I will talk about it and then that month comes and I promise myself next month…." Her voice trailed off.

She noticed his clenched fist and ran her hands across his knuckles until he relaxed his hand. "I didn't mean to shut you out."

"I know and I wish I could make it happen. I am doing my best." She smiled sadly and she rested her head on his chest and enjoyed feeling his hand cradling her head as it rose and fell with each breath.

And he was, she knew he was as keen as she was. She knew he was worried about why it wasn't happening and what it was doing to her. He put up with her craziness and never said no when she told him that the time was right. Not that that was unusual, he rarely said no to sex. Ever!

He had wanted to try for another baby earlier than she did. He would have been happy to start trying as soon as Polly turned one but she wanted to get back to work for awhile and she felt Polly needed to be her number one focus for a bit longer and now she was starting to blame herself for that. What if they waited too long? It was not that she was old but they were now both on the wrong side of 30 and things were not going to get better.

They agreed not to talk about not being pregnant for the weekend they were away. Erin and Jay were excited to be spending the weekend with their favourite girl and spoiling her rotten, although both Adam and Kim were pretty sure they had no idea what they were letting themselves in for. Polly barely gave them a second glance when they left and Erin had sent them a video of her and Jay down at the park as Polly squealed with laughter on the swings. Another annoying little trait of hers lately…the high-pitched squeal. It literally sent shivers down Adam's spine every time he heard it. "Ah, that's my girl." Adam laughed after watching the video. She also managed to get an ice cream out of them too, all within the first few hours.

They didn't want to think about how much crap Polly was going to get away with this weekend.

The cabin was small but cosy. It hadn't changed at all. The leather sofa was still cracked and worn but it was soft and welcoming. They wouldn't be needing the stone fireplace this time round. Their last visit had been during winter and they had spent the whole time curled up in front of the roaring fire drinking wine, reading, sleeping and the sex, well that was just mind blowing. It had been their first real trip away together as a couple.

The bedroom was large with big windows overlooking the small creek that ran past the door. It was peaceful; there were no TV's or radios, although Adam had brought his IPod and speakers. He grabbed the bags from the car as Kim unpacked their food. She grabbed him a beer and poured herself a soda water having given up alcohol when they decided to try for another baby. It had been a nagging worry of hers throughout Polly's pregnancy that she had been drinking before she knew she was pregnant and that constant concern that it may have done some damage to her unborn baby was only alleviated as Polly grew and developed normally. This time was the chance to prepare properly for pregnancy. Adam had joked recently that perhaps it was the alcohol that helped her conceive in the first place. That joke was received with a stony silence.

She handed him his beer as he came back into the main room. He took a mouthful and set it down and took her glass from her hand. "Come here." He pulled her into him. "Do you really know how much I love you?" he kissed her on the mouth.

"I do."

"Do you know how hot I think you are?" He kissed her behind one ear.

"I do."

"Do you know how much I want to kiss every single inch of you?" He kissed her neck. He pulled aside the strap of her dress and trailed a row of kisses along her collarbone.

The weekend was just what they needed. They hiked through the woods, sat and dangled their feet in the creek, splashed around, and laughed. They danced, ate and loved each other. He liked how she responded to his touch, he liked how she leant on him while she read a book or how she constantly needed to be near him and he loved how every night she curled into his side as he wrapped his arms around her and woke up to find her in the same place the next morning.

They were not sure who was more excited when they got home. Polly or Erin and Jay. Polly ran across the room when she heard her father's booming voice as Erin opened the door. "Hey sweet pea." He called out. Her head snapped up from her toys and she knocked over the tower that Jay had been helping her build in her rush to get to him.

"She's exhausting." Jay handed Adam a beer. "Does she have an off switch? She obviously takes after you."

"Not really an off switch, she just kinda recharges when she's asleep."

Polly came barrelling towards them. She flung herself at her Dad, who just managed to catch her before she knocked the beers off the table. "Slow down Sweetie."

"Sorry Daddy." She climbed up on his lap and Adam kissed the top of her head. "It's okay." She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and it melted his heart. While he had loved the weekend away they did miss her like crazy.

Her hair had grown so much lately but he had to laugh at Erin & Jay's haphazard attempt to control it. Burgess refused to cut it and he had to admit it was pretty cute to see her with two little ponytails. Right now, however she looked like she had been dragged through a hedge backwards. Although he had plenty of practice now he was still pretty basic in his hair controlling attempts but he could get it into a ponytail or two. He'd come along way from struggling to get her tiny arms and legs into anything when she was first born.

"You get used to it. It's pretty quiet without her. I guarantee later tonight you'll think the place is too quiet."

"I don't know about that. We have barely slept all weekend, I reckon we'll just crash. It's been a good reality check…." Halstead instantly regretted his comment as soon as he saw a flash of pain in Ruzek's eyes. "Sorry man."

Adam held up his hand. "Don't worry about it. A couple of years ago I would have been right there with you."

"How was the weekend?" Erin asked as Kim started packing up all Polly's toys that she had managed to scatter around the room, however Erin did inform her that Polly was not alone in creating the mess. Jay had been right along side her as her partner in crime.

"It was great. Thank you for looking after Polly. I really appreciate it, we both do."

Erin pulled her in for a hug. "It's fine, all good. We had a great time with her. She's so precious."

Kim sat back on her heels, holding one of Polly's dolls in her hands. "I know Adam told you that we are not having any luck having another baby."

"He did but only because I pushed him."

"I wanted to tell you, but it just makes it so real you know. Admitting it." A silent tear slid down her cheek. "We really needed to get away this weekend and just forget about it for awhile."

Erin told her about her own doubts about being a mother. Everyone had a reason. "What if it never happens? Will you and Adam be okay?"

Kim didn't even have to think about her answer. "We will. We have Polly and maybe that's it for us and if that's the case we are better off than a lot of other people."

Polly crashed in the car on the way home. "What did they do to her?" Adam laughed, as she did not even stir when her pulled her out of the car. He was grateful that they had put her in her pyjamas before they left so she could go straight to bed. It was the last they heard from her for the night.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Kim asked Adam as he came back down from putting Polly to bed. He nodded and slipped his hand into hers. "If nothing happens I am not sure I want to go down the path of IVF or anything like that." Kim started nervously. "We have Polly and I am so grateful for her. I saw what IVF did to my sister; it almost broke them. Would you be disappointed or angry at me?"

"Angry at you?" he asked almost incredulously his thumb gently rubbing her cheek as he cradled her face. "How could I ever be angry at you? I hate seeing you so upset and disappointed now, I couldn't even imagine watching you go through that process. If it turns out that we only have Polly then so be it. I am luckier than I ever thought I would be to have two beautiful women in my life. I couldn't love you or Polly anymore than I do. Please don't ever think that I would be angry or disappointed in you, that would break my heart." She smiled at him sadly. "You and Polly are my whole world."

"Maybe this is how it meant to be. I know that it really stung Amanda that we had no problems getting pregnant the first time. Maybe Polly was an anomaly and it was not supposed to be so easy."

"Then I am grateful that we managed to slip one through."

Kim slapped his arm playfully. "It amazes me that you always know how to turn something sweet into something slightly seedy."

"I'd like to do something slightly seedy with you right now."

Cocking one eyebrow in his direction she smiled suggestively. "What did you have in mind?"


	24. Chapter 24 - Did the Deed

"Hey Kim." He called out as he came through the door, dropping his bag in the hall and checking his gun into the safe. The house was silent, which obviously meant they were out because Polly was never quiet. Heading into the kitchen he finally noticed the note pinned to the fridge. _'Polly & I have gone for a run.'_

He grabbed a beer from the fridge and headed upstairs for a shower. Sitting on the vanity was a pregnancy test and he nervously picked it up and noticed it was unopened and his heart skipped a beat. It had been almost a month since the weekend away and he was switched on enough to know that her period was well and truly late but they hadn't talked about it. Or more to the point Kim refused to talk about it.

He replaced the box on the vanity and grabbed his beer as he heard the garage door open. "Daddy Daddy." He could hear Polly calling out for him. He hadn't been home in time last night to see her and was up and out early this morning as well. Adam met her at the bottom of the stairs, her smile lighting up her face as well as his as he swung her up into the air. "Hey sweet pea. You and Mummy been out for a run?"

"Yep. Running, running fast." She giggled and wiggled her way free. Adam grabbed Kim's hand as she brushed past him. "Hey."

"Hey." Kim leant against him and kissed him softly. "Good day?"

"Yeah. Busy." He licked his lips at the salty aftertaste of her kiss and waited for her to say something. "So, I went upstairs to take a shower. You got something to tell me?"

"So you saw it?"

"It was hard to miss." He slipped a hand around her waist and pulled her closer. "You haven't taken it yet?"

"No. I wanted to wait for you. I don't think I could do it alone. I am trying not to get my hopes up."

"As soon as Polly's in bed we'll do it together." he kissed the top of her head. They were snapped out of the moment by a loud crash. Polly had tired to reach her box of crayons from the bookshelf and the box had come crashing down. She was standing in the middle of the room surrounded by crayons and her bottom lip quivering. "Sorry Daddy."

"Be careful Polly." He bent down and started picking them up and putting them back in the box and asked Polly to help. "No." she grabbed the crayons out of the box as quickly as Adam put them in. "It's dinner time."

"No." she yelled defiantly. "I draw."

"And you want to do this again?" he looked up at Kim who was watching from the doorway. For the first time in a long time she looked really happy and something deep inside told him that it was all going to work out the way they wanted.

Waiting for the pregnancy test this time was definitely different. The first time they were terrified that it was going to come back positive, now they were terrified it wasn't. Kim left it on the sink and came back into the bedroom sat down next to Adam on the bed and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Kiss me."

Of course he obliged.

After a few moments he realised that she was stalling and gently pushed her away. "Quit trying to distract me." He kissed her quickly. "Which by the way was working."

He jumped up and grabbed the test. Bringing it back into the room with his hand still covering the result. "You ready?" Kim nodded and he turned it over so they could both see it at the same time. Adam couldn't stop smiling and Kim cried and this time he was more than happy to see her tears.

"Can I just say that my idea for a weekend at the cabin…" he held his hands up in victory. "Awesome idea. Well played Ruzek. Which time do you think did the deed? Was it…."

She placed her hand over his mouth. "You're an idiot."

"Yeah….but I'm your idiot and you love me."

Kim still wouldn't let herself get too excited until she had it confirmed by a blood test. It was another week before they could get an appointment with their Doctor but everyday that passed without Kim getting her period she became more hopeful. On her first day off the Doctor confirmed that she was about six weeks pregnant. Adam hadn't been able to get out of work so she went alone with a promise to call him as soon as she was done.

"Hey Babe, Al and I are just heading back now. All good?"

"All good." She understood that it wasn't the right time to talk about in case Al overheard. "Got the all clear."

As he hung up Al looked at him from the corner of his eye. Adam turned his face away slightly as he smiled. "Polly alright?"

"Yep, she's good. Doing everything she should be and plenty of things she shouldn't." He tried to put on a poker face but Al was onto him. He didn't push it though. If Adam had something to tell him he would.

He dropped his bag as soon as he was through the door and was delighted when Kim came running and jumped into his arms. "Wow. I guess someone is happy. I like it."

"I suppose you are happy with yourself now." Kim teased him as he put her down.

"Yep. I am indeed…." He nudged her slightly.

The next day Erin looked at Adam as he bounded up the stairs. He seemed quite chirpy this morning and as soon as he went into the break room for his morning coffee she followed him and closed the door. "Tell me that you are happy for a reason?"

"You can't say anything. Promise me."

"Is Burgess pregnant?"

"She is, but it's still early so we are cautiously optimistic and keeping it to ourselves."

Kim had still been a little apprehensive until she started feeling the nausea and sore boobs and the tiredness and then she finally started to embrace it and Adam allowed himself to get excited about it.

"I'm so happy for you both. How is Burgess?"

'Tired, cranky and nauseous."

They both finished work at the same time and headed over to her parents to pick up Polly. "Don't be mad at me…." He started, looking at her from the corner of his eye as he drove. She had closed her eyes as soon as she got in the car. "What did you do?" she asked without opening them.

"Lindsay figured it out."

Her eyes snapped open. "How?"

Adam reached over and grabbed her hand. "I guess she saw how happy I am right now and put two and two together. She won't tell anyone." Kim sighed. Of course Erin would figure it out, they had both been pretty down about it so naturally any change in mood would alert her.

Apart from Lindsay and most likely Halstead they managed to keep it a secret until Kim hit the three-month mark. Erin had been a good ally, running interference when needed.

"You know I am a little bit sad about announcing it to the whole world." Adam was leaning against the bathroom vanity as Burgess cleaned her teeth. He was getting ready for bed and she was getting ready for night shift. She spat out a mouthful of toothpaste, "What?"

"I like having this little secret between us. No interference, no well meaning advice and definitely no stupid questions. What are you having? When are you due? Are you going to find out? Do you want a boy or girl? Blah blah blah."

"Last time you couldn't wait to tell everyone?"

"Yeah but I didn't know what we were letting ourselves in for, this time we do. I've just enjoyed the last few weeks of just us knowing." He shrugged and grabbed his toothbrush as Kim finished and moved aside.

"It's been nice, but you know people will start to notice soon enough. I actually think I am looking a little bigger this time round." She rested her hands on her flat stomach. Adam didn't think she looked much different at all.

"Your boobs have grown."

"Typical." She muttered, kissing him quickly before heading downstairs. "Have a good night. See you in the morning."

He brought Polly up to Intelligence in the morning while he was waiting for Kim to finish her night shift. She would take her over to her mothers and get a few hours sleep before heading home. The whole team was upstairs ready to pick up where they had left off with their current case. Ruzek held Polly's hand as she stubbornly decided she wanted to climb the stairs herself; it was a slow going. The determination on her face was adorable though. Once she reached the top of the stairs she yelled. "Surprise."

Voight dropped to his knees as she ran at him. "Papa." Polly fell into his arms for a cuddle. He may be the gruffest boss around and most people knew not to get on his bad side lest you get a trip to the cage or worst still the silos, but this one loved him and had him wrapped around her finger. He had no bad side when it came to Polly. "Sorry boss, Burgess is just finishing up downstairs, she'll be up in a minute." Voight didn't mind at all. It was a nice start to the day before they got into the dark side of Chicago.

"Polly." Adam called her. "Do you have some news?" He had spent the previous evening coaching Polly and started again on the way in.

"Baby." She yelled throwing her arms in the air dramatically. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked from Polly to Adam. "Baby." She yelled again. Erin smiled at Adam.

"Ruzek. Something to tell us?" Voight asked, standing up as Polly went in search of Jay, her next favourite. She knew he had something hidden in his drawer just for her.

"Indeed. There is a Ruzek 2.0 on the way. Polly is going to be a big sister."

"Well that is great news." Voight was the first to speak just as Burgess came up the stairs. Polly spotted her first. "Mommy, Baby." She squealed extracting herself from Jay's lap, where she had successfully gained a glittery sticker and ran towards her mother.

Kim snuck down the back stairs with Polly and sent her off to find Platt. She knew precisely where she would be and headed behind the desk. Platt's eyes lit up as Polly slipped behind the desk and tugged at her leg. "Well hello precious." She helped sit her up on the desk. "What are you doing here?" she looked around for either Burgess or Ruzek but could see neither.

"Surprise." Polly clapped her hands together.

"It is a nice surprise." It wasn't' often that Platt smiled but this one certainly always made her do so. "Where is your mommy?"

"Mommy got baby." Polly declared loudly. Adam would be so proud.

"Burgess." She called out. "Get your butt out here now." Swinging her head around looking for any sign of her patrol officer. Burgess appeared from around the corner. "You called Sarge? Oh good you found her, I was wondering…" Platt held up her hand to stop her finishing the sentence.

"Don't play dumb with me. Your daughter has just dropped you in it. Has Ruzek done the deed again?"

"He has."

"Well about bloody time. Let's hope it's as cute as this one." She tickled Polly who fell about he desk squealing and laughing.

"I hope so too." Burgess was more prepared this time for the changes that would come. "I think I should give up patrol sooner rather than later though."

"No repeats of last time?"

They were hoping that she would be detailed back up to Intelligence again she had certainly enjoyed being upstairs while she was pregnant with Polly, It wasn't strictly a desk job, which she liked. Platt was sure to have that sorted out by the time she got back to work next week. She just had one more shift to get through.

Her mother helped Polly out of the car when she pulled up. "You look tired Darling. Busy shift?"

"Yeah. Long night." She grabbed her bag from the car and followed her mother inside. Ellen offered to make her something to eat. "No thanks, I grabbed something before the end of shift." She was feeling pretty crappy today.

"Just a coffee then? Or do you want tea?" Ellen put the kettle on the stove to boil.

"No coffee, not for the next year at least."

Ellen literally ran across the kitchen to pull her daughter out of her chair for a hug. Everyone had been waiting for this day, surprised that they had taken so long to have another baby. She had thought about asking Kim about it one day but doubted that Kim would tell her much. She kept so much close to her chest. Right now she could barely contain her excitement and fired questions at her daughter.

"I am pretty well, tired mostly and a bit queasy. We have just ticked over the 12 week mark." She rested her hands on her flat stomach. "We are pretty excited."

Kim finished a cup of tea and went for a sleep. It wasn't unusual for her to sleep at her mother's during the day between her two nightshifts so that her mother could watch Polly for her. She would take her home in the afternoon and Adam would take over tonight. Today she slept for almost eight hours straight completely exhausted.

Adam had taken Polly to his mother's house for breakfast the next morning while Kim slept after her last night shift. It had been a busy night for her and Roman and coupled with the pregnancy it had knocked her about. She felt pretty nauseous by the time she got home. Adam made her something to eat and encouraged her to get a few hours sleep. Polly was more than happy to visit with Nan and Pop.

Janet was always happy to see Adam and Polly and it wasn't unusual for them to come over on weekends when Kim was sleeping off a night shift. "How was work?" she asked as she poured Adam some coffee.

"Busy week." Polly had disappeared outside to find her Pop. "It will be nice to have the weekend off together though. Kim finished up this morning. Her last night shift for awhile."

"It was good that you have been able to have Polly these last few nights then." Janet pulled up a chair to the table and sat down and sipped her coffee. Edward would come in and cook breakfast soon enough.

"We won't have to worry about it for awhile. Kim will be off patrol next week." He paused briefly to see if his mother figured it out, she didn't. "She's pregnant."

Janet was just as excited this time around. It seems everyone had been holding their breath waiting for them to get around to it.

"She's okay, feeling pretty crappy today so she's at home sleeping right now. She's three months along and everything is going well."

Polly and Edward came in and obviously Polly had already spilled the beans. "This little girl is telling me that Mommy is at home sleeping because of the baby. Is she?"

"Indeed she is."

Kim was still asleep when they got home. He tried his best to keep Polly quiet but she had a mind of her own. Even taking her outside to help with the gardening didn't help. She ran around the yard squealing. Of all her traits, and he did love her little personality the squealing was the one thing he hated. It made his skin crawl. Kim appeared on the back porch nibbling on some dry crackers. The sleep seemingly had done little to ease her nausea today.

Adam noticed her watching them and was just about to come over and see how she was when Kim turned and fled back into the house, heading straight to the bathroom and just making it before she vomited. She slid down the tiles and sat on the floor, eyes closed and resting her head against the wall. _'Well that was completely unexpected.'_ She thought to herself.

Adam found her sitting on the floor. "Babe?" he crouched down beside her resting his hand on her forehead, which was a little clammy.

Kim closed her eyes again. "Well this isn't pleasant."

He grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the cold tap before wiping her face. "Where did that come from?" Although she had felt pretty nauseous through the early stages both pregnancies she had never actually vomited.

"I don't know." She whimpered. She didn't do sick well. Adam quickly disappeared to find Polly who was still outside and called her in and set her up in front of the TV to watch a movie.

Kim was hunched over the toilet again when he got back. He rubbed her back gently and handed her the washcloth when she was done. "Let's get you up off the floor and into bed." He slipped his arms under hers and helped her stand, her legs a little wobbly.

"That's what got me in this situation." At least she still had her sense of humour.

"Are you sure it's not just something you ate or is there something going around at work?" He asked as he supported her up the stairs. "You've never been sick before."

"I know. It's weird hey?" He lowered her onto the bed. Kim edged back slowly and closed her eyes with the cool washcloth covering them letting another wave of nausea wash over her. Adam could see her breathing deeply and went and grabbed a towel and just made it back in time to catch Kim's next round of vomiting.

He grabbed a bucket from the laundry and put it beside the bed, drawing the curtains to darken the room he scooted downstairs to get a glass of water and check on Polly who was still thoroughly engrossed in the movie. Kim had vomited again by the time he got back. She opened her eyes when he rested a hand on her forehead. "Again?"

"Sorry." Kim struggled to sit up. "I'll get rid of it." As soon as she moved her stomach lurched and Adam grabbed the bucket and managed to catch the contents of her stomach. Kim fell back against the pillows. "Okay you can do it." He re-wet the washcloth and lay it on her forehead.

Sitting on the edge of the bed he rested a hand on her thigh while Kim tried to find a position that made her feel more comfortable. She hated being sick and could feel her heart thudding in her chest and her hands were shaking as her stomach gurgled and churned.

Adam alternated between holding the bucket for Kim and scooting downstairs to check on Polly. Not what he had planned to do on his day off.


	25. Chapter 25 - I want it to stop

As the morning wore on Kim appeared to be getting worse, not better so Adam called Ellen. "Can you come and look after Polly please?" His mother in law could hear the desperation in his voice, he didn't know what else to do.

"What's wrong? Is Kim alright? Is it the baby?"

Adam had spent the last few hours running between keeping Polly entertained and away from Kim and cleaning up after she vomited again. She was keeping nothing down, not even sips of water and she was cold and clammy and couldn't stop shivering despite the extra blankets she had asked for. It had got to the point where she was dry retching because she had nothing left in her stomach.

"I think she may have a stomach flu, she's been vomiting all day and not eating or drinking. She is not even tolerating water at the moment. I want to take her to get checked out."

He had called Will Halstead who had initially suggested to rest and keep offering her fluids. "Man, she's pregnant." Adam interrupted him. "About three months and it's freaking me out." He didn't want to wait to see what was going to happen. They had waited so long for this baby and having this going on right now scared the shit out of him.

"Bring her in. We'll pop her on some fluids and check out the baby. Any cramping or bleeding?"

"No, I don't think so. Just vomiting, she's shivering and pale and can't even keep water down. It's been going on for four hours now."

Ellen and John were there in no time. John insisted on driving them so that Adam could sit in the back with Kim who didn't have the energy to protest about being taken to hospital. Will Halstead was waiting outside with a wheelchair and took her straight through to the ER and started an IV. Adam sat beside her bed, holding her hand and never taking his eyes off her. He leapt out of his seat every time she started dry retching again and sat nervously waiting for the Doctor to come in between bouts.

Will checked her Blood Pressure which was fine, if not a little low but the dehydration would probably explain that, took her temp and asked about headaches or a stiff neck. They quickly ruled out Meningitis much to Adam's relief; that was one less thing to worry about. They also took some blood and sent that off.

They had been there an hour before OB finally came down. Adam was starting to get annoyed and had been out to the desk every 15mins to find out what was going on. No one ever called Adam Ruzek a patient man; he did everything at a million miles an hour and expected the same in return. Throw in that it was his wife who was sick and her pregnancy and he had even less patience than usual. They looked at her notes and asked Adam a few questions while Kim slept. "Any problems with the pregnancy so far?"

"No, none at all."

"Morning sickness?"

"At bit queasy at times but no vomiting. Not with this pregnancy or the last. It just started suddenly this morning. She's nearly 13 weeks."

"And today, just the vomiting. No cramping, bleeding?" He shook his head as the Doctor added the notes to her file. Once Will had asked him that on the phone he had woken Kim up and asked her and even checked beneath the sheets for any bleeding. "And you've had a dating scan already? Nothing unusual picked up there." He was reading her notes out loud.

"No nothing that they told us. It was only last week. They said everything was fine."

"Now there could be a couple of things going on. It could be just a stomach flu or something she ate or it could be something like Hyperemesis Gravidarum."

"What's that?" Adam started panicking. He had no idea what that was but he certainly didn't like the sound of it.

"It's excessive vomiting bought on by pregnancy. It can get pretty nasty and can last just a few weeks or the whole pregnancy, but we are not there yet."

"Is there a test for that?"

"No, we will just have to wait and see if this bout of vomiting subsides. I would be surprised if it's not just a short-term thing though. Hyperemesis usually starts a bit earlier than 13 weeks. Anyway let's have a look at this baby."

Adam shook Kim lightly. "Honey, OB is here and want to check the baby." She groaned and rolled over. Adam was relieved when they found the baby and it looked perfectly fine, its heartbeat was strong and steady. He knew Kim would also be relieved but she could barely keep her eyes open. She was completely drained. They were keeping her in overnight and on the IV to replace her fluids. They also gave her something to stop the vomiting, which she did not manage to keep down for long enough for it to work so they gave her an injection, the other option was a suppository and while Kim couldn't care less right now he was reluctant to put her through that.

Adam slipped out momentarily while they settled her into her room on the OBGYN ward and called Ellen, whom he knew would be frantic judging by the number of texts her had received.

"The baby is fine but Kim is still vomiting. We are staying the night as Kim's pretty dehydrated so they have her on an IV and given her something to stop the vomiting. She's exhausted."

"Are they sure the baby is okay?"

"It all looks good and they are not worried. They are thinking stomach flu or food poisoning or something" He left out the other possibility because even he didn't have his head around that. "Just really bad timing."

"Oh thank god."

"I'm going to stay here for a while. I want to make sure she is starting to feel better. Are you alright to look after Polly?"

Kim's parents were happy to take Polly home for the night.

Once settled in the room he pulled a chair up beside his wife watched as she slept. She vomited a couple more times before the medication seemed to kick in and Kim started sleeping for longer periods uninterrupted. His phone was on silent but he felt it buzz with a text message in his pocket.

' _What chance of sneaking out for a few beers to celebrate your success?'_ Jay had sent him.

 _'Zero.'_ He replied along with a photo of Kim, IV in her arm with her eyes closed with a washcloth on her forehead which was making her feel less clammy. Kim was going to kill him later for sending that, it wasn't her best angle.

Within seconds his phone was ringing. "What the hell man, what's going on?"

"Ah we are spending the night at Chicago Med. Kim has been vomiting since this morning."

"She alright?"

"Yeah Man, they've got her on a drip, giving her something to stop vomiting and checked the baby which is all good."

"Do you need anything?"

Adam's voice caught in his throat. "Nah, I'm good. Not really the weekend we were hoping for."

"I bet" Jay agreed and he could hear how shaky his Buddy sounded. "Sounds like you are in the best spot though. Where's Polly?"

"Kim's parents." Adam suddenly felt weary. He hadn't eaten all day either and now he had the chance to sit everything was catching up with him. "Anyway I am on call this weekend can you let Voight know I won't be available." He chatted to Halstead for a few more minutes before hanging up.

"Hey." Adam had just closed his eyes for a few minutes when he heard Kim's weak voice.

"Darlin.' Hey." He jumped up out of his seat and kissed her forehead lightly. "How you feeling?"

"Like I have been hit by a truck." Her voice was raspy from the previous six hours of vomiting. "I feel like utter crap."

"Well sweetheart you look like crap too." He smoothed her hair back from her forehead and smiled a little, as did Kim.

"Is the baby okay? Where's Polly?"

"The baby is doing fine and Polly is with your Mom and Dad for the night."

"I'm sorry." Her eyes fluttered closed for a moment.

"What for?"

"All this. Not much fun for you. Can you help me up?" He tried to object but Kim needed to go to the bathroom and it was all he could do to get her to at least let him call the nurse to check if it was okay to get out of bed. There was no way she was going to stay in bed to pee.

The nurse came in and disconnected her IV so she could get up. Kim was pretty weak, her legs were shaking and she needed to lean on Adam to get to the bathroom. She didn't even have the energy to protest as he leant on the doorframe and watched her pee. Slowly he helped her stand up and she gripped tightly onto his arm as the room swam in front of her and a wave of nausea rose and she gagged a little. Adam had both arms around her waist to keep her upright as her knees buckled and what little colour she had regained disappeared. "Whoa Darlin' back to bed for you."

"Just give me a minute." She sucked in a deep breath as she felt her stomach lurch again and proceeded to vomit down the front of Adam and then burst into tears. "I want it to stop."

"I know Sweetheart. I wish I could make it stop." He picked her up and she laid her head on his shoulder as carried her back to bed. He pressed the call bell and the nurse came and cleaned Kim up, changing her gown and finding some scrubs for Adam to change into.

Kim slept again for another couple of hours. Adam was still sitting by her side when Erin and Jay came by. "How is she?" Erin slipped an arm around his shoulders, rubbing his back lightly.

"Sleeping peacefully at the moment. We haven't vomited for about two hours and considering the day we've had that is actually pretty good."

"What do they think it is?"

"Well either she has a stomach flu, which I guess if that's the case steer clear of me for the next few days because I have been elbow deep in it all day, or food poisoning or worst case is some extreme form of morning sickness." He looked at his watch. "Basically we've been vomiting for eight hours. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink since this morning so she was pretty dehydrated and because of the pregnancy they were a bit more concerned."

"Have you eaten anything?" Adam shook his head as Erin nodded to Jay.

"Come on buddy, let's get you out of here for half hour. Get you something to eat. Erin will stay with Kim." Reluctantly he agreed suddenly realising that he was pretty hungry and Jay wasn't taking no for an answer. "Nice outfit by the way." He nodded at Adam's scrubs.

"Let's just say that Kim's aim was spot on."

Kim was surprised to open her eyes and see Erin beside the bed. "Did you finally drag him out of here?"

"For a little bit yeah, he's gone to get something to eat with Jay. How are you?"

"I've felt better." She rubbed her face wearily "My mouth feels dry." Kim tried to reach for the cup of water on her tray. Erin grabbed it for her and held the straw up for Kim to take a sip. "I wouldn't stand too close." She reminded Erin. "I can't guarantee it will stay down."

But it did stay down which pleased Adam no end when they came back. Erin and Jay stayed a little while but Kim was pretty much asleep most of the time. It was close to 11pm when she woke again and Kim finally convinced Adam to go home. He waited until she had showered with his help. They bought her in a few dry crackers, which she also managed to keep down, and only then did Adam finally leave.

He rang Ellen on the way home, knowing that she would still be up. "She's had something small to eat and kept some water down so that's a good start." Ellen could tell that he was still worried as much as he tried to sound positive. He hated leaving her in the hospital and knew that he'd be lucky to get more than a couple of hours sleep. "Hey How's Polly? She's okay with you? I can come over." He offered.

"Please don't worry about Polly, she is perfectly fine here. Zoe is having a sleepover as well so Polly is in heaven. You need to go get some sleep yourself."

"Great. Thanks Ellen. I appreciate your help. I will call you in the morning to let you know what's going on."

Thankfully Ellen had changed the sheets on their bed and cleaned the bathroom. He was pretty sure she would have taken all the washing home with her so he wouldn't have to deal with it. He honestly believed that the only reason this Ruzek ship stayed on course was because of their families. He grabbed a quick shower and crawled into bed and as he expected he tossed and turned for a few hours before getting up and going for a run about 430am. It was quiet out on the streets and the rhythmic pounding of his stride allowed him to zone out for a little while at least. Some people used running as a time to think but he had always found it a time to completely zone out and think about nothing.

He contemplated dropping by to see Polly for breakfast before he headed back to the hospital but decided against it. The last thing Adam needed was Polly getting upset and wanting to come with him. He was back at Kim's bedside a little after 6am.

Stopping by the Nurses' Station before heading in he caught up on her night. "She was pretty settled all night. The vomiting seems to have stopped for now but she slept all night so we haven't really tested it yet."

That made Adam happier. "So what do we have to do to get out of here?"

"See the Doctor first and start eating and drinking and keeping it down for a start." He didn't particularly like the tone of the nurse but bit his tongue while he shot her a withering stare.

"Good Morning Sweetheart." Kim forced a little smile when she opened her eyes and saw Adam beside her bed again. "How are you feeling?" He kissed her lightly.

"A little better." Pushing herself up slowly until she was sitting a little more upright. "Did you go home?"

"Of course I did. I just missed you so thought I'd come back."

"Did you see Polly?"

"No, thought about it this morning but I didn't want to upset her. Zoe was having a sleep over last night too so I am guessing she didn't even notice we weren't there. We'll call her soon." He sat back down but pulled the chair a little closer and rested his elbows on the bed. "You feel like eating something?"

"Maybe." While she was hungry she was also pretty nervous about eating anything but Adam reminded her that if she didn't at least try there was no way they would let her out.

They bought in some toast and Kim nibbled slowly on a corner. "Can I just say this is so a boy." She laid her hand on her stomach

"What makes you say that?"

"Look how much trouble it's causing. A girl would never do this to its mother." Kim sipped on some water, taking only a small mouthful. "Polly didn't."

"Do you want to find out?"

"Not really. Do you?" she took another small bite while Adam contemplated his answer.

"I'm good with keeping it a surprise. I really liked that with Polly, it made the horror of watching what you go through easier to deal with. I like surprises."

She pushed the tray away suddenly overcome by the surge of nausea. Adam noticed the colour again drain from her face as she dropped her head back on the pillow and sucked in a few deep breaths. Her hands shook every so slightly, but the toast and water stayed put for now. The Doctor was reluctant to take her IV out just yet as she didn't think that Kim had drank enough and was concerned her electrolytes would still be way out of whack. They were confident that either Kim had picked up stomach bug or ate something bad. "What did you eat in the hours before you became ill?"

"I had some stir fry vegetables and rice."

"Cooked yourself or take-out?"

"Take-out. I was on shift. I didn't have any meat or fish though."

"If rice is cooked and not stored properly it can cause food poisoning. It needs to be steaming hot or freshly cooked."

"Really, I did not know that." And judging by Adam's surprised look neither did he.

"Well hopefully that was the problem. I am pretty sure that it's not Hyperemesis Gravidarum at this stage."

Kim looked confused. "What?"

"We discussed this with your husband yesterday. It's an extreme form of morning sickness characterised by vomiting, weight loss, loss of appetite, fatigue and near constant nausea. It usually presents earlier than 13 weeks though so I would be surprised if that was it. However even if we let you home just be aware if you start vomiting again or still feel nauseous in a few days to come back in."

The Doctor did another Ultrasound and everything still looked fine. The heartbeat was clearly visible and strong and regular. "Will this affect how the baby is growing?" Kim asked somewhat nervously. She couldn't even remember having the scan yesterday.

"Not likely. It was a relatively short illness and bare in mind we do have women who are basically sick their entire pregnancies and have healthy babies." The Doctor did her best to be reassuring. "In saying that we will keep a close eye on you for a while just to make sure everything is okay, but you are at the same level of risk as you were before this. You are three months, young and healthy with a previous history of an unremarkable pregnancy. I don't expect this will be any different. We'll get you back in for a scan next week but if you notice any cramping or bleeding come straight back in."

"So no more take-out rice for us." Adam teased trying to lighten the mood. He knew that Kim would now be solely focussed on looking for any warning sign. He eventually talked her down from the ledge. "You are no more at risk than you were yesterday. She told you that. We'll just make sure you take it easy for a few weeks and it will be fine."

They called Polly and had a chat to her and Adam helped Kim with another shower. She was still a little weak and weary but at least her colour was returning slowly. Breakfast did stay down although she still felt pretty average and she refused any more medication because she didn't like taking anything while pregnant. They tried to convince her that not eating was more of a concern than the medication however Kim wanted to try without it.

As the last of the drugs wore off Kim felt increasingly worse. She tried to eat some of the soup that they bought in for lunch but that didn't stay in her stomach long. Adam finally convinced her to take the medication because if she didn't eat she wasn't going anywhere and that was her best chance to get out of here. Although she felt that crap she didn't really care at that point in time whether she was at home or in hospital. She was forced to sip on an electrolyte solution, which tasted terrible to get it back in balance. Apparently, as they soon learned having your electrolytes out of whack can actually make you feel quite nauseous also.

Things had seemed to have gone backwards a bit in the last hour or so. Again she wasn't tolerating anything, the medication was kicking back in but she just didn't want anything in her stomach and he couldn't blame her. Her voice was raspy from all the vomiting and she complained about the foul taste in her mouth. They had bought in some mouthwash but that made her gag. Adam had never seen her look so miserable.

His mother offered to come in and sit with Kim for a while so that Adam could go home and see Polly. "It's not much fun? How good are you at catching vomit?"

"I am a mother, some things you never forget."

Driving to Kim's folks house he called Halstead and relayed the day's progress or lack there of. They had been called out to a job but if was pretty minor and confident they could wrap it up quickly. "Was Voight pissed?"

"Nah man, he was fine. More concerned that Burgess was doing okay, but it sounds like not so much."

"Not yet. Although since lunch she hasn't spewed so hopefully we've turned the corner. She looks completely trashed though and I know she is stressed about the baby."

Halstead promised to head in later if they were still there. He did offer to bring some food in but wasn't sure if even the sight of it would be good for Kim. "I should be good. I am heading over to see Polly now and I am sure Ellen will have something for me." As long as things were continuing to improve with Kim, who they had already decided wouldn't be coming home today he would head home with Polly.

He spent a bit of time with Polly, taking her to the park to play and had something to eat before returning the to hospital just after Kim had tried to eat some dinner. "How was it?" He kissed her forehead softly. "You look a little better."

"Mashed potato and squash. Very appetising."

"Yes, yes it is." He lifted the lid on the plate cover and wrinkled his nose up at it, "But more importantly has it stayed down." Adam had no idea how much was on the plate but it didn't seem like much had been touched. "And how much did you eat?"

"Are you nagging me?"

"Yes." He answered simply.

"A had a couple of mouthfuls and I have drank nearly half a cup of that crap." She pointed at the small bottle of Oral Rehydration Solution they had given her. "Apparently I need to finish that before they will even contemplate taking this out." She lifted up her arm with the IV still attached.

This time the food stayed down. Adam showed her a video of him and Polly singing and dancing which made her feel better, they were so cute together and she was never sure he had more fun, Polly or Adam. They called Ellen and Kim was able to talk to Polly for a few minutes before Adam left to pick up Polly and take her home. His mother would take her in the morning and he had already organised the day off with Voight. "I just need you to keep doing what you are doing."

"I'll do my best."

He tucked Polly up in his bed, read her a story and lay with her until she went to sleep. Fortunately she was a pretty good sleeper, a trait she thankfully got from her mother. Occasionally she would wake and since they had moved her from a cot into a bed she would just appear in their room in the middle of the night. Kim barely woke when she did that and it was usually left to Adam to lift her over in between them. As a rule he didn't let her sleep with him when Kim was on night shift but tonight was different, they both could do with the company.

Adam was just about to doze off when he heard his phone ring downstairs. Luckily Polly was close enough to a deep sleep that she didn't notice him creep out.

He hit redial. "Darlin.' You okay?"

"I am. I just thought I would check in and see how Polly is."

"Asleep, finally. What's going on?" He dropped himself down onto the couch and shoved a pillow behind his head and closed his eyes.

"They have stopped the IV and I've had some apple Jell-O." He laughed at how proud she sounded.

"Tasty." Adam tried to stifle a yawn, unsuccessfully.

"You're tired. I should let you go get some sleep."

"I am tired but I am more than happy to sit and listen to you talk for a while. I haven't heard much from you for the last couple of days, and you sound so husky and sexy right now."

"Are you hitting on me?"

"Yes."


	26. Chapter 26 - I worry about you everyday

Polly was tearing around the backyard being chased by Atwater. She squealed as he caught her and it sent shivers up Adam's spine. "Polly." He yelled. "Please no squealing." They were all at Antonio's for his birthday. The weather was just starting to warm up a little and the late afternoon was still hanging onto the sun before the chill set in. She turned and looked at her father just as Atwater caught her and threw her in the air making her squeal again.

"Kev, Bro….for the love of god don't encourage her." He rolled his eyes as the other's laughed. Polly didn't realise how lucky she was just yet, but he was sure that she wouldn't feel quite so lucky when she was a teenager and she had a squad room full of cops running background checks on her boyfriends. But the squealing…man that had to stop.

He looked around for Burgess and realised that it was only the guys outside, standing around with beers in hand watching the grill like it was the most important thing in the world and, of course they had Polly to entertain them. It wasn't surprising that all the women were inside, no doubt gossiping and fussing over his wife. What was it with pregnant women? – Everyone loved them. He certainly did and he was particularly fond of the one inside.

Adam headed inside to check on Kim. She was now 30 weeks pregnant and actually feeling pretty good right now. Surprisingly she was holding a can of soda, which she never drank and Sylvie was urging her to sit down and put her feet up. A little ripple of concern bubbled up inside him. "What's up?" he asked looking from Kim to Sylvie.

Kim looked up at him and he saw her watery eyes. "Kim, honey what's wrong?" He quickly crouched down in front of her and rested his hand on her cheek. Adam glanced up at Sylvie for an explanation when Kim didn't answer.

"We are just giving her a soda. She hasn't felt the baby move much lately, but usually something sugary gets them going again." Sylvie informed him as Kim burst into tears.

"What does that mean? What do you mean not moving? How long?" Adam really didn't have much of an clue what the deal was as he knew there were times when the baby wasn't as active so he didn't fully understand the concern. Kim and Sylvie were freaking out so it obviously wasn't normal and that couldn't be good. He looked up from his crouching position at all the ladies crowded around them as he cradled Kim's head when she buried it in his shoulder.

"I can't remember, but I don't think it's moved much all day. I can't remember." She sobbed against his shoulder. Adam sat down beside her and wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulder and pulled her closer as he kissed the top of her head, trying to allay her fears and calm his nerves. He rested one hand on her belly, spreading his fingers wide to try to feel something…anything.

He looked up at Sylvie. "What do we do?"

"Let's give it a couple of minutes to see if the soda works. Perhaps lying down might help." She helped Kim swing her legs up onto the couch and she rested her head in Adam's lap, both their hands on her belly desperately hoping to feel something other than is overwhelming feeling of dread and helplessness.

On Ambo she'd certainly had plenty of experience when these calls came in. More times than she could count a soda or some chocolate and lying down and relaxing got things moving again but it was an anxious time for both parents.

After a few minutes Kim shook her head when Sylvie asked if she had felt anything. "Let's get you checked out then." Erin took off outside in a flash.

"Jay." She put a hand on his shoulder. "Can I borrow you for a minute."

Jay didn't like the tone of her voice looked at her for an explanation. "Everything alright?"

"Ah, not really." She bit her bottom lip as the rest of the group fell silent. "Sylvie wants to take Burgess to hospital. The baby hasn't been moving for awhile and they need to get it checked out."

"What do you mean not moving?" Jay asked as he reached into his back pocket he grabbed his phone.

"I am not really sure but it's unexpected and Sylvie is a little concerned so they just need to take her into Chicago Med and get them to check it out." Erin looked over at Atwater who was still playing with Polly. "We'll keep Polly here for a bit. Perhaps she won't notice they are gone."

"I'll call Will. I think he is on today." He hit his speed dial while they headed inside. Filling Will in on the situation with the little information he had he organised that they would be waiting for them and to go straight up to the OB ward. That didn't make Halstead, or the rest of them feel any better. The fact the Will fully understood what Jay was talking about and that he would be waiting for Kim to arrive meant that this wasn't normal.

Erin helped Ruzek get Burgess in the car. "What about Polly?" she asked.

"Well look after her." Erin reassured her. "Call us later and we will sort something out. She can stay here or we can call your parents. Don't worry." She leant in the car and cradled her cheek. "Okay?" Kim nodded and Adam jumped in beside her and sat in the back with Kim while Sylvie drove.

Sylvie took them straight up to Maternity as per Will's instructions and they were seen pretty quickly. "So what is going on?" the OBGYN asked as he came into the room.

"I can't remember feeling the baby move today." Adam could feel the panic and tenseness in her body as she clung to his hand. He was reminded that when it came to her babies she had superhuman strength. He did actually think she was about to break his hand when she was giving birth to Polly and right now it wasn't much better.

"When was the last movement you felt?"

"Maybe early this morning, breakfast time perhaps. I can't remember. It's been so active lately I don't pay much attention. I just know that it is constantly moving and kicking."

"When did you start to think that something wasn't right?"

Kim's voice hitched slightly. It was Sylvie who had put her hand on her belly as they stood in the kitchen. "I don't suppose there is much room in there now." She commented. "Is she kicking now?"

"She?" Kim smirked. "I think it's a boy. Adam's still convinced it's another girl. I think he just likes being the man of the house, he doesn't want to give up his crown." Sylvie moved her hand around waiting to feel something and it was then that Kim suddenly realised that she hadn't felt it for a while and Sylvie grabbed her a soda.

"An hour ago, Sylvie mentioned something."

Sylvie interrupted. "We gave her a soda and got Kim to lay down for a bit hoping that would get it going."

The Doctor flicked through her notes. "So apart from the food poisoning any other issues with this pregnancy?" Kim shook her head. While that had been the only real drama so far it hadn't been the easiest of pregnancies, right from how long they had to try and fall pregnant, the food poisoning and how long it had taken to get over it and her general weariness. It hadn't been as smooth as her pregnancy with Polly and it had only been the last few weeks that she had started feeling good again.

"Okay, let's have a look. Do you know what you've got growing in here?" Adam shook his head as Kim squeezed his hand tighter, which he didn't actually think was possible. "We don't want to know." He added as he kissed her forehead. The doctor added the cold gel to her stomach and started looking, moving the wand around, starting from one side and working his way to the other.

It felt like forever and the longer it took the faster Adam's heart was beating and the tighter Kim gripped his hand. "Babe, I think you've just broken my hand." He whispered and she loosened her grip slightly. Adam watched the Doctor's closely, looking for any sign on his face. He pushed the wand a little deeper into Kim's side. "Well look here." They could hear the faintest of heartbeats. "This little one is hiding." Her turned the volume up and the heartbeat came through loud and strong. "145 beats per minute. Perfect."

Adam rested his head on Kim's forehead and let out a long slow breath. He kissed her cheeks, tasting the salty tears on his lips and then rubbed them softly. "It's okay." He whispered. "It's okay."

"Why couldn't I feel it move?" Kim had started breathe again but it still worried her.

"Probably just the position it is lying in. It seems to be lying right up against your spine and sometimes it's hard to feel them move. Some days they are a little lazier than others, so it might have been resting for most of the day. Because you are so used to feeling it move you don't notice all the little movements especially if you are pretty active. I am guessing tonight you might find this one is up and dancing."

"It can disco dance all night if it wants too." Kim felt more relaxed. "So you don't think there is anything to worry about?"

"What I am going to get you to do for the few weeks at least is keep a movement count. At the same time twice each day, when your baby is usually active I want to you record how many kicks or movements you feel in half an hour. We will get you back in here for a check up next week. However if you are at all concerned come straight back." They were given a checklist to use and Kim was asked to stay for another hour just to make sure that bubs started behaving.

Adam slipped out to talk to Sylvie. "Thank you so much." He hugged her tightly. "We really appreciate all your help."

"I am glad everything is okay. Has the baby started moving?"

"Yep, I think all the poking and prodding and the sugar woke it up and got it going. We might be in for a long night with all the carry on now."

"Good. How about you take Kim home and we will sort out Polly for you. She has stayed with Lindsay and Halstead before hasn't she?" Sylvie thought that the best thing for them was to go home, spend some time together alone and try to rest. He agreed although convincing Kim would be another thing.

"Apologise to Antonio for us, for ruining his party."

As soon as Sylvie got in the cab she called Erin. "What's happened?"

"Everything is fine. The baby is fine and has started moving again, the heartbeat is good and strong and they are very relieved. Hey I told Adam that maybe you would take Polly home tonight and give them some time."

Kim was lying on her side with her hands holding her belly. "I feel so stupid." She spoke without opening her eyes. She knew that it was Adam that had come in; she could sense him in the room.

"Why?" he rested a hand on her cheek and she opened her eyes and smiled weakly. "You are not stupid. You were scared about your baby, that's not stupid, don't ever say that."

"I'm sorry I worried you."

"Oh Kim, honey. I worry about you everyday." He placed one hand over hers. They both felt the baby kick at the same time and he smiled. "That's my job. It's one of my special skills."

"I am not loving this pregnancy." Kim blurted out finally feeling relieved that she could tell him exactly how she felt. It hadn't been easy, she hadn't felt great and it all seemed so stressful from the start and she hated to think what that stress was doing to the baby. "I am worried that I won't love this baby like I loved Polly from the moment I saw her."

"Baby." He felt his heart clench as she tried to avoid his gaze.. "Kim Baby, look at me. I know you. I've been with you for the past couple of hours and know how worried you were that there was something wrong and I know without a shadow of a doubt that you will adore this baby, just like Polly the moment he or she arrives.

"He." She corrected him. "Again more drama definitely a boy."

"I am not sure I agree with the boys causing angst and drama, feels like a girly thing to do."

"We'll see."

The doctor came back and was happy with the activity in the last half hour and sent them on their way. "We've gotta go get Polly." Kim reminded him as he headed towards home.

"Polly is staying with Halstead and Lindsay tonight."

"What? Why?"

"Because you need to rest." He stared straight ahead not wanting to look at her for fear of letting the past few hours of bottled up emotions overflow. "Because I need to take you home, curl up in bed and just be with you."

Without looking at him Kim could tell that he was upset. Sometimes she got so caught up with her own feelings, worries and fears that she forgot that all this affected Adam too. When she was sick in hospital he had stayed with her constantly, holding her hair back, cleaning up after her and worrying. He took care of Polly when she came home while still working long hours. He had been supportive and comforting each month when she wasn't pregnant; putting up with her moods and tears, never once throwing his hands up and walking away. Today was just as terrifying for him as it was for her and while she didn't really think they needed to leave Polly with their friends it was obvious that he really wanted it so she relented. "Okay." Pressing her lips into the palm of his hand. "Okay."

And true to his word they got home showered and climbed into bed. With Kim's head resting on his chest and one hand softly stroking her belly she knew he was counting the baby's movements. "Ads." She whispered. "Are you okay?" He hadn't said a lot since they had been home.

"No." It felt safe in the darkened room to talk. Kim knew him well enough that she needed to let him go, let him talk himself out before she could offer anything or even look at him. It was his way and she was comfortable with that because it meant she knew whatever he was saying was the absolute truth from the bottom of his heart. "I was so scared today. The thought of what that would do to you if there was something wrong and how it would destroy you and I couldn't stand that. I can't imagine you ever being that hurt and broken and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to fix it." She could tell his jaw was clenching. "And I love this baby already and I just want to meet them and tell them I love them and hold them. And I didn't understand what was going on, what it all meant. I still don't and I know I am going to worry about it everyday, like you will because I know you and I know you are going to get pissed off at me because I will be checking in everyday to see how it's going. But I love you and you'll just have to deal with that." He sighed and Kim felt the tenseness leave his body and she knew he was done.

"Baby, it's okay." She turned slightly so that she could just make out his face in the dim room. "How about every night we do a count together?"

"Deal." Their kiss was long and slow and sweet. "And if I am not around, because of work will you text me?"

"It's a deal." She agreed. Kim also made a deal with herself to talk more to Adam about how she was feeling about this pregnancy. She knew he was right, she would love this baby as soon as it was born, hell she already did. "Can you call Halstead and find out how Polly is?"

Adam kissed her forehead and leaned over and grabbed his phone.

Jay picked up almost instantly. "Hey Bud, how's it goin?"

"It's all good man. Hey how's Polly? She okay with you both tonight or do you want me to come get her?"

Jay looked over at the couch where Erin had curled up with Polly and they were now both asleep after reading a bunch of books. They both looked so peaceful and content and it melted his heart. He could see them both doing this every night with their own child and a small part of him hoped that nights like this with Polly would help Erin change her mind. "Nah man, they are both sound asleep. Leave her here and spend some time with Kim. How is she?"

Adam looked down at her with her head resting on his shoulder and ran his hand through her hair. "Relieved."


	27. Chapter 27 - Cross your legs

Kim dug her fingers into her back, kneading her aching muscles. The end of the week couldn't come soon enough, she felt like she had been pregnant for a year last night was the first time in almost a week that she had gotten something close to a good night's sleep. Adam had urged her to take the day off and now she wished she had listened to him but she only had four more days of work left until her maternity leave started.

The team had headed out early on a job leaving Kim alone upstairs. She had plenty of paperwork to keep her busy but she just felt strangely aware of the quiet today. It settled over her making her feel uneasy and she found it hard to concentrate. Mouse had come up from the basement where he was overseeing a technician working on his computers but didn't stay long. He hated people touching his toys. If they wanted to annoy Mouse, fiddling with his computers was one sure way to do it and his rants kept them all amused.

A sudden pain in her side made her stop and rub her stomach. "Oh okay, enough with the kicking." She stood up thinking that she had probably sat for too long and it was her body telling her to get moving. She wandered into the break room to grab a cup of hot water with lemon. Half-hour later she was still alone and she rubbed her back again when it started to ache. It wasn't until the third or fourth time it happened she considered that she might be in labour. She took a deep breath, telling herself not to get too carried away and they were probably just Braxton Hicks contractions.

It was only after a few more contractions and when they started getting stronger and more regular that she started to really panic. It was too early, they still had five weeks to go. She picked up her phone and considered calling Adam but she knew that wasn't the best idea, they could be in the middle of something and distracting him could be dangerous and she didn't want to worry him in case it was nothing. So she took the only option open to her….she went and found Platt.

She grabbed Platt's arm and dragged her out into the back room. "What is it Burgess?" she pulled off her glasses impatiently.

"Sarge, I think I am in labour."

"What?" Platt screeched and Burgess took a step back in shock.

"I think I am having contractions." Her voice wobbled and bit her bottom lip nervously, actually saying it out loud made it all the more terrifying. "It's too early."

For a moment Platt was speechless but gathered herself quickly. "So, tell me what's happening? How long?"

"I'm not sure but every 15 minutes or so, probably for the last hour. Adam's out on a job, I can't call him. I don't want to worry him, but I think I want to go to the hospital." She took an uneasy breath and repeated. "It's too early

Suddenly Platt flew into action. "Okay, wait here. Where is your bag? Upstairs?" she asked. Kim nodded and she took off upstairs and returned minutes later with her bag. "Now, let's go. " she grabbed her by the elbow and led her out to her car. Half way to the hospital Kim sucked in a deep breath. "You okay Burgess?"

"Yep, just a little stronger." She looked at her phone again. "Do you think I should call Adam?"

"Let's get you checked out and then we will call him." She squeezed Kim's hand. "But cross your legs, I don't want you making a mess in my car."

Platt got her to the hospital in record time and was barking instructions at the admit nurse as soon as they were through the door. Kim was taken up to maternity where she was examined and was definitely in labour. Platt had fled the room as soon as they asked Kim to get undressed and into a gown. Once Kim was settled into her room Platt called Adam.

He cringed a little when he saw her name flash up on the screen, it was rarely a pleasant conversation and she certainly never called just to chitchat. "Ruzek. Where the hell are you?"

"Good Morning Sarge, how can I help you this fine morning?" He knew he was pushing his luck, but they had a bit of an understanding. He gave as good as he got.

"I don't have time for your sorry attempt a humour. You might want to stop by Chicago Med. Seems your wife went into labour."

"What? It's too early." He shrieked. Al looked at him as the colour drained from his face.

"Well try telling this baby that. Burgess is a little freaked out, and I must say so am I. There are parts of your wife if I see I will never be able to un-see so if you could move your arse that would be grand." She hung up.

"Al, change of plans. I need to get to Chicago Med. Kim's in labour." He hit the lights as Al swung the car around. Ruzek was out of the car before he could even pull to a stop and headed in while Al parked his car, threw his CPD parking permit on the dash and followed him inside.

"Hey Darlin'." Adam was breathless when he finally made it to her room, having run the gauntlet and earned the wrath of unhelpful desk clerks along the way. "What's going on?" She was hooked up to a fetal monitor. He scanned the display on the machine as he grabbed her hand and was relieved to see the steady heartbeat of the baby. His hand was resting on her head and he ran his thumb across her forehead softly for a moment before letting his lips find hers; they were wet and salty from her tears.

"I started having contractions about three hours ago, I thought it was Braxton Hicks but they kept getting stronger and more regular."

Al and Platt headed back to the District and left them to it once they realised that little was happening right now and Adam promised to keep them informed. "And no cute little riddles like last time." Platt warned him.

As they nervously waited for the Doctor to arrive Kim filled him in on what had happened through the morning. "When I left you were okay?"

"I think so, but my back has been aching since last night so maybe that was what was happening. I don't know."

Finally the Doctor arrived. "Well it's slow going." He did an internal exam and she had dilated a little more and was currently about 5cm. "We are almost past the point of no return." He flicked through her chart. "So you are 35 + 2 right?"

Kim nodded.

"Okay. What we are going to do is get someone to drop in and have a chat to you about what to expect from the baby's point of view just in case but your baby is 35 weeks so that's a little earlier than we'd like but it not too premature. Your first baby was born at 38 weeks if I read this right."

"Yes she was." Adam grimaced slightly as Kim squeezed his hand. She was stronger than most people gave her credit for. She may look small and petite but she packed a punch and he knew that his fingers would be turning a lovely shade of blue.

"Okay, okay." he wrote something on her chart. He then did an ultrasound. "You have a very strong heartbeat going on there and it looks about 5 to 5 and a half pounds which is a good size and it is certainly head down and well and truly engaged."

Flicking back over her chart he noted the movement charts they had done a couple of months ago. Knowing what pregnant women were like he knew that while everything had gone well after their last admission she would have still been keeping track of the movements. "You haven't noticed any less movements and kicking over the past few days." Kim shook her head informing him that if anything it had been moving more in the last few days. "Excellent. You know many babies born at this stage are perfectly healthy and go home within a couple of days with no ongoing issues."

Adam rested his head on her forehead as soon as the Doctor left. "You okay Babe?"

"No. I'm scared, Adam. I don't want this to happen yet. It needs to stay put for a few more weeks. I don't want a premature baby."

"I know. I know you are scared, but this little one.." he ran his finger around her protruding belly button. "..seems to have a mind of it's own." He sat on the bed and Kim leant against him. She asked him about the case, hoping to take her mind off what was happening here until the Paediatrician arrived and she gave them some hope that this wasn't as bad as it seemed. Adam could feel each contraction when he rested his hand on her stomach and felt Kim tense when they started. Suddenly they had become a little irregular and it could be almost half an hour between each one.

"Sarge." Adam called Platt to fill her in and by the way she answered he knew that she was crankier than usual and he pitied her other patrol officers today. It would have been a brave officer who got on her wrong side right now.

"Adam." She rarely used his first name and it always made him nervous when she did. She had a list of names as long as her arm for him and Adam wasn't one of them. "What's going on? How's Kim?"

"We are just watching and waiting. They think the labour has slowed down and sometimes it does stop. If it does then she will be on bed rest for the next month. The baby seems okay though at the moment." He asked her to let the team know. "I will call them later."

It had been a few hours and things seemed to have stabilised, Kim hadn't progressed much at all and after another internal exam she was still 5cm dilated. "Go home and see Polly. Make sure she's okay." Kim almost pushed him out the door; at least he could pick up some things for Kim. She promised to call him the moment anything changed, if the contractions started coming closer together or even "if you just get a weird feeling."

Polly ran to the door to meet him. "Where's mommy?" she asked.

"Mommy is having a rest at the hospital. I need you to be a good girl for Daddy and stay with Nanna, okay? Tomorrow we'll go and see Mommy, I promise." He sat down with her and read a few stories but Kim was never far from his mind and he was desperate to get back to her. Kim had already packed her bag for the hospital so he swung by home to pick it up and grabbed a quick shower, threw some things in a bag for himself and headed back to the hospital.

Kim was sleeping when he got back. He kissed her forehead softly and pulled up a chair beside her bed. The midwife informed him that nothing had changed and her contractions were still mild and irregular. He was looking at his phone, returning some text messages when she stirred. "Hey, you're back?"

"I am." He sat back on the bed so that Kim could rest against him.

Her OBGYN came in and was reasonably happy that while her labour hadn't stopped completely it had slowed down and the baby was still showing no signs of distress so he was happy to play a waiting game. She had only dilated another centimetre, this baby was definitely on it's way it was just taking its sweet time.

Early evening he went out to the nurse's desk to ask if Kim could get up for a shower. He knew that the contractions were getting a little stronger and starting to come a little more regular again but Kim kept waving him away, not wanting to worry him. "Baby pretending it's not happening is not going to make stop."

The midwives seemed to be handing over some details on their patients to the change of shift. "I think the Room 4 will deliver tonight sometime. Gorgeous couple, both cops. They work with Dr Halstead's brother."

Adam leant on the desk and rang the bell. "Hey ladies. How you doing?" Adam laughed at their stunned expressions. He waved off their apologies with a smile. "Can Kim get up for a shower?"

They agreed that it was okay and Adam convinced them that he would be fine staying with her. Although Kim wasn't that much of a prude and she had certainly lost any shyness when it came to her body through pregnancy and childbirth Adam wasn't quite so blasé about it. He was quite capable of helping her shower. "You are right though, my wife is gorgeous." He agreed, flashing them his most charming smile as he left them.

Adam leant against the basin watching the clock and timing each contraction while she showered. The hot water beating down on her back was soothing. It seemed like all her pain was centred around her lower back. "You don't have to stay and watch me, I am not a cripple."

"I just like seeing you naked." He winked and Kim flicked some water at him as he ducked to avoid it. He helped dry her off and reminded her of the last time he helped her out of the shower when she was in labour with Polly. "At least you're not swearing at me like a drunk sailor on leave this time."

"Fuck off." Kim shot back at him, and they both laughed, although nothing about this seemed even remotely funny.

As the evening wore on they watched some TV, Adam returned what seemed like a million text messages and they tried to talk about names but Kim was still determined that her labour would stop and they would have a few more weeks before they had to decide. Which they would need because they still had no idea. They were hoping that something would come to them when they met the baby, like it did with Polly because nothing was really sticking at the moment.

He would jump up and re-heat the wheat bag whenever it cooled down, walk around the ward when she was sick of lying down, make sure she was eating small snacks and drinking enough. Another internal exam showed her still to be at six centimetres. It was slow going.

It was late when Adam eventually fell asleep while Kim dozed fitfully beside him in between contractions, which were mild and seemed to be about twenty minutes apart. A little after midnight she woke him up. "Adam." She nudged him and he grunted. "Adam wake up." This time she hissed a little more urgently.

"What's wrong?" He answered without opening his eyes.

"I think my water just broke."


	28. Chapter 28 - Let me do this

Adam sat bolt upright. He was definitely awake now. "Are you sure?" He grabbed the call button and pushed it as he leapt off the bed.

When the midwife arrived Adam had already pulled back the sheets and sure enough the bed was wet. Kim had climbed out of the bed and as her contractions had gone from mild to intense rather rapidly she hunched over and grabbed her stomach. He could see the fear and panic in her face and he was pretty sure it matched his own. The midwife did another internal exam. "Well there is no stopping this now. You're about 8cm."

They moved her into the delivery suite as they called the doctor, who also did an internal. It seemed that Adam really hadn't progressed past his irrational distaste for strangers fossicking around his wife's nether regions. He furrowed his brow and bit his tongue as yet another random person stuck their hands inside her. Surely they had a good idea of what was going on by now and did every single person need to feel it themselves? "Shut up Adam." She hissed when he started complaining.

As the labour progressed Kim was strangely quiet. They walked around the room stopping only so she could lean on Adam when a contraction started, letting him rock her from side to side. The midwives tried to talk to Kim and while he knew she was listening she said nothing, she didn't want to talk to anyone. She left it up to Adam to do all the talking although she certainly let him know when he needed to shut up as well. It was all very clinical this time and they really wanted Kim to get back into bed so that they could control the labour and birth.

"No, it's not what she wants, it is too uncomfortable for her." Adam protested. The closest she got to the bed was to lean against it while they checked the baby.

"Childbirth is painful regardless." He glared over Kim's shoulder at the older midwife, Carmel who made the comment. He really didn't like her and the way she was going either Kim was going to hit her or he was going to kick her out.

"Oh really, well thanks for letting us know." He bit back sarcastically. "So it stands to reason that if there is a way Kim can ease that pain and be more comfortable then that's what we'll do." He felt Kim relax against him as the contraction eased, not that it lasted long as another contraction followed closely behind the last. "She does not want to lie down."

He knew that Kim was being somewhat challenging with her reluctance to answer any questions but the midwife didn't need to be a bitch about it. "Kim." She barked at her. "You need to listen to me. It will be easier…." He didn't even give her a chance to finish. She was really pissing him off.

"For who? You? You are not giving birth Kim is and you just said the baby is fine, so leave her alone." It was the most intense hour he had every experienced and things were moving quite rapidly, and although he had seen Kim give birth before this was different. He had to fight every step of the way to make sure Kim remained in control. They tried to give her drugs, which he refused to allow. He wasn't going to let them bully her and he felt like that's what was happening. Kim would ask for drugs if she wanted them. They even offered a C-section.

"What for?" His heart was thudding in his chest and his head was spinning. Everywhere he turned people were coming at them. Kim's head remained buried in his shoulder but he could hear her whimper _'no.'_ He had no idea if he was making the right choices or not, Kim was giving him nothing. He hoped that he knew her well enough to know what she would want. All along, from even before they had Polly he told her that he would do whatever he had to do to make sure they were both safe. Nothing had changed with this pregnancy; he just didn't expect it to be happening so soon. Having a premature baby was a whole different ball game and added a whole new level of fear and intensity for him.

"Your wife has been in labour all day, she is tired it might make it easier." He felt Kim stiffen.

He ignored the Midwife and asked the Doctor. "Is Kim or the baby at risk?"

"No, the baby is coping well so far." He didn't know what to listen too, his head or his heart. He wanted to do what was best for Kim and his unborn baby; he just didn't know what that was. He knew that she would want the C-section if the baby was in danger but the OBGYN assured then that the baby was doing well.

"What do you want Darlin'?" He whispered.

She muttered against his neck "No, I can do this. Adam, please. Let me do this. Let me try." She begged before another contraction came on strongly and she started rocking and groaning. They were coming in never ending waves.

"We'll keep going." He told them. "She can do this."

The delivery room was full unlike Polly's birth were it was just them and the midwife. Her OBGYN in and out and they now had two midwives, including the one he didn't like. The new midwife was much more relaxed and seemed to calm Kim down. They didn't need to do an internal when Kim suddenly declared that she needed to push because they could see the head starting to crown. The paediatrician arrived along with a NICU nurse and it completely freaked him out and it took all his energy to focus on Kim. Adam knew that a lot of people found that moment amazing, seeing their baby's head coming into the world, but quite frankly he found it horrific and preferred not to look. Fortunately the way Kim had chosen to deliver gave him little opportunity to see anything that was going on down there.

Adam was on his knees with his arms supporting her under her shoulders as Kim squatted down on the floor. She would lean back against him, her head resting on his shoulder in the brief moments between pushes. Everyone was stunned when after three strong pushes their baby was born. The newborn's startled cry filled the room. Kim collapsed against Adam and the Doctor handed their baby to its mother and they had just a brief moment together before the newborn was taken away from them.

Kim smiled through her tears. "I told you it was a boy."

"I will never doubt you again." Adam felt his own tears sliding down his cheeks. He helped Kim up off the floor and onto the bed. "I love you so much. You are incredible. I'm so proud of you." Adam held onto her face gently and stared into her tear filled eyes.

"Is he okay? Go see him." Her voice was shaking as heard the baby's gargled cries. She pushed Adam towards her baby.

He turned back when he heard Kim cry out in pain. The midwife he hated was pressing down on her stomach. "Stop." He flew back to her bedside. "What are you doing?"

"We are just helping your wife deliver her placenta." He really wished that this midwife would just fuck off. Kim gasped as she pushed down hard against her stomach again.

"You're hurting her." This hadn't happened last time, they let Kim go and it all happened quite easily and without fuss. Now they were hurting her and he went all alpha male. "Don't touch her." He hissed. "I'm warning you. If you hurt my wife…"

Kim gripped onto his hand "Adam." She begged. "Go see the baby." Reluctantly he did but not before he stared hard at the midwife. The other midwife stepped in and let Kim do it naturally and it was all over in a few minutes. He kept one eye on Kim and one on the baby. Adam nervously stood behind the Paediatrician as he examined his son, listening to him cry and seeing his skinny arms and legs flail about hoping and praying that everything was okay, he certainly sounded pissed off with the attention so that made him feel better. It took a little longer than he remembered with Polly but suddenly he was wrapped up and handed to him. A tear trickled down his cheek as he felt his son in his arms for the first time.

He carried him back to Kim and laid him in his mother's arms. "Oh Adam, look at him." Kim whispered. He slipped one arm around her shoulder and rested his other hand on the baby. He was wrapped tightly in a blanket with a beanie on his head to keep him warm but he was now calm and his eyes were big and brown like his sister's and his tiny face was all they could see as he looked up at his parents.

"He looks really good." The Paediatrician came over to the bedside. "Both his Apgar's were pretty good. We will keep an eye on him though. They do tend to drop off a little bit about an hour or so after birth when they get a bit tired. So we may take him up to the nursery as a precaution."

Kim tried to feed him and although he struggled to latch on, the midwife unwrapped him and lay him against Kim's chest so he could root around and nuzzle at her breast but he wasn't that interested so the midwife came back and tried to help by grabbing Kim's breast and the baby's head and trying to get him to attach. He didn't have the chance to tell her to stop because Kim did. "Leave him alone." She snapped.

"It's best if he feeds early."

"I know." Kim glared at her. "I know he needs to feed and he's trying. Don't touch him." Adam could see the tears in her eyes and it broke his heart. He was upset that this woman was ruining this moment for Kim. She often talked about how amazing she felt when Polly fed for the first time; it was one of her most precious memories of her first moments as a mother.

He did manage to feed a little when they were left alone and the smile on Kim's face made his heart melt. They had about an hour with him before he was taken away from them down to the nursery. Having her baby taken away from her so soon after his birth broke Kim's heart.

It was then that Kim resolve crumbled. Adam held her tightly as she dissolved into a flood of tears in his arms. This was the woman he loved beyond all reason, his best friend, his lover, his biggest supporter and the mother of his children letting out all her bottled up emotions. The last few hours had been a whirlwind of fear, expectation and elation. He hated that the time they had with their son and his birth was almost overshadowed by the unpleasant experience with the midwife.

He helped Kim into the shower and then they walked down to the nursery to sit next to his incubator for a while. His nurse got him out for a cuddle and Kim was able to offer him her breast again. He was a little too tired to suck much but she felt better that he at least showed some interest. Adam was also able to have a cuddle and it was amazing to feel his tiny son resting against his bare chest. As she covered him with a blanket to keep him warm the nurse explained what was happening with him right now. Kim rested her head on Adam's shoulder and watched her son and stroked his tiny cheek.

"The nasal prongs are just giving him a little extra oxygen, although he is doing most of it himself. They get really tired easily so this is just to give him a hand. As you can see his oxygen levels are good. He's keeping his temperature up, which is good. We have just popped a tube down to give him some milk as he might need to little time to get used to sucking." They assured Kim that he wouldn't have any other milk, except her own unless absolutely necessary. "If he keeps this up he won't be here long. I wish all my babies were as easy as he is. Does he have a name?"

"Not yet." Kim shook her head.

"You know….." Adam started with a smile, knowing full well he wasn't even going to get to finish his sentence. "We could…."

Kim looked at him sharply. "We are not calling him Adam."

The nurse chuckled to herself. "Baby boy Ruzek it is then."

Kim finally fell asleep at about 430am, but Adam couldn't sleep he was too wired. He headed back down to the nursery for a little while just to check on his boy. Kim hated leaving him alone but she was exhausted and desperately needed to sleep. He sat there beside his crib for an hour, his hand softly stroking his fingers and toes so he didn't think he was alone in his new world. He told him how lucky he was to have the mother he did, how much they loved him already and how precious he was. "I'll look after you my little man, I promise." He whispered.

When he headed back to the room he tried to lie down beside Kim without waking her but she woke as soon as she felt him next to her. Adam showed her a video of the baby. "You went back to see him? Is he okay?"

"I did and he's still doing well. I know you don't like him all alone down there. He's so beautiful Kim." They both dozed off for an hour before the midwife came in and asked Kim to express off some more milk. The more regularly she did it the quicker her milk would come in and the less likely they would have to top him up with banked milk.

Firstly they called his mother so that they could tell Polly. "How's Kim? Any news?" Janet was desperate to know what was going on. The last message they had received from Adam was a little before midnight when he assured them that the labour had slowed down and they were hoping for a peaceful night.

"She's doing well. Tired, we both are. It was a long night. Hey Kim really wants to talk to Polly, can you put her on the phone?"

He could hear his mother talking to Polly, calling her to talk to her father as he put it on speaker. "Hi Daddy."

Kim smiled when she heard her voice. "Good morning sweet pea. How are you? Mommy and Daddy miss you."

"I am having breakfast."

"We've got a surprise for you?"

"I like surprise." Polly commented while she grabbed another strawberry.

"Yes, we have a little brother for you."

"A brother." Polly commented and they both laughed at his mother's shrieking and before they could speak to Polly again she had grabbed the phone.

"You've had the baby? It's a boy? Is he okay? Is Kim okay?" she had a million questions.

"Wow, slow down Ma. Everything is fine. He's a little small but healthy and he's in the nursery at the moment just as a precaution. Kim is doing fine, we are both pretty tired though. It all went down around two this morning so we haven't got much sleep. Can you get Polly ready and bring her in?"

Kim wanted to call her parents herself and they were just as excited as Adam's mother was and Adam called his Dad to tell him about his new grandson.

Adam was flicking through some photos on his phone. He found the one he was looking for. He had taken through the side of the humidicrib and the baby's eyes were wide but he had a slight frown on his face. It was like he wasn't quite sure what was going on and why he was suddenly in this strange new world. Kim loved the photo, so he sent it to the team.

 _'I wonder what HE's thinking….'_

A few moments later as his phone started to beep with replies he sent a follow up message. ' _Obviously our son was in a rush to meet us. Ruzek 2.0 arrived at little after 2am this morning. He is doing well, as is Kim. He tips the scales at 5lbs 6oz. And despite needing to spend some time in the nursery he is a little champion.'_

Platt was the first call he took. She had been checking in constantly since she had left them both at the hospital yesterday. "He's good. He's still in the nursery in a humidicrib but they are pretty happy with him and we hope to have him back with us soon. He is pretty tiny, a lot smaller than Polly was. He needed a little help breathing just so he didn't get too tired overnight but that's pretty much it. Hopefully he starts feeding properly soon. Kim's pretty tired but she's just amazing. They both are." Platt smiled to herself as he rambled on a bit.

"A Ruzek boy, just what this world needs. I guess Burgess was right, that only a boy could cause all this drama. He is obviously your son."

"I hope so." Adam agreed with a laugh. "I'll send you some more photos later."

Kim had a shower while Adam was on the phone. "You still feeling a little Alpha Male today?" Now that the euphoria had worn off Kim had slowed down considerably.

"That midwife was a bitch from the start."

"I kinda liked it." Kim giggled a little. "Seeing you all macho, beating your chest. It's pretty hot."

"Are you hitting on me?" Adam teased her.

"Maybe. Thank you for looking out for me. I know I wasn't really helpful but I couldn't focus on anything other than my baby. I'm glad you were in my corner."

"You went a little bit mother bear as well." Adam reminded her. "It was a turn on."

"Strange things turn you on. I had just given birth."

"And you thought it was hot when I went all Macho, I guess we are even." He jumped up from the chair so that Kim could lower herself into it. Not that sitting was particularly comfortable at the moment. "I will tell you something for nothing. Childbirth is hideous. I don't know how people explain it as some miracle, like the second coming. It's hot, sweaty, dirty and seeing all sorts of stuff come out of you is near on vomit inducing." He pretended to gag. "And then when they finally come out they are slimy and bloody and this startling shade of blue grey. It's not very pretty."

"But."

"But our babies are beautiful and it's hard to explain, but watching you go through all that, and it's fucking horrific I tell you, I kept thinking I can't believe you are doing this for me, not once but twice."

"Well I hope you remember it because we are not going back for a third time."

They walked back down to the nursery and Kim was able to feed him again and he seemed to be a little more alert, although she still felt that she didn't have much to offer him. The lactation consultant assured her that he was getting what he needed. The Neonatologist also stopped by while they were still visiting.

"He looks good." The doctor flipped through the baby's chart. "Has he been feeding?" she asked.

"A little, I don't know how much he is getting though." Kim commented as she was squeezing the life out of Adam's hand.

"His stomach is tiny, so he only needs a few drops to fill him up. We will keep an eye on his weight. With babies this age they can lose weight quite quickly, which all babies do when they are born, but because he is a little smaller we don't like them to go back too much. I would like to see him feeding every two hours if you can and no longer than three. His breathing seems good and all his tests came back fine. I would say we will keep him for a little longer but I see no need for anything else. Do you have any questions?"

"How long will we have to stay in hospital?" Adam wanted to know.

"It's hard to say, a few days or maybe a week, just until he is feeding fully and his weight starts to go up consistently."

"Is there anything we should worry about with his development? Is he going to have any long term problems because he was early?" Kim hated having to ask and Adam felt her hand tighten around his. This was all so foreign to them. Polly had been such a breeze from the very start of Kim's pregnancy and they just assumed, or hoped that this baby would be the same and to date nothing had gone right.

"As with any baby there are no absolutes, but I think you have a perfectly healthy little baby boy. He was just impatient to meet you."

The Neonatologist's reassurance had gone some way to ease their fears and they stayed with him until Adam's mom texted to say that she had just arrived in the car park with Polly and they headed back to their room so that Kim could be there when they came in.

Adam went down and met them as they came out of the lift. Polly ran at him and he knelt down so she could throw herself into his arms. "Hello Sweet Pea." He kissed her as he picked her up. "I've missed you. Have you been good for Nanna? Come on, Mommy really wants to see you."

Polly's face lit up when she saw Kim and Adam was barely able to hold her as she dived onto the bed and into her mother's waiting arms. "Nanna made pancakes for breakfast. Did you have pancakes too?" she asked.

"No, Daddy and I just had toast and cereal. Not very yummy at all."

Janet started asking Adam about the baby and he offered to take her down to see him while Kim stayed to spend a little more time alone with Polly. It had only been a day so Kim was surprised at how much she missed her. Perhaps it was because Kim wasn't prepared for this baby yet and was worried that Polly wasn't either. She had planned the last few weeks out carefully and Adam had laughed at her incessant research on introducing a new baby to a toddler.

After about ten minutes Janet came back alone and Kim looked a little panicked. "Where's Adam? Is the baby okay?"

"He's fine. He's so beautiful Kim. Congratulations."

A minute later "I've got something for you." Adam exclaimed happily as he was pushing the cot into the room. "He's been let out."

"My brother." Polly shrieked.

"Yes sweetie, your baby brother. Quick sit up next to Mommy and you can have a cuddle." Polly instead decided she wanted to sit in Kim's lap, which made her wince a little as she plonked herself down. If only Polly knew what Kim had just been through. To say that she was extremely tender would have been an understatement. The smile on Polly's face was precious as Adam gently laid the baby in her small arms and he had his phone ready to take a photo of the three of them.

"You know Polly, your brother even bought you a present." Kim pointed at the cupboard and Janet went and grabbed the present out and gave it to Polly. Adam took the baby back while Polly opened the gift and squealed as she hugged her new doll.

Polly declared that she wanted to get a present for the baby so Adam took her down to the gift shop while Janet stayed and had her first cuddle of her grandson. "So any ideas on a name yet?" she asked Kim, when she asked Adam he just grumbled that he was not going to be called Adam.

"We can't decide on anything. We didn't have many names for a boy and nothing that we both really loved. We had pretty much settled on a girl's name, so in typical Ruzek fashion it had to be the complete opposite. Adam was pretty adamant that it was another girl." She shrugged a little. "I guess we thought we had a few more weeks to nail one down."

Kim was feeding the baby when they got back to the room having also gone via the vending machine. Polly climbed up beside Kim and watched what was happening. She explained to Polly that she used to do this as well when she was a little baby. All the fear and anxiety Adam had felt over the last 24 hours ebbed away. His life felt pretty perfect right now.

He stayed with the baby as Kim walked Polly downstairs and out to the car. She was not happy about leaving but Kim promised her that she could come back before bedtime. Janet would drop her off at Kim's parents place after lunch and they would bring her back in after dinner and Adam would take her home tonight.

If she thought Polly looked small in her father's arms when she was born, this baby almost disappeared into his embrace. His hands were wrapped around him and he was gazing down at the sleeping infant. He still was wearing a beanie to keep his head warm and was bundled tightly in a blanket but he had managed to wiggle enough to get one hand poking out near his face. "I like the look of that." Kim commented as she hobbled through the door, she certainly felt like she had pushed a baby out of her recently, even if he was small. She leant down and kissed Adam's upturned face. "Hey, my darling husband."

"He's so little, I didn't think they came in this size."

Kim stroked his tiny fingers. "So you now have to raise a son that you would be happy for your daughter to take home to meet the parents."

"Ha. So he needs to be as awesome as me. Polly is never dating, just so you know. You can break that to her later."

Adam was glad his phone was on silent. He had 15 missed calls and nearly 30 messages. While he made Kim get some sleep he started working through all the messages. The next photo he sent out was of Polly and the baby. _'Polly and her little brother meeting for the first time. I swear they are already plotting to overthrow us. After a bumpy start and a few hours in the NICU he is back with us and we are all a little besotted.'_

Lucas, Noah, Ethan, Jack, James, Oliver, Charlie, Max… they rattled through the names and rejected every one of them. Either they had arrested some idiot with that name, went to school with someone with those names or didn't like the sound of it with Ruzek and Alpha Male Adam wouldn't entertain Burgess as a surname even though Kim still kept her maiden name, particularly at work. "Max Ruzek….. sounds like a Russian spy." Adam laughed. They did like Patrick but he would probably get Paddy. "Chicago PD's answer to the Kardashians… he comes Polly & Paddy." Adam shook his head. "It sounds like a circus act." So he would spend another day as baby boy Ruzek.

Kim's parents came back with Polly just after dinner. She sat up and had another cuddle and watched in earnest as Kim changed his nappy. "What's that?" she asked pointing to his penis, which Kim answered a little too honestly for Adam's liking. Polly looked a little confused. "It's what boys have. Daddy has one too." Adam frowned when Polly decided it didn't look anything like Daddy's and Kim barely kept a straight face as she explained that it would grow bigger as the baby grew up to be like Daddy. He knew he was thoroughly unprepared for explaining the birds and the bees to his daughter and was dreading her asking anything about how the baby got out of Kim's stomach or worse still how he got in there. Explaining what a penis was never crossed his mind.

Kim handed the baby to her mother and asked Polly to come for a cuddle before she went home. This hadn't gone as planned and it looked like Kim would be in hospital for a few days rather than the one day that they hoped for so it was going to take a bit of adjusting and Kim was worried about how Polly would cope. Adam had taken a few days leave but he really wanted to be at home when Kim so his leave wasn't really starting until Kim came home. They were going to have to juggle things around for the next few days.

Adam took Polly home before she got too tired and Jay dropped by while Erin visited Kim and the baby. She was delighted to see her favourite uncle. "Polly Dolly." He swung her over his shoulder which made her squeal. Adam handed him a beer. "Congratulations mate. A boy."

"Yep. He's pretty cute. It was pretty rough there for a while but he's all good now and we are pretty happy." Polly was foraging around for something in her toy room eventually coming out with a puzzle for Jay to help her with. He slipped off the sofa onto the floor and started sorting out the pieces. Adam rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He was pretty exhausted. If he added it all up he would have had about 3 hours sleep in the past day and a half.

"Jay. My brother has a penis." Polly suddenly declared as she tried to join two pieces together, causing Adam to spit out the mouthful of beer he just took.

"Does he?" Jay tried to hide his smirk.

Polly continued innocently. "Like Daddy, but Daddy's is bigger. Do you have one too?"

Jay nodded and laughed. "Is it little like the baby?" Polly didn't stop there. "Or big like Daddy's? Did it grow?"

"Okay Polly, that's enough." Adam laughed as Jay could barely keep a straight face. "How about we go have a bath and get ready for bed."

"No." she cried defiantly as she grabbed all the puzzle pieces from the floor. "No."

"Come on Polly, it's time for bath and bed… but you can sleep in Daddy's bed tonight. How's that sound?" The puzzle was instantly forgotten as she took off up stairs for a bath before she came back down and dragged Jay upstairs to read her a story.

"Man, that was the funniest shit I've heard." Jay laughed as he came back downstairs. "Your girl is a star, although I think she is a little young to be thinking about penis sizes."

"I am more than a little disturbed. I may have to bring home the long guns early than expected."

Once Jay left he called Kim. "Thank you very much." He told her sarcastically.

"For what?"

"Your daughter decided to talk about penis's tonight. Apparently mine is bigger than her brother's and she also asked Jay about his." Kim couldn't stop laughing. "Seriously Jay thought it was hysterical. She's now asleep in our bed. She can keep me company. I miss you, both of you."

"I want to come home."

"I want you here too. I love you, you know."

They chatted about the baby for a bit and organised their movements for tomorrow. Kim told him to get some sleep, knowing how exhausted he was. He had been with her constantly the past two days and he was such a doting father to their little girl. She knew he was conflicted and trying to figure out how to be in two places at once, she could hear it in his voice and felt it in his farewell kiss. He wanted to make sure that Polly was okay and he wanted to be with Kim and the baby. "Right back at you."

Polly thrashed about all night. For a little girl she certainly spread herself out in bed and she was awake before Adam really wanted her to be. Fortunately she still was not really a morning person so he got a few more minutes of cuddles before she was fully awake. His phone rang beside him and he saw Kim's name flashing. "Hey Darlin'. What's up?" he blinked at the clock, it was almost 7am.

"Nothing. I was just checking in. How's Polly?"

"Do you want to talk to her?" He flicked it over to face time and let Polly talk to her mother. She chatted for a few minutes, mainly about Jay coming over and sleeping in Daddy's bed. He talked to Kim for a little while longer while Polly disappeared into her own room. The baby had been feeding pretty well and he was going to be weighed again this morning. "Are you bringing Polly in today?"

"Yep. And then I have to drop into work to sign some reports. I am sure they will be happy to see Polly, although if she starts talking about dicks again I am outta there. Could you imagine her asking Voight about the size of his dick? I would have to quit."

"Don't let her near Platt either. That's one conversation I don't want to have to explain."


	29. Chapter 29 - Like Father Like Son

When Adam got off the phone from Kim he went in search for Polly who was suspiciously quiet and his daughter and quiet generally meant trouble. He found her in her room and she had pulled out most of the clothes from her drawers. "Wow, it's a bit of a mess in here." She was sitting in the middle of a pile of clothes trying to pull on a pair of leggings; her shirt was already on backwards. Adam laughed. "How about we have breakfast first and then find you something pretty to wear."

Polly settled for a bowl of yoghurt with some fruit followed by toast for breakfast. Adam sat down at the table with her and shared her toast. "What should we call your brother?" She looked at him thoughtfully as she took another spoonful of yoghurt. "Princess."

Why was he not surprised, she was a little princess obsessed lately. "We can't call him Princess. He's a prince. He's a boy."

"Peter Pan." She cocked her head to the side. At least she remembered the book they were currently reading. "Jay, Kevin…." This was going nowhere fast. "Joey, like a kangaroo." She bounced up and down in her seat while Adam just laughed.

Adam grabbed a quick shower while Polly sat on their bed watching one of her shows on the IPad. He managed to convince Polly to put on a pair of denim shorts and a white lacy top, although he lost the fight with the shoes. He always tried to avoid the pink but the frills and lace he had given up on. The best he could do with her hair was two ponytails because he was well aware of how much trouble he would be in if Polly came in looking like a hobo. In car on the way in she decided that he should be called _'Snugglepot.'_ "That's my favourite."

He texted Kim to let her know they were at the hospital so she could make sure that the baby was back in his cot when they came in and she met them at the lift. Adam barely had a chance to even give his wife a kiss as Polly bounded into her arms.

Polly sat on the edge of the bed and peered into the cot while Adam swapped Kim's dirty clothes for some clean ones. He then picked up his son and settled in for some father son bonding while Kim set about fixing Polly's hair, her clothes almost passed muster. Kim had not been overly enamoured with her rain boots. "I tried to get her into sandals or at the very least her cowboy boots, but I lost."

"Could have been worse." She had seen him dress her in leggings, tops that are too small or colours that would clash horribly. His best effort was bringing her into the District for handover in Pyjamas that he swore were actual clothes. He was also no longer allowed to buy her clothes.

"I asked Polly for some names."

"And?"

"Princess, Snugglepot, Jay and Kevin, Peter Pan, oh and Joey, like a kangaroo….we stopped there."

"I still have no idea. I've tried out so many names on him. Flynn, Archer, Ethan, Leo, Oscar, Angus….."

Adam looked like he was contemplating something for a moment. "I like Angus….." he said it out loud. "Angus Patrick Ruzek."

Kim smiled and nodded. "I like the sound of that. Angus Patrick Ruzek." She repeated. "What do you think Polly? Should we call your brother Angus?"

Polly was busy but she looked up at the sound of her name. "Do you like Angus? Should we call him Angus?" Kim asked her again.

"Yes." For the moment she couldn't care less, she had more pressing matters at hand such as getting the dress back on her doll. "Are you sure?" she asked Adam again.

"Hello Angus Patrick Ruzek." He lifted him up and kissed his forehead.

The OBGYN came in to check on Kim and Adam took Polly and Angus out for a quick walk in the hallway while he examined Kim. Adam had no intention of explaining what the Doctor was doing to Kim; the penis conversation with Polly was more than enough. The Doctor was happy to release her pending Angus's discharge. "Is there anyway of knowing why he came early? Was it something I did?"

"No, in many cases we never know what causes pre-term labour. Some babies, for some unknown reason just come early. Fortunately in your case he seemed to be ready for it and is perfectly healthy. There is just no way of knowing and it remains one of the great mysteries. What is does mean however is that we may watch you a little more closely if you have another pregnancy." Kim snorted and added that it was highly unlikely she'd be back here again.

When the Midwife came in they weighed him he had lost a little more weight. Kim was bitterly disappointed; it was hard not to feel like a failure. Adam didn't say anything; there was no point so he just squeezed her hand. "Does this mean I don't have enough milk?"

"No, not at all. He is only day 2, we expect that they lose weight for the first three days and then he will slowly start to put it on. When you're milk comes in it should be all systems go. Just because he is so small though you will probably stay until you're milk is in and he is feeding well and starting to gain weight. He is doing exactly what we would hope right now. You are doing well." She reassured Kim.

Once Kim's parents arrived Adam took Polly into work, the lure of seeing everyone in Intelligence won out over staying with her mother. She bounded up the front steps and was greeted by a very happy Platt. "Oh there's my favourite girl." She swung her up onto her desk. "How's is that little brother of yours?"

"He cries sometimes." She screwed up her nose. "And he sleeps all the time. He's boring."

Adam leant on the counter and watched Polly and Platt as they discussed her brother. "His name is Angus." Adam added. "Angus Patrick Ruzek. Although Polly here wanted to call him Snugglepot." He tickled her and she giggled. "Come on. We've got some work to do upstairs." Platt helped her down from the counter and she ran towards to stairs.

Nobody was upstairs when they finally got up there so he sat at his desk with Polly on his lap and printed off the report he needed and signed it. Adam heard the gate open and footsteps on the stairs. Polly squealed, which made Adam cringe when she saw Voight appear followed by Al. She jumped down from his lap and ran to Voight. "Hey Polly. You are a sight for sore eyes." Turning to Ruzek. "Wasn't expecting to see you until tomorrow."

"I just wanted to sign off on these." He waved the report. Al came on leant on Kevin's desk while Polly and Voight had disappeared into his office. "Hey, How's Burgess? How's the baby?"

"They are pretty good. He finally has a name, Angus Patrick."

"That's my brother." Polly added.

"We are just waiting for him to start putting on some weight before they spring us. Hopefully another couple of days."

Polly knelt up at the table in the break room eating her lunch while Adam briefly caught up on the current case. He wanted to get up to speed before work tomorrow. He kept one eye on the whiteboard and one on Polly who was happily munching through her sandwich. Suddenly she fell from her chair with a thump. Adam dropped the file on the desk and rushed in.

Polly buried her face in his chest when Adam sat down on the couch with her. She was more shocked than hurt. "It's okay Sweetie. You're okay." He rubbed her back until the sobs subsided and he realised that she had fallen asleep. He closed his eyes and rested his head on the back for a moment. God, he could sleep for a week.

Slipping her onto the couch he covered her with his jacket and closed the door quietly behind him. "Ruzek." Hank called him and motioned for him to come into his office and close the door.

"What's up Boss?"

"You know you don't have to come back tomorrow. Take your leave now."

"I really want to be home when Kim and Angus come home and we don't really know how long they are going to be in hospital, Polly was going to be with my mom tomorrow anyway."

"How you doing?"

"I'm good, it's been a rough few days but I'm good."

"And Burgess?"

"She's pretty tired and stressed out. She just wants him to start putting on some weight. Until that happens they won't let her go. I think she is worried about Polly too."

Voight offered to drop Ruzek off at the hospital and take Polly out for ice cream. There was not much else they could do here today. They were waiting on search warrants and by the sound of the heated conversation Antonio was currently having on the phone they weren't likely to come anytime soon. Mouse also needed to decrypt all the computers they had seized and that was a big job.

It was a little while before Polly woke from her nap and wandered out into the bullpen. She leant on Halstead's leg and rubbed her eyes. "Here's my girlfriend." He lifted her up onto his knee. "Ah Halstead, you might want to check if she needs the bathroom first." Ruzek warned.

He held both hands up in the air. "So not my job." Adam grabbed her hand and led her through to the bathroom before she came bounding back in and this time made a beeline for Atwater. She climbed into his lap and waited for whatever surprise he had in his drawer for her.

"Hey Polly, how about you and I go get some ice cream?" Voight offered as Ruzek packed up ready to head back to the hospital. She clapped her hands together excitedly and was off Atwater's lap in an instant and grabbing Voight's hand to lead him down the stairs. Ice cream would have to be close to her favourite food and she didn't get it nearly as often as she would like.

"You be good for Papa Hank." Adam leant over and asked for a fist bump which Polly happily obliged as Voight dropped him off at the hospital.

Kim was asleep when he arrived. He slipped into the room quietly and had a quick look at Angus's chart which he knew would tell him what time he fed last. They had only been asleep for about half hour. Gently he picked up his sleeping son and settled into the recliner and spent some time contemplating his life now.

He was now the father of two children but it seemed like only yesterday that he found himself at her door, taking a leap of faith into a new relationship. It had been better than he hoped or even imagined. She had taken hold of his heart pretty quickly and now he had a beautiful daughter who was funny, stubborn and very much a daddy's girl and a son, so small and fragile in his arms. He spent his life protecting others but he would give it up in a heartbeat for these three people.

He looked at Kim and was glad that she seemed to be sleeping soundly and an hour passed in no time. When Kim stirred she noticed Adam in the recliner dozing with Angus in his arms.

"Hey Darlin'." Adam opened one eye slowly. "How long you been awake?" He stood up and popped Angus back in his cot while he was still sleeping and sat on the bed with Kim. She pushed herself up slowly and leant in for a long kiss.

"Not long. Where's Polly?"

"Ah, with Voight. They are getting ice-cream."

"Voight? Really?" He nodded and kissed her again.

Kim grabbed both sides of his face. "I've missed you."

"I know." He tucked a lock of hair behind one ear and kissed her again. "I love you."

'Did you have a nice cuddle? You haven't had much of a chance."

"We bonded. Well I bonded, he slept." Adam laughed. "How's he been?"

"Feeding and sleeping. My mom came by and Amanda." Kim showed him the clothes that they had bought for Angus. They looked so small in his hands as she passed them to him. Amanda had found the tiniest pair of jeans he had even seen.

"You know I am a little disappointed." Adam had a glint in his eye. "With Polly the last month of your pregnancy you were as horny as a goat. I was hoping for a repeat, guess that kinda got blown outta the water. It seems you were right when said it was a boy because it was a troublemaker. Him and I will need to have a chat. He can't be cock blocking already."

Kim slapped his arm playfully. "Really, that's all you are thinking about."

"No." He flicked her ponytail playfully. "But I like teasing you."

They hadn't got around to sorting out the nursery yet and Kim had planned to sort through all Polly's baby stuff once she had finished work so they made a list of things to do before Angus came home. Her father was happy to set up the cot while Adam was back at work tomorrow. That was a job he was more than happy to hand over this time. He'd done it once and that was more than enough.

"Is this your granddaughter? She's adorable." The lady handed Polly her ice cream and smiled as Polly thanked her politely. Voight just nodded. Polly slipped her hand in his as they walked towards an empty park bench. He missed his grandson. Olive and Daniel were doing well but she had left Chicago after Justin's death and he didn't get to see them as often as he would like. Polly had filled that void and he enjoyed watching her grow up and loved being part of her life. She was such a cheeky and loving little girl, all the right parts of her parents.

"Do you have a penis like my Daddy and my brother?" she blurted out. Yep, thought Voight, that's the Ruzek part of her coming out loud and strong.

"All boys do."

"Jay does. Angus does but Daddy's is bigger." Polly continued.

Kim had just finished feeding Angus when they arrived. "We bought Angus a present." Polly bounced through the door with a gift bag before climbing up on the bed next to Kim and Angus.

"Good-o the ice-cream had kicked in." Adam muttered under his breath.

"I almost bought her two, the conversation veered way off course. I quite enjoy interrogations but not from a three year old." Voight laughed. Adam covered his eyes; his worst nightmare had come true.

"She didn't?"

"Oh trust me she did. You and I are gonna have a chat tomorrow." He pointed at Ruzek.

Voight stayed long enough to have a cuddle. "He's a little gem. You've done well Burgess." Polly sat up on the bed, propped up with pillows and had a cuddle while Adam walked his boss out. "Thanks for taking her out for a bit and I am sorry about the interrogation. She seems a little obsessed by the fact that Angus is a boy and what exactly that means."

"It was cute. Although I learnt more about you than I wanted too." He shook Adam's hand and patted him on the back.

"How about you help me give Angus a bath?" Kim asked Polly who was starting to fidget with the baby in her lap. She handed him to Adam while she got everything organised and Polly pulled up a chair so she could help.

Adam put his feet up and watched them. "Why is he crying?" Polly asked, her voice wobbling a little when he let out a tiny cry as he hit the water.

"Angus doesn't like his bath. Not like you. You loved it. Daddy always gave you a bath."

"Maybe if Daddy did it he would like it too." Polly looked at him with tears in her eyes and sounded so concerned that Adam jumped up and took over.

"Hey little man." He cooed, scooping warm water over his belly. Polly leant over and gently touched his head. "Shhh baby. Don't cry." Polly started to cry too. "It's okay sweetie." Adam touched her cheek. "Angus is just a little baby, he doesn't know how awesome bath time with Daddy is yet. You'll have to teach him."

Kim wrapped her arms around Polly and kissed her head. Adam lifted him out of the bath and wrapped him in the towel and he stopped crying the instant that Adam picked him up. "See, he's okay now." He started again as Adam lay him down and quickly dressed him.

"So it seems he does not like showing off his junk."

Kim slapped his arm and told him to be quiet. "We have enough of an issue with inappropriate conversations as it is. I do not need her talking about _his junk._ "

"Wait until you have to explain how he got here. You are having that conversation all to yourself."

Adam grabbed his phone from his pocket as he walked up the stairs. It was a message from Kim; he hadn't spoken to her yet this morning. Both he and Polly had slept in and he basically ripped her out of bed and dropped her off at his mother's still in her pyjamas and in a foul mood. He whistled at the photo and chuckled to himself. _'Wow, impressive!'_ he quickly sent back.

Kim had sent him a photo of her obviously engorged breasts. They had been waiting for her milk to come in which would hopefully mean that Angus would start putting on weight and he could come home. He shook his head as he laughed. How things had changed? One time in his life a beautiful woman sending him photos of her breasts would have got him all excited. These ones did too but for a completely different reason – this meant that they were closer to bringing their son home and that was all he wanted but they did give him a little thrill.

 _'You like?'_ she answered quickly.

 _'I certainly do, they look spectacular and hopefully Angus likes them too._ '

She then sent through a photo of him in a milk coma. He laughed remembering how much he loved Polly when she was drunk on milk.

 _'That's my new screensaver.'_

"What's so amusing?" Halstead asked as he came up behind Ruzek and peered over his shoulder at the phone.

"My boy is drunk." He showed Halstead the photo of Angus with his arms spread, eyes rolled back in his head and milk dribbling from the corner of his mouth.

"He looks like you after a night out." Halstead patted him on the back as he headed to his desk.

He slipped the phone back in her pocket just as Voight came out of his office and pulled the whiteboard towards him and slapped a photo in the centre of it. So they had a new case to focus on and it wasn't until nearly lunchtime that he got a chance to give Kim a call.

"Hey, how's it going?" She could hear that he was obviously eating as he spoke. Kim could always tell when he was trying to do more than one thing at a time.

"Good. You got something going on?"

"Yep." He shoved another bite in. "How's Angus?"

"Still hasn't put on weight, but didn't lose any more so that's a positive. Now that I actually have something to feed him he might start putting it on again."

"Hmmm." He mumbled through a mouthful of food. "You seen Polly today?"

"They are on their way in now." He could hear Angus squawk in the background and after a few more minutes chatting she let Adam go and eat the rest of his lunch while she dealt with her desperately hungry son.

His feet barely touched the ground for the rest of the day and it was close to seven when he finished work. Calling Kim on the way home she told him to go and see Polly and then come back to see her and Angus. They weren't going anywhere. Polly was at home with his mother and he had hoped that he would get home to see her before she went to bed. It had been a long day and he was pretty exhausted. He had been on the go since he got up and he wished he had taken his boss's advice and not came back to work, but they didn't know how long Kim and Angus would be in hospital and he really wanted to be at home with them for the first couple of weeks.

Polly, as always was delighted to see her father and climbed into his lap as soon as he sat down. "Have you had a good day?"

"We went to the park and to the shops." She was already in her pyjamas and ready for bed.

"Did you see Mommy and Angus today?"

She had and told him about what Angus had done, which was nothing according to his three year old daughter. He was still a little boring apparently.

Adam read her a story and tucked her into bed but Polly had cried and clung tightly to his neck when he told her that she was going to stay here. "I want Mommy."

"I know Sweetie, so do I. How about I sleep here too and we can have breakfast together?"

"Pancakes?"

"I promise I will cook you pancakes." He lay down next to her until she finally drifted off to sleep.

He sat for a few minutes and had something to eat before heading back to the hospital. It was well after nine before he got there. "You look tired." Kim rested a hand on his cheek as he leant in to kiss her. "You shouldn't have come."

He let one hand run down between her breasts. "And miss these? No way." Kim slapped his hand away. He tugged on the neck of her shirt and peered down at her expanded boobs. "They look good."

He sat on the edge of the bed. "So, what's new today? Apart from the obvious."

"Nothing really. They were happy that he had stopped losing weight and that my milk has come in. I was hoping to come home tomorrow if he gains weight but apparently I need at least three days of weight gain to be released."

"So Sunday or Monday maybe." He picked Angus up out of his cot. "I can't wait to get you home."

"I am so bored, sitting around here all day and I miss Polly." Kim was running her hand over his thigh. It was another thing she missed. Just being with him. "How was Polly tonight? She didn't want to leave this afternoon."

"Grumpy. I am staying at mom's tonight and making Pancakes for breakfast." He ran his finger down Angus's cheek loving the feeling of his soft skin. "The boys want to go out tomorrow night to celebrate Angus."

Kim raised an eyebrow. "I suppose it makes sense. At least I won't have to put up with your hangover all day. So I won't see you tomorrow? Is your Mom okay with Polly?"

"Of course you'll see me. I think Ellen is coming over to take her home after lunch. Mom has a dinner or something tomorrow night." Angus started to squirm and stir in his arms, eventually opening his eyes. "Hello my little man." He kissed his forehead. "It's good to see you." Adam changed his diaper before handing him back to Kim for a feed, which he took to with great enthusiasm. "He obviously likes your boobs as much as I do."

"Like father like son." Kim laughed but it sounded hollow.

Sensing Kim's mood he added. "You know she is doing okay." Being away from Polly for so long and knowing that everyone was running around trying to sort her out and dropping her off here and there was worrying Kim. Polly like routine and to be settled and really she just missed being around her.

"I know." She sighed softly. "I just really want to be at home with all of you. I miss you, I miss Polly."

His mother was still up when he got home. "How's Kim and the baby?" She poured him a scotch.

"Good. Hopefully they will be home by Sunday or Monday. Angus just needs three days of weight gain to be sprung. It's killing Kim being away from Polly and I get the feeling Polly is starting to struggle a little." He took a mouthful of his drink. "Has she been alright?"

"Not a peep." Adam gulped down the rest of his drink. He gently moved Polly over to the other side of the bed but doubted that she would stay there, she was quite good at taking over the whole bed and she stirred a little as he climbed in. Adam rested his hand on her back, rubbing small circles until she went back to sleep. When his alarm went off at six Polly was almost vertical across the bed and he was perched on the edge. "Daddy." She whispered.

Hey Sweetie."

They dozed off again for a few minutes before Polly tapped him on the face. "Daddy?" Adam opened one eye.

"Pancakes?"

Adam groaned, told her to go to the bathroom and then come back and get him. "Daddy get up."

He rolled out of bed, grabbed a quick shower while Polly sat up in bed and watched a video on his phone before they headed downstairs and cooked pancakes.

"You go to work Daddy?" She was perched up at the kitchen bench watching Adam make breakfast. He was trying to drink his coffee, cook pancakes and entertain Polly all at once. Multi tasking was not his thing.

"Yes and Grandma is coming to take you to see Mommy and Angus."

"Don't go to work."

"I have to Sweetie." He leant across the bench and kissed her cheek. "But I promise tomorrow it'll be you and me and we will do something fun."


	30. Chapter 30 - I want to come home

Adam opened one eye very slowly. His head throbbed in protest, he didn't want to be awake and it was only his need to use the bathroom that made him get up. Hauling himself up into a sitting position he sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. He just didn't do hangovers as well as he used to.

A trail of clothes from the bedroom door to the bed told him that he had started undressing as soon as he got through the door. A bottle of water sat beside the bed and he reached for it, sipping it slowly and hoping that it would stay down.

He grabbed his phone from the pocket of his jeans as he came back into the bedroom. There were no messages but plenty of photos of the team celebrating long and hard. As he scrolled through the photos he eventually flicked back to a photo of Kim and Angus; his baby boy…that was the reason for the hangover and he couldn't think of a better one.

He lay back down gingerly and closed his eyes only to flinch when his phone started ringing. It was loud and intrusive. He looked at the caller ID, expecting it to be Kim checking up on him making sure he made it home in one piece. _MIL_ – Kim's mother. "Hi." He croaked suddenly discovering that speaking actually made his head hurt.

"I'm sorry Adam, did I wake you?"

"No, it's okay." Technically it was true as he wasn't actually asleep but really wanted to be. "What's up?" He covered his eyes with his free hand to try and keep out the harsh morning light, he had obviously failed in his attempt to close the curtains when he got in as the huge gap was letting in far too much of the morning.

"Polly is really upset. She thinks she's been forgotten and that no-one is coming back for her." He had left for work yesterday morning after making pancakes for breakfast and didn't get the chance to get back before they went out last night. He managed a quick visit with Kim just after lunch but they were pretty flat out on a case and he was on leave from the end of the day so needed to get everything squared away.

He rubbed his temples. "Okay. I will come and get her. Put her on."

He closed his eyes again as he waited for Polly to come to the phone. "Daddy." She sobbed.

"Hey Sweet Pea, what's up?"

"I want to come home Daddy." She heaved. "I want to come home."

"Okay, Daddy is coming. Don't cry baby please." He was not sure which was worse, his hangover or hearing his little girl crying for him. She sounded so heartbroken. "It makes Daddy sad to hear you cry."

Adam showered, leaning his head on the cool tiles for a few moments but it didn't really help ease his hangover. He took a couple of Advil and stopped to grab a breakfast burger and coffee on the way and hoped that the greasy breakfast would work it's magic. As he pulled into the driveway he saw Polly standing at the window anxiously waiting for him and she ran out to meet him as he climbed out of his truck. "Did you forget me?" she sobbed as he picked her up. If it wasn't the greasy breakfast that pushed his hangover to the back of his mind it certainly was his distraught daughter.

"No Polly, I didn't forget you. I was at work and then needed to sleep. I could never forget about you. You are my favourite girl."

"I'm sorry Adam." Ellen took one look at his dishevelled state. "I tried to reassure her that you were coming back soon but I think it's been a long week for her."

"It's okay Ellen. We thought she was doing okay but I guess it's been pretty unsettling." She was gripping him around the neck tightly and even when he sat down she wouldn't let go. Ellen made him a coffee; which he accepted gratefully and Polly didn't move off his lap, "Please don't say anything to Kim. It would only upset her." He rubbed Polly's back gently and kissing her head softly as it rested on his chest.

He loaded her into the car and headed home. He did contemplate dropping into the hospital but thought that would upset both Polly and Kim. When they got home Polly still just wanted to sit with him; which he was more than happy to do, so he popped on a movie and they settled onto the couch. Polly watched the movie as Adam dozed but at least she was happy and content.

"Daddy phone." Polly stood in front of him with his phone in his hand. He had dozed off and hadn't heard it vibrate.

His voice was still laced with sleep. "Hey Darlin'."

"Ohhh someone's got a hangover."

"Yes I do. And I am also lying on the couch watching this ridiculous Frozen movie for the umpteenth time. How are you?"

Kim was surprised. She didn't think he would even be out of bed yet. "You went and got Polly already?"

"Yeah I missed her. The house was too quiet and I am teaching her how to look after me when I am sick."

"Having a hangover is not being sick."

"Whatever. How are you?" he asked again.

"Great. Feel like coming and getting us?"

"Really?" pushed himself up into a sitting position. "That's great but how?"

"Angus has put on weight again today and I begged Dr Cranford, their paediatrician and she took pity on me and let me out. Will has promised to come by tomorrow for a weigh in."

"That's awesome. We'll be there soon." Polly was playing quietly at his feet; he tickled her on the back. "Hey Polly, what do you say; shall we go get Mommy and Angus and bring them home?"

"Yes, yes, yes." She jumped up quickly, clapping her hands together and headed straight for the door. The car seat was already in the car and Polly jumped from foot to foot while Adam went to the bathroom and got his keys, phone and wallet. She could barely contain herself and was yelling at him to hurry up.

Kim had her bags packed and piled up on a trolley and was sitting waiting for them to arrive. Polly ran down the hallway completely ignoring Adam's efforts to get her to slow down. He barely had time to give Kim a kiss before she had Angus strapped in and ready to go. They waited in the room while he took the trolley down to the car and packed it up before he came back and carried Angus while Kim held onto Polly who was glued to her hip, his hangover was completely forgotten.

Polly chatted away and sang songs to Angus all the way home, which made both Adam and Kim smile. He rested his hand on her thigh as he drove and he loved the fact that he had his whole family together. Polly was happy to help take Angus to his room and watch him being tucked into bed and Adam snapped a photo of Polly watching over him and sent out a quick message to their families. _'Polly just checking that Angus likes his new bed. The Ruzek's are all under one roof, wish us luck.'_

Kim was delighted to be home and plonked herself down on the couch with Polly for some long overdue mother daughter time. Adam crashed out on their bed for another hour. "Daddy's sick." Polly sounded so concerned that Kim had to smile.

"Yes he is so he can have a little sleep and you and I are going to cuddle on the couch because I missed you." Kim liked the smile that lit up her face and they snuggled together and finished watching the movie she had started that morning with Adam. When Angus woke Kim told Polly to go and wake up her father. "Daddy Daddy, Daddy Angus is awake. Wake up." She shrieked jumping on the bed.

By the time they got downstairs Kim was feeding Angus and looked absolutely content at being home and with her baby. Adam was itching to get his hands on his boy and Kim handed him over as soon as he was fed.

Then Kim and Polly then set about going through the bags of gifts they had received. Polly took to it with great gusto, squirreling away the best toys for herself. It was a stark contrast to the explosion of pink and frills they got with Polly, although Halstead had come through with the Blackhawks jersey again. He screwed up his nose at a few things; Walt Disney certainly had a lot to answer for.

He watched his girls go through the bags; slightly concerned that Polly seemed pretty comfortable with the whole thing. "Roman wants to know if we are going to go to his wedding now that Angus is here?" They had told Roman and Becky that they wouldn't be able to make the wedding in Grand Rapids as it was a week before the baby was due. His early arrival meant that wasn't an issue now. Kim had been disappointed that she might miss out on her partners wedding. They had worked together for almost five years now and were pretty tight and they loved Becky. She had been a good settling influence on Roman and thankfully he had finally found someone outside the Police Force and he got off the merry go round of dating Cops.

"I'd like to. What do you think?"

"Well Lindsay and Halstead reckon we could get a house or something and share."

"Really? They would be happy to do the whole family holiday thing? A newborn and a three year old? I am not sure I would wish that on my worst enemy."

"I know, Roman really wants you to come. The begging last night was almost embarrassing." He laughed. He lay Angus down in his lap and he barely came halfway up his thighs, his brown eyes staring back up at him. He ran a finger softly along his cheek. The feeling of his son's buttery skin was intoxicating. He loved how in the early days it seemed that they didn't quiet fit into their skin. "Should I be worried that Polly seems a little too happy going through those bags and picking out the nice clothes?"

"Do you disagree with any of her choices?"

"No, but I don't think I can afford Little Miss Fashionista here. I'll have to get a second job."

"Well if I left it up to you he would be in skinny brown jeans and a checked shirt."

"Hey, you obviously liked those skinny jeans I seemed to recall you tyring to get into them all the time." Adam winked at her. He caught a stuffed bear that was lobbed in his direction. "This is pretty good isn't it? These two and us." Adam stroked Angus's head lightly. "He's so beautiful."

Later that night, once Polly was in bed they finally got some time alone. Adam tucked a pillow under his head on Kim's lap while Angus was sleeping on his chest. He rested his hand on his tiny back, feeling it rise and fall evenly. Kim closed her eyes. "You tired Baby?" he asked.

"Hmm, a little." Kim opened her eyes again and smiled. "But I am liking being home."

"I like having you home, both of you." He reached up and touched her face. "I really like all three of you."

Angus started to stir. "I'm glad because we ain't going anywhere." Angus opened his eyes and tried to lift his head. Once he was fully awake and changed Adam finally handed him back to his mother for a feed. Kim settled back against Adam and they both watched as he rooted around for her nipple and grunted and snorted his way through each side. "He's noisy." Adam commented.

"Like you."

Adam tried to sound indignant. "I do not make that much noise."

Kim was up every three hours through the night, which she was happy to do if it meant that Angus continued to put on weight. Will Halstead was coming to weigh him in the morning and she did not want to contemplate what would happen if he started going backwards.

They were both still asleep when Polly woke the next morning. Angus had been fed at five and Polly wandered in about seven rubbing her eyes sleepily. Kim barely even moved as Adam lifted her into bed. "Is Angus still here?" she asked, unfortunately showing no signs of going back to sleep.

"He is. He is sleeping, like Mommy and Daddy."

"Can he play yet?"

"No sweetie. Not yet. He's still a little baby like yesterday." Polly folded her arms across her chest in disgust. This was not what she imagined; she could play with her dolls why couldn't she play with this baby. Having a brother was not fun.


	31. Chapter 31 - You make me Tick

Adam whistled his appreciation as both Polly and Kim came out of the bedroom. He was sitting with Angus, both of them were dressed and ready to go. Polly spun around for him. "Do you like my dress Daddy?"

"I do. You look very pretty." Her bright green, pink and yellow floral dress swirled around her knees. Her face shone brightly and she was excited to be going to Roman's and Becky's wedding, although to be fair any party would do for Polly. "I think your Mom looks beautiful too." He whistled again as Polly twirled around the room.

Kim was wearing a navy blue and yellow wrap dress. Her hair was pulled back from her face and loosely piled at the base of her neck. "You're mom looks pretty spectacular." He whispered to Angus. The little boy was on his father's lap dressed in a tiny white jumpsuit with blue trim, his eyes were wide open and his fist was firmly in his mouth. Adam tickled his bare feet and laughed as his toes curled up and he pulled his leg away. He had filled out a little bit in the last few weeks but was still pretty tiny and didn't quite fit into his own skin, but then technically he wasn't even supposed to be born yet.

Kim screwed up her nose slightly. She certainly didn't feel particularly spectacular having bought and returned several dresses, much to Adam's exasperation. He honestly did think she looked great in anything but Kim was not happy with the her post baby body and she had tried to squeeze into some spanx, which just felt hideous so she threw them in the bin in disgust. While she hadn't put on much weight throughout the pregnancy she didn't exercise as much either and felt a lot more wobbly and untoned this time round and that annoyed her.

Jay appeared carrying his suit jacket over one arm and was greeted by Polly spinning around for him and asking if he liked her dress. She clapped happily when Jay told her she was the prettiest girl ever. "I swear Ruzek she takes after you."

"Are you saying I am a pretty girl?" He came and stood next to Kim who took Angus from him and strapped him into his car seat. "Two children would say I have all the necessary boy bits."

"So I heard, that was a conversation I will never forget."

"Do not even think of replying." Kim held up one hand and warned Adam who she knew would have some smart arsed answer on the tip of his tongue. "I do not want Polly talking about that today."

Jay held up both his hands. "Listen to your wife. Anyway that's not my point." He pointed between Ruzek and Polly. "How do you two compete at home always wanting to be the centre of attention?"

"You'd be surprised. We both get our time to shine. I do my best work at night after little miss sunshine goes to bed."

Kim scoffed at him. "Whatever Adam."

Polly was bouncing from one foot to the other waiting for Erin. Eventually she joined them wearing a short grey skirt and camisole style top. Jay barely looked at her although he did rest his hand lightly on her back as they headed out to the car. Kim tried to catch Adam's eye but he was busy getting Angus into the car and she doubted he would have noticed anything anyway.

They had arrived late last night and Erin had pretty much gone straight to bed, claiming she had a headache. Jay and Adam sat out on the back porch and had a few beers but it was a relatively quiet night.

The wedding was beautiful, Roman looked so happy and knowing his history with previous relationships it was nice to see him so settled. Kim loved Becky and had actively encouraged Roman to pursue her when they had first met at Molly's and then bumped into her again at the hospital.

It was a small church service. Polly sat quietly perched on Adam's lap enthralled by the whole process. She loved Becky in her princess dress and the flowers and clapped happily when they kissed.

Polly certainly enjoyed the party afterwards. There were a few other children there, but she was the youngest by far and she followed them around relentlessly. Adam kept an eye on her, checking in every now and then to make sure she wasn't being too annoying, while Kim made the most of her time catching up with the rest of the team. She hadn't been able to get out much since Angus had arrived. The time it took to get both of them ready just wasn't really worth the effort some days. Angus spent most of his time being cuddled by the other members of the team who had made the trip; Platt, Atwater and Dawson or sleeping in his pram.

Adam enjoyed the brief moment he got to dance with Kim, he wrapped one arm tightly around her waist and felt a sense of contentment as she leant into him and they moved with the music. He loved his children and would walk through fire for them but he felt his best when his wife was in his arms. They hadn't had a lot of time alone together since Angus came along and today was no different. Everyone wanted a piece of her and Angus. He also enjoyed dancing with his little girl, who had also managed to get a dance with Atwater, Halstead and Roman.

Kim decided to take them home when Polly fell asleep in Adam's arms. They looked adorable together and she snapped a photo of them, her dark curls tucked under his chin as Adam held her tightly with one hand, and the other holding a beer as he laughed at someone's joke. He carried her to the car and buckled her in. "I wish you weren't going." Adam grabbed Kim's hand as she started to climb into the driver's seat and pulled her against his body for just a moment. He'd already had a few beers by that stage.

"I give you an hour before you forget all about me." Kim patted him on the cheek. "Go enjoy yourself. It would be a shame if we both missed out on the fun." He kissed her hard and fast.

Erin had decided to come home with Kim. "I'll be fine, stay here and enjoy yourself."

"No, it's okay. I don't feel like partying."

"Why? Are you okay?" Kim looked sideways at Erin as she pulled out of the car park. You would have to be blind freddy not to notice the tension between her and Jay. She had barely acknowledged him all day and even when they left he just nodded and turned away back to the group.

"Yeah, it's just been a hectic few weeks."

"I heard." She took another look at Erin who was staring out the window. How had she missed noticing how miserable Erin looked?

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"Jay found out that I was still taking the pill after we decided to stop."

Kim didn't know what to say. She managed to squeeze out a startled _'oh'_

"I am just not sure I want to be a mother and Jay just really wanted it so I thought I could buy myself some more time. How do you know if you are ready?"

Kim laughed, "I don't know, we didn't have much say in it. We were so not ready for Polly but I think we did pretty well. With Angus.." she shrugged. "..Well we always knew we wanted another baby and it felt like the right time, it didn't quite work out as planned and took longer than we hoped but we got there in the end."

"You make it seem so easy."

"Easy." Kim snorted. "It's the hardest friggin' thing we've ever done. It's constant, day in day out no matter how shit your day has been at work or how crap you feel when you get home you have to be 100% there for them and then you fall into bed and start it all again the next day."

"That's certainly not how it looks from the outside, you make it sound wonderful."

"Oh it is that too. I mean we love them more than anything and are so lucky to have two beautiful healthy babies…." She peered in the rear view mirror at Polly who was crashed out in her seat and by the distinct lack of noise she assumed that Angus was still sleeping. "….But it's the little things I wish people had warned me about and the relentlessness of it, the time that Adam and I don't get to be just us anymore. Trying to find time to be together even for a few minutes is hard. Most days we just feel like we are just surviving these few years."

"Anyway, Jay is completely pissed with me so I guess we don't have to worry about it for awhile."

The question was out before she could stop it. "What are you going to do now? Are you breaking up?"

"I really don't know. I really love Jay, he has been in my corner for so long and I don't think I can make it without him, I just don't think I am ready to be a mother."

"You have to tell him."

"I know."

"Why? Don't you think you can do it? I mean if you really don't want children that's okay but is it because you are scared of being like Bunny?" Kim wasn't sure if she was crossing the line bringing up Bunny. It had been a sore point with Erin for a long time but she ran with it anyway.

"Yes, partly she wasn't the greatest of role models."

"Then don't be like her." Kim said bluntly. "You know what a bad parent looks like so choose something different. There are things my parents did that I swore I would never do to my kids and Adam is determined not to be like his parents. So you pick the good parts and ignore the bad and just try and do a little better."

"There wasn't many good parts with Bunny. Even the thought of being pregnant is terrifying."

"It was terrifying and beautiful. I loved being pregnant with Polly, but I didn't enjoy Angus as much and his birth was such a rollercoaster. Doesn't matter once they are born though. With Polly I spent a lot of time completely freaked out but the one thing that stopped me going completely over the edge was Adam. He was just my rock and every time I was veering off the tracks he was there and I know he was just as freaked as I was but he didn't waiver. He is still my rock, even when we piss each other off he still backs me up. Trust me, Jay will be your biggest ally."

Kim let Erin get Angus out of the car while she woke Polly, much to here annoyance changed her into her Pj's, took her to the bathroom and tucked her into bed, lying down for a few moments until she was back asleep. Watching from the door she could see the look of wonder on Erin's face as she gazed down at the baby in her arms. Kim knew her friend had it in her to be a great mother; she just needed to believe in herself.

She came and sat next to her on the couch and shook her head when Erin offered to hand him back and let Erin cuddle him until he needed to be fed. "You know, I see you with Polly and now Angus and I believe in you. I really think you and Jay would make great parents. Although I might be a little selfish….we would really like someone else to be as busy, exhausted and boring as us."

The boys were well and truly trashed when they got home. Kim was fast asleep when Adam came stumbling in. He stripped off and crawled into bed, trying to be quiet but failing miserably. "Someone had a good night." Kim muttered sleepily.

"It was. I missed you though, my darling wife, love of my life, my reason for living." He slurred as he tried to kiss her, reeking of booze and cigar smoke and Kim pushed him away.

"I am guessing Halstead was a more than adequate replacement, judging by your drunken state."

"In drinking yes….." he started slipping his hands under her tank top. "But he's not a very good lover. Everyone was getting lucky."

"Except you."

Adam rolled away and groaned loudly. "Darlin'….I want you so bad."

"The feeling is not mutual and if you wake that baby I guarantee you will be waiting for me for a hell of a lot longer. He has just gone to sleep."

"Harsh Burgess." He moaned before accepting defeat and falling asleep. He did mumble something incoherent when Kim got up to Angus sometime in the middle of the night but as she sat in bed and fed Adam slept soundly beside her.

Hearing Polly come in about 630am Kim slipped out of bed and left both Adam and Angus sleeping. Erin came out looking like she hadn't slept a wink. "Was Adam as trashed as Jay was last night?"

"Oh yes he was." Kim heard Angus starting to stir in the other room. "Hence why I am out here while Angus is still in there." Rather than rush in and get him she left him until he was fully awake and Adam came stumbling out with him. "I think someone wants you." He grumbled. His eyes were squinting, trying desperately to keep out the harsh morning light.

"You?" she taunted him as she took the baby from his arms.

"Well yes obviously but your son takes precedence right?" He slapped her lightly on the butt as she walked away. Erin smiled. She wished she felt like they did. She wished she could see herself with children.

Adam had heard Angus start to wake and tried to ignore it. He felt for Kim next to him but the bed was cold and he knew that there was no way she was going to come and rescue him. He hauled himself out of bed, reminding himself again why he no longer enjoyed hangovers. Gone were the days of lying around all day in self-pity. He changed Angus's diaper; telling him all about how shitty he felt and how mean his mother was to leave him.

"Morning Daddy." Polly called out loudly making Adam wince a little.

"Hello Polly. You are bright as a button this morning." He headed to the kitchen for some water. "Is Halstead still sleeping?"

Erin nodded. "You guys seemed to enjoy yourselves last night?"

"We did our best." As he lowered himself down in the chair gently and Polly climbed up into his lap. "It's only fair to the bride and groom that you make the most of their hospitality and celebrate their wedding."

"Are you sick Daddy?" Polly patted his face worriedly, she was such a mother hen at the moment. The first hint of someone being sick or tired she fussed over them, she would sit and pat your hand and get a cool washcloth and cover your face with it.

"Yes Sweetie, Daddy is sick." Both Kim and Erin snorted and Adam chose to ignore them. "Hey why don't you go and wake up Jay. I am sure he would love to see you." Polly jumped down and ran full tilt down the hallway. They all laughed when they heard Polly yelling his name and Jay groaning in protest.

"Did your Daddy tell you to come and wake me up?"

"Yes." She bounced on the bed. "Get up Jay."

"Listen up Polly Dolly, tell your Daddy to sod off."

"No, Daddy's sick." She sat cross-legged on the bed next to him waiting for him to open his eyes again. "Get up Jay."

"Ha, whatever, Jay is sick too. You go tell Daddy what I told you, you tell him to sod off and bring Jay some water."

She demanded he say please before she moved. He covered his eyes with his hand as Polly climbed off the bed and heard her running back down the hallway.

"Sod off Daddy." She grabbed Adam's bottle of water from the table and took off back down to Jay's room.

"Whoa, hey. Polly come back here." Adam called after her which, of course she completely ignored. "Tell Jay to watch his language and come back here with my water."

Kim dumped Angus onto Adam's lap as soon as she had finished feeding him. "Hey Gus. You got a full belly now?" He sat him up and smiled as he tried to talk back. "You care that Daddy is sick, don't you? Us boys need to stick together against the Evil Duo."

Jay eventually staggered out of his room with Polly following behind grinning like the cat who got the cream. "Nice language you are teaching my girl Halstead. I thought you would appreciate being woken up by a pretty girl. No offense Erin." Erin barely smiled.

"Just because you don't get to sleep in no need to spread your misery." Jay ran his hand roughly through his hair as he made it to the couch.

Kim came out of the bedroom dressed in some shorts, t-shirt and runners. "Erin and I are going for a walk. Polly needs to get dressed so play nice." She kissed Adam's upturned face and smiled at Angus, telling him to be a good boy for Daddy. Polly was happy enough to stay behind when Adam told her that she had to stay to look after him and Jay due to the fact they were sick. Jay nodded at Erin as she left. Kim noticed it but Adam was oblivious, to busy wallowing in his own misery or more precisely his hangover.

"Man Kim got out of here quickly. What did you do?" Jay stretched out on the couch, propping a pillow up behind his head. Polly found a blanket on the end of the couch and pulled it up over Jay, patting his face gently and asking him if he was okay.

"Nothing Dude." Adam replied quickly. "I know what I would like to do though." He mumbled under his breath. "So choose your poison…" Adam slowly stood up. "You either get Angus, who may or may not throw up his breakfast or Polly…and she needs to get dressed. Now I can see that you are thinking my wife's regurgitated breast milk or dressing a three-year-old girl but I warn you, when dressing Polly choose wisely because if you don't put the right outfit together it's going to get ugly."

"Wow." Jay started laughing somewhat gingerly. "Next time we are in interrogation with some piece of shit I will just imagine you matching frills with lace."

"You laugh now." He dumped Angus on his chest. "Watch his head, it still wobbles." Adam disappeared into the bedroom with Polly. They weren't in there two minutes before he could hear Polly burst into tears. He couldn't understand the conversation but it wasn't going well. Eventually they returned, and Polly was dressed, obviously reluctantly and still with tears on her cheeks and not the least bit interested in talking to her father. She went and sat on his chair and folded her arms across her chest.

"What did you do?"

"Ahhh…let's not talk about it right now." Adam headed towards the kitchen and dropped some bread in the toaster while he waited for the kettle to boil. Jay wandered into the kitchen, still with Angus in his arms. "I wouldn't let her wear her wedding dress again. See I told you man…it's a minefield and she's three."

"Her teenage years are going to be epic." Jay nodded his head in Polly's direction.

"Two words man, Long guns."

Jay laughed and looked down at the baby in his arms and watched as his heavy eyelids slid closed. "We were pretty trashed last night. I can see why you don't do it much anymore."

"I am not feeling the love this morning I can tell you and I get zero sympathy from Burgess."

Adam put some more bread in the toaster as the first lot came up. "Hey Polly, would you like some toast?" he called out. She was still sitting and sulking in the lounge room.

"No thank you Daddy."

"Wow" Adam laughed, "I am really in the shit. The good manners are out. She learnt that from her mother. When Kim is that polite I am about neck deep in the shit."

Kim and Erin returned and instantly Polly ran to her and burst into tears again. Kim raised one eyebrow questionably. "Just a disagreement about what to wear." Not a particularly unusual event lately. "She wanted to wear her dress again. I said no and that." he waggled his finger in Polly's direction."...is the result. On a positive note, Angus is asleep."

Erin offered that both her and Jay would look after the two kids while Adam and Kim went out for a coffee. Kim had talked about how they hadn't really had any time alone since they had bought Angus home. Becky's parents had invited everyone back to their place for lunch before everyone headed back to Chicago but it was nice to get out alone for an hour without the kids.

They found a local farmer's market and strolled hand in hand around the stalls. Not exactly what Adam wanted to be doing in his delicate state but it was offset by the fact that it was just the two of them. "You know I really missed you last night. I miss you. You make me tick." Kim slipped her arms around his waist and buried her head in his chest. Sometimes he would say something so beautiful and perfect and unexpected and she thanked her lucky stars that she had waited for him and didn't turn away from him when he came calling. "Are you crying?" He caressed the back of her neck.

"No." she refused to look at him. "Yes."

"Why are you crying?"

"I don't friggin' know." He kissed the top of her head. "I am just really grateful that I have you in my life."

"Back at you Babe."

Kim's phone buzzed with a message from Erin letting her know that Angus was awake so they headed back, almost reluctantly. Polly was down the park with Jay while Erin stayed with back at the house with Angus. She was happy to hand over the crying baby as soon as they walked through the door while Adam headed down to the park to find the other two. As he approached the park he saw Polly tumble off the swing in a rush to get to Adam falling face first in the sand and bursting into tears, more from shock than physical pain. He helped her up and brushed the sand off her clothes. "You and Jay have fun?"

"We did Daddy. He pushed me high and I hung on tight." Jay looked on as his mate interacted with his daughter. The look of pure delight on the little girl's face as her Adam made sure she was alright and felt a pang of…he wasn't sure what…jealously or anger?

What was wrong with wanting that? Wanting what his friends had? What was wrong with wanting it all?

Kim offered to drive home just as they were packing up after the afternoon barbeque. Adam hadn't had anything to drink, having had more than enough last night but he looked tired. "No, I'll be fine." It was only a three-hour trip and quite a relaxing drive until you hit the outskirts of Chicago.

"I don't mind. You look shattered and have to go to work tomorrow. Let me drive." And as he climbed into the car he leant over and kissed her cheek. "You are good to me."

It was a bit later than they hoped before they left. Kim wanted to wait until Angus had been fed so they wouldn't have to stop and he didn't wake up until almost 3. Polly didn't want to leave; she was enjoying the party way too much, nothing like being the centre of attention when you are three. She was definitely a Ruzek.

It wasn't long before Polly was asleep in the back seat and Adam stayed awake for as long as possible before he dozed off. Kim actually enjoyed the peace and quiet. It gave her time to think and reflect on the weekend and particularly what Erin had told her. She couldn't imagine doing something like that to Adam, she stole a quick look at him from the corner of her eye as he slept, but then she didn't have all the history that Erin had weighing her down.

Adam woke when they hit the outskirts of Chicago and Kim pulled over and let him take over. Polly woke as they took off again and was quite the chatterbox. He rested a hand on Kim's thigh, brushing his thumb over her bare skin lightly. When they stopped at traffic light she slipped a hand behind his neck and rubbed it softly. He leant into her hand slightly. "Good weekend hey?"

"Yep. And I can't believe our children were actually well behaved." Kim chuckled. Adam's eyes flicked back to the road as the lights changed.

"Not sure Halstead and Lindsay enjoyed it as much. Something's up there." Kim was surprised that Adam even noticed that things weren't right with them. It was not his thing.

"What did Jay say?"

"Nothing much. I just don't get the love between them at the moment." He squeezed her thigh. "Not like you and me. What about Lindsay, did she say something?"

"I think they'll work it out." Kim patted his hand. Erin had entrusted her with her secret and as much as she wanted to talk to Adam about it that would mean betraying a friend and she did hope they would be able to sort out their issues. And that is exactly what they were, their issues. Sticking her nose in wouldn't help anything. It was bad enough when people kept asking when they were going to have another baby, almost from the time Polly could crawl. It is annoying and unwelcome pressure and obviously Erin was feeling that pressure from internal sources in Jay she certainly didn't need it from her.

They stopped at their little local pizza joint for dinner because the thought of cooking was pretty uninspiring. By the time they got home, unpacked, bathed the kids and got them into bed they were both pretty knackered. While Adam read Polly a story Kim fed Angus and settled him into his bassinette in the corner of their room before grabbing a shower. During the day he slept in his own room but at night he was still in the room with them.

When she came out Adam was lying on the bed with his arms folded behind his head and his eyes closed. Kim stood beside the bed with just a towel wrapped around her body. "Hey." Slowly he opened one eye as she spoke.

"Hey." His voice went up an octave and his eyes did the smiling. "What you doing?" He reached out and grabbed her by the hand, pulling her quickly onto the bed. Kim kissed him slowly and as he slipped a hand around her waist she quickly deepened the kiss.

"I really miss you and I really really love you." She whispered when they broke apart.

"Don't go getting me all hot and bothered if you don't plan on following through."

Kim slipped her hands under his shirt. "Oh Baby, you have no idea how hot and bothered you are about it get." He sat up and Kim quickly removed his shirt not even bothering with the buttons and she pushed him back down and started leaving a trail of kisses down his neck and chest. Her hands found his belt buckle. "You're not too tired for this are you?"

His hands were on the backs of her thighs as she knelt over him undoing his belt and jeans. It wasn't long before the towel was on the floor with his shirt. "I am never too tired for you." He ran a hand up and down her spine, his eyes never leaving her face. "Are you sure you are ready?"

"I am."

Adam rolled her over and took just a moment to get rid of the rest of his clothes. He ran his hand up and down her body and she knew that he didn't seem to care that she still was sporting a slightly flabby belly. He loved it because, as he often told her, it reminded him of his two children and everything she had given him and given up for him.

She reached up and rested one hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb over his rough stubble. "You with me Babe?"

He propped himself up on one elbow still tracing the curve of her body with the other. "I was just thinking how perfect you are."

"I am far from perfect." He put a finger on her lips to stop her talking, following it with a kiss.

"You are perfect to me and for me."

He crashed his lips into hers and it was fierce and passionate. Kim wrapped her leg around his waist and one hand gripped the back of his neck. His hand biting into her hip pulling her closer, willing himself deeper, wanting this moment to last forever.

"Once is not enough." He brushed the hair from her forehead and kissed it softly. "You're amazing. I love everything about you but this….." he kissed her gently "…this blows my mind every single time."

Kim ran her hands through his hair as he looked down at her. His body still pressing hers into the mattress and she loved the feeling of his skin on hers. The weight of him was comforting, it always had been. When she felt the most vulnerable and overwhelmed having Adam's body protecting her would calm her mind, soothe her soul and give her the strength to get up and face another day. Once she was too big to comfortably and safely have him on top of her she missed it and right now she didn't want him to move. "Just stay for a minute."

"I'm not hurting you?"

"No."

"Honey." He eased himself slightly off to the side. "This was incredible and so unexpected and I love you." He kissed her hard and then propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at his wife. "Talk to me please." He knew there was something bugging her.

"This weekend made me realise that I would never do anything to jeopardise what we have."

"And you thought that not having sex was jeopardising us?" he was a little mortified. "I hope I never made you feel that, because that is not how I feel. Not at all."

"No, no. It was not that." She sighed. "Erin told me something, and please don't ask but I just felt so sad for her and yet so lucky and when you told me that I make you tick I just needed to be close to you."

"Listen Baby I am not complaining. You know how much I love having sex with you; it's my all time favourite thing to do and how much I miss it. Please promise me that you'll tell me if I ever make you feel pressured or that you think our relationship depends on having sex."

"It wasn't just about sex, I just wanted to feel close to you and I like how you make me feel. I really like having sex with you, I think we are good at it."

"We are friggin' awesome at it." He ran a thumb across her cheek and followed it with a kiss. "I adore you."

"So let's do this again before our baby wakes and our real life returns rather than this little fairy tale." She slipped a hand down his torso and he responded instantly to her touch.

Adam groaned when Angus started to stir. He had barely closed his eyes. Kim was pressed into his side and he loved feeling her completely naked body against his skin. He offered get up and get Angus and change him while Kim went to the bathroom and found her pyjamas. When Kim came back into the room Adam had just picked Angus up and was rocking his little boy softly. "Mommy's coming little dude." Kim took him into his room where it was dark and quiet and fed him, rocking gently in the chair before bringing him back in and putting him back in to bed. He squirmed and made his usual little grunts and groans as he settled back to sleep.

Adam opened his arms instinctively as she climbed back into bed. "Ads." She whispered and he tightened his grip as he grunted. "You make me tick too."


	32. Chapter 32 - Now you're talking to me

Kim glanced at the clock. It was almost seven thirty and she was sitting down feeding Angus while Polly was being particularly difficult and defiant, she was being typically three. The past couple of weeks she had been challenging, particularly when Adam was a work. She seemed to have taken a sudden dislike to Kim feeding Angus and it had led to many tears and some highly undesirable behaviour. When Adam was around he was able to distract her and keep her occupied. Apparently it was not unusual behaviour but it wasn't particularly helpful or pleasant. Today had been a bad day and Polly had decided that she didn't like Angus all that much. Kim had asked her to tidy up her playroom before bed but she had ignored her and instead started to pull more things out. "Polly." She yelled. "Do not get anything else out, I've told you already."

She completely ignored her mother as she grabbed another toy from the shelf. "Polly, that's it." She slipped a finger into Angus's mouth to detach him from her breast and popped a dummy in his mouth much to his disgust. Of course Polly burst into tears as Kim approached her. She grabbed the toy from her and put it back on the shelf. "There is no story for you tonight. Now upstairs, it's bath time."

Kim grabbed her phone and quickly sent Adam a text. _'You might want to consider coming home right about now.'_ She threw it back on the bench and marched a wailing Polly upstairs with a screaming baby in her arms. Adam had let her know that they were at Molly's for a quick drink and she thought that an hour and a half was long enough.

While Polly was in the bath she managed to finish feeding Angus and quickly undressed him and popped him the bath with his sister. Of course when he kicked his legs he hit Polly, which started her off again. Adam came in just as she was getting him out and she shoved the dripping wet baby in his arms while she got Polly dried off and dressed. "Have you got his pyjama's out?" Adam called from the other room.

"What do you think?" she snapped. "Just pick something, it's not hard. I am pretty sure even you can manage that."

Adam knew full well that he was in the shit, he knew that the moment he got the text message so had quickly finished his beer and left. He took Angus back downstairs and Polly came down to say goodnight, her eyes were still brimming with tears but Kim was having none of it. "No, I told you no stories." Kim interjected when Polly asked her father to read her a book, which brought a fresh round of tears as Kim carried her screaming up the stairs. Adam turned to Angus and starting chatting away to him about the trouble and how deep it actually was. He knew not to interfere with whatever Kim and Polly had going on.

Kim eventually settled her down to sleep and Adam had put Angus to sleep in their room. He grabbed a shower and was down in the kitchen looking in the fridge when Kim came in and started clearing away the dinner dishes. "I'll clean up." He offered meekly.

"It's fine."

"Hey." He rubbed her back. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"Whatever." Kim threw her dishwashing gloves on the bench. "On second thoughts you can do this." Before turning on her heel and leaving him to it. Adam slowly reached for the gloves contemplating just how he was going to get out of this hole. Finishing up he came and joined her in the lounge where Kim was flicking through the TV channels without really stopping to look at anything.

"So." He sat down in the chair as Kim showed no sign of moving her legs and letting him sit with her on the couch. "I am sorry I was late, I didn't want to leave Halstead until Will arrived."

"What's wrong with Halstead?"

"Erin moved out."

"What? When?" she turned off the TV.

"Oh so now you are talking to me?" It was a poor attempt at a joke, ill timed and ill advised. Kim's eyes narrowed and she slammed the remote down on the table and pushed herself up off the couch.

"Whatever Adam. Be a smart arse." She glared at him. "Very fucking mature."

He reached out and grabbed her hand as she went to leave. "Sorry. Baby, I'm sorry. Sit down."

She sat back down crossing her arms across her chest so that he was still very well aware that she was still annoyed with him. "So what happened?"

"I don't know. He was pretty messed up and kept muttering something about her lying to him and the he had been an idiot for trusting and believing in her."

"Oh."

"You know what this is about?" He raised one eyebrow at her. He knew damn well that this was no surprise to her.

Kim realised that she needed to tell Adam, she didn't like keeping secrets from him and it hadn't sat comfortably with her since that weekend of Roman's wedding. It had been two weeks ago and she assumed that they had worked it all out to some degree because she hadn't heard otherwise. Actually she hadn't really heard much from Erin at all lately. "Erin told me, back at Roman's wedding that she had lied to Jay about stopping the pill. She said she would so they could try and have a baby but she didn't and I assume he found out."

"Wow, that's pretty fucked up."

"I don't think she did it to deliberately hurt Jay."

"No?" Adam tilted his head. "But surely she knew that it would. He loves kids, he loves our kids, everyone can see that, he's made no secret of the fact he really wants to have a family. That's gotta hurt."

"It's not as simple as that."

"What? So it's okay just to lie and pretend and hope he doesn't notice. Believe me he will notice."

"I didn't say that. I just meant that I am sure there is more to it."

"Like what?"

She looked down at her hands and he knew that she knew a lot more than she was willing to let on. "I don't know."

"Bullshit."

"It's really none of our business though is it?"

"You don't care that two of our best friends are breaking up?"

"Of course I care." Kim glared at him. "I just think it is something they have to work through themselves, I don't see how us sticking our noses in or speculating and gossiping about it is going to help."

"So we can't even talk about it?" Adam sighed wearily and rubbed his face. "You know I'd be pretty pissed if you did something like that to me."

"Wow." Kim spat back at him. "I am so glad that you have such faith in me."

"Kim, that's not what I meant."

"Well no need to worry your pretty little head because I will tell you flat out that this baby factory is closed." Kim pushed herself up of the sofa and headed into the kitchen for a glass of water. Adam grabbed the remote and flicked the TV back on before Kim came back and gave him a quick kiss goodnight and headed upstairs. He found a game to watch and propped his feet up on the table and tried to focus on that.

Kim had been pretty adamant that she didn't want to go through another pregnancy after all the dramas they went through with Angus and he couldn't blame her. He was not keen to watch her go through it all again either even though he loved her pregnant and seeing her fall in love with their babies.

When he eventually turned the TV off and headed up to bed he stuck his head in on Polly who was uncovered and lying across her bed, he straightened her up and pulled the blankets back over her. Angus was sound asleep and he thought Kim was also when he slipped into bed beside her.

When Adam curled himself around her back and she grabbed his arm as it draped over her. "Hey Adam." She whispered. "I would never lie to you like that."

"I know that Babe." He pulled her in tighter and kissed her shoulder and Kim squeezed his hand.

Kim got up four times to Angus that night, eventually bringing him into bed with them around five. "He's had an ugly night." Adam grumbled.

Barely an hour later Polly was awake and climbing into bed with them also. Adam groaned as he looked at the clock. He had to be up in less than half an hour and he wasn't looking forward to work at all. The fact they had no big cases on at the moment made the tension between Lindsay and Halstead more noticeable and it was making it pretty uncomfortable for everyone.

Adam took Polly when he went downstairs after his shower and let Kim sleep in while Angus was still asleep until he had to leave.

Kim eventually came down with Angus just before Adam left. "Will you actually be home tonight?"

"Yes." Kim reminded him that she had a Yoga class at seven and he hoped like hell that they wouldn't catch a case that kept him late because he was still teetering on the edge of her bad side. "Unless work jumps off."

Adam spoke to her again briefly mid morning and it seemed that Angus had chosen to sleep most of the morning to make up for last night. "Hope that doesn't become a habit." They did catch a case but it didn't require him to do much so managed to make it home in time for Kim to get to her class, leaving him to bath Polly and Angus. Polly was in bed and Adam and Angus were lying on the floor having one of their 'man chats' as Adam called them when she got home. He was explaining to him in no uncertain terms that he needed to sleep all night tonight. "None of this up and down shit. You hear me Gus, help us out buddy." He tickled his belly as he spoke.

"How was it today?" Once Kim had showered she was now propped up on the sofa waiting for Angus to be ready for his next feed and bed.

"Halstead never made it in. Lindsay didn't say much at all. It was pretty obvious she was in a foul mood." He was still lying on the floor with Angus singing to him softly when they were surprised by a knock at the door. They were even more surprised to see Erin when Kim opened it.

Kim pulled her in for a hug. "Sorry it's so late, I just really needed someone to talk to." Kim assured her that it was okay. Erin glanced at Adam as she came into the lounge and the look on his face told her that he was not all that impressed to see her right now. He picked up Angus and handed him to Kim. "I think I will grab a shower." before he quickly disappeared.

"I guess he's not all that happy to see me either?" Erin commented after Adam disappeared upstairs.

"Jay's one of his best friends." Kim started to feed Angus. "He's worried about him."

She twisted her hands together in her lap. "I am too. He won't answer my calls. He's not at the apartment. I thought he might be here."

"No, he's not. I don't know where he is and Adam hasn't mentioned anything." Erin sagged down into the chair. She looked exhausted and emotionally spent.

"I screwed up big time." Kim had no idea what to say because she agreed with her; she had screwed up. It was something that she couldn't even imagine keeping from Adam but Kim started to reassure her that they could still fix it. "No I mean I really screwed it up now." Erin interrupted her.

"Erin, Jay is just hurt right now…."

"I slept with someone else."

"What?" She sat up so quickly that Angus was startled and suddenly pulled away which sent a bolt of pain up her nipple and she gasped. She looked down at him and his bottom lip started to quiver as he searched for her nipple again. Kim re-attached him and looked back at Erin who was focussed on the soft toy in her hands.

"Jay asked me to leave so I did and I went to an old friends place and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I know it was a mistake and meant nothing but I don't think Jay will ever forgive me."

"I don't know what to say."

"After Roman's wedding I stopped taking the pill because I thought that would make Jay happy and we could get past it. He barely speaks to me now and…" she choked on a sob. "Now he knows all this it's all over for good this time."

Angus was sleeping in Kim's arms when Adam came back down. He took the baby from her so that he could put him to bed. "You coming up soon?" he asked before heading back up. Erin had not even bothered to look at him.

"You can stay here." Kim offered. "The spare room is already made up."

"Are you sure Adam won't mind?"

"Not at all." Kim knew his loyalties would lie with Jay but she would deal with that. She didn't want Erin out wandering around doing god knows what. Time and again she had proven that when things went to shit she found it hard to make good decisions. Showing her to the room Kim gave her a hug. "Try and get some rest."

"You won't tell Adam will you?"

"Erin." She squeezed her hands, "I can't lie to him." Erin's glared at Kim.

"Oh Erin, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just that…" she sucked in a deep breath. "…that's not the kind of relationship we have. I don't like keeping things from him and if he asks I won't lie, but I promise I won't go running up the stairs blabbing."

"I get it." She sat on the edge of the bed and dropped her head into her hands. "I have fucked everything up."

Kim climbed the stairs wearily and quickly and quietly changed and slid into bed. Adam felt her get in and waited for her to settle down before he rolled over and draped one arm across her waist. "All okay?"

"Yep. Erin's in the spare room." She heard Adam sigh. "Is that okay?"

"Sure." Kim rolled over so that she was facing him, in the darkened room she could just make out his face. "It's fine Babe." He repeated tightening his arm around her waist.

"It makes our petty little fights seem pathetic."

"They are, but that's what makes us work and I love when we make up." Adam felt for her face and leant in for a kiss which he was surprised that Kim quickly responded and made her intentions quite obvious and he certainly wasn't in the business of denying his wife anything.

Adam came downstairs with Polly the next morning. Being a Saturday he had the day off, for now. Erin was up and talking on the phone. She hung up when she saw Adam come down with Polly who had her head resting on her father's shoulder. "Hey Erin." He smiled as he put the coffee on. "Sleep okay? Angus didn't wake you up?"

"Not at all. Thanks for the place to crash."

Adam shrugged. "No problems." Polly finally realised that Erin was there. Adam put her down and she ran over and sat on Erin's lap. "Is Jay here too?"

"No sweetie, just me." Adam bought her a cup of coffee before taking a cup of tea upstairs for Kim.

Polly was happily chatting away to Erin who honestly looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here while Adam made her some breakfast. Saturday was bacon and egg day and Erin was surprised that Polly tucked into it with such enthusiasm.

To say things were a little awkward would be an understatement, luckily they had Polly to distract them and she was more than happy to fill in the silence. "I know your loyalty lies with Jay." Erin finally spoke to Adam when Polly finished her breakfast and wandered off to find her doll.

He took a mouthful of his coffee and leant back in the chair slightly. "No, my loyalty lies with the three other people living in this house."

"Fair enough." She took a sip of her coffee. "What did Kim tell you?"

"Last night?" When Erin nodded he replied. "Nothing. And if I am honest what has actually gone on between you and Jay is none of my business however if it starts to affect Kim I will step in. We have a three year old and a six week old baby to worry about."

Erin stood up quickly. "I should get going." And headed to the spare room to grab her bag. Adam followed her "I didn't mean you have to go. You can crash here for a few days until you get something sorted."

"I don't want to get in your way. Honestly Adam I get it." She snapped. "I'm sorry I came." Erin slung her bag over her shoulder and left.

"Where's Erin?" Kim asked as she came down stairs with Angus.

"Daddy yelled and Erin left." Polly chimed in much to Adam's dismay.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing." He turned slightly to face Polly. "I didn't yell. Thank you Polly."

Kim tilted her head to the side and she looked pissed.

"She asked me if I was on Jay's side and I reminded her that my loyalties lie with you and Polly and Angus. I don't mind helping her out, and I told her she could stay for a few days but I just don't want you to get involved and stressed out because you have more than enough on your plate."

Kim took a deep breath and had to really think before she spoke. "What did you want me to do?"

Adam came and stood in front of his wife and rested his hands on her shoulders. "I expected you to do exactly what you did but I want you to know that I am looking out for you." He pressed his lips against her forehead and she couldn't stay angry at him for that.

They decided to take Polly to the zoo for the day, just to get out of the house before the weather started to get to cool and enjoy a day together. Although that in itself was a major operation because packing and organising two children was like herding cats. Typically just as they were about to walk out the door Angus decided he needed a feed which sent Polly into a tizz and she spent the next half hour sulking, insisting that Angus was a horrible brother. By the time they got in the car both Adam and Kim had had enough of both of them and were snapping at each other and would have been happy just to stay home.

Kim called Erin and left a message as they headed to the zoo. "I hope Adam didn't make you feel bad. He really is okay with you staying here. Please call me back and let me know you are okay."

As they wandered around the zoo Adam saw her checking her phone for the umpteenth time. "She will call back. Erin's a big girl."

"I know." Kim promised to put it away. "I just want her to know that no matter what she has people that care."

"How could she not?" He squeezed her hand. "Now let's go find these Kangaroos. They are awesome." Polly jumped off like a Kangaroo as Adam chased her down the path squealing in delight.

Polly crashed in the car on the way home from the zoo and it was easy enough for Adam to lift her out and put her into bed. Angus wasn't awake for much longer, happy to have a feed and then have his afternoon nap. For Kim and Adam they were just delighted to have a few precious minutes to sit down and relax with each other. He grabbed himself a coffee and Kim wanted just a water as she propped her feet on his lap and closed her eyes briefly. "Why don't you go for a run?" Adam rubbed her shin softly. "Or the gym?"

"Hmmm." Kim mumbled, knowing that she should take the opportunity but was really enjoying doing absolutely nothing at the moment. She had only been back running for a week and it was hard going. "Are you saying I need to work out?" Opening one eye she smiled sweetly.

"No, not at all and really I just thought there was more chance of getting you to go out for a run than getting you upstairs and naked? What do you say?" He winked as he ran his hand further up her leg.

"You wish." Kim jumped up from the sofa and kissed the top of his head on her way past. Adam tilted his head back and watched her disappear upstairs. "Need some help changing?" he asked hopefully. The silence told him everything he needed to know.

Kim was barely out the door for her run when Polly came down still half asleep from her nap. She climbed up into her father's lap and was happy to cuddle for a while. "Did you like the zoo?" he asked. "What was your favourite animal?"

"Giraffe."

"Why?"

She sat up straight. "Cos he had a big long tongue, like me." and poked out her tongue. Adam tried to grab her tongue and she giggled. There was no better sound in the world than your child's laugh and he counted his lucky stars every day for both of his children. Angus was still sleeping when Kim returned so she at least had a chance to grab a shower and just as she stepped under the warm water she heard Angus's faint cries in the distance.

By the time she came back down Polly was doing some drawing with Adam who had Angus bouncing up and down on his lap to keep him distracted. He did smile when Kim took him from Adam's arms and had just sat down to feed when the doorbell rang.

"Hi Erin." Adam swung the door open and was not really surprised to see her. He stood aside. "Come on in."

"Are you sure it's okay if I crash here again?"

"Absolutely." He grabbed the bag from her hand. Whether he was happy or not was not really the point. Kim had offered to let her stay, he had said his piece and that was how it ended as far as he was concerned. "But you will have to earn your keep…" he dropped the bag by the bedroom door. "And Polly really wants someone to draw with her."

Polly was delighted to see Erin again and did ask where Jay was. "He's at home."

"Daddy can we go and see Jay?"

"Maybe later." He grabbed his phone off the bench as it rang. Looking at the caller ID he disappeared upstairs to take the call. "Hey Bud."

Erin looked at Kim who just shrugged. She assumed it was probably Jay calling but Adam was hardly going to announce that. Kim sat Angus up on her lap and loved how he looked just after a feed. He was now happy to stay awake and was much more aware of what was going on around him. For a while after a feed she would lay him under the play gym and often Polly would come and play with him, well until she was bored at least and wandered off and only on days when she actually liked him.

Adam came back downstairs and found Kim in the kitchen. He slipped an arm around her waist. "Hey, I'm going to head out for an hour or so. Want me to bring back something for dinner?"

Kim already had started cooking so they were all sorted. "Call me if you are going to be late." He kissed her quickly as he grabbed his keys and wallet.

"I am assuming he's off to see Jay?" Erin sighed sadly once he left.

Kim shrugged. "I guess so. He didn't say." Angus was clearly starting to get annoyed with being left alone and Erin offered to hold him for a bit. "Have you talked to Jay?"

"Not since I told him everything." Polly again asked if Jay was coming over.

Kim nodded and but they agreed to drop it for now. It wasn't really a conversation that Polly needed to be around for. "Okay. We'll talk about it later."

Adam sent her a text after about an hour. 'We are going to grab a quick bite to eat. Can you give me another hour?' Kim quickly answered that they were fine and to take his time. He was obviously with Halstead and she couldn't stop him helping out his friend, in exactly the same way he was not going to make a big deal out of her helping out Erin.

Polly was bathed and ready for bed before Adam came in. He read her a story and tucked her in while Kim bathed Angus. While quite often things went pear shaped this time of night it was still some kind of routine.

"You saw Jay? How is he?" Erin asked when Adam came back down and Kim handed Angus over for a cuddle.

"Honestly he's pretty fucked up Erin." Kim was shocked by the bluntness of his answer and she quickly looked at Erin who was staring at her hands. He looked at Kim who silently mouthed 'really' and he shrugged. He didn't know what to say, it was the truth. Jay was pretty well guttered and angry.

"Oh." She rocked back and forward nervously. "Did he tell you anything? Does he want to talk to me?"

"I don't know." Adam was making faces at Angus who was waving his arms at Adam making him smile. "I am not a messenger." Truth was he didn't want to be anyone's messenger; he didn't want to get into the middle of any of this. He couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't going to end well and they would have to choose sides. Kim looked at him sharply.

"Fair enough." Erin pushed herself up off the couch and took herself off to her bedroom.

"That was a little harsh." Kim whispered at him.

Adam shrugged as he lifted Angus up onto his shoulder and rubbed his back as he snuggled into his neck. "Seriously that was the nice version. Can we talk about his later?" he nodded towards Erin's room which was just off the main lounge and didn't want her to overhear them talking about them. "This little man, I think is ready for you, he's sucking on my neck tyring to get blood from a stone and I really don't want to have to explain a hickey at work tomorrow." He handed Angus over and kissed her on the forehead. "I am also ready for you and bed."

Kim took Angus upstairs while Adam shut off the lights. He grabbed a glass of water before heading up stopping in to check on Polly on his way through. Even if he crawled in at 3am he always stopped by her room, Angus still slept in their room at night and he loved looking at them while they slept and needed to know that they were safe in their beds. Kim always gave Angus his last feed with the lights dimmed so that he would hopefully drift off the sleep. Most nights they were getting about six hours between feeds, Kim would probably top him up about 11 if she was still awake and judging by Adam's mood they would be talking for a while yet.

Kim sat crossed legged on the bed and grabbed the bottle of skin lotion from the side table, he looked worried and she hated that. "So, tell me. How's Jay?" she asked quietly, keeping her voice low until Angus was well and truly asleep.

Adam ran a hand back and forth over her knee as he stared off into the distance for a moment. "He's pretty fucked off, it's gotten ugly. I didn't know that Erin cheated on Jay." He saw the look on Kim's face. "You knew though. I have never seen Jay so off the chain."

"Erin only told me yesterday and I promised not to say anything. I hated not being able to talk to you about it."

"You know he reckons he always knew that he was in way too deep and more invested than she was but I suppose he hoped she'd come around. He hates that she goes off the grid. He's been here before, with the whole Nadia, Bunny shit that went down." He sighed and dropped his head back onto the pillow. "I don't know. I am worried about him and what he's gonna do."

"Like what?" Kim leant closer to him. "You don't think he'll quit?"

Adam shrugged. "I don't think they can both stay in the unit. Not right now anyway. They are both pretty fucked up and I am not sure I want to be in a raid with either of them hoping that they will have my back." Kim saw his angst. She knew that he hated admitting that he didn't trust either of them to do their job. He had always admired them and aspired to be as good a cop as they both were. They set the bar pretty high and that's where he wanted to be.

"Sadly Babe…" she rubbed his leg softly. "I agree with you. Are you okay?"

Adam grabbed her hand and pulled her towards him. "If you come here and give me a kiss I will be."

She did but then pulled away. "Tell me you are okay?"

"I am, I don't like what's going on with my buddy but it does make me realise how lucky I am that we haven't done all this shit. I know we piss each other off and get annoyed and tired and cranky but I really love what we have and would do nothing…" he made sure she was looking at him…"nothing to put that in jeopardy."

Kim placed both hands on his cheeks. "I know you wouldn't."

"If all this gets too much for you and you feel that you are being dragged into the middle of it, let me know."

"I will. I promise."

Kim climbed into his lap, he still didn't look completely happy and she knew that this was one way to take his mind off it. She could feel him smile against the skin on her neck and his fingers slipped under her tank top and ran up and down her spine. "You are one awesome wife."

He had just flipped her over onto her back and she started to unbutton his pants while he continued tyring his best to touch every part of her.

"Mommy." Abruptly the spell was broken. Adam groaned and rolled away quickly while Kim pulled the sheet over herself and turned to Polly who was still half asleep and standing at the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong sweetie?"

"I woke up." Kim felt her face and realised that she was feeling a little hot.

"Do you feel okay? You feel hot?"

"My tooth hurts."

Kim lifted her into bed. She asked Adam to go and get some Advil. "Ahhh…not sure I am quite ready to go wandering around just yet." Kim smirked at him and got up and got it herself. It wasn't the fist time that they had been interrupted but it was the first time they had a three-year-old standing beside the bed watching them and Adam certainly wasn't enjoying it. He wasn't as quick to turn off as Kim was.

Polly was settled back to sleep between the two of them, she had taken the Advil and with Kim's hand resting on her back closed her eyes and drifted off. Adam finally got up. "Where you going?"

"Cold shower babe."

Kim was almost asleep when he crawled back into bed. Polly wedged in between them and Angus woke a little after 5 and Adam bought him in so they were all in the bed together. It was crowded and they loved it. Lazy Sunday mornings were definitely his favourite.


	33. Chapter 33 - I didn't think it would end

Adam found Jay propped up against the bar, a half empty beer and a shot lined up in front of him. It was a quiet for a Saturday night and he nodded to Otis as he pulled up the stool next to him. A beer and shot appeared in front of him. "Hey Buddy." Jay turned and looked at Adam, shooting him a half smile before turning back to his beer. "How you doing?"

"You know." He shrugged. "I've been better." He had looked better too. Adam was surprised at how crap he looked, tired, unshaven and completely devoid of emotion. "Thanks for coming. Burgess didn't mind?"

"Nah she's all good." He sipped on his beer in silence. Catching Otis's eye and the barman held up 4 fingers letting him know how many he'd had. Jay picked up the shot glass and motioned for Adam to do the same.

"Here's to having a good woman." Only an idiot would have missed the sarcasm in his voice. "You are lucky. I should be jealous as hell, but I am happy for you." Jay slammed down the shot and motioned to Otis to fill them up. "You have two beautiful children and a wife that strangely adores you. You are living the dream."

"Erin loves you man."

"Yeah?" Jay bit back at him sarcastically. "Yeah sure she does. She just doesn't want to have children, didn't have the guts to tell me so just lied and then slept with the first guy she could the night she walked out." He slammed down the next shot, dropping the glass back on the bar.

That was news to Adam. Jay looked at him sideways. "So I am guessing you didn't know that?"

"No I didn't." he had no idea what to say to that. "I'm sorry man."

"It is what it is." But it wasn't that easy. Not for Jay. He had invested so much of himself in her, in their relationship and all along he knew that perhaps it would be his downfall. He just didn't expect it to hurt quite so much. "What do I do now?"

Adam sipped his beer slowly. "I don't know."

They sat in silence for a while. "How's my little girlfriend and Angus?" He hadn't seen either of them since Roman's wedding. It wasn't the greatest of weekends and he thought it best to have some time away from everyone, not wanting to spread his misery. He'd licked his wounds for long enough. Will had been with him every step of the way but it wasn't fair to pile all this on him and his missed his friends. Keeping it out of the office wasn't an option anymore.

"They are good. You should come see them, come for dinner. Kim would love it, she's going a little stir crazy at home with only the kids to talk too and I know Polly would love to see you. She asks about you all the time. I swear you are more popular than me." Jay laughed a little. "We just got our first smile from Angus. He's pretty cute."

"Takes after his mother then."

"Yep." Jay ordered them another beer. Adam shook his head to another shot. "I'm driving man. I hope your not?"

He swallowed the shot of bourbon, enjoying the sting as it slid down his throat and followed it with a beer. "Nope."

Adam convinced Jay that they should grab something to eat. He texted Kim and let her know he would be a little while longer which she was okay with. He wanted to make sure that Jay had something to eat to soak up all the alcohol he had downed.

They grabbed some burgers. Jay picked at his food. "You know if she'd just told me that she didn't want kids I think I would have been okay with that." Adam let him talk. "But I've seen the way she looked at Polly. She loved Sunday nights because it meant dinner with you guys and Polly. I don't know when that changed. I don't know why all of a sudden she didn't want a future with me."

"Perhaps she was scared. You know having kids is a huge commitment. I am not sure I would have ever known if I was ready or not. We had no choice."

"You knew you wanted kids with Burgess though eventually right?"

"Sure, but if you had asked me when that was I would have freaked out probably. It was taken out of our hands. Perhaps it would have been nice to have a little more time together alone, you know travel and stuff but we have zero regrets."

"Yeah, but you have years to do all that. You get to go home at the end of the day and Burgess is waiting for you. Polly is always excited to see you and Angus, man I can see you teaching him how to play football, hockey whatever."

"That's the plan. So it didn't work out with Lindsay, so what." He shrugged. "Maybe it's for the best. If you want it all, if you want what I've got then perhaps you need to go out and find it."

"It's not that easy. Burgess was right there."

"I'm lucky, but I also nearly married the wrong woman." How easily could he have ended up married to Wendy? If Al hadn't pulled him out of the academy to work at the 21st and in Intelligence he never would have crossed paths with Kim. "I could be sitting on Patrol at the 31st or whatever, going home to someone else, who.." Ruzek reminded him. "..if you recall turned out a little crazy. Instead I get to sit in a bar with you."

"And go home to a wife you loves you, and your amazing kids."

"Life is good that's for sure. And it will be for you again."

Adam made sure that Jay got into a cab. "Thanks Ruzek." He gave him a quick hug and promised to come over for dinner soon.

"Jay, Jay, Jay." Polly bounced up and down near the front door. Both Adam and Kim made sure that Polly was excited about Jay coming for dinner. They felt that it would do him the world of good to see someone excited to see him. It didn't take much encouragement. Adam was pretty sure Jay was her favourite. Actually most of Intelligence ranked higher than him some days. "Jay's here."

Kim came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a towel. "Open the door. Jay's here." She yelled excitedly at her mother.

Jay was smiling as Kim finally opened the door and Polly flung herself at him. "Polly Dolly." He scooped her up and had her giggling excitedly in seconds. It made his day, no his week. Actually it was probably the highlight of this past month.

"Jay, Angus just did a poo in the bath. Come look." She grabbed his hand as he put her down and tried to lean over and give Kim a kiss on the cheek.

Kim shrugged and laughed as she stepped back and let Polly drag Jay upstairs. He had finally agreed to come for dinner after Ruzek's constant nagging but it was a video message he recorded of Polly begging him to come over that sealed the deal.

 _'Jay, please come for dinner. I miss you Jay, please come for dinner. I will cook you a cake.'_ Ruzek was sat at his desk and watched from a distance as Jay looked at the message he had sent. He could see him smile before he turned around. "You're a bastard Ruzek, getting Polly to do your dirty work."

It's not that he didn't want to see them but they had Erin crashing with them for a while and he felt like he needed to remove himself from everything that reminded him of her. Now he decided he needed to start becoming part of the world again.

"Daddy, Jay's here." Polly shrieked as she bounded into Angus's room. She was a little disappointed that she could no longer show Jay the 'poo' as Adam had already cleaned that up. It was the most exciting thing her brother had done for a while. She was seriously not happy with how long he was taking to grow up so she could really play with him.

Jay leant over the change table and tickled Angus's belly. "He's grown." He commented and Angus smiled at him. "Wow, now that is cute."

"Takes after his father." Adam was glad he was here. He handed Angus over once he was dressed and it was a little bittersweet. This is what he wanted so desperately, this is what he had wanted with Erin and he thought he was getting closer but now it was all gone.

It was a nice way to spend an evening even if it did bring up some painful memories of the fun nights they'd had over the years. Their regular dinners after Polly was born, weekends away and nights out on the town had been such a huge part of their life. He felt like he had to start all over again.

It was hard to be miserable though with Polly in the house. The girl was a human pinball machine; there was so much Ruzek in her it wasn't funny. She had missed Jay lately, as Adam kept telling him and she certainly made up for it. He had to sit next to her at dinner and talked his ear off. She proudly presented him with the cake she had made just for him. Kim had tried to rein her in on the decorations but there was some serious sprinkle action on this cake, and the bench and the floor. It was also the most remarkable shade of pink as Polly had insisted on pouring the food colouring in herself.

Come bedtime Jay was roped into reading her story and apparently he got stung for four books. That not he minded. He did miss being around them and it also delayed the inevitable conversation that awaited him.

While Adam put Angus to bed Kim finally go the chance to ask Jay how he was doing. She had barely seen him since they got back from Roman's wedding and Adam's reports were…well…lacking substance. _'He seems okay.'_ Was the best she got some days.

Jay scratched his chin thoughtfully before taking a mouthful of whiskey. He looked at the amber liquid in the bottom of the glass and answered without looking at Kim. "You know, I keep getting up each day and it's getting a little easier."

"That's good." Kim tucked her feet up underneath her. "I hope you didn't feel like you couldn't come over or that I was taking sides."

"Not at all. Erin was your friend too and I know you are both just trying to help. I just needed to get my head around it all. Ruzek has been great."

"He has his moments."

"It still hurts though, it feels like I've been punched in the guts. I guess I just always expected that we would eventually have it all. I saw how happy she was when she was with Polly and how delighted she was when you had Angus. I didn't think it would end like this. I suppose the demons were just too big."

"I thought you would work it out. When Erin first told me about the pill, I still thought you'd work it out. I hoped you would." Kim looked at him sadly and she could see the weariness and heartache still etched in his face.

"If something like that happened to you. Could you forgive Ruzek?" She knew he was talking about the cheating and honestly she didn't know. She didn't want to think about it and she trusted Adam implicitly. He had very little tolerance for cheating and had lost a few friends over the years because of it. He had told her as much when she asked Erin to stay for a while. It was a tense conversation to say the least and the friction in the house was palpable for a few days.

"Many years ago, it did happen." Jay snapped his head up suddenly and Kim realised that he had misunderstood what she meant. "Not with Adam." She clarified. "And I tried to put it behind me and we tried to work it out but it ate away at me and it ended not long after. But then again I didn't really know what real love was at that stage. I thought I did. It's not until I met Adam did it all finally click, you know. So much of what bugged me about other people I had gone out with just didn't matter anymore. Maybe that makes a difference, maybe not."

"I knew it was over the moment those words left her mouth. Didn't make it hurt any less though."

They heard Adam retreating back down the stairs. He grabbed his glass from the dining table and sat down next to Kim. "That took awhile. Was he still hungry?"

"We will soon find out but he fought it until the end." He ran his hand over Kim's leg. "Whatcha talking about?"

"My new girlfriend." Jay responded. "Polly."

"You do know about the gun thing don't you?" Adam tried to sound serious but failed as Kim burst out laughing. Jay followed and it was just nice to hear him laugh again.

Jay started coming over regularly for dinner, much to Polly's delight and he often crashed in their spare room as he gradually crawled out of his hole and started to live again.

"Halstead seems better." Al pulled out into the traffic. They were following a suspect hoping that he would lead them to the drugs they knew he had stashed somewhere.

"Yeah. He's been over for dinner a few times and he seems like he's getting his shit together again."

Ruzek saw the car at the last minute. He grabbed Al's arm as it slammed into the side of them, the sound of crushing metal and breaking glass filling his head before everything went black. He didn't have time to feel pain.


	34. Chapter 34 - Do Something!

In the deep recess of his mind could hear sirens and talking but it was too far away and too hard to answer. Vaguely he was aware of the pain that was radiating through his body. He tired to focus on staying awake; he tried to focus on Kim but everything around him was black. She would be pissed with him. He tried not to panic, he needed to get out but his body wouldn't move.

Kim checked the clock. Angus was asleep in his cot and Polly was at Pre-school. Hopefully Angus would stay asleep so she could get dinner started before she had to go pick her up.

The knock on the door startled her, she wasn't expecting anyone and she rinsed her hands under the tap and answered the door. Her hands flew to her face "Adam?" she barely got his name out as she was confronted by Voight and Halstead.

"He's in Chicago Med, there was an accident." Voight knew she already feared the worst. He knew that before he even knocked on the door. Halstead had insisted on coming with him when he decided that he should be the one that informed Kim.

"Is he…" she could barely even breathe, let alone speak. Halstead had stepped in and grabbed her around the waist as she started to sway and reach for the doorframe. Voight rested his hand on her back as Jay led her to the couch.

"No." he answered quickly. "He's unconscious, has been since the accident. Al was hurt too. Come on, we'll take you to the hospital."

"Oh my god." She cried out suddenly, leaning on Jay. Voight crouched down and rested his hands on her knees.

"Kim. Adam's alive, but I am not going to lie he is seriously hurt. Where are the kids?"

"Angus is upstairs, he's asleep. Polly is at Pre-school."

They decided to text her mother and ask her to pick up Polly. "Adam." Kim wasn't even speaking coherently. "I need to go…I need…see him."

Voight grabbed her phone and sent the message that Kim agreed to. "Let's get Angus. Or do you want Jay to stay here with him?" She shook her head, trying to clear the fog that had descended over her.

"No, he will need to be fed soon." Struggling to get up off the couch Jay told her to sit and he would get him. Voight slipped into the seat that Jay had vacated and put his arm around her shoulder.

"Come on, Adam will want to see you as soon as he wakes."

Kim was not sure she could actually stand up. Her legs were shaking and Jay had to strap Angus into his seat. He held her hand all the way to the hospital. Lately Jay had been pretty much a constant in their lives. He leant on them to feel connected to the world and admitted that being around the Ruzek family had stopped him from going over the edge on several occasions.

The waiting room was full of cops and they were all in her face as soon as they walked through the doors. For some it was a comfort that you were surrounded with people who cared, people you worked with but for Kim it was a reminder that Adam was seriously hurt. All they could tell her was that he was still in surgery. She sat in a corner and fed Angus, she was trying to focus on him as Jay sat with her. "Tell them to stop." Kim had begged Jay as one after the other people were approaching her. "I don't want to talk to anyone."

He nudged her lightly as the Doctor approached. "Mrs Ruzek?" She forced herself to stand, clutching Angus tightly as the crowd closed in around her. Jay had his arm around her waist, his hand gripping her tightly. He wanted to be ready to catch her if she fell.

"Your husband is out of surgery. He's in recovery and will be transferred to ICU shortly. We've repaired his collapsed lung and he also had some internal bleeding from his liver, which we have repaired, he has a contusion on his kidney and we are keeping an eye on that. Your husband also has a fractured cheekbone and a couple of broken ribs. We have him heavily sedated and he is ventilated. It's best this way to keep him still and let him recover from the surgery. Of course until he wakes up we won't know the full extent of the impact. He hasn't been conscious since he arrived but we are hopeful. He is still critical, but stable."

The words all blurred into one and all she could feel was Jay's arm around her waist holding her up. "Can I see him?"

"Of course. We will let you know when he is out of recovery and settled into his room." Jay helped lower her into the chair as her legs gave way. Platt came and took the baby from her arms but Kim barely noticed as she stared into space, her eyes remained unfocused and her breathing was shallow.

"Hey, Ruzek's got a hard head you know that. He's a stubborn bastard." Jay tried to reassure her. "He's going to be fine. Just think of how painful he's going to be laid up at home for weeks." Her mouth twitched into a slight smile.

Kim felt her phone ring in her pocket. Pulling it out she noticed five missed calls from her mother and she handed it to Jay. "Can you ring her and ask her to keep Polly?"

"What do you want me to tell her?"

"Oh tell her the truth, but I don't want Polly here. It will upset her." A small sob escaped from Kim's throat as she played with the rings on her finger, her wedding band and engagement ring. Some days she still looked at them and couldn't believe they'd done it and how strong they were together. "I don't want to worry about her too." Jay took the phone and went across the other side of the room. Voight sat down next to her and grabbed her hand.

"Can we call anyone else? Someone to come and stay with you?"

"Adam's parents should know. I just…." She sucked in a deep breath. "….I just don't want everyone here and fussing. How's Al?" suddenly she remembered that they told her that Al was with Adam at the time of the accident.

"He's hanging in there. A few broken bones, cuts and bruises. Meredith is with him."

"What happened?" In the car on the way over she had been silent, her mind spinning wildly and hadn't even asked how the accident happened. Perhaps she didn't want to know.

"They were following some scumbag and got rammed at an intersection. Most of the impact from the other car was behind but they slammed into the concrete barrier."

Platt sat down on the other side. "Kim." She said gently. "What do you want to do with Angus? Do you want us to take him home?"

Kim looked up suddenly, she had forgotten about him. "Ummm, he needs to stay with me so I can feed him." Her mind whirled and she felt panicked. "Where is he?"

Platt pointed across the room. "With Atwater. Can we go and pick up anything that you need?"

She tried to think. They had grabbed a bag when they left the house with some diapers and clothes in it but not much else. They bought his pram up from the car so he could sleep and Jay had already offered to go and pick up some more clothes and diapers for Angus in the morning.

Kim was torn, she had two children who needed her, particularly her three month old son who relied on her for nourishment but her husband, who she couldn't live without was in critical condition and she couldn't leave his side, at least until she knew he was going to be okay. He was her whole world; he had given her everything, her children, his unwavering love and he was her best friend. He had to be okay because she couldn't make it without him.

Ellen snatched at the phone as soon as it rang. "Kim, what's wrong? What's happened? Are you alright?" she didn't even give Jay a chance to speak.

"Ellen its Jay Halstead."

"Oh my god. What's happened? Is everyone okay?" she shrieked.

"Adam's been in an accident. He's in Chicago Med."

"Is he okay?"

"He's just come out of surgery and they are hopeful that all went well. He's critical but stable. Kim wants to know if you can keep Polly with you. She doesn't want her in here yet, he's in ICU and she hasn't seen him yet."

"Who's with Kim? Where's Angus?"

"We are with her. Angus is here being looked after. I'll stay with her."

"Adam?"

"A fractured cheekbone, punctured lung, a liver and Kidney injury and a concussion. We are just waiting for him to come out of recovery and into ICU." Jay rubbed his brow wearily.

Ellen gasped. "Do his parents know?"

"We are just working through all that. We'll call them."

"Is Kim there? Can you put her on?"

"Ahh…" Jay paused and looked over at Kim. Platt was talking to her but she just looked lost. "She's not really up for talking just yet. I will get her to give you a call. I think she just wants to see Adam first and then I am sure she will call you."

"Jay…."

"Ellen I know you really want to talk to Kim, she's in shock and trying to hold it together right now. Is Polly right with you? Kim doesn't want to worry about her right now." he stopped her mid sentence. "I promise I will get Kim to call you as soon as she can. I promise, and if anything changes I will call you."

"Mrs Ruzek." A nurse called out across the waiting room. Kim stood up quickly. "Do you want to come through now?" She dashed across the room and followed the nurse down through the locked doors into ICU. The quietness startled her. The nurse led her through to a room at the back and as she pushed open the door Kim faltered slightly.

Adam was as pale as the sheets he was lying on. His face was bloodied and swollen and the tube down his throat frightened her. The sheet was covering his lower body so she could see the dressing covering the stitches on his right side and a tube draining blood into a bag hanging on the side of his bed.

The nurse explained what everything was doing and that he was stable for now. She bought a chair over for Kim to sit in "Can I touch him?"

The nurse nodded. "Of course you can. I am sure he would like to know you are here." and she reached out and rested a hand on his and finally let the tears fall. A doctor came in and gave her some more details on his condition and surgery but they just went in one ear and out the other. Kim just sat and stared at the rise and fall of his chest and looking for any sign that he knew she was there, a sign that he was okay.

Bob Ruzek arrived first. While he had come to an understanding with Voight over the years and Adam had certainly flourished in his unit and loved working in Intelligence; he still didn't like the guy. His eyes narrowed as he arrived in the waiting room and found Voight sitting with his grandson on his lap. "Voight." He bristled. "What's going on?"

Voight stood up. "Kim is with him. He's stable at the moment."

Kim didn't hear her father in law come into the room and jumped when his hand touched her shoulder. "Kim." She looked up at him and he could see her eyes were red rimmed from crying. "How is he doing?"

"No change."

He pulled up a chair and sat holding her hand. "Where's Polly?" he asked when he couldn't handle the silence anymore.

"With my mother. I need to go see if Angus is okay?" She looked at her watched and was surprised that it was almost 7pm. Angus would be almost ready for another feed. "I should call my mother." Bob nodded and squeezed her hand when Kim asked him if he was okay to stay with Adam while she checked on Angus and Polly.

Angus was starting to get grumpy when Kim came back out. The waiting room had emptied out a little. Jay, Platt and Atwater were the only ones still there. She took Angus and kissed his head. "Sorry Gus." She whispered to him, using the nickname that Adam often did as she sat down to feed him.

"How's Adam?" Jay was the first to ask.

"No change. He's sedated and on the ventilator." Her voice broke a little. "He looks so small with all those machines around him….and pale." Just as she was about to call her mother Janet came running in.

"Oh my god Kim." She threw herself into the chair beside Kim, which Halstead had quickly vacated. "Where's Adam? Is he okay?"

"Down the hall. Bob is with him. Angus needed a feed." Kim breathed out slowly. "He's sedated but stable. We are just waiting." She was getting tired of repeating the same thing over and over; she just wanted it all to stop.

Kim let Janet go alone to visit her son. His parents got on better now, for the sake of their grandchildren but she didn't want to be there. She called her mother instead.

"Darling are you okay?"

"I'm fine. How's Polly?" Kim was trying hard not to cry on the phone.

"She's fine. Dad took her over to see Zoe for a bit so she's happy. She can stay here tonight. How's Adam?"

"Stable, no change yet. The surgery went well and we are just waiting now for him to wake up."

"Do you want me to come and get Angus?"

"No." she looked down at the feeding infant in her arms. "I need him here. It's keeping me sane."

"I can come in once Polly is asleep?"

"Mom I really just want you to stay with Polly. I don't want her to worry. Can you please look after Polly?" Kim started sobbing. "I just want to know she's okay." Atwater slipped his arm around her shoulder.

"Kim, darling. It's okay. We'll look after Polly. Who's with you?"

"Adam's parents are here. Jay and Kevin are here. Some of the team." Her voice trailed off. "Mom, I've gotta go. I need to get back to Adam." She was overcome with a sudden urge to be back in his room. She had been away too long and the pit in her stomach had suddenly grown. Atwater was happy to take Angus who she dumped in his arms.

Kim hurried back down the hall. Bob and Janet were standing outside the room. "What's wrong?"

"He dropped his sats or something." Bob reached out for her as she let out an anguished cry. "They are working on him." Janet leant against the wall. A doctor finally came out to talk to Kim.

"His lung collapsed again. It's not unusual but we have re-inflated it and his Sats have come back up. You can go back in." he stood aside and let Kim through. Janet followed her but Bob stayed back to talk to the Doctor.

"Tell me straight. What are we looking at here?"

"Adam's young and strong. He's had some major trauma but I am quietly optimistic. We will know more in the morning."

Kim sat with him for the rest of the night. Will Halstead and Dr Rhodes both came in and they arranged for her to have Angus bought in. He slept most of the night in the corner of the room in his pram. Kim held Adam's hand, stroked his cheek and waited. Janet gave up tyring to get her to take a break and they all retreated to the waiting room leaving Kim alone. She bought Kim in some food, which she reluctantly ate but she wasn't leaving his side again.

"Is this your first?" A new nurse came in at change of shift and peered into the pram at the sleeping baby. "How old?"

"He's three months old. We have a three and a half year old daughter also."

She picked up Adam's chart. "He's been behaving himself." She nodded towards Adam.

"I think so. He dropped his Sats or something a few hours ago but nothing since. Is he okay?"

"Looking good so far."

"When do you think he'll wake up?"

She checked her notes. "We have him sedated so until the Doctor decides to wean him off he won't wake up. I doubt they will look at it until the morning."

Kim wasn't sure if she felt better or worse after talking to the nurse. All she wanted was for him to wake up, she wanted to hear his voice, look into his eyes and see him smile. It melted her heart when he smiled at her especially those times when it reached all the way to the corner of his eyes, that special smile he had just for her, since the day they started dating he knew how to get to her. Angus eventually stirred and she fed him and re-settled him. She was finding it hard to stay focussed on both of them.

Occasionally she would answer a text message, from her mother – letting her know that Polly was okay, from Jay – making sure she was okay, and from Atwater – checking in for any change. Eventually she fell asleep with her head resting on the bed by his hip, her hand on his. She didn't know if he knew she was there but just in case he did she kept one hand on him at all times. Surely he wouldn't leave her if he knew she was there, he would fight.

The Doctor came in just before six. Kim was already awake with Angus curled up on her chest as she was slumped in the chair beside his bed. Nothing had changed all night. Adam was still stable, and still unconscious. The Doctor was happy and decided that they could wean him back on the medication. "Just be aware that there are some things we don't know with regards to his concussion. We are going to take him down for a CT first and then if that's all clear and there is no brain swelling we will start the process to wake him up. He was unconscious when he was bought in so it may take a few hours." Kim was mortified at the thought that he may have a brain injury, she had successfully pushed it out of her mind until the Doctor mentioned it and now it was all she could think about.

Kim headed out into the waiting room while they took Adam for a CT. Atwater was still there with Bob as was Janet although she was sleeping curled up in a chair. As soon as Atwater saw her he was at her side and he opened his arms and she fell into them, completely spent. "What's going on?"

"They are just taking him down for a CT and if that's all clear they will start to let him wake up. Nothing's changed overnight, he was exactly the same."

"That sounds positive." Bob answered hopefully.

Kim nodded. "How's Al?"

"Cranky and causing all sorts of misery for the nursing staff. He wants to come up and see Ruzek." Atwater responded.

"Maybe I should go and visit him while Adam is getting his scan?"

Jay had just arrived and took over from Atwater, who left to grab a shower having stayed all night. He offered to take her down to see Al while Bob stayed with Angus in the waiting room.

Despite knowing it was a futile discussion Jay tried to convince Kim to go home and at least have a shower.

"When I know he's going to be okay. I'm not leaving before then." He couldn't blame her; he had been reluctant to leave last night…or was it the early hours of this morning. He didn't sleep well either.

Kim sat with Al for a few minutes. He apologised for the accident which she told him was ridiculous and he felt better that he had seen Kim and been updated on Adam. "I promise to let you know what the results are and when he is awake."

She called her mother and talked to Polly and tried to explain that Daddy was sick and she needed to stay here with him. Talking to her mother she promised that as soon as he was awake and up to it she could bring her in. She felt like all she was doing was making promises that she had no idea if she could keep.

By the time she got back to the waiting room they came out to tell her that Adam was back in his room. Bob had taken Angus down the cafeteria to get something for them all to eat so Jay went with her back to Adam's room.

The Doctor came in to talk to her. "All good. The CT is clear and we have stopped the sedation. The tube will stay in until he shows signs of waking and we will take it out. It might be a couple of hours, it might be longer."

Janet came back and bought Angus in to her and stayed with Kim. Trying to make sure she ate something and got a bit of a rest which Kim tried to accept with good grace. When Angus started getting grizzly after his lunchtime feed Janet took him out for a walk. While she was gone Adam's hand started to twitch. Kim wasn't sure she felt it the first time but then she saw it, the faintest of movements. She leapt up from her chair and called the nurse. It all happened quite quickly after that. He opened his eyes, a look of panic on his face as they removed the tube from his throat, replacing it with an oxygen mask. His obs remained stable as he became more alert. Kim was beside his bed, stroking his hair back gently and placing soft kisses on his forehead. "God Adam, please don't do this to me again."

He squeezed her hand, grimacing as he tried to move.

"Don't move baby."

After a few minutes he was able to smile weakly at his wife before closing his eyes again but he squeezed her hand again to let her know he was okay. Kim sat back down, not letting go of his hand.

After a few minutes he opened his eyes again. "Al?" he croaked. He could only manage the odd word. Sentences wouldn't come and he felt like his head was inside a bucket. It was hard to concentrate but he could feel Kim with him and that made him feel a little calmer. He remembered feeling panicked when it all happened, he remembered sensations but he couldn't recall seeing anything or anyone.

"Al is fine. A few broken bones, a massive headache. He will be happy to know you are awake."

"You?"

"Much better now."

"Kids?"

"They are fine. Polly is with my parents and Angus is here with your mum outside."

Adam dozed on and off all afternoon. Kim headed out to feed Angus and let Janet sit with him for a few minutes. She called the station and let them all know that Adam was awake and they were hoping that he might be out of ICU by the end of the day.

Adam's face was swollen from his fractured cheek and Kim didn't want Polly to see him just yet. When he was a bit more alert she gently lay Angus down by his side and he turned his head so he could see his son. It gave him a sense of peace; he loved the feeling of his baby boy in his arms. "I want to see Polly."

"Not yet baby. You don't exactly look your best." She stroked his forehead softly. "Maybe you can talk to her later."

He either slept or watched Kim. Right now he was watching her feed Angus. "I love that." He whispered, his voice still hoarse from having the tube down his throat.

"What?"

"You feeding my babies. It's beautiful."

"Only you could being lying in ICU and smooth talking me." Adam laughed which made him cough. The pain that shot through his body was like a thousand stabbing knives.

Kim could see him wince and his heart rate shot up as he tried to breathe through the pain. The only problem was that breathing deeply was also painful. "Are you okay?" Unable to hide the alarm in her voice.

"Yep." Adam closed his eyes as his heart rate settled and the pain subsided.

They moved him out of ICU later that evening. Halstead, Atwater and Voight all came in briefly. Her mother also visited and eventually convinced Kim to let her take Angus home. Usually he only woke for one feed during the night and she did have some milk in the freezer at home that would probably last and she promised to bring him back in first thing in the morning.

"Why don't you go home?" Adam suggested despite wanting her to stay. He would never admit it to her but he was afraid of being alone. The pain he was feeling was unbearable even with some serious pain medication on board. He knew he was being selfish and their children needed her but so did he, she was the most important person in his life and she was the only person who could calm him down, even just with her presence.

"No." Kim answered simply and he didn't argue.

The Doctor eventually came in and discussed with them the likely path of recovery and Adam was looking at least six weeks off work maybe more and definitely light duties for awhile. It was going to drive him mad. Right now though he didn't care, he was high on drugs and in still in immense pain.

"I'm sorry Darlin'." Adam closed his eyes as a wave of pain washed over him.

"What for?"

"You've already got Polly and Angus to look after, now me."

"Better than the alternative."

"True."

Kim was asleep in the recliner chair a little after midnight when Adam woke suddenly. They had been keeping an eye on his urine output as it had slowed a little in the last hour or so. He felt like he had been stabbed in the back, his heart rate went through the roof and the machine started beeping. Adam groaned loudly waking Kim.

"What's wrong?" She flew out of the chair to his bedside.

Adam moaned and the panic in his voice was evident. "I don't know."

Kim grabbed his call bell just as the nurse came in. She quickly checked his obs, popped the oxygen mask back on and then called another nurse in. His catheter bag was full of blood and Kim couldn't speak as she held his hand tightly. Adam was gripping onto her as he screamed in pain.

Kim was beside herself "Can you do something?"

"We are going to get the on-call Doctor." One left the room while the other nurse stayed with them.

When the Doctor arrived they took some blood, and did an ultrasound of his kidneys. Adam's breathing was shallow and rapid and he started sweating. Eventually they gave him some morphine to ease the pain, which also knocked him out.

"What's wrong?" Kim stood in the corner of the room, shaking, tears streaming down her face as she watched them work on him.

"It is more than likely a kidney infection and because of the contusion it came on quickly and started some bleeding. If it doesn't settle down in the next half hour we may have to go in and have a look. Sometimes a blood vessel can burst with infections and if ones of those is close to the damaged part of the kidney it can bleed quite profusely."

"What if it doesn't stop?"

"We'll have a look and there is a chance he could still lose a kidney. The next few hours will tell us a lot."

Kim didn't know what to do. She almost fell into the chair. Pulling out her phone she didn't know who to call but she couldn't sit here alone all night.

"Kim. What is it?" Jay answered the phone groggily, squinting at the clock. It was a little after 1am. He sat up quickly when he heard her sob, his heart in his throat.

"Can you come in, please." She begged.

"Is Adam alright?"

"I don't know. His kidney is bleeding and they may have to operate again. He may lose a kidney. I can't…."

He was already out of bed and hunting around for some clothes to pull on. "I'm on my way."


	35. Chapter 35 - Shot to Bits

Jay was there within twenty minutes and Kim collapsed into his arms and hung on for dear life. He looked over his shoulder at his buddy and his heart broke for Kim, he didn't want to watch her go through this yet he couldn't be anywhere else.

Ruzek was still out. The oxygen mask was covering his battered face and wires and tubes were still attached to him and while the machines kept beeping away, keeping a steady rhythm it was a least some comfort to Kim. Ruzek was larger than life yet he looked so small and broken lying in that bed.

The Doctor came back in and they decided to take Adam back in to surgery to have a _'good look'_ at his kidney. Jay felt Kim's legs give away and he sat her down in the chair. Within ten minutes he was gone, Kim kissing him and holding onto his hand until the very last moment. Jay insisted on taking her outside for a walk. She hadn't seen fresh air since they arrived at the hospital yesterday afternoon and she looked grey.

She didn't talk much. A few words here and there. It was get colder now at night and Jay wrapped his jacket around her shoulders. When they returned the room was still empty and Kim couldn't stand it so she paced up and down the hall. Jay stood and watched her.

"Kim." She jumped a little when the nurse came and put her hand on her shoulder. "They are bringing him back now."

"Is he okay? His kidney?"

"I don't know all the details yet but seeing as he is back so quickly I am assuming it's the best case scenario. The Doctor will come and fill you in shortly."

Adam was still groggy when they wheeled him in. Kim squeezed his hand and kissed his forehead as he slowly opened his eyes. "Hey Babe." She whispered. "You scared me for a minute."

"Sorry." He closed his eyes again.

Jay stayed until the Doctor came in and told them that the kidney looked fine and they didn't need to repair anything or remove it. They did flush it out and gave him some heavy-duty anti-biotic to knock out the infection. He still had the catheter in and would for a few more days but they were relatively confident that there was no permanent damage nor were they expecting any long-term issues.

"You can leave if you want Jay. I'm sorry I got you out of bed so early." Jay was still sitting on the arm of the chair with his arm around Kim.

"I'm glad you called. I would hate to think you were sitting here alone while all this was going on."

"Thank you." Kim rested her head on Halstead leg and closed her eyes and dozed off.

"You tyring to steal my woman?" Ruzek croaked groggily from the bed.

"Well someone's gotta look out for her while your sorry arse in lying in bed."

"Is she okay?"

"She's hanging in there. Still crazy in love with you. We are all looking out for her."

Adam closed his eyes again. He was tyring to keep it together and not to panic. The pain was still intense but he didn't want Kim to see that. "Can you get her to go home?"

"I seem to recall that you slept here for days when she was shot."

"We didn't have two kids then." He grimaced as he lifted one arm up to scratch his face and sighed. Jay smiled ruefully, he loved what they had going on.

Adam turned his head to look at Kim and gave a half smile. "My sleeping beauty."

By the time Jay got into work he had barely made it home to shower. "You look like shit." Dawson came back into the bullpen after grabbing a coffee just as Halstead hung his jacket on his chair.

"Good, because that is exactly how I feel." It had taken a few weeks but gradually Jay had returned to his old self after the Erin debacle. Pretty much every day for two weeks he had turned up looking exactly like he did today. "I have been at the hospital since about 1am. Ruzek was taken back into surgery and Burgess didn't want to be alone."

"Jesus…What happened? Is he alright?"

"Yeah, there was an issue with one of his kidneys, some bleeding and infection. They weren't sure if he was going to lose it. Seems okay now though." He rubbed his face wearily. "I stayed so that Burgess could get some sleep, got home around 6am, grabbed a shower and hauled my sorry arse in here. Can I just say a slow day would be gold right now."

Roman appeared in the doorway. He had been detailed to Intelligence now that they were three down. Al and Ruzek due to the accident and they hadn't yet replaced Erin. Nobody was sure if they would actually fill her spot just yet, perhaps once a bit more time had passed they could work together again. At the end of the day, she was a damn good cop.

Jay filled him in on Ruzek's drama overnight. Roman hadn't been able to get in to see either of them, he had been on shift pretty much since the accident. "Burgess is shot to bits." He added.

"Baby go home. See the kids." Ruzek urged. She looked exhausted. Presently she was expressing off some milk sitting next to his bed. "They need you more than me."

"Not until the Doctor has been in. I know you, you'll tell me half the story."

"I promise I will tell you everything." The way Kim looked at him he decided the wisest course of action was to shut his mouth. A day shift nurse interrupted them and he was surprised by to see Kim expressing off some milk. "Sorry Mam." He stopped briefly and looked like he was trying to decide whether to come in or back straight back out again. Adam smiled at the confused look on his face.

Kim beckoned him in. "It's okay. Nothing I am sure you haven't seen before."

"Not often up here." He busied himself checking Adam's identity bracelet. "How old is your baby?"

"Three months."

"Let me know if I can get you anything. You had breakfast?"

Kim shook her head and Adam laughed, he couldn't help himself. "Thought I was the patient." Even though he had figured out that laughing made him cough which was just about the most painful thing he had ever done; three broken ribs, two surgeries and fractured cheekbone were nothing to laugh about.

Pete, the nurse flicked through his notes at the end of his bed. "I hear you had a dramatic night?" He checked his incisions, drainage tubes and emptied his catheter bag. "I'd prefer it if you behaved yourself today."

"I'll do my best."

Pete came back with some breakfast for both of them. Neither of them was particularly hungry and the hospital food was uninspiring to say the least. Cold soggy toast had never really rocked his world and the oatmeal was more water than actual oats. At least the banana was edible.

Adam grimaced and sucked in a sharp breath as Kim tried to help him sit up a little in bed.

Once the Doctor came in and discussed that he was happy with Adam's progress and that his kidney had seemed to settled down and was now working fine. They did an ultrasound and the bleeding had stopped so Kim was happy to leave for a few hours and see the kids. She lingered over her goodbye kiss for a little while. "Behave yourself please." She kissed him again. "I will be back soon."

"Can you bring them in?"

Kim brushed his hair back from his forehead; it was utter chaos, which just made him look even more adorable. "Are you sure? You feel okay?"

"I will feel much better when I see them."

Polly jumped up and down as soon as she saw her mother. Kim bent down and picked her up for a big hug. Polly wrapped her arms around her neck tightly; she was still at the age that hugging meant squeezing as tight as you can. "I've missed you so much."

"Where's Daddy? Is he still sick?"

"He is but after lunch we are going to see him okay? Have you been good and helping Grandma with Angus?"

"Yes. He's was crying so I sang him a song and he's now sleeping."

"You are a good big sister. I am sure Daddy would love for you to sing him a song too. It might make him feel better." She kissed her cheek and sat down at the table as her mother bought her a cup of tea.

"How's Adam?"

"Better today. He went back in for surgery early this morning for an issue with his kidney, but it's all okay and they are pretty confident he's past the worst of it."

"And you?" Her mother squeezed her hand as tears formed in her eyes.

"I'm tired." Kim rubbed her face wearily. "It's been a long few days. When is Angus due to wake?"

Kim was trying to figure out how long she had. She wanted a shower and change of clothes and was keen to get back to the hospital also. Polly climbed down off her lap and disappeared into the lounge room to watch TV. "So how is Adam really?" Her mother asked as soon as Polly had left.

"He's doing okay. He's in a lot of pain, I can see it every time he tries to move but he's being a typical male. I thought I was going to lose him." A sob escaped and caught Kim by surprise and her Mom was wrapping her arms around her in an instant. "Last night was horrible. It all happened so quickly."

"You should have called."

"I called Jay. He came in. I didn't want to worry you or disturb the kids. I can't worry about them too right now."

She pushed herself wearily up from the table. "I'm going to have a shower."

Kim was now curled up on the sofa with Polly to watch a movie. She had missed her and while Angus was still sleeping it was a chance to grab some time with her. Polly was happy to snuggle in for a cuddle while the movie was on. "Can we go and see Daddy now?" she asked as the credits rolled.

"After lunch, I promise. Do you miss him?"

"Yep. You too Mommy." Polly's bottom lip quivered which broke Kim's heart. Everything was starting to overwhelm her and trying to keep it all together took so much energy, energy that she didn't have but she had no choice, whatever she felt or was feeling wasn't going to get the better of her.

Feeding Angus was a relief, his big brown eyes staring up at her and gave her a chance to forget about everything else and be in the moment with him. Once he had finished she tried to express off some more milk for him for later. She called Adam before heading back down for lunch. "Hey Baby."

"You checking up on me?"

"Yes."

"I am behaving I promise." Adam started coughing and she could hear how much it hurt him. "How are the kids?"

"Good. Polly really wants to come and see you. You up for it?"

He was absolutely up for it. Hopefully it would take his mind off how crap he felt. Everything hurt and every time he moved it was a reminder of what he had been through and it still scared the crap out of him. Al had been by and sat with him and Atwater had come in also.

On the way to the hospital in the car Kim reminded Polly that she couldn't climb on Daddy's bed or jump on him. "Is he hurt?"

"Yes Sweetie, he's hurt. He's got lots of bruises and remember he got banged up on the face so he looks a little funny. Don't be scared though. Daddy doesn't want you to be scared, he's so excited to see you."

Polly clung to her mother's leg when they got to Adam's room. Adam's eyes were closed and his face was still swollen and was starting to bruise badly. Kim was concerned that it was going to be too much for Polly to see but she couldn't keep her away from her father. Polly needed to see him as much as he needed to see her. Their relationship was pretty special. She was sure that all little girls had a special bond with their fathers, she certainly did with hers but these two just seemed extra close. From the day she was born she had been a Daddy's girl and to this day it continued, even if work kept him away from spending time with her. He always did his best to call and talk to her before bed and every Saturday he had off they went out on their date and when he was home she followed him around like a puppy. Adam usually didn't mind but he still wasn't quite used to the company when he was in the bathroom.

Kim pulled up a chair and helped Polly stand at the side of his bed. "Wake up Daddy." Polly whispered. Kim was holding onto Angus with one arm and had one arm around Polly's shoulders, encouraging her to talk to her father. She could feel the trepidation in her as she looked at him. It wasn't the first time Adam had been battered and bruised and come home with a black eye but this was certainly worse it had ever been.

Adam slowly opened his one good eye and smiled when he saw Polly peering down at him. "Hello Sweet pea."

"Are you hurt Daddy?" Tears sprung from her eyes.

"Just a little bit. It's okay sweetie. I am so happy to see you. Don't cry baby." He lifted his arm slowly, it was impossible to move quickly with the IV still attached, and rested it on her hand which was on the edge of the bed. She looked down at it and pulled her hand away.

"It's okay Sweetie, that's making Daddy better." Kim rubbed her back as she leant into Kim and away from him; which Adam hated.

Kim popped Angus back into his pram and pulled up another chair so she could sit beside the bed. Polly climbed into the safety of her mother's lap but she kept looking at Adam. "Have you had fun at Grandma and Grandpa's house?" he asked her. She nodded and kept staring.

"Did you help with Angus last night? Did he cry much?"

"He did. Does your eye hurt?"

"A little bit. It's getting better. I need someone to kiss it better. Do you think Mommy will do it?"

"No, I'll do it." She climbed back up on the chair beside the bed and Adam turned his head so that she could reach over and placed a little kiss on his bruised cheek. "Better Daddy?"

"Much better." Adam smiled at her and leant closer to whisper. "Guess how much I love you?" he asked, quoting one of their favourite books.

"To the moon and back." It didn't take long until she had forgotten all about how bad he looked and Polly was happily standing up beside his bed chatting away. Angus started to stir and Kim got him out and bought him over and sat him down close to his hand so that Adam could touch him. Angus gripped onto his finger and tried to pull it to his mouth. "You know this is the best medicine."

"Ahh, this must be the whole family." Pete came in with Adam's next dose of anti-biotic, closely followed by another nurse to check his details.

"Yep, this is Angus." He waved Angus's hand at Peter. " And this is my favourite girl, Polly."

"Nice to meet you Polly and Angus." He smiled and winked at Polly. "Do you want to help me give your Daddy some medicine?" Polly nodded enthusiastically. "Right, you need to hold his hand tightly. Don't let go. Now just to make sure we have the right person, who is this?" He asked as they checked his wristband.

"Daddy." Polly was beaming.

She gripped his hand with both hands and watched as Pete pushed the syringe of medication into his IV bag and run it through.

"Need anything for the pain?" he checked his chart. "You can have something."

"Nope I'm good. Best pain medication right here." He squeezed Polly's hand.

"Well thank you for your help Polly." Pete patted her on the back and his way out and she continued to hold onto Adam's hand. Kim was feeding Angus with her eyes closed. The last few days were rapidly catching up with her. She woke suddenly as Angus detached himself and gave a little cry. Once he was fed she stood up and walked him around the small room and Adam watched her closely, trying to gage her state of mind with little success. He had a fair idea of what was going on though. Kim was struggling to hold it together and she needed to spend less time with him and more time at home with the kids.

Roman dropped in on his way back to the District. "Back playing with the big boys I hear?" Kim teased him.

"Yep."

"How's the patient?" Turning to Adam. "Hurry back Man."

"I am looking after Daddy, making him better." Polly declared happily.

"And doing a pretty good job I bet."

Roman took Polly down to the vending machine leaving Kim and Adam alone with Angus. "Can you bring Gus over again?" Kim sat him down on the bed again so that Adam could play with his hands.

"I hate that this is happening to us."

"I know."

"I want you to go home tonight." Adam rested his hand on Kim's. "They need you to be home. I need you to go home and get some rest."

"I need to be here too." Kim sighed but she knew he was right. "I wish I could be in two places at once." Her mother was coming in soon to take the kids home and Kim had already decided that as long as Adam was stable she would go home overnight. "If you continue to behave yourself I promise to go home."

"Usually when I behave myself it means something good is going to happen. Funny how things change. So now if I behave you leave me?"

"You must be feeling better." Kim gave him a quick kiss just as Roman and Polly returned.

"Wow come on guys, think of the children." Roman teased them.

It was like Grand Central Station that afternoon. Platt dropped in with some food that had been bought in from other officers for the family and Brett and Jimmy from 51 stopped by briefly when they were finishing up a job. Polly certainly enjoyed the company. The more people that came the more people she had to entertain until Ellen came in and took them both home.

"Come here." Adam held out his hand for Kim to take. "Thank you for being here for me."

"I was so terrified that I was going to lose you. I couldn't leave until I knew you were okay." She was running her spare hand through his hair.

"There was no way I was leaving you. We've got so much more to do together."

Adam's father arrived Kim decided she could leave and make it home in time to put Polly to bed and she was more than happy when Kim asked her to sleep in her bed. Once she had read her a story she headed back downstairs for some dinner. It was the first decent meal she had eaten in the past couple of days and it settled heavily in her stomach. "You look tired?"

"I am." She checked her watch; it was a little after 8pm. Angus would probably wake around 11 for a feed before hopefully sleeping through to about 5. "I'll probably try and get a couple of hours sleep before Angus wakes. Did you pick me up some clothes?" Ellen had put the bag in her room.

After calling Adam to make sure he was still okay she was out as soon as her head hit the pillow, waking reluctantly to feed Angus a few hours later. Her hope of a good night's sleep didn't pan out. She was up four times to him and he always seemed hungry.

"Not the night you were hoping for?" Her mother commented as she came down and found Kim on the sofa with Angus feeding again. She kissed Kim on the head as she passed through to the kitchen to put the kettle on.

"No. Polly didn't seem to notice though." Now that she was a little more awake she did try to figure out why he was so up and down and feeding so much. Perhaps her milk supply had been disrupted because of the stress and erratic feeding over the last two days. He was also probably about to go through a growth spurt like Polly did at around three months. It was bad timing. She didn't have the time or energy to deal with that right now.

Ellen bought her in some tea and toast along with a plate of fruit and yoghurt. She took Angus from Kim so that she could eat. "Can I say that I am worried about you?"

"Sure." Kim nodded with a mouthful of toast.

"But you don't want me to say anything else right?"

"You can say whatever you want Mom, but what do you want me to do?"

"Take care of yourself too."

"I am last on the list right now."

"You shouldn't be."

"Then who should be? Adam?"

"I know it's hard and I know you want to be with Adam and I know you hate leaving the kids here."

"I've got no choice right now. I just need some help. I can ask Adam's mother to take the kids if you can't help. I am sure even Bob will take them." The words came out a little sharper than she intended and she apologised immediately.

Ellen waved it away. "Darling, don't be silly. Your father and I are happy to do anything to help. I just wanted to let you know that we are worried about you too. Have you thought about giving Angus some formula?" Ellen knew that Kim was determined to feed Angus for as long as possible but they hadn't factored in this.

"No."

"Kim…"

"I said No." Kim took Angus from her mother and headed up stairs to check on Polly. Ellen sighed and picked up the breakfast dishes. She wasn't surprised at how that conversation ended. She hoped it would be different but it was no surprise.

When the three of them came downstairs again Ellen apologised and Kim waved her away, she knew her mother was just looking out for her. She was going to take Angus with her today which Polly did not like and when she started to cry in protest Kim shut her down quickly which resulted in a full tantrum and Kim yelling at her. Ellen pushed her out the door and promised to bring Polly in before lunch. She could hear her wails from the car.

As she pulled into the car park at the hospital she called her mother and Polly had calmed down. She made it in time to help them get Adam out of bed for the first time. It was a slow process and obviously the pain was still pretty intense. He had refused to take anything for the pain before they started. Once he was sitting on the edge to the bed they waited for a few minutes while the blood flowed back into his legs. That was surprisingly more painful than he was expecting. It felt like knives stabbing into the calves and thighs. Breathing deeply was still uncomfortable but they encouraged him to do so to get through the pain. They had started deep breathing yesterday with the physio to get his lung back working properly.

Eventually they got him taking a few steps with support to the chair. He now just had a cannula in his hand, the drains had been removed and much to Adam's delight so had the catheter. Everything seemed to be working fine so far. It was his vain hope that he would be let out of hospital by the end of the week. Two more days would surely be enough and he was going to suck up the pain and do everything possible to make that happen.

"How was your night?" Kim had pulled up a chair beside him and stroking his arm softly.

"Uneventful." He tried to shift slightly which was unpleasant to say the least. Lying in the same spot for hours on end was not only annoying but uncomfortable so actually being out of the bed and sitting up was a relief.

"Good Boy." She patted his arm.

"And yours?"

"Same." Adam tilted his head to the side and called bullshit.

"Angus was pretty unsettled. I think I was up four times. Polly was an angel. She threw a tantrum when we left though."

"What's wrong with Gus?"

"Nothing." Kim shrugged. "I don't know, maybe the last couple of days have messed with my milk a little and he was just making the most of it last night."

Nodding his head at the pram in the corner where he was currently sleeping he asked if that was why he was here. He thought she might have left him at home with her mother this morning to give herself a bit more of a break.

"Yeah. Maybe if I get him back in routine he will settle and I don't have enough milk stored in the freezer to keep missing feeds." It was her hope. All the way in she was thinking about the talk with her mother this morning. She was worried that she was not being fair to anyone right now and she certainly felt guilty for yelling at Polly. "I yelled at Polly this morning." She blurted out.

"You've been under a lot of pressure, it's okay." He squeezed her hand. "It's okay."

"Mom suggested giving Angus formula today."

Adam knew her thoughts on feeding and he had always been happy to support her in whatever choice she made. It was not his place to pressure her one way or the other. When they had talked about it with Polly's pregnancy Kim was hopeful and keen to try to feed for as long as possible. As it turned out they had lasted until just after she had gone back to work by then Polly had turned one. Angus had also taken to it pretty well and Kim felt at lot more confident that they would do it this time also. The last few days had obviously made things a bit more difficult but not impossible. "Why? Do you think you don't have enough?" It was surprising how much he actually knew about breast-feeding now. His research had started as a bit of a joke but they had spent a lot of time talking about it over the following years.

"No…. I'm not sure. It's just one night and lord knows Polly had more than a few of those. I'm sure we'll get back on track today and it will be fine."

"As long as you are sure?"

"What do you think I should do?"

Here was where he knew that he had to tread carefully. He looked at his wife and she looked exhausted and there was little life in her eyes. Now that he was starting to think more clearly the impact of the last few days and what it had done to Kim was weighing heavily on him. He'd had a lot of time to think last night in the room by himself. Halstead and Atwater had come in and stayed awhile which had been great. Voight had also dropped by briefly but he hadn't slept well and worried about his family. He was going to be useless for the next few weeks and the Doctor had told him he was looking at up to six weeks off work followed by light duties all going well. That meant for the next few weeks at least he wouldn't be able to help much around the house and with the kids.

"I think you can afford to give him a couple of days to work it out." He could have probably told her it was okay to give him something else and she would have listened to him but he didn't want her to feel like she was a failure. "If you think you can cope with that. I know that you don't give up that easily. You are the most amazing mom. They are so lucky to have you."

"I love that you are always in my corner."

"Hey, you and I need to stick together. Those two will be ganging up on us soon enough."

When Angus woke and was happily fed Adam was able to hold him while he was reasonably settled. Kim could still see him wince in pain every now and then. "You aren't taking anything for pain are you?"

"Not much."

"Don't try and be too tough."

"What like you? I seem to recall you refusing anything when in labour, twice, and you were pretty stubborn after you were shot."

"Childbirth is different. It's temporary."

"As is this." There was no point arguing. They were both as stubborn as each other so they turned their attention to what was going to happen when Adam came home. He desperately wanted to be at home but knew that it would put a lot of extra pressure on Kim and she was too proud to ask for help. He was sure his parent's and hers would be more than happy to help but he just needed to convince Kim to let them.


	36. Chapter 36 - I'm all yours

There was a soft knock on the door and Kim was a little surprised to see Erin standing just outside. She slipped quietly out of the room and embraced her friend who was looking a little better than the last time they saw here, not as tired and drawn as she was when the strain of the relationship breakdown was still apparent. "I just heard. How's Adam?"

"He's getting there. How are you? It's good to see you."

"I'm good I think." They decided to go down to the café for a coffee. Kim quietly slipped back into the room to get Angus. They hadn't seen or heard from Erin for a couple of weeks. Adam, obviously had sided with Jay and Erin understood perfectly well that she was no longer really welcome to stay with them so she had taken all her unused Vacation time and had now transferred to another District and kept her distance.

"He's gotten so big." He peered into the pram at the sleeping baby. "He's so gorgeous still. I miss them both. How's Polly?"

Erin grabbed herself a coffee and Kim an herbal tea. If Erin had looked like crap back then, Kim did now. She looked like she had lost a little weight around her face and god knows she didn't have much to lose in the first place. It had amazed Erin how quickly Kim returned to normal after her pregnancies not that she thought she was anywhere close to what she once was. Her flabby little belly annoyed her no end, not that Adam cared one bit. "Polly is good, still going at a million miles an hour, usually with her father hot on her heels."

"I'm sorry I haven't been in earlier, but I literally just found out. I had been off for a few days and as soon as I got back they told me about the accident." Erin nervously leant across the table and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry. Adam's going to be okay, right?"

"He is. It was a little bit hairy at the start, he had some kidney issues and ended up back in surgery unexpectedly but he's well and truly on the mend now. Al went home yesterday, battered and bruised but okay."

Kim noticed that Erin kept looking at Angus. "Do you want a cuddle?"

"No, don't wake him."

Kim gently lifted him up and handed him to Erin. "He misses you as much as you miss him." Erin gazed down at the sleeping infant and felt a knot in her chest. It had surprised her how much she had missed both Polly and Angus. Perhaps she was ready to be a mother, but now it was too late at least with Jay. Now it was just a daily battle to stay on the straight and narrow. She was trying to prove to herself that she didn't need to go to shit just because things didn't work out the way she wanted.

"How's Jay?"

"He's doing okay. Have you spoken to him lately?" Kim wasn't surprised that she asked about Jay. You couldn't just turn off the tap of caring about someone and there were probably not a lot of people left in her life who were willing to let her know what was going on with Jay. There life had revolved around the Intelligence Unit, pretty much like everyone else so when you suddenly found yourself on the outside you had little chance of being let back in.

Erin shook her head. Nothing was causing her more pain at the moment than the thought of Jay and what she had done to him and to them. "I guess I have to wait until he is ready to talk to me."

Erin walked with Kim and Angus back to Adam's room but she stopped well before they reached his door. "Come and say hi." Kim urged her. At some point she had to take the first step towards repairing all the shattered friendships and that was up to Erin.

"Not yet. I don't want to make a scene."

Kim did, however, convince Erin to come by soon for a visit by telling her how much Polly would really love to see her. She didn't understand why Erin had suddenly disappeared from her life, especially since Jay was still such a big part of it. She had grown up knowing them together and it was confusing for a three year old. She often asked Jay about Erin and Kim had started to notice that the hurt on his face was lessening with time.

Adam was awake when she got back. "Hey. Did you go for a walk?"

Kim kissed him softly. "I went and caught up with Erin. She stopped by to see how you are."

"Oh." Adam's eyes narrowed slightly and he grimaced as he tried to sit up a little. "Nice of her." He added flatly and Kim got the distinct impression that Adam was not interested in talking about Erin right now. Once he found out the whole story of what had gone on he had made it patently obvious that he was in Jay's corner. He never went as far as telling Kim that she couldn't see her or have anything to do with her but Kim knew how he felt.

"I asked her to come over soon to see Polly." Kim chose to ignore his snippy tone.

"Why?"

"Because Polly doesn't understand why Erin suddenly isn't around anymore."

"And who's fault it that?" he snapped as he started to work his way to the edge of the bed.

"Okay, I get that you are still mad, but I think Polly would like it. She was our friend too remember and I know you are pissed because of what happened with her and Jay but that is between them and it's not fair to punish Polly because of it."

"Don't make this all about Polly."

"It's not all about Polly."

He watched as Kim's face darkened with anger and apologised. "Sorry. I don't want to argue about this. I'm glad you saw Erin and Polly will be happy to see her."

She helped him back out of bed and into the bathroom before he hobbled back into the chair ready for lunch. As usual it was completely uninspiring and inedible. Angus was enjoying his lunch though. "His lunch looks much better than mine." Adam peered at the limp sandwich on his tray lifting the soggy bread up by the corner and screwing up his nose. "Do you think he'd share?"

"He's a guts like you, so I doubt it." Kim ran her hand over his soft head gently.

They could hear Polly coming before they saw her. She bounded through the door and the morning tantrum had obviously been long forgotten. She was clutching a drawing in her hands, which she proudly presented to her father. The joy on her face was adorable. It was like she just handed over the Mona Lisa. "It's for you Daddy. That's you." She pointed to a scrawl in the centre of the page. "In bed. And that's Mommy, she's sad."

"It's great sweet pea, but why is Mommy sad?"

"Because you are hurt." She rolled her eyes at the stupidity of his question. "I'm sad too."

"Would it make you happy to sit up here for a cuddle?" Adam patted his knee and Polly nodded enthusiastically. Kim warned her to be gentle as she handed Angus to her mother so she could help Polly up into Adam's lap. Instantly she rested her head on his chest as Adam wrapped both arms around her and dipped his head so that she was tucked up under his chin. "I feel much better now." They both looked content.

Suddenly Polly remembered she had something to tell her father and she sat up quickly and tried to turn around. Her knee crashed into his side and Adam groaned loudly as the pain rifled through him. "Polly." Kim leapt out of the chair and pulled Polly off his lap and snapped at her. "I told you to be careful."

Polly burst into tears and threw herself face first into the chair that Kim had just vacated. "Kim, she didn't mean it." Adam tried to reassure her that he was fine despite the intense pain.

Kim felt everything rising up inside her and the room started swimming, the sound of Polly's crying was cutting through her skull and making her head throb. The best thing she could do was walk away. So she left. She could hear Adam calling out after her but it was not like he could follow. Ellen offered to go but Adam knew she just needed to be by herself for a while. He gingerly reached over and got Polly's attention. "Come here Sweetie." as he helped her carefully climb back into his lap.

"Sorry Daddy."

"I know you are Polly. It's okay, Daddy's just still a little bit hurt and you need to be careful. If you sit nice and still you can stay here for a bit." She rested her head on his chest and gradually the sobs subsided.

"I'm worried about Kim." Ellen waited until Polly had calmed down.

"So am I." Adam knew his wife well enough to know when she was on the edge. He could see it on her face, she looked tired and there no life in her. Why would there be? The last few days had been hard on her. He knew what it was like to sit on her side of the bed and worry and he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy. Throw in two small children and it was little wonder she'd snapped.

"I tried to talk to her this morning."

"She told me."

"It didn't go down well. I think I upset her."

Adam tried to reassure her that Kim was fine, tired and stressed right now but that wasn't unexpected. He had faith in her and encouraged Ellen to have some too. "You know Kim, stubborn as a mule, tough as nails and determined to do things her way."

By the time Kim came back Bob had arrived and Polly was bouncing around the room happily and Angus was sleeping. Their parents took the kids down to the café to give them a break. As soon as they left Kim buried her head in Adam's lap and cried. He rubbed her back and ran his fingers through her hair and let her go. Eventually she lifted her head and looked at her husband. "Was Polly okay?"

"She was perfectly happy once she got in some good Daddy hugs."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at her like that."

"Baby, please forget about it. Polly will. Look at how many times I've made her cry and she still adores me." Kim smiled despite herself. "This has been rough on you. I just get to lie here and have people fuss over me and do everything for me. You are holding us together, you are holding my family together and you are doing a great job. Every time I think that's it, I couldn't love you any more than I do…bang I find out that I can and I do."

"You're sweet."

"When that car hit us and I was trapped in there waiting for help, somewhere deep in my mind all I could think of is that I cannot be away from you. I worried that you'd be so freaked out and upset and I couldn't bear to think of how much this would affect you. I told you weeks ago you make me tick and I meant it."

"Stop it. You are making me cry." She rested her hands on his cheeks, roughened with a full beard from days without shaving.

"Kiss me." She quickly pressed her lips against his before pulling away. Adam tilted his head and gave her a look that told her that wasn't good enough so she kissed him again, longer and slower. "Better." He smiled against her lips before kissing her again quickly and rested his forehead on hers. "We can do this."

Polly went home with Bob and Kim and Angus stayed for a little while before she headed home and packed a few more things and checked the mail. It felt nice to be in her own home for a while and enjoy the peace and quiet. It was just her and Angus and she sat down and let the quietness wash over her. She couldn't wait to get Adam home and even though he wouldn't be able to help her much having them all under one roof would make life so much easier.

For a change and to give her mother a break for a while they all stayed at Bob and Susan's for dinner. They enjoyed having Polly for a few hours and the change probably did Polly good also. Susan was happy to whisk Angus from his car seat as soon as she arrived and made Kim sit down, put her feet up and relax.

Adam was sitting on the edge of the bed impatiently tapping his leg with his free hand. "Hey Baby." He rushed out when Kim finally picked up her phone.

"Hi, Good Morning." She mumbled, shoving another mouthful of breakfast in. She was trying to get her breakfast down while feeding Angus so she could get into the hospital. The Doctor was due in this morning and they were hoping to be discharged. Polly was rifling through one of their packed bags looking for her favourite socks which Kim had chosen to ignore just like she had chosen to ignore her whining about what she had to wear. "What's up? What time is the Doctor coming?"

"Already been in and I'm all yours."

"What? Really?" she swallowed her last mouthful quickly. "You can come home?"

"As soon as you get here." He couldn't wait and probably would have jumped in a cab given half the chance. A week had been long enough. "How long do you think you'll be?"

"Well, Angus is feeding right now and I need to shower." She could hear him groan. "I'll be as quick as I can. Mom can keep the kids here and bring them over once we get home. Not sure I can wrangle the three of you."

Adam was still extremely sore and he walked slowly and tired easily. The swelling on his bruised face was starting to subside but the colours were impressive. He also had massive bruising on his stomach, back and ribs therefore he moved very gingerly. The Doctor would have liked him to stay in a few more days but Adam had convinced them that he was ready to go home and promised to take it easy and Connor Rhodes would be more than happy to keep an eye on him. He had to be back in a few days for another liver scan anyway.

They had to go through his discharge orders before they let Kim take him home, he had exercises to do with his breathing and while his liver was still recovering he needed to take it easy, no heavy lifting or exercise and a list of follow up appointments as long as his arm. It would be another five weeks before they would even entertain Adam going back to work. So while he couldn't wait to get home they both knew within a couple of weeks he would be champing at the bit to get back to work and probably annoying the crap out of each other.

Once she got him in the car he let out a long sigh of relief. "Finally." and squeezed Kim's thigh as she pulled out of the parking lot.

"Are you going to be right to manage the stairs? I could make up the bed downstairs for you?" With their bedrooms all being upstairs Kim was worried that it would be too draining for him to climb up and down the stairs everyday. They had a bathroom downstairs so that wouldn't be a problem.

"Where will you be?"

"Upstairs closer to the kids."

"Then that's where I'll be. I'll manage."

It was hard to tell who was happier, Adam or Kim, at him being home.

Adam did as he was told and sat down on the couch while Kim bought all their bags in. "Can I get you anything?" she called out from the kitchen as she put away a few groceries that they had stopped and picked up on the way home. Not that he was allowed out of the car.

"Yeah Babe." Adam waited until poked her head around the corner. "You can come and sit here with me for a few minutes." Holding out his hand for her to take and Kim didn't need to be asked twice. Slipping one arm around his shoulder and holding onto his hand and finally the cloudiness in her eyes disappeared.

Kissing him slowly she whispered as they drew apart. "I am so happy to have you home."

"I'm glad." He leant in for another kiss. "How long have we got before your Mom brings Polly and Angus home?"

"Whoa, slow down mister."

"Hey, hey get your mind out of the gutter. I just want to sit here with you quietly for a while, knowing our two I won't get the chance again."

It was certainly what they both needed. The past week had been just putting one foot after the other, getting through each day they best they could. Kim had struggled to keep everything together. Angus had been unsettled and hadn't slept well for a few nights, which had piled on the strain. Ellen wanted her to supplement his feeding but she refused and the last couple of days had settled down a little and she was glad she stood her ground. Polly was up and down and they had battled with her tantrums. Hopefully getting them both home and back into their normal routine would help. The next few days, at least there were no plans to go anywhere.

"You know what I am looking forward to the most?" Adam had slowly moved so that he was resting against Kim's chest. "Having you next to me in bed."

"I'm looking forward to not going to the hospital." Adam looked up at her and pouted. "Yes, yes I missed you in my bed too."

They could have stayed like that all day but eventually Ellen texted Kim to let her know that Angus was starting to get hungry so she was on her way over. "Your peace it just about over."

"One more kiss then?" Which she happily agreed to before grabbing some pillows and a rug and setting Adam up on the couch. He had the remote's handy, a water bottle close by as he needed to keep drinking plenty of water to keep his kidney flushed and now the challenge would be getting to watch something that interested him. Unfortunately he could see an afternoon of kid's movies in his near future.

Polly squealed with delight when she saw that her Daddy was sitting on the couch. Kim reminded her that she still needed to be careful but she was perched up next to him on the couch within seconds. Kim took Angus and sat down next to them. It was nice to be a family again.

Kim took both the kids down to the park to let Polly run around while Adam had an afternoon nap. Polly had been at him all morning, fussy over him making sure he was comfortable, had every thing he needed and keeping him entertained. Adam accepted it all with good grace but she could tell when he was starting to get weary. Getting Polly to play in the backyard didn't really distract her enough because she kept running inside to check on her _'sick daddy.'_

She settled both of the kids into bed before making some dinner for them both. Adam felt pretty useless watching Kim do it all but she refused to entertain him even moving off the couch to help. It was enough to allow him to nurse Angus while she was putting Polly to bed. He was also allowed to read Polly a story before she went upstairs.

The ultimate reward for behaving himself all day was when he got into bed and Kim climbed in beside him. "I've been waiting for this all day." He squeezed her hand beneath the covers. "I feel better already."

What he didn't expect was for Kim to start crying. Every struggle of the past week, the worry, fear and elation crashing together and finally she felt like she could let it engulf her. "Darlin', it's okay. It's okay, I'm home and we're alright." It was breaking his heart and he just wanted this to be all over. "I am here, at home with you and Polly and Angus and I am not going anywhere."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Crying again." Adam sucked in a breath as he tried to slip an arm around her shoulder and pull her head to rest on his shoulder. It wasn't particularly easy or comfortable but he didn't care. "As long as you are not crying because you have to sleep next to me." That made Kim chuckle through her tears.


	37. Chapter 37 - Other Physical Pursuits

Polly was delighted to see Jay. He swung her high in the air and had her squealing within minutes of arriving before putting her down and starting to chase her around the lawn. Adam watched from the deck feeling a little jealous that he wasn't the one down there with her. He hated this already, he hated feeling useless but at least he was home being useless, as Kim reminded him earlier that morning when he was having a whinge. Kim came out and deposited Angus on his lap, rugged up against the cool fall weather and tucked a blanket around them both. Not that Adam felt he needed it right now but it wasn't worth the effort to argue. Cuddling Angus though felt good and it was about the only thing Kim let him do. He was trying to accept all her fussing with good grace but he was not sure how long he could keep smiling.

The leaves were turning golden and starting to cover the yard and reminding them all of the fast approaching winter, yet the sun still had a little warmth in it. Polly kicked through a pile of leaves and both her and Jay picked up handfuls and threw them in the air so that they rained down on them. Adam turned his attention to Angus who was busy gurgling and waving his hands around tyring to get them both into his mouth at once. Angus smiled back at Adam when he spoke to him and he could whinge and complain all day to him and he would never tell him to shut up. They were buddies; they had each other's back.

He could hear the doorbell ring in the background and he had to admit he was kind of getting sick of all the visitors not matter how well intentioned they were. All he could see was Kim rushing around making coffee for them and barely getting a chance to sit and enjoy one herself. He wanted everyone to back off for a bit.

"Erin." Kim stuttered as she opened the door. "Hi"

"You said come over and see the kids. I should have called. I spoke to Voight and he said that Adam was home. I hope it's okay?" She held out the box of donuts she was gripping and looked nervously at Kim who had gone a little pale. "I'm sorry I can come back another time."

Kim didn't know what to say. "Oh, no it's okay but ummm…." She looked quickly over her shoulder and closed the door quietly behind her and joining Erin on the front porch. It was one of her favourite places to sit in the afternoons and watch the world go by. Their front yard wasn't big but Adam constantly moaned about having to maintain both lawns. There was no way Kim would let him pave it as was his want and keeping the hedge trimmed was the bane of his life but Kim loved it. "Jay is here."

"Oh." They sat down on the step and Erin opened the box of donuts and offered Kim one. "How's Adam?"

"He's good. So much better now he is home but I can see him getting frustrated, not that he would admit it. At the moment he is still moving pretty slow and he refuses to take anything for the pain." She picked at the donut in her hand and knew she was rambling to stop any awkward silences. "Polly is delighted though." In the distance she could hear her squealing in the backyard. "She is fussing over Adam like a mother hen."

Erin laughed but it was incredibly forced as she tried to focus on what Kim was talking about. All she could think about was that Jay was here and that she hadn't seen him in weeks and it was killing her. She would do anything to make it up to him, to apologise to him even though deep down she knew that it would bring all the hurt rushing back to the surface and that they were done. "He must be loving that?"

"Grinning and bearing it manfully."

"And you?"

"It's been a long week, I'm tired but we just keep ploughing on and I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now that he is home." Kim took a deep breath. "I couldn't imagine living without him."

"It's hard." The way Erin felt at the moment it was like Jay had died. Certainly their love was dead; she knew that. At least on his side anyway. Kim squeezed her hand and was just about to speak when the door opened behind them.

"Kim…." Jay started and stopped once her saw Erin. His voice suddenly took on a hard edge and both of them jumped up off the step. "Ruzek needs you to come and grab Angus."

"Hi Jay." Erin mumbled as Kim quickly disappeared into the house. Angus had fallen asleep in Adam's arms and the weight was starting to get too much for him.

"I thought you'd done a runner?" Adam was disappointed that even holding Gus for too long was a struggle and it did nothing for his mood and Kim's announcement wasn't going to help.

"Nope." She gently lifted Angus from his arms and he snuggled into her shoulder barely opening his eyes. "Erin's here."

"What?"

"She just turned up to see the kids. I told her to stop by sometime. I swear I didn't invite her today."

"Where is she now?" This was seriously the last thing he wanted right now.

"On the front porch, I left her with Jay."

"Great." He mumbled and Kim could see that he wasn't impressed.

"Are you going to be okay watching Polly for a few minutes while I put him to bed?" Polly was still running around the back yard, making piles with the freshly fallen leaves for when Jay came back. He was pretty sure he could be trusted to keep an eye on her and told Kim as much and when she turned on her heel and stormed off he sighed realising he'd been a dick about it.

Polly turned and smiled and waved at her father. He pushed himself slowly out of the chair and headed gingerly down the short flight of steps to the garden. Polly ran towards him tripping on the corner of the path, falling heavily on her knees and hands. Adam tried to get to her quickly ignoring the pain shooting through his side as she lay on the ground wailing and he knelt down to help her up, brushing her knees and hands before Polly tried to wrap her legs around his waist so that he could pick her up like he always did when she was hurt. Adam groaned when a flash of pain shot through him as Polly's legs crashed into him and he staggered under her sudden weight.

Kim came flying down the stairs as she heard Polly's cries and she flew out the back door to find Adam hunched over on all fours with Polly crying beside him trying to help him up. "Get up Daddy." She wailed. He had gone pale and sweaty as he tried to catch his breath. "Adam." She cried out as she ran across the yard. "Oh my god Adam."

Kim's yells brought Jay running from the front of the house closely followed by Erin.

"I'm okay Man." He leant on Jay as he helped him up off the ground and back inside. "Just moved a little too quickly." Kim looked like she had seen a ghost as she soothed Polly. Once he was back inside Polly climbed up beside him at Adam's insistence. He hated that he felt so useless as wasn't able to help her when she fell. What good was he as a father if he couldn't help his kids when they were hurt? He knew it was irrational and just a temporary thing but it didn't make him feel any better.

"Sorry Daddy." Polly's sobbing was gradually subsiding.

"It's okay sweetie. How's your knee?" He asked as he rubbed her knees gently. "I was scared that you were hurt." Kim couldn't hear what Polly and Adam were talking about but there were lots of kisses and smiles yet despite that Kim could see that Adam was still hurting. His breathing was still laboured and as he tried to slow it down with long and deliberate breaths and every now and then he would close his eyes as another wave hit him.

Erin had come inside also and was standing in the kitchen. "Are you okay?" she asked Kim.

She grabbed a glass of water and drank it quickly, hoping that would help with the sudden wave of nausea she felt and her hands shook as she lifted the glass. "Yep."

"I shouldn't have come."

"Then why don't you just go." Jay was standing in the doorway. "Then perhaps all this could have been avoided." He waved his hand in Adam's direction and Kim was shocked by the bitterness in his voice. She looked at both of them as they stared angrily at each other before slipping out of the kitchen heading upstairs to check on Angus.

"Jay please." Erin took at step towards him but Jay backed away and left her standing in the middle of the kitchen feeling like she had just been slapped across the face. He was so angry still and they hadn't even had a conversation about any of this or what to do with all their stuff and the apartment. The way this was going it wasn't going to happen anytime soon either.

Angus was still sleeping, blissfully unaware of all the drama going on downstairs. She touched his cheek and it was so soft and smooth. He was a beautiful boy and even at his tender age she could see Adam in him, his dark eyes, the shape of his mouth and the lightness in his hair were all Adam. Angus grunted and wriggled slightly before settling again. As she came out of his room and headed downstairs she could hear the tense conversation between Jay and Erin out on the back deck getting louder.

Suddenly she heard Adam's voice and she flew down the stairs. "Don't you think we have enough shit going on here? Kim doesn't need this to deal with as well." He started coughing which still hurt like hell and he tried to breathe deeply until it passed. He grabbed his side. "So sort your shit out, but don't do it here."

Polly was sitting up on the couch watching a movie and completely oblivious to the commotion outside. "Adam." She slipped her arm through his. "Come back inside. You shouldn't be up."

"Kim, I'm fine." He snapped pulling his arm away angrily.

"Look man, go back inside. I'm leaving." Jay held up his hands in defeat and he apologised to Kim. "Give Polly a kiss for me." Adam had gone back inside before Erin had the chance to apologise and was sitting back with Polly when Kim came back in.

"Was that really necessary?" She asked.

"What?"

"That?" she pointed to the back deck where they had just come from.

"Really? You were happy with them fighting and dragging out all their shit in our yard."

"Watch your mouth." She constantly warned him about cursing around Polly. "No not at all but at least they were starting to talk to each other."

"I'd hardly call that talking." Adam could sense that his frustrations were starting to bubble over again. He had already snapped at Kim a couple of times today and she had let it slide but he was probably pushing his luck. "Forgive me for not wanting it at my house."

"Your house?"

"Sorry. Our house." He bit back at her sarcastically. Kim threw her hands in the air and stormed out of the room and he could hear her in the kitchen un-loading the dishwasher and sighed wearily as he pushed himself up off the couch and started climbing the stairs. He needed to go lie down, his side was hurting where Polly had unintentionally hit him and he was tired and perhaps he should have stayed and talked to his wife but he didn't have the energy for another argument.

He slept for a good few hours and Kim checked on him once when she came up to grab Angus and now she could hear him moving around upstairs. When he didn't come down Kim headed up to see him with Angus tucked onto her hip. "Hey, you're up?"

Adam was back lying on the bed. He opened his eyes as she entered the room. "Yep."

Kim came and sat on the edge of the bed and rested one hand on his thigh and he reached out and grabbed it, lightly stroking his thumb over her knuckles. "You okay?"

"I'm feeling pretty crappy actually." A flutter of panic hit Kim and she shuffled closer to him. "Can I get you anything? You haven't eaten much since breakfast. "Adam shook his head as Kim glanced at the clock, it was almost 2pm. "Please Baby, you need to eat something."

Finally he agreed to some soup and toast. When he came downstairs Kim could tell that the attention of Polly and constant fussing of Angus was getting on his nerves so she took them out down to the park. He promised to call if he needed anything but he was back upstairs asleep when they got back.

Kim did her best to not worry and also tried to keep Polly away from their room. She didn't understand why Daddy wanted to sleep all day and why he didn't want her to make him feel better. He did come down for dinner and read Polly a story before Kim put her to bed and once Angus was fed and asleep he lay back down on the couch with his head in Kim's lap.

She was running her hands through his hair, which was slightly longer at the moment. He was funny with his hair he would let it grow until it was almost untameable and then cut it short. He couldn't be bothered with regular cuts to keep it a decent length so it was all or nothing. "Are you sure you are okay?"

"I am." He looked up at her and noticed the cloudiness in her eyes. It was the same look she had when he was in the hospital. "I am fine, I think the morning took a lot more out of me than I thought it would. I just needed sleep and peace and quiet."

"Polly is worried that she hurt you."

"She did." He gave her a sad little smile. "Not intentionally and I know I shouldn't have tried to pick her up but she was crying and hurt and I didn't think. It hurt like hell though."

"Why didn't you tell me? You know I could see you were hurt but you weren't exactly approachable."

"I know, I am trying not to be a burden for you. You have the kids to worry about."

"I have you to worry about too. Treating me like shit isn't going to make me not worry."

Adam sighed and closed his eyes and Kim stopped running her fingers through his hair. Opening his eyes again she was staring straight ahead. "Hey…" slowly she bought her eyes back to his. "I'm sorry I was such a dick today."

Kim slipped one hand under his shirt and ran her hand over the warm skin of his stomach. "You get one day of being a dick and today was it."

"Deal." He closed his eyes again and enjoyed the softness of her hand on his bare skin. "You know I hated that I couldn't help Polly today. It makes me feel so useless. I'm her father and I can't even pick her up when she is hurt."

"Adam, it's temporary. You are a great Dad. You know that. Even just having you home is enough for them."

"I guess." He knew what Kim was saying made sense. "Still felt useless though. Have you heard from Halstead or Lindsay?" He had basically turned his phone off after the morning and hadn't bothered to pick it up again. Actually he was enjoying being disconnected from the world for a bit because it didn't happen often.

"I did. They both apologised for carrying on like teenagers. Halstead wanted to make sure you were okay and see if I needed a hand." Jay had called her, worried when Adam's phone was switched off that something was wrong. "I also fielded calls from your parents, Voight, Atwater and Al. All worried because you weren't answering. On top of my parents calling, Platt, Roman and my sister. You may have had a peaceful day but I didn't."

"Sorry, but what can I say people love me."

Kim smiled softly. "Jay seemed pretty cut up about today." She changed the subject slightly.

"I will give him a call later."

"Tomorrow. I am kinda liking the peace and quiet at the moment." Kim knew that if he turned his phone back on he would check all his messages and then feel the need to reply to them all.

"I'm liking it too. You've got some magic healing powers in them hands Darlin'."

Kim lifted up his shirt to check out his bruising all up his right side and pulled down the waistband of his sweats to see how far down it extended. "Don't get too carried away Baby."

"You wish."

"I certainly do."

"This is an unexpected consequence of your accident." Kim teased him knowing full well how much he hated going without sex for too long and so far it had been almost two weeks and for them that was a long time. Apart from the weeks following the birth of both their babies they were pretty regular and even when their shifts clashed and they were both dead tired they still managed a few times a week.

While he hadn't been told specifically that they needed to abstain he just wasn't sure he could cope with the pain it would cause and Kim certainly wasn't keen to hurt him either and after today's incident they both knew it wasn't happening any time soon. For Kim at least not until he was cleared by the Doctor.

The last few nights it was just nice to have her sleeping next to him again but he knew that Kim spent the whole time worrying that she was going to bump into him and hurt him. Her hand, right now moving slowly over his stomach felt nice and he enjoyed the feeling of peace that settled on him for the first time all day.

"Hurts more than my injuries." Adam winked. "Let's go to bed."

"Really?"

"Hey, my hands still work, my lips still work, just and I reckon having your naked body next to mine might just have some magical healing powers also."

"You really think that you have that much control?"

"When it comes to you I have no control, you should know that by now." She helped him sit up and he then grabbed her around the neck and pulled her in for a long slow kiss. Their kisses had to be slow, not that he minded, because in all honesty his face still hurt too. "See, perfectly capable of some things."

Slowly he headed upstairs, stopping by Polly's room first he checked on her before popping into Angus's room, it was a habit he was unlikely and unwilling to break. Sleeping children were beautiful, particularly his children because they were still untouched by all the shit in the world and he wanted to hang onto that for as long as he could. They had moved Angus out of their room when Adam came home because Kim was worried that he would disturb Adam when he woke and she could feed him in the nursery and Adam could sleep. He did protest, knowing that Kim preferred to have him close but Kim was adamant that this was for the best.

"They okay?" Kim came into the room behind him and placed the monitor on the side table along with a glass of water. Adam nodded as he lowered himself slowly onto the edge of the bed. "Sleeping like babies."

Kim needed to help him out of his clothes. Lifting his arms over his head to remove his t-shirt was still painful. "I seem to recall you always liked ripping my clothes off."

"It's one of my favourite things to do." She planted a kiss on the top of his head. "Do you want to take a shower?" He agreed only because he convinced her it would be easier if she showered with him.

While he hated being useless he did like that Kim was so attentive. He could get used to having her shower with him again. They did it a lot before they had kids, now she more often showered with Polly and he often got Angus shoved in with him. This was so much better.

Bob and Susan had come over early to look after the kids while Kim took Adam in for a scan and check-up. She had had fed Angus and left some more milk for him should they get caught up and Polly threw a little tantrum when they left worried that they weren't going to come back. Bob offered to take her to the park so by the time they were out of the driveway she was already bouncing out the door and they were soon forgotten.

The scan showed that the liver was still healing as it should, however there was still a long way to go. "Don't get too excited, just because it looks good it can still start to bleed again if you push it." The doctor warned them. "No lifting, nothing too physical." Form the corner of her eye Kim could see Adam's smile fade a little.

"Doc, when you say nothing too physical?" he smirked and Kim looked at him sideways and squeezed his hand to try to get him to stop. The Doctor smiled to himself, understanding where this question was going. He got it a lot.

"I mean no running, jumping, dancing, mowing the lawns, cleaning, sports." He chuckled. "As for other physical pursuits try and be a little more.." he paused just for a moment… "passive for awhile." Adam winked at Kim who dropped her head so that the Doctor wouldn't see her blush.

They drew some blood for a liver function test before he then moved on to the kidney specialist. A urine test and scan later, despite needed to drink lots more water everything was going along okay there as well.

Finally the Respiratory Physician was happy with his punctured lung and suggested to keep up the breathing exercises until he could start some physio and gentle exercise in the next few weeks.

As frustrating as it was to be doing nothing he was happy that everything was coming along. The pain was easing off but it was still his constant companion and he got tired easily so the fact that he felt Kim relax and start to smile a genuine smile again was enough at the moment.

"So…" he started as soon as they got to the car. They had been at the hospital for close to 4 hours and he was tired. "…looks like you'll be doing all the hard yards for awhile. Lucky I like you on top."

Kim laughed despite herself. "Pity I am so exhausted from looking after your son and daughter and you that all I want to do when I get into bed is sleep."

"I saw lust in your eyes last night. You can't resist."

"Don't bet on it Baby." Kim rubbed his thigh lightly.

Adam stared out the window for a moment. The sky was still a perfect blue despite the coolness that was now creeping into the days. They were getting shorter and it wouldn't be long before the real chill of a Chicago winter swept in. "Hey you think we have time to stop by the District?"

"No. My boobs are about to explode and Angus will be getting hungry soon." Kim answered a little sharper than she anticipated.

"It was just an idea." He shrugged. "Sorry."

"Why?"

"Why what? Why do I want to stop and see how everyone is? See how Al is? Let them know I am okay?"

"Don't get all defensive." Kim snapped and Adam sighed loudly. "Forget it." He mumbled.

Kim bit her bottom lip as it trembled slightly. She had no idea what had come over her; her emotions were all over the place the last few days. She should have been happy that Adam was doing well, that all the Doctors were happy with his progress but she just felt drained. If she could have locked herself away from everything and everyone she would have. The past two weeks had been the most emotionally and physically draining weeks of her life and today it just seemed hard to put one foot in front of the other.

"I'm sorry you have to take care of me, drive me around the place and look after our kids. I'm sorry I am so useless." Adam muttered sarcastically. Kim gripped the steering wheel so tight he could see her knuckles turn white.

"Don't be stupid Adam."

"You seem pissed off. I thought you'd be at least a little happy that I am okay."

"I am happy, I am more than happy." Swallowing a lump in her throat she continued. "I don't know what is wrong with me today. I am just exhausted." Adam turned his head away from the window and looked at Kim. She took a deep breath and held it for a few moments before letting out a long slow breath to calm her emotions. Adam rested a hand on her thigh and rubbed it softly.

"I wish I could help more."

"You are helping, you're home that's all that matters." She squeezed his hand. "I'll be okay." But he wasn't sure she meant it and right now there was not a lot he could do about it. He couldn't take the kids off her hands, Angus needed her every few hours so sending them away for a night didn't seem viable and they were not sure it was a good idea right now as Polly was still a little unsettled and was making things difficult with her erratic behaviour.

When they got home she took Angus up to their room and fed him and Adam found them both asleep an hour later. Susan had stayed to help with Polly and she cooked dinner for them while she was there. "Kim looks exhausted." She had commented as they sat down for lunch. "Is she okay?"

"I think everything is just catching up with her. The stress of last few weeks, the kids…" he shrugged a little. "Taking care of her crippled husband. We had Erin and Jay here fighting yesterday and it's just too much. I don't know what I can do to help though."

"What can we do? Take the kids for a bit? Polly could have a sleepover."

"Not sure Kim would agree to that just yet. She is worried about getting Polly back into a normal routine and Angus was pretty unsettled with feeding and that's just getting back on track so I certainly don't want to muck that up again. She won't entertain giving him formula." Adam sighed and closed his eyes. "Do you mind staying awhile? I want to have rest and Kim's asleep."

Susan was more than happy to stay. Adam quietly lifted Angus out of their bed and put him in his pram, he barely even stirred and Susan took them both for a walk down to the grocery store. Kim didn't stir either as he lowered himself gingerly onto the bed. She was surprised when she woke a little later to find Angus gone to be replaced by her husband. Not that she minded. The house sounded quiet and she wondered where the kids were but at that moment didn't have the energy to get up. Adam felt her move. "Susan is looking after the kids, they have gone for a walk to the grocery store. Just rest baby." He slipped an arm over her.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Being so cranky."

"Darlin' tell me what I can do? Talk to me."

Kim turned over slowly so that she was facing him. She rested one hand on his cheek, enjoying the feeling of his rough stubble beneath her fingers and the closeness of his body to hers. "Just keep getting better, that's all I want." Leaning in for a long slow kiss for which Adam was happy to indulge in.

"I just want to see you smile again, like really smile." He traced her jawline and ending rubbing his thumb lightly over her lips. Burying her head in his shoulder for a moment she was content to just breathe in his smell. It was warm and musky and comforting.

They heard the door open downstairs and the unmistakable sound of Polly's wails and Angus's whine. Kim glanced at the clock, he wasn't due for a feed for another hour but since they were re-establishing their routine she wearily pushed herself up off the bed. Leaning back for one more kiss. "You stay here and rest awhile. You need it."

Adam grabbed her hand and waited for Kim to look at him. "I love you Baby."

"Good to know." She smiled and headed back down to deal with her loud children. By the time she got downstairs Polly had calmed down and Angus had ramped it up. "Sorry. Did we wake you?" Susan asked as she was unpacking some groceries in the kitchen with one hand while trying to soothe Angus.

"No. What's up with Polly?" She patted the head of her daughter who was clinging to her leg while she took Angus from Susan's arms.

"She wanted to go to the park again. I said that we needed to get Angus home and she had a little temper tantrum."

"He always cries." Polly stamped her foot angrily.

"That's enough Polly." Kim admonished her daughter which started her sulking again while Angus continued to fuss until she had to ignore Polly and feed him. Usually she loved sitting down with him, feeling him snuggle in and attach, his hand resting on her chest but today it felt like he was just sucking what little life she had left in her.

The ruckus had bought Adam downstairs and he managed to convince Polly to sit with him and read some books. While he read Polly's favourite book, for the umpteenth time he glanced at his wife. Her eyes were closed and he couldn't stop the feeling of helplessness he felt. She was beautiful, even when exhausted and very rarely did things really get her down, but something was getting to her right now and he felt powerless to stop it.

When finally she got both kids bathed and into bed she came back downstairs, laid on the couch with her head in Adam's lap and drifted off to sleep. He stroked her hair softly and watched her breathing even out. As soon as the game he was watching finished he shook her gently. "Baby, come on let's go to bed." Kim groaned as she opened her eyes to find Adam starting intently back at her.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About two hours. You know you are beautiful when you sleep."

"Are you just saying that because you want some other physical pursuit?" There was a faint sparkle in her eyes that he caught fleetingly.

"No, I am saying it because it is true…..however."

Kim helped him up the stairs, her arm looped around his waist. He sat on the bed as she gently pulled his t-shirt off over his head and before they could even contemplate what was going to happen next they were interrupted by Angus's desperate cry for attention. For just the briefest of moments Kim dropped her head in defeat and by the time she got him back to sleep the moment was lost.

"I'm sorry Honey." When she crawled into bed she whispered as she kissed her husband quickly and rested her head wearily on the pillow.

It didn't help that she was up to him three more times that night, finally falling asleep in her feeding chair with Angus soundly sleeping in her arms. Adam found them at 6am and gently took the baby from her arms and put him back into bed. Kim stirred, looked up at Adam and promptly burst into tears. "Come on baby." He tried to help her out of the chair with his limited strength. Any other time he would have swept her off her feet and carried her back to bed. "What's going on?"

"I don't know." She sobbed as he sat on the edge of the bed where Kim was now laying. "I am so tired, I feel like the life is being sucked out of me. It's everything you know. A few weeks ago everything was perfect I couldn't ask for anything more and I know I have all that still, but I almost lost you and I just wanted to be with you but I couldn't and I just wanted to stop the merry-go-round but it just keeps spinning. I want to go to bed at night, with you and wake up the next morning still you with."

"You do, we do that. I know it's hard at the moment. I know Angus is being a pain and I want to help you. What can I do? Seriously Kim I am worried about you."

"I know you are. I will be okay. Can I just sleep for a bit more?" Her eyes were already fluttering closed no mater how hard she tried to stay awake. Adam couldn't look after the kids, he wasn't physically able but she just couldn't keep her eyes open.

He called on Becky who came to help. Adam didn't want to call either of their parents as they would all pile on the pressure and worry about Kim so he thought Becky would be the best option. At least then he could also talk to her about Kim and voice his concerns.

"It's just been the last day or so, she is exhausted and just doesn't have any spark. It worries the hell out of me. She's always on top of things." He poured Becky a cup of coffee and grabbed himself a bottle of water. The Doctors warning that he needed to drink more for his kidneys made him more determined, especially with Kim being all over the shop. The last thing they needed was him getting sick or going backwards.

Becky was cuddling Angus who had woken up just before she arrived and so far had been content to be cuddled and played with. Adam handed her a bottle of cool water to try and stretch him out so Kim could sleep longer. "It's been a really tough few weeks for her Adam and now you are home it's probably just caught up with her. Give her a couple of days to get back on her feet. Do you want me to talk to her?"

"I don't know. She'd probably hate to think I am talking behind her back anyway. She knows I am worried about her."

"Kim's the toughest woman I know." Becky leant across the table and squeezed Adam's hand. "You two are the toughest couple I know. Anyway how are you?"

"I'm good. All the doctors were pretty happy yesterday with how it's looking." They both turned to look as Kim came down the stairs; she had obviously showered and was looking half way decent. Polly came bounding over when she saw her mother and Kim as able to take a few minutes to sit down with her on her lap and chat before Angus decided enough was enough. "So I guess Adam has been dobbing on me." She squeezed his thigh under the table.

"A little."

"I'm not surprised. He's such a worry wart."

"That makes two of us." Adam countered.

Becky offered to take Polly out for the day. She was catching up with her sister who had a little girl a couple of years older than Polly. She assured Polly that there would be lots of dolls to play with and a swing set in the backyard when she showed some reluctance to leave her parents. The offer of ice-cream sealed the deal. "And then when we come home how about we bring Sean with us too?" Becky insisted that she would bring dinner back with her.

Adam was sitting on the couch playing a video game. He rarely got the chance these days as it was not something that Polly needed to watch and learn from. Kim slipped both arms around his neck after she had put Angus down to sleep for his morning nap. "You know this is usually his longest sleep." She whispered softly in his ear. She could feel him smile as she kissed his neck. "Want to come upstairs?"

He threw the controller on the table and switched off the TV as quickly as his battered body would allow and let Kim lead him upstairs. "So that extra couple of hours sleep worked wonders?"

"It did." As they walked into their bedroom he tugged lightly on her hand.

"Baby. Are you sure?"

"Ads, honey. We need this." He wasn't going to argue, he did need it, he wanted it, he wanted her.

Kim eased his shirt off his shoulders and ran her hands lightly over his chest avoiding his still healing scars. Like he had done for her when she was shot. Slowly he undid her buttons and unclasped her, if he had to be honest, ugly nursing bra. But what was waiting for him was anything but ugly. His hands cupped them both as he lowered his mouth to kiss each of her breasts. "God I love you." He whispered against her warm skin.

She helped him onto the bed and removed his sweats before pulling off her own clothes and climbing on top. "Tell me if I hurt you."

"You know some pain is worth it." Carefully throughout she watched his facial expressions for any hint that it was too much or she was hurting him not that she was sure she could stop if she tried and she definitely knew that he couldn't.

The smile on her face, the way to made it all the way to the very corners of her eyes made what discomfort he did feel worth it. She had been gentle, slow and attentive to him watching every flicker on his face, kissing every smile and curling into his good side, naked when she was done. "You are good at this." Running one hand through her hair and pressing his lips against his forehead.

"I feel a little more like my old self now. It's like re-charging my battery. You are my power source."

Adam laughed. "Never thought of it like that." He looked at the clock on the side table. "How long do you reckon we have?"

Kim figured that they had another hour at least. "Want to top up my battery some more?"


	38. Chapter 38 - Sorry, What?

Fortunately Adam's recovery while slow was uneventful. He was definitely getting back on his feet and moving a lot more freely. However that also meant he was getting more and more frustrated and a frustrated and bored Adam was hardly what you would call pleasant. Kim still fussed over him, which had caused more than a few terse words and she felt overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time. These few weeks had been hard for her even though Polly was back in routine and much more easy to deal with and Angus was feeding well, sleeping better and starting to become more sociable.

Adam was allowed to start going for short walks so he usually took Angus out in the afternoons. HIs one attempt at going out with Polly was a disaster when she took off and he couldn't chase her. His heart was in this throat as he screamed at her to stop as she barrelled towards the edge of the road. Luckily an older lady, out walking her dog managed to stop her. Adam's heart was thudding in his chest when he caught up to her and marched her back home. Polly was in tears by the time they got home and Adam swore that until he was able to chase after her there was no way he was attempting that again so he stuck with taking out Angus for walks.

They had had several follow up appointments and his liver and kidney were healing well, so they had every reason to be happy.

Yet Kim wasn't happy. She had started back at Yoga and even that felt more like a chore at the moment. They had been into the District a couple of times, which Adam enjoyed a little too much. On more than one occasion she did have to drag him out of there when he was asking a few too many questions about the current case. The day she went and sat in the car when he refused to leave had been a particularly ugly trip home. Being under each other's feet constantly had more than a few challenges.

Adam had nagged her long enough about going to the Doctor's for her chronic tiredness which she blew off as stress and when she lost her appetite he rang up and made the appointment for her. "What for?" she snapped. "Could you be any more of an old nagging woman?"

"You look like shit and you are not eating. Just do it for my peace of mind." Kim threw the dishes she was carrying into the sink and fled before he could see her flood of tears. Adam just sighed and let her go.

She did go to the Doctor's though because Adam wouldn't let up on her and she was always starting to worry herself about why she felt the way she did. Kim was starting to think she had post-natal depression and that scared her more than anything. She didn't want to talk to Adam about it despite knowing how worried he was, he had enough to deal with already and it would worry him even more. It would also make it real and she couldn't deal with that, not right now. She could barely handle the two kids, a half-baked Adam and the house as it was.

"How'd you go?" he looked at her as she came through the door. Depositing her bag and keys on the kitchen bench she looked pale and shaky and just stared back at him blankly. Adam leapt up from the table where he was reading the paper while both the kids were happily occupied. "Kim honey, you are scaring me. What's wrong?"

She blinked at him a couple of times and he felt his hands starting to shake. "Adam, I'm pregnant."

"Sorry what?"

"I am pregnant." She spoke slowly and verbalising it actually made her feel sick. They stood and stared at each other rooted to the spot in shock and disbelief.

"No, How?" Kim didn't actually think anyone could be more shocked than her but Adam was proving her wrong.

"I think we know how. I don't get it; my fucking body just does whatever it wants. When I do want to get pregnant I can't and when I don't…."

"Are they sure? How long?"

"Of course they are sure. I don't know 6 weeks maybe."

"Fuck."

"I used very similar words to those. Actually I think I told the Doctor she was a fucking idiot." A small laughed escaped her lips. The just stood in the kitchen and his arms were the only thing that kept her from falling in a heap on the floor. They felt their whole world crashing in around them. Without a doubt they adored their children and loved their life together but the last year had been tough. From Kim's rocky pregnancy with Angus, to the dramas surrounding his birth, the saga of Erin and Jay and then Adam's accident this was too much. If it had been a year down the track maybe they could have coped better with the news but right now it was just a total clusterfuck.

"I can't fucking believe this."

"Neither can I. Adam, we can't have another baby." They heard Angus's squeal from the lounge room. "Gus is only 4 months old. That means he'll be just over a year old."

It was hard to form any sensible sentences. This was the last thing he expected. "I know. Fuck."

Kim snapped. "Stop saying that."

Suddenly Polly appeared in the kitchen and declared she was hungry and wanted lunch while Angus finally got sick of playing by himself and demanded attention. They each dealt with one of them and Kim then fed Angus quickly and tucked him up in his pram for Adam to take for his walk. "I can stay." He offered.

"No, it's okay. I will be fine. " She kissed him lightly pushing him out the door. "I promised Polly we'd paint our nails this afternoon. You can join in if you like?" He was out the door as quick as his body allowed.

As soon as he hit the pavement his mind started whirling. He stopped short of calling it a disaster but only barely. A baby could never be a disaster but this was not in their plans. They were done with two. Two that he loved beyond all reason but that was enough. He also never wanted to see Kim go through another pregnancy like the last, she hadn't loved it and it was such a rollercoaster for them both. On the other hand, he thought she was at her most beautiful as a mother and knew that they would love this baby as much as the other two, but Christ almighty a little over a year apart. Angus was still a little baby. He looked down at the drowsy infant in his pram and thought of how much he loved him, loved to cuddle up to him, smell his new baby scent and watch him change almost daily and he knew that they could do it.

Kim tried not to think about it, at all. Every time she did she felt physically sick. Why couldn't they get anything right? She felt betrayed by her body again. Perhaps she needed to listen to her head and not her heart when she suddenly felt ready to have sex again after Angus. They had been more careful with Polly and then the fact that it took so long to even fall pregnant again had clouded her judgement. They had pretty much abandoned any birth control and didn't even give it a second thought. She was still breastfeeding so that should have taken care of that and it meant that Angus wasn't even three months old when she fell pregnant. Of course that had also meant that she hadn't had a period and the stress of the last few weeks with Adam masked any symptoms. It made sense now, the tiredness, lack of appetite and occasional nausea.

Polly pulled her focus back when she knocked over the nail polish. She reassured her that it was just and accident and got Polly to help her clean it up. They spent the rest of their time cuddling on the couch under a blanket watching a movie. That's where Adam found them when he got home and the afternoon involved lying around and not talking.

"So?" Kim came in and sat on the bed once the kids were asleep.

Adam grabbed her hands. "I love you more than life itself." Kim smiled almost sadly.

"I know; I love you too."

"And we are awesome together. As husband and wife, as a team and as parents." He held her hands tighter as he felt her start to shake. "This is not in our plans, not in the slightest and I have no idea how we are going to pull it off but what choice do we have?"

"None. It's done. I just can't believe it. I mean how do we constantly get it so wrong?"

"Wrong in an awesome way. I agree we couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery but.." Kim chuckled as she nodded her head in agreement. "..but the outcome is pretty bloody fantastic. Those two kids of ours are near on perfect."

Kim rested a hand on her non-existent stomach. "I was thinking that maybe we can go up to the cabin for a few days. I just don't want to be around anyone right now. I want for us to be able to come to terms with this before people start to figure it out because I am not sure I am not going to cry every time someone asks me how I am."

"Sure, I'd like that. I know everyone has been great lately but time alone with you and Polly and Angus would be perfect before I go back to work."

"I want to be happy about this, I really do."

"We will be."

Stripping off and climbing into bed Kim waited for Adam to join her. "I have an appointment in two weeks for a scan."

"Great." He answered with as much enthusiasm that he could muster.

As soon as the light went off he rested one hand on her belly and it was a little comforting. Right now there were not a lot of words to be said. Neither knew what to say or do, whether to be happy or sad so touching and holding onto each other was the best they could do.

The further they got away from Chicago the more Kim relaxed. The past few days they had only spoken about the pregnancy at night, once Polly was asleep. They couldn't trust her not to blurt it out at some point. It had been a challenge to get packed and ready to go, but they had a week away to look forward to, just the four of them. No phones, no TV and more importantly nobody to fuss over them because that hadn't stopped since Adam's accident either.

Polly loved the place and each morning they rugged up and went walking in the woods. Adam would take her down to the creek where they could fish, catching nothing of course while Kim rested when Angus slept. The constant outdoor play and fresh air was good for Polly who crashed each night and slept solidly as did Angus in the peaceful quiet. There was no sirens at odd hours, no cars or trucks rumbling through the night just the wind in the trees and the odd bird braving the cold and no phone calls, text messages or emails. You didn't realise how noisy the city was until you weren't in it.

And at night they talked. They talked about the baby, how it would affect her work. Basically one maternity leave would roll into another but it might mean that Kim would only have six months off with this one. Did they need a bigger house? A bigger car? All the practical stuff was covered. Adam even broached the subject of leaving Intelligence.

"What for? You love Intelligence."

"I do but things change." She could tell by the look on his face he didn't mean it, that he was just trying to do the right thing by his family. "We'll have three kids under five perhaps a more regular beat with structured shifts would help."

"No." Kim responded flatly.

"What do you mean No? Can we at least have a conversation about it?"

"We can but I would rather you be busy and happy at work than miserable. You would hate working the beat. I know you would and that would make you unhappy at home and I can't handle that. I don't want you to start to resent me and the kids because you are not doing what you love. We have come this far with working things out, juggling things around; it's what we are good at. I won't have you throw away your career for us."

"But the US part is far more important than my career."

"We can do both. You are good at what you do. You'll need to stay in Intelligence if you want to become a Detective. End of discussion."

"Okay." He sighed realising that at this point in time she was not going to budge. Maybe when the reality of three kids kicked in things would be different, but she was right in one thing he did love Intelligence and would hate being on patrol. "But I think we should discuss it some more, nothing is off the table and promise me if it gets too much we will look at it again." She promised to let him know if things changed.

"Anyway, you look much better." Kim had her feet in his lap so that he could massage them. "How are you feeling?"

"Great at the moment. This has been perfect. No rushing around, no constant visitors, no phone calls, it's been good."

"Awesome." He squeezed a little harder. "And how do you feel emotionally?"

"Well…" resting her hands on her belly, which hadn't exactly had time to go back to normal after Angus. "It's happening and I do like the thought of having another piece of you growing inside me, but this is the last time I assure you. Something more permanent has to happen."

"As long as it's not what I think you are thinking."

"It's either that or zero sex for the next 20 years."

"But seeing that the damage is already done for the next 7 months it's no holds barred right?" He slipped his hands beneath the legs of her Pj's and massaged her calves.

Kim tilted her head to the side. "Really?"

"Really." His hand crept higher and she didn't stop him. "You know I have always found you extremely sexy when you are pregnant. It's no different this time."

The other conversation they had was whether Kim should give up work and be a fulltime mum. Already they had planned that she would only be working part time for the next few years. She knew she was a better mum when she wasn't home with them 24/7 and that's not because she did not love them and love being with them, but part of her would always be a cop and she was good at that too.

Heading back to reality was a little depressing but Adam had to go back to work and he was looking forward to that. He had his final medical clearance due and then he was right to start. They also had the OBGYN appointment to contend with, unfortunately that had been re-scheduled until the day after Adam was due back.

Voight was happy to let him go early. He made sure he was in an hour early explaining that Angus was due his immunisations. Once they saw that little heart beating it made it real and he kissed her softly. They discussed the challenges that came with being pregnant with a young baby at home. She could continue breastfeeding Angus as long as he wanted too and it was possible to feed both of them once the new baby arrived.

"Now matter how much I am struggling to come to terms with being pregnant again so soon, hearing that heartbeat is such a sweet sound." She whispered in bed later that night, her hand resting on his arm as he stroked her belly.

"It's pretty amazing isn't it and knowing what happens at the end still blows my mind."

They still didn't talk about it much, the odd conversation here and there but Adam was excited and slowly Kim started to come around. They were gradually getting their feet under them again and gaining some normality.

For once both Angus and Polly were still asleep when Adam left for work. He let Kim sleep also, leaving a cup of tea beside her as he kissed her quickly and Kim barely stirred. Early on in all her pregnancies she just wanted to sleep so he was glad that the house was still dark and quiet when he left. He would call her later.

Polly crawled into bed with Kim a little while later and they had a few minutes together before Angus decided to join in the fun.

As she stood in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast she rested her hand on her stomach. Nothing was showing yet and it was way to early to feel anything, so why did she feel a slight fluttering in her stomach.

Angus was playing happily under his play gym and Polly was busy with her dolls. Adam had tried to avoid the whole doll thing and it was cute to watch them play together knowing how much he hated pretending to feed that _'ugly hard lump of plastic.'_

Kim slipped into the bathroom while they were happy. It wasn't often that she got even the time to go to the bathroom alone. Running her hands under the tap she felt that slight fluttering again.

"Mommy." Her head swung quickly from Polly, who was standing at the door to the floor. She quickly closed the door and gripped the basin.

"Mommy." Polly banged on the door and screamed. "Mommy."

Looking around the bullpen Adam realised that she was right. Despite still being stuck at a desk he really couldn't imagine doing this job anywhere else.


	39. Chapter 39 - What else could I do?

**A/N: Just because someone asked nicely for an update today...**

Adam looked at the clock on his phone, it was a little after ten and he had been head down writing up witness statements while the rest of the team was out doing the real work for the past two hours. It was doing his head in, it had been two weeks and he still hadn't been cleared for full active duty although he did get out occasionally for interviews and witness statements. He hit speed dial on his phone as he reached for the next statement in the pile. It rang for quite a while which probably meant that Kim was busy with the kids. He was just about to hang up; she would call back once she saw the missed call when the phone picked up. "Hey Babe." He opened the file folder.

"Hello." Adam's head snapped up as he heard Polly's quiet sobbing voice.

"Polly." His heart jumped out of his chest. "Where's mommy? What's wrong? Let me talk to Mommy." He leapt up from his desk, knocking over his chair in the process and almost ran into the locker room. Mouse looked up from his desk briefly, as he was the only one in the bullpen at the moment, and watched him disappear down the hall. "Polly, give Mommy the phone." He demanded as he pinched the bridge of his nose in panic and frustration. She was crying into the phone and getting her to stop and listen to him was difficult. Every moment he had no idea what was going on was like being stabbed in the heart. He could hear Polly banging on the door crying out for Kim. 'Daddy phone' she called out.

"Polly." He yelled again. "Where's mommy?"

"Bathroom. She's crying. She's hurt." Faintly in the background he could hear Kim's cries. "I'm coming sweetie. Daddy's coming home." Adam ran back into the bullpen, past Mouse who he heard vaguely speak in the background and charged into Voight's office without knocking. "Sarge I need to go." Voight looked up from his desk and Ruzek held up his phone.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kim, Polly answered the phone….." Voight's brow furrowed as he could clearly hear the panic in his voice but Adam couldn't even form complete sentences and Voight could barely follow the conversation. "It's Burgess. I can hear her…. I need to go."

"Let's go." He leapt from his desk and grabbed his jacket from its hook.

Ruzek was frozen to the spot; suddenly he was unable to move. "No, it's okay."

"Ruzek. Do you know what you are walking into? You don't go anywhere without back-up." He pushed him out the door and followed behind him.

"So, you think Burgess is in trouble?" He waited until they were in the car before he spoke but he had been watching him and he didn't like what he saw.

He nodded. "I don't know. Polly was screaming out to her but she won't come to the phone. Says she in the bathroom. I can hear her crying. Polly's screaming, I've got no idea what Angus is doing." He banged his head on the headrest. "Fuck." He yelled, nothing good was going to come of this.

Voight didn't hesitate to hit the lights and sirens as he weaved through the traffic towards the Ruzek house. As they pulled into their street even Voight's heart was racing and he'd barely stopped the car before Ruzek leapt out and was running up the path.

"Kim." He yelled as he unlocked the door. "Kim." There was complete chaos in the house. Angus was literally screaming on the floor, Polly was sobbing in the hallway and he couldn't see or hear Kim. Voight was two steps behind him and instantly went to Angus and picked him up, trying to comfort the infant and make some sense of the chaos.

"Daddy." Polly shrieked when she saw him. She was sitting outside the downstairs bathroom with tears streaming down her face. He stopped only briefly to check she was okay before opening the bathroom door and when he saw Kim he quickly closed the door behind him leaving Polly screaming his name outside and banging on the door.

"Oh god Kim." She was lying crumpled on the cold hard floor, curled up in the fetal position and her thighs were soaked in blood. "Kim, Baby. Look at me." Adam was on his knees, crawling over to her and lifted her head and cradled it in his arms. He looked around the room for anything he could use to cover her. He grabbed a towel and laid it over her as didn't want anyone seeing her like this. She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice. They were full of fear and agony. "Sweetheart hang on." He whispered desperately. "Call an Ambulance." He screamed out to Voight.

Voight had taken Polly away from the door and was still trying to comfort Angus while he called 911. Kim groaned when she realised that he hadn't come alone.

"Honey, what else could I do? I call you and Polly answers and is telling me you are hurt and crying and I had to tell Voight that I needed to leave and he insisted on coming with me."

"It just started….some cramps and then… I came in here it started bleeding. I'm sorry." She whimpered.

He buried his head in her damp hair and kissed her forehead while he was wrapping his arms tighter around her. "Honey shhh, it's not your fault." In the distance he could hear the sirens of the paramedics and he willed them to come quicker when he felt Kim tense in his arms and let out a gut-wrenching wail. On the one hand he was happy to see Sylvie come in but on the other hand he almost wished it were someone they didn't know so well. "Help her, please." Adam demanded.

"What do we have?" Sylvie squeezed Kim's hand as she lifted the towel and took note of the spreading pool of blood.

"She's ten weeks pregnant." Sylvie looked sadly at Adam when he told her. He closed his eyes, willing himself to hold it together. He knew. He helped them get Kim up on the gurney and as they buckled her up they popped on some oxygen and were checking her vitals. Adam left them for just a moment and he found Voight trying to calm the kids down. He quickly grabbed a couple of sticks of frozen milk from the freezer and popped them in a bottle. "Just run it under the hot tap." He rattled off a few instructions.

Voight put his hand on his shoulder. "Is Kim pregnant?" He asked quietly. When Adam looked at him sadly and nodded he squeezed his shoulder a little tighter. Voight felt his own chest tighten and he turned his head away from Ruzek. Adam bounded upstairs and threw some clean clothes in a bag for Kim and was back down and following the paramedics out the door. Polly started screaming hysterically as they wheeled Kim out and it took all Voight's strength to hold onto her to stop her running after her parents.

"I'm here Sweetheart?" He jumped in the back of and Ambulance and grabbed hold of her hand. Kim's eyes fluttered open but didn't speak. She closed them again and took a deep breath as another wave of cramping swept over her. Her weak cry of anguish shattered his heart into a million pieces and he swallowed hard as he felt a bubble of emotion rising like the tide, relentless and unstoppable.

They were rushed straight through into Emergency and they didn't need an ultrasound to confirm what they already knew. He had known it when he stepped into that bathroom, he knew it when Sylvie looked at him and he knew it the moment the Doctor arrived. It didn't stop it hitting him like a tonne of bricks though.

"I'm so sorry." The Doctor wiped the ultrasound probe before replacing it in the cradle. She turned to them both. "There was nothing that could have stopped this happening and nothing you did or didn't do. We don't know why this happens sometimes and we can do all the tests in the world but never know the answers." Kim knew all this from all her sister's miscarriages but it didn't make it easier.

The internal exam and ultrasound made Kim cry out in pain and Adam buried his head into her shoulder. "We can send you up for a D & C just to make sure you don't retain any placenta or fetal matter." It sounded so clinical and heartless. It wasn't fetal matter Adam wanted to yell at her, it was their baby. "And if we do that soon you can probably go home later today. That would be my preferred option as your bleeding has been quiet heavy. The other option is to let you go continue to miscarry naturally." The Doctor went on to explain what both options meant and Kim decided that she wanted to have it dealt with now and go home.

"My son is only five months old. Can I still feed him?"

"Absolutely, it shouldn't interfere with that and nursing your baby may be a great comfort to you. We will get a Lactation Consultant to come and chat to you to help you through the next couple of days. Physically you should be back on your feet in a day or so. Try and rest as much as you can in between feeds but you should be fine."

The next hour was a blur for both of them. As soon as they took Kim into the theatre he rang Voight.

"How's Burgess?"

"Umm…" Adam's voice shook considerably. Actually verbalising suddenly made it all far too real. "She's lost the baby. They are just doing a procedure now, a D & C or something" he was trying to organise his chaotic thoughts. Things he needed to do but he couldn't think, hell he could barely even breathe. " We should be home later today."

"Adam I am so sorry."

"I know. Hey I'm going to call her sister to come over and she can look after the kids. She's been through this several times so I think Kim would like her there. Thanks for everything though. I really appreciate it and I know Kim will also. How are the kids?"

"They are fine. Angus is asleep, he drank that milk and Polly is making me have a tea-party."

"Lucky you." He tried to laugh but it sounded hollow. There was only one person in Chicago that could get Voight to participate in a tea party. "Can I ask you a favour?"

Voight was more than happy to oblige. "Nobody else knows yet. We hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy. Can we keep this between us?" For Hank, keeping things to himself was never an issue and if they wanted to keep this to themselves he would make sure they could.

Before Kim came back he quickly called her sister. "Amanda, I need to ask a huge favour. I'll understand if you can't help." He stared up at the ceiling trying desperately to control his fragile emotions. "I am at the hospital with Kim, she had a miscarriage this morning."

"Wait, what? I didn't even know she was pregnant."

"We hadn't told anyone because we were still coming to terms with it ourselves, she was about ten weeks. Anyway Sgt Voight is at the house with the kids can you go and take over. We will be home in a few hours Kim's just having a D & C now. I know you can help her, probably more than I can." He also asked her not to tell their parents.

"Oh my god Adam. I am so sorry. Of course I'll help." Adam knew that Amanda would be there for her sister and at the risk of opening up old scars he had no other option. She had been down this track so many times and even though she felt jealous at the ease at which Kim got pregnant with Polly she had been her biggest supporter through that pregnancy and all the dramas with Angus. "And Adam you are the best person to help her because you love her and it was your baby too. You've lost a baby as well today."

"I know." His words were barely audible. "I know." He started pacing while he waited. All he could hear in his head was Polly's screams and Kim's anguished cries. Outside this room people were going about their business, hell even the people he worked with would be carrying on like nothing had changed but everything had changed for them. He wanted to stop the world for just a minute so he could catch his breath.

Suddenly he felt his legs give away and he leant against the wall and slid to the floor. He buried his head into his knees and sobbed. People had been coming at him since they arrived. Doctor's, Nurses, everyone asking him questions, needing them to make decisions and telling them what was happening. What he didn't understand was why. Why was this happening to them? What could they have possibly done to deserve this?

"Mr Ruzek." he faintly heard his name being called through the fog. "Adam" he heard it again. He lifted his head and ran his hands roughly over his face. "They are bringing your wife back now."

It took all his strength to pull himself up off the floor. He stumbled to the hand basin in the small bathroom and splashed some cold water on his face. Looking in the mirror he realised it had done nothing to change his appearance. He still looked like complete shit.

They wheeled Kim back in, she looked pale and almost lifeless. Once she was back in bed Adam climbed up onto the bed beside her, slipped one arm around her shoulders and cradled her tightly against his chest as she sobbed. Tears ran down his cheeks as he tried to soothe his desperately sad wife. Over and over again he told her how much he loved her, how sorry he was and how much he wanted to help her. He had no idea how to fix her shattered heart when his was just as broken.

"Where are Polly and Angus?" She eventually asked as her sobbing subsided.

"They are okay. Angus is sleeping and Voight and Polly were having a tea party. I called Amanda, she's with them now at home."

"I don't want anyone to know."

"I know, but we needed someone to help out."

"You should go look after them."

"I am not leaving you."

"I'm fine Adam." Kim tried to sound convincing but failed miserably.

"But I am not." She looked up at him and for the first time saw the anguish in his eyes. When it all started happening all she could think of was how she didn't know what to say to him and then when he arrived having him there made it less frightening. Now that it was all over and her heart was shattered she just wanted to be alone. She was scared that she would see pity in his eyes, or anger and that would have killed her but when she looked at him it was just pain and heartache. He had bought her round to the idea of this baby with his excitement, but it had taken a few weeks and now in the blink of an eye it was gone.

She closed her eyes again without speaking but he never moved and he never let her go. The Doctor came in and explained that everything went as expected and what the next few days and weeks would look like for them. They also reminded them that this did not mean that she couldn't get pregnant again but waiting a few months would be advisable. Kim shuddered lightly. She couldn't even contemplate having sex let alone falling pregnant again and Adam felt it. Right now the enormity of the mountain they were about to climb loomed large in front of him.

Within a few hours they were discharged and the hospital organised some patient transport to take them home. While Kim held his hand and leant on his shoulder all the way home she barely spoke. She just wanted to get home, make sure Polly was alright, feed her baby and then curl up away from the world and cry.

Polly burst into tears as soon as she saw her. Kim sat down gingerly and helped her up into her lap for a cuddle and reassured her that she was fine. She spent a bit of time with Angus before Adam helped her up to bed. "Can I get you anything?" he asked as she climbed into bed.

"No." she answered coldly. He sat awhile on the edge of the bed with a hand resting on her hip while she closed her eyes and tried to shut him out. He knew she wasn't sleeping by the pattern of her breathing but she obviously didn't want to talk to him either so eventually he left her alone.

"How is she doing?" Amanda made him a coffee while he took Angus from her and hugged his son. Amanda had cleaned the bathroom so neither of them had to deal with that scene and put everything in the wash. She had given both Angus and Polly some lunch and changed the sheets in their bedroom so that Kim had a clean bed to get into.

"I am guessing not good, but she doesn't really want to talk to me right now."

"She will eventually." Amanda looked at her brother-in-law. Her sister had picked well. Of all the idiots she had been on dates with or those few she actually had a relationship with he was by far and away the one for her. Both of them used to look back and laugh and the disaster that was Kim's love life until she met Adam. Sure they had issues along the way, who didn't but they did not seem to let them fester into anything major. And when Kim needed him he was always there.

Right now everything was too raw and painful and if she knew her sister like she thought she did she knew that her first response would be to pull away. When she was in this exact situation all she wanted was to be left alone and gradually the fog would clear and it was only then that she would reach out to her husband or to her sister for support. Nothing anyone can say right now makes the pain and the heartache and the sorrow go away. "Just don't push her to open up to you."

"I want to help her. She's hurting and I hate it."

"You can't make this not hurt." Amanda looped her arms around his neck and let him rest his head against her. "I always knew that Peter was there for me. I knew that he loved me but initially I just didn't want him to be anywhere near me. Seeing him reminded me of what I had lost and how I had failed him again."

"She hasn't failed me." He didn't know how he would cope if Kim felt like that. "I don't blame her for any of this, it's not her fault."

"That's not what it feels like. I looked at him and thought I'd failed him because I couldn't give him a baby. All these other women, all our friends fell pregnant and had babies and I couldn't get past a few weeks. I couldn't protect and grow a baby and as a woman that feels like you are a failure. It wasn't rational I know but that is how I felt. I don't know if that's how Kim feels, maybe she feels different. I am sure she does because you have these two beautiful children."

Angus started to cry in his lap, he lifted him up onto his shoulder and gently rubbed his back trying to draw comfort from his infant son. He took him over to the couch and soon Polly had curled up with him and Amanda left them to just be together for a while. She finished off some washing and slipped upstairs.

"Kim." She sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed her back softly. "I bought you something to eat and drink."

"I'm not hungry."

"I know sweetheart but you should try and eat something."

"I said I'm not hungry."

Amanda sighed and continued to rub her back. "I understand how hard this is right now and how little it makes sense. All you want to do is crawl into a dark hole and wish the world away."

"Then let me."

"Sweetheart Angus is getting hungry. I can defrost some more milk but there is not much left. Do you want to feed him?" Slowly Kim rolled over. Amanda could see that her face was swollen and puffy from crying. "Sure." She nodded as she pushed herself up into a sitting position and tried to find a comfortable spot.

Amanda came back down and asked Adam to take Angus upstairs. She took the baby without even looking at her husband and settled in to feed him, her eyes never leaving his sweet face. He was so eager to see her and latch on and Adam noticed a little flicker of light on her face, but it was gone in an instant. He sat on the end of the bed and watched, his hand resting on her foot and it took all her energy not to pull it away. "You don't have to stay." Kim muttered without looking at him.

"I don't mind."

"Where is Polly? Is she okay?"

Adam told her that Polly and Amanda had gone to the grocery store to pick up a few things that she would need and grab something for dinner. He looked at the side table and noticed that she hadn't touched her tea or toast. "Can I get you a fresh cup of tea? Something else to eat?"

"I'm not hungry." She repeated "I wish you would both stop nagging."

"I'm not nagging. I was just asking you a question. You need to eat."

"Why?"

"Because you are feeding Angus and you know better than most that you need to eat and drink to keep up your milk. At the hospital they told us that your milk might drop off for a few days." Adam tried to speak as gently as he could. "Or do you want me to get him some formula."

Kim snapped her head up and stared at him angrily. "Don't you dare! Believe it or not I am quite capable of knowing what I need to do to feed my son. I was there and this is not my first spin around the dance floor." She grabbed a piece of the cold toast and shoved it in her mouth, almost gagging on it. "Happy now."

"Kim Honey." Adam continued to rub her foot gently trying not to let himself get drawn into her bitterness. "Please let me worry about you. I am not nagging you. I love you and just want to help."

"You can help by leaving me alone." She handed him Angus who had finished feeding and slid down underneath the covers, turning her back on them until Adam sighed, talking softly to his son and left her alone, but not before leaning over her and pressing his lips to her temple and lingering for just a few moments. She may not want him around right now but at least he wasn't willing to miss a chance to let her know how much he loved her and that he was there for her.

Amanda and Polly returned and helped get dinner sorted before leaving on Adam's insistence. "I think tonight it's best that it's just us." Amanda agreed, somewhat reluctantly and promised to be back tomorrow. Adam called Voight to request another day off.

"Ruzek I wasn't expecting you tomorrow anyway. How's Burgess?"

Adam rubbed his face wearily. "Pretty gutted, she's sleeping at the moment."

"Hey Kid, I am really sorry." When he hung up he tossed his phone onto the kitchen bench and tried to focus on his kids. It felt surreal that nothing changed for Polly and Angus, they needed to be fed, entertained, bathed and put to bed. It was surprising how much energy it was taking to be there for them and he was doing the bare minimum.

After dinner he gave Polly and Angus a bath. Kim could hear them, Polly laughing and talking like nothing had happened and Angus was probably splashing and smiling like he always did. It was comforting and heartbreaking all in one. Life continuing, their life was exactly the same as yesterday it was only hers that had changed. Adam bought Angus in for Kim to feed. He left them both alone this time while he spent some time with Polly.

Kim finished feeding him and then cuddled him close. He had that freshly bathed smell about him that tore at her heart. They would never have that again. That new baby smell, that helpless baby snuggled into her arms with skin so soft it was like butter. Angus eventually drifted off to sleep and for now she was happy to lie down next to him with her hand resting on his small belly feeling it rise and fall steadily and watched his perfect little face twitch and relax as he fell into a deep contented sleep. She could also smell Adam on him, that slightly musky smell that had always been so familiar to her and in the back of her mind she knew that he would be hurting right now and she should get up and talk to him. Yet she closed her eyes when he came into the room hoping he wouldn't speak.

He came back with Polly a little while later. "Polly wants to say goodnight." He gently lifted Angus up and took him into his own room while Kim and Polly had a few minutes together. Adam stood just outside the door and listened to them talking.

"Are you sick Mommy?" Polly had asked her.

"No sweetie, Mommy is fine, just a bit sad and tired today and the hospital fixed me up." She brushed her hair back from her forehead. "Mommy's okay."

"I was scared."

"You were a very brave girl and answering Mommy's phone and telling Daddy was very clever. I am proud of you."

"Did Daddy fix you? Did he kiss it better?"

"Yes Daddy helped fix me." Polly seemed happy with her answers. Adam left them reading some bedtime stories and headed downstairs leaving them for a while. Maybe her children could help her. They had all the innocence and unfailing love in the world that Kim needed and none of the heartache.

After putting Polly to bed he bought in some soup and toast for Kim. "I want you to try and eat this."

He stubbornly stood by her bed until she relented and pushed herself up a little and took a few mouthfuls and ate a piece of toast. "Thank you." Handing the bowl back she slowly swung her legs out of bed "I think I will have a shower."

"Okay." He nodded. "Amanda got you what you need. I put them in the bathroom." The doctor had told her to expect some bleeding for the next few days even up to a week or two. Amanda had thankfully sorted that all out for him as he had no idea what to get. "Can I get you anything else?"

Kim sat on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, her head was spinning a little from lying down most of the day. She looked up at Adam and he looked as desperately sad as she felt. Holding out one hand he grabbed it and helped her up, he felt her squeeze it lightly and then let go. "I'll be fine."

He waited in the bedroom until she came back out. "Did that make you feel better?"

Kim glared at him. "No." She put on some fresh pyjamas that Adam had got out and climbed back into bed.

"I didn't mean it like that." Kim rolled away from him and he again kissed her and told her he loved her and left the room.

He grabbed his phone and flicked through some of the messages that were waiting for him. Amanda had sent one asking how it was going. He replied that she had eaten something and been up for a shower. He also had one from Atwater and Halstead. When they had got back to the station Mouse had told them that he had a phone call and left suddenly with Voight. When Voight returned without Ruzek he said little and spent most of the afternoon in his office with the door shut.

He sent them both the same message. ' _Thanks for checking in. I will be back at work in a couple of days_.'

They both responded but he ignored them, putting his phone on silent he turned on the TV and found a hockey game to watch but by the end of it he couldn't tell you who won. He couldn't even tell you who was playing, it was all just a blur. His mind was elsewhere, upstairs with his wife and he was trying to hold it together. Their life had been such a rollercoaster lately and it had never been his favourite ride.

It was with some trepidation that he headed up to bed. He checked on Angus and Polly who were both sleeping peacefully before grabbing a quick shower and slipping into bed trying his best not to disturb Kim. As soon as he got in however she rolled over and curled into his side and rested her head on his chest. He then felt the unmistakable feeling of her tears on his bare chest and when she started sobbing he felt his own tears on his cheeks.

"Don't let me go."

"I will never let you go no matter how many times you push me away."


	40. Chapter 40 - What's Next?

It was a long uncomfortable night for both of them. While he always loved having Kim sleep in his arms she was so unsettled and she woke up frequently still suffering from some cramping. Adam got up to Angus once and bought him in to be fed before settling him back in his own room. As soon as he was back in bed he curled himself around her back and tried to hold on as she thrashed about.

Polly was awake before it even got light and because Kim had just settled down into a deep sleep he took her downstairs and sat with her on the couch watching kids TV. His mind drifted to his wife upstairs and he didn't like the tightness he felt in his chest. He had no idea what this was going to do to her and he had no idea how to help her. Adam could hear Polly talking to him and it took a moment to drag himself out of his head and focus on his daughter. She wanted breakfast. They were both sitting up at the table eating breakfast when Kim came down with Angus. "Hey, you're up."

"Yep." He jumped up from the table and made Kim a cup of tea. He could see that she was trying hard to be in the moment when Polly was talking to her and even when she had Angus feeding there was a far off look in her eyes. "What time are you leaving?" she asked without really looking at him, she wasn't really looking at anything.

"I am not going in today."

"Why not? You've only just started back. I am quite capable of looking after myself and the kids and I know you probably organised Amanda to come back and babysit me." She felt like she was suffocating with everyone around her and wanting a piece of her. Pieces that she didn't have to offer. "So having you here all day would be unnecessary if not quite irritating."

Adam chose to ignore the bitterness in her voice. He knew she didn't mean it because in the dark of night she felt safe enough to beg him not to push her away and he wasn't going to. Despite the words that came out now he chose to accept those ones whispered in the dark.

After breakfast Kim got both Polly and Angus dressed and rugged up ready for their morning walk. When Adam asked if she felt well enough to go out Kim just about took his head off. They walked slowly with Adam pushing the pram down to the local park so that Polly could use the play equipment. Kim was silent, she had her hands shoved deep into her pockets and sank down into her scarf. Polly, as always demanded that Adam play with her and Kim felt her heart twist watching them on the swings together. They were both laughing and it stabbed at her heart. How could he be so happy with everything that had happened yesterday? When he looked over she turned her head away.

When Angus started to wake Kim told Polly it was time to go. She stamped her foot in defiance and Kim threw up her hands and grabbed the pram and walked off leaving Adam to deal with Polly as she started crying. She could hear her wails, she could hear Angus's cries and the monotonous drone of cars and buses and people going about their day like nothing had happened. It pounded in her head. Why couldn't everything just stop, just for a minute and let her grieve?

Adam and Polly stayed at the park for a little while longer, hoping that it would give Kim the space she was obviously craving. He knew he had to give her time but that was not who he was. He wanted to fix her, he wanted to help and he wanted to find those magic words that would make it all okay.

When they got back both Kim and Angus were asleep. She did eventually come downstairs when her sister arrived and begrudging spoke to Amanda but paid little attention to anyone else. Adam decided that he would take Angus with him while he dropped Polly off at Pre-school. It was best for her to keep to her routine and she really loved Pre-school.

"How are you today?"

"I'm fine." Kim answered coolly.

"Have you talked to Adam yet?" Amanda ignored her snippy tone. As sisters they had more than their fair share of fights growing up so it didn't bother her and she knew that Kim was struggling with what happened, it was still so raw.

"What about? The baby is gone there is nothing to say. He's got no idea how it feels."

"You are right he has no idea how it feels to be you." Amanda wasn't giving up easily. "And you have no idea how it feels to be him."

Kim's eyes hardened and she stared at her sister for the longest moment. "We didn't plan to have another baby and I certainly wasn't over the moon about it. I feel like I willed this to happen and I am scared that he will blame me."

"Oh Kim." Amanda came and sat next to her sister and let her fall into her arms while she sobbed. "Adam doesn't blame you. He adores you, he is worried about you and he is trying his best to be there for you. I know this pregnancy must have been a shock so close to Angus but I also know you better than you think. You would have loved this baby no matter what and I can tell by the way you are so devastated that you wanted this baby. Adam does too."

"I don't know how to talk to him."

"Of course you do. Don't make the mistake I did with Peter. When we lost our first baby I was horrible to him and to this day I regret the things that I said and did. He stood there and took it all, he never waivered." She stroked her sister's hair softly. "At least tell him that you love him, he needs to hear it."

"How do you get over something like this?"

"We put one foot in front of the other and each day it got easier. The pain doesn't go away it just gets different. And you know it was a little easier after Zoe because I could look at her and hold her and tell her that I loved her. You have two beautiful children. That doesn't diminish what you have lost but it gives you a reason to keep going."

It wasn't until both kids were tucked up into bed that Kim made the effort to try and talk to Adam. She found him on the couch mindlessly flicking through the TV channels. If he was surprised when she came and sat next to him he didn't show it as he turned off the TV and dropped the remote onto the table. "I don't really want to talk about it right now." She started carefully ringing her hands together as she had a habit of doing when she was upset or stressed. "But I want you to know that I love you."

"I know." Kim smiled slightly as he rested a hand lightly on her cheek, brushing his thumb along her jawline. Kim leant into it and closed her eyes and they stayed in that moment for a while.

They both slept a little more peacefully that night.

"What are you going to say at work? Everyone will want to know where you have been?" Kim looked a little more engaged in the morning breakfast routine the next day.

"What do you want me to say? I will just tell them that you and the kids were sick." Adam was trying to drink his scalding hot coffee quickly while looking for his keys and wallet. "Also it's Atwater's Birthday dinner next Friday. Do you want me to tell him we can't make it?"

"No, we can go." Kim looked down at Angus as he started to fuss and pull away from her. He hadn't been feeding for long and Kim knew that he hadn't had enough but she felt empty. She tried the other side and he again fussed. It was barely an hour later that he was looking for her again. It was the last thing she needed.

Adam hoped to slip seamlessly back into work but as soon as his foot hit the top step Voight called him into his office. "How's Burgess?"

"Getting there. She's back on her feet. Thanks for the time off."

"No problem." His boss muttered gruffly. "And you are okay?"

"Yep." Ruzek tapped his leg nervously. "I am ready to be here and thinking about something else." Voight nodded, indicating that he could go. Barely had he sat down at his desk than Halstead came in and leant against Atwater's desk. He hadn't heard back from Ruzek since the night before last.

"You all okay man?"

Ruzek forced a smile and tried to convince Halstead that he was fine but he wasn't buying it. Will had told him that he had seen both of them at the hospital but it was not like Jay could say that. It would be betraying his brother's confidence and invading his buddy's privacy. If Ruzek wanted to tell him what was going on he would so he had to be content, for now letting him know that he was there for him. "If you guys need anything let me know."

He called Kim once during the day when everyone else was out and was surprised when she answered. He had expected it would go through to voicemail and he didn't want to upset her by checking up constantly. When she was home with the kids when they were newborns she loved hearing from him during the day but this was different, she barely looked at him at the moment and it seemed at times that even the sound of his voice pissed her off. "How's the day been?"

"Okay. Amanda came over again." He knew that annoyed her, he could hear it. "We have been out for our walk. Angus is still fussing."

"And you are feeling okay?"

"Adam I am fine. Please stop worrying."

"Worrying about you is my thing. I am good at it." He knew it was a lame attempt to lighten the mood and it fell a little flat.

He felt Halstead watching him all week and he was surprised when Ruzek accepted an offer for a beer. All week he had been first out the door at the end of the day. If Voight noticed that Ruzek was doing the bare minimum he didn't say anything. And it was unlike Ruzek to work that way; he thought he would be all gung ho to get back into it after six weeks off.

Molly's had it usual Friday night crowd but they found a table off to the side. While Jay was up at the bar he kept one eye on Ruzek. He watched as he checked his phone and then slipping it back into his pocket he picked at the napkin in front of him and started folding it again and again. Sylvie Brett from 51 stopped and rested one hand on his shoulder. Ruzek smiled sadly at her and nodded but Jay had no idea what was said.

With that exchange and Will's admission Jay felt a heavy sense of dread come over him. He handed Ruzek his beer. "Okay out with it. What's going on? Is Burgess okay? Will saw both of you at the hospital on Monday."

Ruzek sighed and rubbed both hands over his face in frustration. He knew this was a mistake, accepting Jay's offer but he just didn't want to go home to the same thing again. The silence was killing him. "What did he say?"

"Nothing. As soon as he said it I got the feeling that he shouldn't have." Leaning across the table it was obvious he wasn't going anywhere until he had some answers. With all the crap that had gone down in the last few months he couldn't take it if his closet friends were in trouble.

"Jay, come on Man. We are fine, trust me."

Jay called him on his bullshit. Adam looked down at the beer in his hands, it might be good if he could talk to someone, because so far he felt like he was doing it all on his own. Kim still didn't want to talk about the baby and every time he tried to bring it up she just shut down. "Man Burgess will kill me if this gets out. Promise me it stays between us." Jay nodded, his heart rate increasing as his sense of dread escalated.

"We had a miscarriage on Monday. Kim lost a baby." Adam was surprised at how much it still hurt to say it. He hadn't been in the situation where he needed to verbalise it too often and the words almost sounded like they came from someone else. It was all a little surreal, he felt like he was standing on the outside watching his life unravel and he could do nothing to stop it.

Jay sat back; leaning against the wall for support because he felt like he'd just been punched in the face. That was not what he was expecting, of all the things that had gone through his mind over the last few days that hadn't been one of them. "Shit. Man I am so sorry. I didn't know Kim was even pregnant."

"We found out a month ago and we were pretty much in denial and shock. She was ten weeks. I rang her on Monday morning and Polly answered, crying and telling me Kim was in trouble. Worst fucking thing I've ever dealt with." He swirled the beer around his bottle and took a long pull. "Anyway we want to keep it to ourselves, our families don't know only her sister. Voight knows, he came with me that day but that's it. So can we please keep it that way?"

"Absolutely. How's Burgess doing?"

"Okay I guess." He shrugged. "We don't talk about it much yet. Physically she's doing well."

"And you?"

"One day at a time. As long as Kim is doing okay I can deal."

Jay cocked his head to one side. "Really?"

"I feel pretty helpless at the moment. It's just one thing after another. First Angus's birth and all that drama, even through the pregnancy, my accident and then finding out we were pregnant again with a four month old at home." He rolled the beer bottle between his hands. "And now this. I mean what's next?"

"Nothing has to be next."

Ruzek finished off the rest of his beer and stood up to leave. Halstead put a hand on his arm. "Anytime you need anything let me know. I mean it, anything at all. I owe you both so much for pulling me out of the hole I was in, let me help if I can."

"You can't tell Kim that you know, promise?"

Kim smiled a little when he got home. He kissed her quickly, resting both hands on her cheeks and rubbing his thumbs across her cheeks. "You look better today."

"I feel okay."

"No pain?"

"A little." Her smiled faded. "I am trying not to think about it." Adam kissed her lightly again before scooping Polly up and planting a big kiss on her cheek. She squealed with delight as he squeezed her tightly. He then knelt down on the floor and blew raspberries on Angus's hands which had him giggling It was the best sound in the world. He stole a glance at his wife and for a brief moment she looked happy.


	41. Chapter 41 - Life is a Rollercoaster

Kim sat on the edge of the bed wishing that they were not going out tonight. She had been locked away from the world for the past couple of weeks and had no idea how she was going to get through this. "You okay Darlin?" Adam asked as he came out of the shower. He had just a towel wrapped around his waist and he was rubbing his hair dry and tossing it aside as he grabbed a clean t-shirt from the drawer.

Kim looked at him, "I don't know." She muttered. One thing she didn't like was that looking at Adam, practically naked made her feel nothing. It hurt her. That had never been an issue with them, physically he always impressed her even before they started seeing each other she was drawn to him and what was under all his clothes and when she finally got her wish she wasn't disappointed.

"We can cancel if you don't feel up to going?"

"And what would we tell Atwater. Sorry we blew off your birthday dinner at the last minute because I am an emotional wreck." She pressed her hands over her eyes to try and supress the tears. Adam crouched down in front of his wife and rested both hands on her bare thighs ignoring the fact that she flinched a little at his touch. It wasn't particularly unusual lately and he knew it was only temporary, at least he hoped it was.

"I don't care what we tell them. If you don't think you can handle it we'll stay home."

Kim tilted her head to the side and ran one hand through his damp hair; surely those feelings would come back. They had too, right? "You go, I'll be okay here."

"No, if you're not going, neither am I. I don't want to go without you."

Kim looked exasperated but realised that he was serious; he wasn't going without her so reluctantly she finished getting ready.

"The minute you let me know you've had enough we will leave. I promise." They still hadn't talked about the baby in any great detail and that was okay because at least they were talking and she didn't seem to hate him, well not today anyway. "You do know Voight will be there." She nodded knowing that she couldn't avoid him forever. He hadn't told her that Halstead also knew and their families still didn't know and at this stage Kim was adamant that it would remain that way. He did feel guilty that he had told Halstead, but he at least had some support and Halstead had been rock steady for him.

Adam watched her closely as she got dressed. "You look good?" he winked as they headed downstairs. Kim forced herself to smile and did her best not to pull away when he rested his hand on her back.

Amanda was babysitting the kids and she looked delighted when Kim came downstairs all dressed in a black mini skirt, white sparkly top and long black boots and her leather jacket clutched tightly in her hands. Her hair was loosely tied up away from her face but she still looked tired and drawn. "Very nice." Amanda commented and Kim smiled half-heartedly. They were both just happy that she was trying.

Kim held herself rigidly away from him in the car but once they arrived she let Adam take her hand as she got out of the car and didn't let go until they had joined the rest of the team. Voight just squeezed her hand and said nothing, which she appreciated, but she knew that both of them would watch her like a hawk all night.

"How are my two chicklets?" Atwater pulled up a seat next to Kim.

"They are good. Angus has just started solids so that keeps us all entertained and Polly is like a mother hen at the moment." A little hitch caught in her throat and she took a quick sip of her water to cover it up. "You should come and see them."

They chatted about work, his new girlfriend who they were yet to met. Kim teased him that she didn't actually think she existed and he agreed to bring her over for dinner soon. Adam came and joined them and when Kevin left to get him a drink he turned to Kim. "How ya doin?"

"I'm good." Kim reassured him with a squeeze of the hand before quickly letting go. "Seriously Adam I am okay." She noticed Halstead looking at them and when she caught his eye he turned away quickly. She stole a quick look at Adam but he was already chatting to Atwater who was back with their drinks.

Excusing herself she went to the bathroom, took a few deep breaths before returning and sitting down next to Halstead. "Hi lovely lady." He kissed her cheek. "Long time no see."

Kim forced a smile and leant in to whisper in his ear. "Adam told you." It wasn't really a question, more a statement and she wasn't sure if she was more disappointed or angry.

Jay followed her cold hard stare. "Don't be angry at him." He touched her arm lightly bringing her focus back to him and away from Ruzek before he noticed. "Will let it slip that he had seen you at the hospital and I basically beat it out of him, you know being a Detective and all. I swear I haven't breathed a word to anyone and I won't. Just don't be mad at Ruzek, he's worried about you and he's been pretty down."

"He seems quite happy right now." She nodded in his direction as he threw his head back and laughed.

"More front than Macy's. I've caught him few times when he thinks no one is watching and he just looks miserable. He is trying to hold it together for you."

"I asked for one thing." Kim couldn't quash the anger that bubbled inside her "He couldn't even do that."

"Kim, don't be mad at him. He feels bad that he told me but I think he needed it. He was there for me after Erin and I just want to make sure I returned the favour. That's all it is. After everything you've been through you can't let this break you." Kim looked down at her hands and nodded.

Jay gave her a little smile. "Now when is Polly coming over for some Jay time? I've bought ice-cream and I need someone to share it with."

Kim laughed, she couldn't help herself and Ruzek turned his head in her direction when he heard it. It was good to hear her laugh again. "Polly was asking just the same thing today. You got something going on with my daughter?"

"Absolutely. Love of my life."

Ruzek was in deep conversation with Dawson when Kim decided she needed to leave. Touching his arm she apologised to Dawson for interrupting. "Can we go?"

Ruzek quickly finished off the last of his drink, "Sure." And they said their hasty goodbyes. Kim marched towards the car without looking back. "Sweetheart, you okay?" Adam grabbed her hand as she unlocked the car. Kim nodded curtly before climbing in as Adam sighed and jumped into the passenger side and had no idea what had changed from when they walked out of the building to now.

Adam looked sideways at his wife as she pulled out of the parking lot. "You looked like you had an okay time?"

"You told Halstead." Kim spat out angrily.

He closed his eyes in defeat. "I did." He wanted to have the energy to defend himself but just closed his mouth. Until he knew how angry and upset she was he wasn't about to offer anything up.

"He told me how miserable you are at work."

"I think he is being overly dramatic."

Kim stared hard at the road. She was trying not be angry or disappointed at her husband and was attempting to try and see it from his point of view. Amanda had reminded her several times that Adam had lost a baby too. "I asked you to do one thing for me, I asked you not to tell anyone. It's bad enough that Voight knows."

"What did Jay say?"

"He told me not to be angry at you." The hard edge on her voice had dissipated a little.

"And are you?"

Kim didn't answer.

The kids were sound asleep when they got home. She got Angus up for a dream feed, hoping that it would make him sleep all night. He was pretty good if he had a late feed at the moment. Adam was stretched out on the bed, hands resting behind his head and his eyes closed although he wasn't asleep when Kim came in. Kim looked at him from the bedroom door and she was surprised that she hadn't noticed before how sad he looked. Had Halstead been right, was this a lot harder for him that she imagined?

"Adam." He opened his eyes slowly and reached out for her hand as she came and sat on the edge of the bed. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course."

"About the baby?"

He sat up quickly and pulled her further onto the bed. Kim tried to resist him but he just pulled her closer, draping one arm over her leg. "I want to hear you talk about it."

She took a deep breath, letting it out slowly while she organised her thoughts. "I feel like I failed, like I willed this to happen…." Adam went to interrupt but she held up her hand to stop him. She had to get this out all in one go. "I know when we found out I was pregnant that we were not overly thrilled but I could tell you accepted it way before I did. I mean going through another pregnancy so soon after everything that happened with Angus just seemed so overwhelming."

Kim paused for just a moment. "But then the thought of having your baby growing inside me and how much that you love it when I am pregnant made me happy. When I look at Polly and Angus and how beautiful they are, how we made them together and how much I love them suddenly having another one didn't seem so bad." She paused, looking at the ceiling for a moment.

"When I was lying on the floor of the bathroom all I could think about was how disappointed you would be, I was worried that you would blame me and hate me."

Adam was hurt that she would think that. "I would never….." she held up her hand again.

"I know that now but at the time I was embarrassed and I didn't want you to see me like that. I was scared and confused." She leant forward and rubbed his cheek lightly. "As soon as you came in I was so glad you were there, I needed you to be there, to hold my hand and tell me that I was going to be okay."

Kim dropped her hands into her lap. Adam watched her as she closed her eyes and let out a slow breath. "When I realised that you'd told Halstead I was angry and I was disappointed and I don't want to be. I have Amanda to talk to, for support." She paused. "Halstead is your Amanda."

"I didn't do it to hurt you." She nodded letting him know she understood.

Kim grabbed his hand and looked down at their fingers entwined and for the first time in days the feeling of her hand in his was a comfort. "I think about the baby. Was it a girl or a boy? Would it look like you or me? How perfect our babies are." Her voice broke as she sobbed. "It hurts so much Adam."

"I know it does."

She lifted his hand to her lips and kissed them softly. "I don't think I can handle this kind of pain again."

"I never want to see you like this again. When Polly answered the phone and was crying and I could hear Angus screaming it was horrible, but hearing you crying and in pain, man that was the worst feeling in the world. Not knowing what was going on, if you were okay. I felt physically sick. I've been in scary situations before, many times but that was the most terrifying thing I have ever dealt with. Running into our house not having any idea what was going on and then I saw you." Adam voice was thick with emotion and he barely got the words out. "I hate not being able to fix it, to fix you or us."

"We don't need fixing."

"We do." He saw the look of pain on her face. "It's not like that. I meant we need to find a way to put this in our past. I know we can't forget about it and pretend that you were never pregnant and I don't want to because for just the shortest of time we had something so precious. I love the children you have given me; I adore them and think they are perfect. And they are perfect because they are part of you and part of me."

"Do you still think about the baby?"

"I do. I think it was a girl because I would have really liked another girl like Polly. I'd love to be surrounded by more of you."

Kim bit her bottom lip to stop it trembling. "What is it?" Adam rand his thumb over her soft lips.

"I don't want to get pregnant again. I mean Polly was perfect, it was an easy pregnancy and I felt great. Then Angus happened but that pregnancy was hard and you know how little I enjoyed it and when he came early it was terrifying and now this. I seem to be getting worse at it each time. Can we stop?"

"What? Having sex?" he nudged her lightly trying making her laugh or at least smile.

It didn't work. "Can we talk about some options?"

"Absolutely, but not tonight. We've got some time. Let's just crawl into bed together and worry about the future tomorrow."

The future seemed so far away when they were struggling to get through each day. Adam wrapped his arms around her as she fell asleep but when he woke the next morning the space between them in their bed was obvious and he had no idea what had changed overnight and by the time he left for work she had gone back to being pissed off at the sight of him. It was one step forward and two steps back.

It was a rollercoaster and at times he felt like he was hanging off the back carriage for dear life.


	42. Chapter 42 - A Kick in the Guts

"Your phone's ringing Bro." Atwater took the beer that Jay was carrying as he came back from the bar. Molly's was quieter than usual tonight, but it was cold out and maybe that had kept everyone at home. Only Halstead and Atwater remained, Roman had already taken off and Dawson never showed. Ruzek had also blown them off but that wasn't unusual lately.

Taking his seat he looked at the screen and was surprised to see a missed call from Erin Lindsay. _What the hell?_ He hadn't heard from her for weeks and it was probably about time he deleted her number.

But she had left a message. He took a swig of his beer and contemplated whether to listen to it or not. Did he want to hear what she had to say? Life had gotten back on an even keel lately, he'd even been on a few dates so he worried that talking to her would be like taking a step backwards?

It rang again. Atwater eyed him suspiciously "Sounds like someone wants to talk to you."

"It's Erin." Halstead shrugged his shoulders, took another mouthful of his beer and reluctantly answered the call. "Hi."

"Look I know I am the last person you want to talk to right now but I think Ruzek is in trouble." Erin knew she had to speak quickly before he hung up. She certainly didn't miss the coldness in his voice.

"What do you mean trouble? Where is he?" Atwater looked at Jay, trying to figure out what was going on. Who was in trouble? And why would Erin be calling him?

"I am at that little bar on Wabash, Millers. He's here and not in a particularly good mood. He's starting to piss a few people off and I am the last person he wants to listen to."

"Okay I am on my way." He motioned for Atwater to follow him. "We gotta go get Ruzek."

"What's up?"

It wasn't until they were back at Jay's car that he finally answered Atwater's question. "Ruzek's pissing people off over at Miller's on Wabash. We need to get him out before he does something stupid."

"Should we call Burgess?"

"Nope." Jay slammed the car into drive. "They've got some shit going on. Let's sort out Ruzek first, see what his deal is."

Atwater had noticed that Ruzek wasn't particularly happy at the moment. He thought that being back at work would cheer him up, the whole accident and slow recovery had been frustrating but he was almost back to full duty now. Initially he was happy to be back but suddenly he was coming in early, leaving late and basically kept to himself. Atwater had tried to approach him but he shut him down pretty quickly time and time again.

Ruzek rolled his eyes when he saw Jay and Atwater come in. He had come to this bar specifically because it was unlikely that he would know anyone. Just his luck to that Erin had also chosen this bar to hide from her shit too. "So you called them?" he snarled at Erin. They had barely spoken to each since she first arrived but she didn't leave his side and managed to keep him in check. Well that wasn't entirely true, Erin talked to him and he tired his best to ignore her. When she briefly left his side he didn't expect her to call Halstead. He pointed his empty glass at the barman indicating her wanted another one.

Erin slipped of the stool and let Jay take his spot. "What's going on Man?"

"Just having a beer." He tapped the bar angrily as he waited for his beer. Atwater shook his head at the barman indicating that he'd had enough. "Is that a crime?"

"Nope. Does Kim know you're here?"

"Kim…" Adam snorted. "I am so low on her totem pole right now."

"Come on Man. You can't tell me things have got that bad." Jay rested a hand on his shoulder. Atwater had no idea what was going on but Jay seemed to so he let Jay deal with it. He took a step away to talk to Erin who asked him what he knew. Atwater shook his head. "This is all news to me."

Ruzek shrugged Jay's hand from his shoulder. "I'm fine." He snapped.

"Bullshit."

"No bullshit." Ruzek looked angrily at Halstead and he was pissed that they had cut him off from drinking.

Jay leant a little closer and lowered his voice. "Look I know you are both going through something completely fucked up. I know you are both hurting but I also know that you love her and she loves you and you have two beautiful children at home. You need to go home Dude."

"Why? She can't stand the sight of me. She doesn't want me to touch her. Why should I go home?"

"Because you love her." Jay replied without hesitation. "Don't fuck up the best thing you've got." He tapped his index finger in front of Ruzek. "Don't fuck this up."

Ruzek's eyes started to glass over. "Do you know how much it hurts to have the woman you love flinch when you go to touch her or turns her head away when you go to kiss her?"

Jay glanced over his shoulder at Erin who was still talking with Kevin. "I don't. I do know, however what it's like to lose the woman you love and that's much worse. Kim hasn't stopped loving you she's just trying to make sense of it all. She's hurting, like you are." Jay had moved on, he knew that now and even seeing her tonight didn't give him that awful pain in the chest that he had carried with him for weeks. Finally he looked at her and felt nothing, and that was a good thing.

"Why won't she let me help?"

"I don't know. It's probably just really hard right now and you are both trying to get your head around it. It's been a tough few months. You had the accident and man that knocked her for six and then this."

Halstead eventually convinced Ruzek to let him take him home. He thanked Erin for the call. "Is he okay? What's going on with Burgess?" She reached out and placed a hand on Jay's arm as he went to leave. Jay narrowed his eyes as he glared at Erin and she pulled back.

"Nothing." All he wanted to do at that point was get Ruzek home so talking to Erin wasn't high on his list of priorities. He also had no idea how he was going to explain this to Atwater. "Thanks again for saving his arse. I appreciate it."

It was a quiet trip home; Ruzek said nothing. He just stared out the window at the dark wintery night. It perfectly matched his mood and in some strange way it was a comfort to him. He didn't want to say anything because he didn't trust himself not to let his emotions get away from him and he didn't want anyone to see him at his lowest. Atwater watched him in the visor mirror. He tired to catch Halstead's eye but he was staring straight ahead, concentrating on the road.

Adam mumbled thanks to Jay and let himself into the house. They sat in the driveway until he saw him through the door. He hadn't drunk that much and his behaviour was more out of anger than alcohol but he still wanted to make sure he actually walked through his front door. As they pulled away Atwater finally spoke. "What's going on Man? Are they okay?"

"They will be, it's just been a tough few weeks for them both. You know with the accident and Ruzek being laid up for weeks and now he is back at work." Halstead knew that sounded weak and the look on Atwater's face told him that he wasn't buying his lame story but that was all he was going to get. Shit was going down and no one was talking.

Kim heard the car in the driveway and Adam come in. She did wonder why he didn't drive home and then just assumed that he had been out drinking. Closing her eyes she pretended to be asleep when he came into their room. He obviously stood and watched her for a while before he left and slept downstairs. Never before had they slept apart by choice or because of a fight and Kim was surprised when she felt herself welling up and felt the dampness from her tears seep into her pillow. Her hand reached out across the bed, to the spot where he usually slept and it felt icy cold and she couldn't bring herself to pull her hand away nor could she bring herself to get up and go to him.

Adam was dressed and ready for work when Kim came down the next morning. He had already given Polly her breakfast and she was now sitting watching TV while Angus was still sleeping. "I didn't wake you last night?" Adam brushed past her as she stood in the doorway.

"I heard you come in." She muttered. Kim had no idea how to even talk to him. How had they got here? How had they drifted so far apart in such a short space of time? But that didn't frighten her as much as the realisation that she had no idea how they were going to come back from it. "You slept downstairs."

"I did." His head throbbed a little and he blamed it on the lack of sleep. He had tossed and turned all night. "I didn't want to accidently touch you." He spat out and when he saw the look of utter devastation on her face he couldn't have hated himself anymore. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Of course you did." Kim pushed him away as he tried to reach out for her.

"Kim Honey…."

"Don't Adam. Please don't." he tried to reach out for her again as tears splashed down her cheeks. She had done so much crying lately she wondered how many more tears she had inside her.

"I don't want to fight with you right now. I have to go to work." He stood for just a moment to see if Kim would react, or at least give him an indication that he could touch her. She turned away so he just gave Polly a kiss and a fist bump on his way out.

It was a long painful day at work. He had to focus hard to keep his head in the game and he knew that Halstead and Atwater were watching him all day. He tired to assure them that he was fine. He had no idea what Halstead had told Atwater but he didn't have the energy to deal with it right now. Halstead was okay with that as long as he went home after work and not to a bar.

As Jay expected Erin called him during the day. He ignored it for a while but finally decided that if he didn't answer her call she might call Kim and if Kim thought that Ruzek had told her that it would cause even more trouble. "Erin. It's Jay."

"Hi." Her heart beat just a little bit faster. She missed him so much it physically hurt. "Thanks for calling me back."

He grunted, wanting to be anywhere but in this conversation. He heard Erin suck in deep breath. "Is Ruzek okay?"

"Yep. He's good. Hey thanks for looking out for him last night."

"Come on Jay. What's going on? Are he and Burgess alright?"

"Erin, look I get that you are concerned but just drop it. Stay out of it please."

"Is it Polly or Angus? Are they okay?" He could hear the panic in her voice and despite everything that had happened he knew she adored those two children.

"They are fine, I promise." He hunched over in his chair and rubbed his brow wearily. "I will let Burgess know that you called next time I see her. I beg you, please don't call Burgess, give them some space and time, please. It's the only thing I will every ask of you again."

"Well this conversation hasn't made me feel any better. Thanks Jay." She hung up abruptly.

Erin didn't give up easily. Well not this time at least. Some things she had given up on in an instant, like Jay. She was always better at sticking at things when it wasn't her heart on the line.

"Ruzek." He barked into the phone, annoyed by it's constant ringing.

"Adam, hey. It's Erin."

"Erin." He wasn't sure he heard right. "Oh hey. Sorry about last night." He knew he had been a bit of a dick. He wasn't in a particularly good mood and having her try and pick away at him had just pissed him off further.

"No problems. I was just checking in. Is everything alright?"

Adam sighed. He was tired of this conversation. "Yes Erin everything is fine."

"Doesn't sound like it. I tried to talk to Jay but he just blew me off. Is it Polly or Angus?"

"No it's not. They are fine. Great in fact."

"So it's Burgess?" It was half question half statement and was met with stony silence. Erin was exasperated with this code of silence they had going on. "What did you do?"

"Why the fuck would you think I've done something? You know it's not always the guy's fault when things go to shit, you of all people should know that." He heard Lindsay gasp and he knew those words had hit the mark. "Look Erin, I appreciate your concern and for looking out for me last night but please leave it alone. What's going on between Burgess and I is between us. Please respect that."

"So there is something going on?" Why she felt she needed to know everything was beyond her. Perhaps if she could fix them it would make her feel better about not being able to fix her relationship with Jay?

Adam growled, clearly exasperated. "Just drop it please. It's none of your business. Thanks for calling." He hung up before she could answer. Dropping the phone on his desk he leant back in his chair put his hands behind his head and let out a long slow breath. The last thing he needed was Erin to now call Burgess and start in on her and he had the feeling that was exactly what she'd do, he only hoped she would wait a while because he wanted to have that conversation with Kim face to face and didn't get the chance to speak to her before he got home.

Kim was in the kitchen when he got home. Angus was perched on her hip and he leant in to kiss her cheek which got no reaction so he just took Angus from her. He could see that she had been crying recently. "You okay?"

"Can we talk about it once the kids are in bed?"

"Okay, but I need to tell you something now." Kim looked at him, trying to read his expression. "Erin called me today. Last night at the bar she came in and ended up calling Halstead when I was being a bit of an dick." He noticed the colour drain from Kim's face. He wanted to reach out and touch her but she folded her arms across her chest which basically said _'do not touch.'_

"Anyway, she's pushing hard to figure out what is going on. I haven't told her about the baby and have asked her to back off but I am not sure that she will. I just wanted to give you the heads up in case she called. I don't want you to be blindsided or to think I have been tearing around running off at the mouth."

Briefly she reached out and touched his arm as she left the kitchen. "Thanks for letting me know."

Adam dropped his head and rested it on Angus. "Well at least she didn't yell." He whispered.

Fortunately Polly was happy to keep them entertained during dinner before he bathed them both and read Polly some more of their current book. While Kim settled Angus he grabbed a shower and was staring into the fridge when she appeared at the doorway. He decided against a beer and settled for a bottle of water.

"I got this in the mail today." Kim handed him a letter.

"What is it?" He read the first few lines. It was a letter from the clinic where they had their first ultrasound at reminding Kim that she had missed her 12 week scan. He felt his heart fall. "What the hell?" Without even looking at her he knew she was crying and without any hesitation he had his arms around her and held her as she sobbed against his chest. "I'm so sorry Darlin'. How did this even happen? Didn't we give them the details of our Doctor when we were admitted?"

"I don't know."

"I will deal with it tomorrow." He started rubbing circles on her back and he noticed that she didn't pull away.

"Thank you. It was just such a kick in the guts. I wasn't expecting it." Adam felt her arms tighten around his waist and he dared not to move for fear of breaking the peace they had between them right now. "I am sorry about yesterday."

"So am I, and for what I said this morning." He pressed a gentle kiss onto her head, it had always fitted just nicely under his chin, it was like he was made this height just for her.

Kim was quiet for a few moments. "I hated that you slept downstairs last night. We've never done that before."

"I know and I tossed and turned all night, it was a crappy night. I'm sorry." He raised his hand to brush her hair back from her forehead before kissing her smooth skin. "You know I love you right?"

"I do." But she never said it back.

Adam was okay with that because at least she had stopped pulling away from him.


	43. Chapter 43 - Until the Day I Die

Kim finally answered Erin's calls and agreed to meet her for a coffee. Adam and her had come to an unspoken understanding over the last few nights. Things still weren't all beer and skittles but she had stopped pulling away from him and Adam had started coming home a little earlier. It was a tenuous peace and for now that had to be enough.

At least if she had Polly and Angus with her she had a buffer. Polly literally jumped for joy when she saw Erin and Erin was just as excited to see her. The little girl climbed into a seat right next her and started filling her in on everything she'd missed.

"Oh and look at this boy." Erin reached her arms out to take Angus from Kim. "He's gotten so big. Man he looks like Ruzek." She eyed Kim as she spoke and noticed her smile just a little. She had obviously lost some weight and looked pale and drawn and that didn't make Erin feel any better for seeing her. She had hoped that when Kim agreed to meet her that things weren't as bad as they seemed.

"He is my mini Adam that's for sure." They ordered their drinks and Kim asked her about her new job while they waited, she picked at a chip on the table as she talked. Polly had pulled out her colouring book and was happy to occupy herself with that.

"So…" Erin took a deep breath. "You know I really miss having you around."

"I do." Kim nodded. "I know Polly really misses you too."

"Are you okay?" She blurted out as Kim bent down to pick up a pencil that Polly had dropped. "You and Adam I mean."

"We are." Even to herself she knew that sounded unconvincing. "We will be."

Erin leant across the table and squeezed her friend's hand. "Really?"

"Really." Kim pulled her hand away and took a sip of tea. "Erin, please I don't want to talk about it. It's between us and we really want to keep it that way. No offense and I appreciate your concern and I really appreciate you helping Adam out the other night."

"He told you?" Erin was surprised that he had mentioned it. She got the distinct impression they were barely on speaking terms from the few snippets of conversation she had with Adam that night.

"Of course he did. Why wouldn't he?"

"I just thought…." It was Kim's turn to squeeze her hand but she didn't say anything.

Angus started to whine on Erin's lap and Kim reached over and took him back. She grabbed a light muslin wrap from the pram and threw it over her shoulder to cover herself while she unlatched her bra for Angus to feed. She had just settled him onto her breast when a man approached from the next table.

"Umm excuse me. Don't you think there is a better place to do this?" he pointed at Angus.

Kim narrowed her eyes. "What?"

"I find it rather offensive."

Erin was just about to step in when Kim pulled the wrap from her shoulder and offered it to the Stranger. "Maybe you could throw this over your head because I find you rather offensive too, but thanks for your irrelevant and archaic opinion." She turned back to Erin and continued feeding Angus who was entirely focussed on the task at hand and that attention to detail that he possessed she had to thank Adam for.

"So…Any dates?" Kim swiftly changed the subject. The stranger dropped the wrap back on the table and stood and looked at them for a moment which Kim completely ignored until he eventually turned on his heel and left.

"No, not ready yet." Erin then burst out laughing. "That was awesome."

"I know, right?" And for the first time since they sat down Erin saw a genuine smile on Kim's face. "When Polly was just a tiny baby we had a similar incident when we were out for lunch one day. This woman had a go at Adam for allowing me 'indecently expose' myself in public. He just about lost it; he takes things like that very personally. I've been lucky that this is only the second time it's happened."

"So you and Adam are really alright?"

"Oh God Erin, yes." She rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated. "You remember what it was like when Nadia died and everyone kept on at you about it? Well this is what it feels like right now. I really don't want to talk about it, like really and I am not going to. So if that is the only reason you wanted to catch up I can go."

"Kim, I'm sorry." She clasped her hands together tightly. "I'll stop asking. Its' just.." she paused. "I ruined my relationship with Jay and I can't change that. I just don't want you to do the same thing."

"We won't, we aren't. Its just complicated and it's taking some time. It is something that Adam and I need to go through and work through and we are; trust me. People need to let us do that in private." She felt her resolve weakening though. Perhaps telling someone else might not be such a bad idea; it was a heavy burden she was carrying.

"Did Adam cheat on you?" As soon as Erin said it she wished she could take it back. It was a horrible thing to ask and she was mortified that those words even came out of her mouth. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

Kim's eyes hardened instantly and she could barely contain her anger and she felt a definite coldness come over her. "No. How dare you? Is that how little you think of Adam? Someone you worked with for years. I can't believe you had to ask?" she snapped. "That really hurts."

"Kim I am just worried about you." Erin softened her tone. If she could rewind time and take it back she would have in an instant and she had no idea why she couldn't shake it and let it go. "You look like shit, Adam's drinking in a bar alone pissing off everyone, Jay is all secretive and whisks him out and everyone keeps telling me that you are going through some shit but nobody has any idea what it is so they can help."

"Have you ever thought that we don't need anyone's help, or that perhaps we have all the help that we need? We have asked for some privacy and most people are respecting that. Why can't you?" Kim changed Angus over to the other side. Polly looked up from her book as Kim got more and more agitated. She talked to her quietly and got her to focus on her colouring book again. "You know I stood by you and defended you to Adam when he wanted to blow you off after what happened with Jay and this is how you repay me, by accusing my husband of cheating on me. I can't even…." She couldn't finish the sentence and instead asked Polly to pack up her stuff. She put Angus back in his pram. "Thanks for nothing Erin."

"Kim." Erin reached out to grab Kim's hand but she pulled it away. Erin held up her hands in defeat. "Okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'll back off. I shouldn't have said anything."

"I can't do this right now." Kim tried to focus on getting Polly into her coat and Angus rugged up to stop herself from crying. This had been a bad idea.

"How was coffee?" Adam rested his hand on her back as he gave her a quick peck on the cheek when he got home from work. Kim was cooking dinner while Polly and Angus were playing happily for the moment. Angus was desperately trying to reach a toy that Polly kept moving it further from his reach. He would yell at her, which made Polly laugh and try again to grab it.

"Awkward. I wish I hadn't agreed to go. Erin was like a dog with a bone about what's going on."

"Did you tell her?"

"No." she replied flatly. He wasn't sure keeping it this big secret was healthy but Kim was adamant.

"Some dick also had the gall to come and ask me to feed Angus somewhere else."

He laughed when Kim told him how she dealt with it. "And then Erin asked me if you had been cheating on me."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kim shot him a warning look to keep his voice down. Any day now Polly was going to drop the f word at the most inappropriate time. She knew that he would be angry and had debated whether or not to tell him about how the morning ended but it had really hurt her that Erin thought that little of Adam, her husband and her friend.

Seeing and feeling the anger peel off him Kim tried to tone it down a little. "I think she was just frustrated that I kept telling her to back off. You know Erin, she doesn't like to be on the outer."

"Maybe she should have thought of that before she screwed over one of my best friends." It took awhile for Kim to calm him down and outwardly he did only because they were desperately trying to navigate some pretty rough waters. It was hard enough as it was and they definitely didn't need outside influences putting more strain on them.

He leant against the car outside the 31st District, there was a bitter wind blowing and it matched his mood perfectly. Erin spotted him and excused herself and headed towards Ruzek. She knew, as she got closer that he was pissed at her and she couldn't blame him especially if Kim had told him about yesterday. She had texted Kim several times apologising for her behaviour. It was inexcusable but got no reply.

"What gives you the right to question how I am treating my wife?" he barked as she got closer.

"Adam I am sorry. It was stupid and inappropriate and completely unfair to both of you."

"Yes it was. You have no idea what's going on so instead you just decided to make shit up, about me. You know I would never hurt Kim…." His eyes hardened. "Never. I can't believe you went there. I knew you'd call her and wouldn't leave it alone but I never expected that. What were you trying to achieve? Did you want to believe that someone else would fuck someone over as badly as you fucked Jay over? Would that make you feel better? That's how you treat the people you love…not me." He noticed someone walking towards them and assumed it was her new partner and held up his hand. "It's alright buddy, I'm just leaving."

"Adam." She reached out for his arm as he opened the car door. "I was wrong. I know that. I am just worried about Kim."

"You know what Erin, so am I." As much as he tried to hide the emotion in his voice it was obvious. "I worry about her constantly but that's because I love her and I hate what's going on right now. How about you back off and let me take care of my wife and you take your bitterness out on someone else."

What hurt Kim the most out of the Erin argument was that they had once been so close, she had confided so much in her along the way and to have her turn on Adam and even think that he was that type of man was heartbreaking. How could someone that you knew and spent so much time with think so little of your husband?

Jay was equally pissed off when Ruzek told him what went down between Erin and Kim. "I thought you wanted to help Kim, but it was really just all about you wasn't it? You can't stand not knowing something? Why do you feel like it is your right to know everything?" He found her sitting at Miller's, it was obviously her new hangout and he made a mental note to never come back here again. When she saw him walk in for a brief moment her heart fluttered but the steely look on his face told her that he wasn't here because he missed her.

He was leaning on the bar, close enough so that she could smell him, smell his cologne and she found it intoxicating and suffocating at the same time. "I'm sorry. I told Kim I was sorry. It was inappropriate and completely unfair to Ruzek."

"Unfair to Ruzek, he's a big boy and can handle it. It hurt Kim…a lot and you know what is really sad?" he paused briefly. "She could have really used a friend right now." Jay shook his head at the barman when he asked if he wanted a drink. He wasn't staying.

"Jay…" she started. He pulled his arm away when Erin went to touch him.

"You know what Erin, have another drink or ten. You are good at that." His voice was icy and he turned on his heel and left. She looked at the beer in front of her and took a long slow mouthful. At least she was good at something.

They fought the good fight and tried not to let it come between them. They had enough of a battle as it was.

Polly was a Pre-school and Kim had just put Angus down for his afternoon nap when she got a message from Voight. He wanted to come and see her. She looked at the phone and furrowed her brow. Was she ready for this? Voight was there, he knew it all, he saw it and they hadn't mentioned it since. The few times she had asked Adam about it he said that Voight had said nothing. Kim contemplated ignoring it but eventually sent him a message back. Perhaps he could shed some light on Adam's state of mind.

She handed him a cup of coffee. They had made small talk about the kids and work but Kim knew that small talk wasn't why Voight was here. He always had a reason.

"How are you doing?" He asked.

Kim nodded. "I'm okay. We are getting on with things." It had been a month since the miscarriage. Things had been pretty tense at home initially but the past few days had seen a shift in them. They had the blow out with Erin and the letter from the Doctor's that had put a few things into perspective, they realised they needed each other if they were going to make it through, because the alternative was not an option. When it was all going downhill Adam started coming home later, and she didn't mind because having him around all the time was a constant reminder of what she had lost. It wasn't his fault and he was trying, but now he had started coming home earlier. That being said they were still physically and emotionally disconnected.

"When Justin was about two I went undercover for three weeks and when I got back Camille was distant and I just put it down to me having been away and she was tired. Justin, as you can imagine was a fairly boisterous toddler." He smiled at the memory, staring into space. "Anyway years later, after Camille died I found a letter she wrote telling me that she had had a miscarriage while I was away." He had never told anyone before, it was something that he buried deep within him but the events of that day had shook him up and bought it all to the surface.

Kim leant across the table and squeezed his hand. It was rare to see such vulnerability on him, but over the years they had learnt that Camille and children were his soft spots. "I was angry at her for not telling me. I was angry at myself for not being there and I was angry that I couldn't help her and she died carrying that pain with her. We never got pregnant again after that."

"It's hard to let people in. You think that no-one could ever understand how much it hurts and I look at Adam and was scared that he would be disappointed and I couldn't bear that so it was easier to push him away. I know he's hurting but I can't handle his pain too."

"I think I would have liked to have held Camille and tell her it was okay. I wish she wanted me to help her." Voight finished off the last of his coffee. "Adam is doing it tough. Let him in."

"Has he said something to you?"

"No, I just watch him and I see Halstead and the team worry about him." He stood up and Kim followed and was surprised when he pulled her in for a tight hug. "It's going to be okay." He whispered and instinctively she knew he was talking to Camille as well as her.

"Thanks for coming over." Kim kissed him lightly on the cheek.

Voight squeezed her hand as he left. "Bring the kids by soon. We miss them."

When Angus stirred she picked him up and held him close. The feeling of his soft downy hair as she rested her cheek on his head comforted her. His hair was just starting to grow back where he had lost some of it. It was lighter than Polly's, more like Adam's – a light dirty blond. It made her smile and she loved that he was very much like his father. The same eyes and nose and when he smiled it was that same beautiful smile that she adored.

As she fed him Kim thought about what Voight had told her. She couldn't imagine how he must have felt finding out something like that so many years later. The pain he must have felt, having already lost Camille and then finding out that they had lost a baby years before. Although things weren't the greatest between her and Adam right now she couldn't imagine going through it alone and she couldn't imagine not telling him or having him beside her and it was about time she told him that.

When Adam got home, well after the kids had gone to bed she flew into his arms. She buried her head into his shoulder and he instantly wrapped his arms around her. "Hey, hey. What's this about?" Not that he minded; he had waited for this day for weeks. Even after that night that he had held her when she got the letter from the clinic and things had started to get better between them they still held each other at arm's length.

"Do you ever worry that we won't make it?" Kim asked without looking at him.

"No." He tucked her head under his chin. "Do you?"

When Kim didn't answer him Adam felt his whole body tense. "Where is this coming from?"

"Oh, I've just been thinking today. It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. Have I done something that makes you think that things are that bad?"

"No." she leant back and looked up at him. "No Adam but we haven't exactly been happy lately."

He led her to the couch. "Kim, Sweetheart." He held both her hands tightly and made sure she was looking at him, he was too scared to let go; he was worried she was about to slip through his fingers. "No. Whatever you are thinking….No. Sure the last few months have been a little rough but we have been through a lot, more than some people go through in a lifetime. But not once…. Not once…" he repeated. "..have I ever had one single doubt about us. We need each other. Our children need us. I love you, I adore you, I crave you and I am addicted to you." Adam sounded so desperate. "Please believe me, please." He begged.

"Adam please stop."

"Kim, don't do this." The only way she could think of putting his mind at ease in an instant was to kiss him. She pressed her lips against his and when she felt him relax she rested her forehead on his.

"Adam. I love you. I'm sorry if I made you think that I didn't want us anymore. I do, so much." He sighed in relief. "I just have been thinking today how hard it's been for you and that I haven't been fair to you but I am so glad that I have you by my side, in my corner. I couldn't imagine going through this alone."

"I wish you didn't have to go through this at all."

"I know." She was running her thumbs over his knuckles and lifted his hand and kissing his gold wedding band. "But we are and we will get through it together. I just want to make sure you have the patience to stick with me?"

"What? What does that even mean?"

"Everything. My moods are all over the shop….." Kim sucked in a deep breath. "…and sex."

"What about it?"

"How long are you willing to wait for me to be ready?" It hurt to even ask the question. Their relationship didn't depend on sex but for the past five years it had been a big part of who they were and they were good together, no she corrected herself, they were great together.

"Until the day I die." He answered without hesitation. "Please don't worry and when you are ready…." He kissed her hard. "…I'll be waiting."

"In a couple of weeks we have TJ's wedding." It was Adam's High school buddy and he was in the Bridal Party. "I think it would be nice if we stayed at the hotel. Maybe Mum and Dad can look after the kids for the night."

"Yes."

 **A/N: I know Voight's story changed a little bit here. This was already written before Voight talked about Justin's twin and seeing as I haven't watched that episode (I went on a little boycott & haven't gone back & revisited the end of season 3) I decided to leave this as it was. Hope that's okay with you folks?**


	44. Chapter 44 - In that situation

Kim pulled into the parking lot of the church and groaned at the amount of cars already there. She glanced at the clock on the dash and of course she was cutting it fine. Angus had slept about an hour longer than usual which was great while she was getting ready but it meant he wanted to be fed before she left and now she was late hence the full car park.

Finding a park towards the back she leapt out, the cold air hitting her square in the face as she pulled the scarf tighter round her neck and picked her way carefully across the parking lot in her high heels. She slipped into the church and the usher showed her to her seat near the front, behind the grooms family just as the Groom, Best Man and Groomsman came out of the side door. Adam scanned the rows for her and smiled and she gave him a little wave as she took her seat.

The church was small, but packed to overflowing with people and white flowers spilled out of two big vases on either side of the altar. Once upon a time this was what she imagined her wedding day would be like but in hindsight what they ended up with was perfect anyway. Perfect for them and she never regretted one thing about that day.

"I thought you'd got lost." The blond beside her leant in close and whispered. "You look great." It was the Best Man's wife, Vanessa and they had been friends for a few years now. It was nice to sometimes spend time away from the Intelligence Unit with people who lived in the real world. Being a cop you sometimes had to remind yourself that there were normal, well behaved people in the world. "How are the kids?"

"They are really good. Angus needed a feed before I left so I was running late."

It was a gorgeous ceremony and Kim felt a little emotional throughout. While mostly things were returning to normal and they felt strong since Voight's visit there were still highs and lows. Adam was exceptionally patient with her and he put no time limits or pressure on her but she knew he was excited that they were staying in a hotel tonight instead of going home to the kids, perhaps a little too excited. He was like a kid waiting for Christmas morning.

Kim felt Adam's arms around her waist as she stood outside the church after the ceremony talking to a few of their friends and he planted a kiss on her cheek. "Hello beautiful lady." Kim turned so that she could kiss him properly. "Oh stop it." Vanessa teased. "You two have children, you should be past all this now."

"Jealousy is a curse Vanessa." Adam leant over and kissed her cheek. One of the bridesmaids sauntered over and slipped an arm through Adam's declaring that he was needed for photos and promptly whisked him away. He shot Kim a frightened look and she just shrugged.

"Friends of yours." The woman, who he had been introduced to as Kylie, cooed as she led him away.

"My wife, actually."

"Oh." She muttered sadly. "I didn't know you were married."

"Yep." He held up his left hand so that she could see his wedding ring. "Very happily married."

"Oh well doesn't mean we can't have some fun." She squeezed his arm tighter and leant into him a little which sent a shiver up his spine and it was not a good feeling. As soon as Adam had the chance he untangled himself from Kylie and grimaced as he turned towards his mate, TJ and the other Best Man, Olivier. "Wow." He muttered. "Scary woman alert."

"I forgot to tell you. She's a little crazy and very single and very keen to not be so single." TJ offered meekly. "At least for tonight."

First chance he got Adam took off in search of Kim slipping one arm around her waist and pulling her in close. "How were Polly and Angus?"

"Fine. Angus slept until almost 130 so by the time I fed him I was late. He takes so long at the moment, he has your attention span that's for sure."

"Hey. I would be very attentive if I was in that situation." Kim blushed a little and a tiny flutter of nervousness bubbled within her. She was very well aware of what it meant to be staying in the hotel and she was prepared to try and re-kindle their sex life and she knew that Adam was looking forward to it despite assuring her that he had no expectations. "You are such a liar." Kim laughed and he had just winked at her cheekily.

Adam had already checked into their room earlier as the bridal party had got dressed for the wedding at the hotel. The reception was downstairs so Kim grabbed the key off him as they went for photos so she could drop her bag off. She also wanted to express off some milk because once she had a glass of champagne she would need to dump it. Sitting on the bed waiting for her when she opened the door was a card and a small box, unmistakably Tiffany blue and tied with a white ribbon. Sitting next it was his IPod with a note. _'There is a playlist for us….listen to song 1 before you open the box.'_

There were two songs in a playlist that he had named 'For us.' She popped in the ear buds and hit play.

 _When you need me call my name_

 _'Cause without you my life just wouldn't be the same_

 _If you want me come sunny skies or rain_

 _When you need me just call my name_

She sat down on the bed as tears bubbled up inside her and spilled down her cheeks.

 _If you miss me, I'll be there  
To brush the sunlight from your hair  
I'll be there to guide you when trouble walks beside you  
If you need me I'll be there  
And when this dirty world has been cold to you  
I got two strong arms waitin' to hold you  
And when those mean days come along  
We'll stand together and we'll take 'em on  
So if you need me just call my name_

 _When you need me call my name  
'cause without you my life just isn't the same  
'cause when this world kicked me around  
Baby you picked me up off the ground  
So if you need me I'll be there_

As the song finished she hit replay and then opened the card and smiled at his small messy writing _. 'I couldn't make it through each day without you beside me. You are the love of my life, my reason for living.'_

Inside the little blue box was a delicate silver chain with three tiny heart charms, three hearts for her three babies. She covered her mouth as small gasp escaped her. Heading into the bathroom she used the mirror to place the necklace around her neck. Stuck to the mirror was a post it note _….'by the way….you look beautiful.'_

Kim took a few moments to express off her milk, storing it in the fridge and cleaning the pump before checking herself in the mirror and heading back down to the reception. She found her way to the Ballroom and took a glass of champagne off the tray that was offered at the door before stepping into the room and looking for her husband.

Not seeing Adam she spotted Vanessa and headed in that direction. "They are not back yet." Vanessa informed her as she continued looking around. "Where did you disappear to? I thought you might have snuck off for a quickie."

"I did…kind of. I snuck off to get rid of a some milk." Kim laughed as she took a sip of champagne. "Not very exciting or romantic I'm afraid." It was then that she noticed that Vanessa was cradling a glass of water. "Wait. Are you?"

Vanessa nodded. "We haven't told anyone yet. We are almost 3 months." Kim leant in and gave her a hug. She was genuinely happy for her friend but didn't want her to see the pain on her face.

"Congratulations. That's wonderful news." Kim hoped that Vanessa wouldn't hear the wobble in her voice. As they broke apart Kim felt for the necklace at her throat and gently fingered the three hearts. "How's it been so far?"

"Trying. I have been pretty crook so we have been lying low, but it's starting to feel better now." Vanessa smiled as she saw the bridal party come in. "How did you do it twice?"

Kim felt herself stagger a little. "Oh…Polly was easy, Angus not so much. We just grinned and bared it and held on tight. It is honestly worth it in the end." She said lightly. "Let's go see the boys." She took the few moments it took to get to them to compose herself. After such a wonderful surprise in the room she wanted Adam to know how much she loved it and focus on that.

His face little up as he saw Kim approach and spread his arms wide. "Ah, my beautiful wife." Kim melted into his arms. "You look amazing." It was the first time he had seen her dress. At the church her coat had remained buttoned against the cold December air. Kim was wearing a burnt orange knee length dress with thin straps and a v neck, the back was in a racer style and his necklace fell neatly close to her heart. With her dark hair tied up loosely it showed off her toned arms and the tight fitting skirt did wonders for her long slim legs which he more than appreciated. "I see you've been upstairs." He traced the necklace around her neck with a finger and rested his hand gently on the hearts.

They felt like they were the only people in the room. "I did; thank-you." Kim breathed as she looked up at him lovingly and longingly. "Thank you." She repeated. "It was so beautiful. I can't believe you did that."

"Anything for you." Adam pressed his lips to her forehead and took just a moment to enjoy the feeling of her body pressed against his and the smell of her hair and perfume.

They didn't get to spend much time together throughout the early part of the night. Adam was busy with his 'official' duties but he did check in with Kim when he could.

Kim found herself in the washroom when another group of woman came in. She couldn't see who they were but they were talking loud enough for everyone to hear. "It's such a pity he's married. He's so freakin' hot."

"I know. I know. Such a pity. He's the cop right? He can cuff me anytime. I reckon he would be a wild ride." The first girl sighed. "Perhaps his wife will leave early."

Kim swung open her cubicle door and smiled at the two girls, the one she knew as Kylie, the bridesmaid looked in horror as she walked towards the hand basin and washed her hands. Kim reached across them for a hand towel, knowing full well that they had been talking about Adam. "For the most part you are correct. He is freakin' hot and it is a wild ride." She lobbed the screwed up paper towel in the bin, looked in the mirror quickly checking her hair and make-up. "But if I do leave early, he's coming with me. Sorry ladies." A quick glance over her shoulder as she left saw them gaping back at her.

Adam was at her table when she got back and she leant over and kissed him hard. "What was that for?" he looked surprised but happy.

Kim shrugged and sat down in his lap. "I just felt like it." It was the happiest she had felt in a long time and they spent the next half hour laughing with Vanessa and Olivier particularly at Kim's recounting of the bathroom conversation. It wasn't unusual for Adam to be the centre of attention with other women. "He took Polly out recently to fit her out with new skates and swears that he was almost molested in the shop by the sales assistant." Kim teased him as the other's laughed. "I swear he was all pale and sweaty when he got home."

"She was about 50." He tried to defend himself, failing miserably but enjoying the fact that Kim was happy. "She smelt like old woman."

"Of course, you know our news." Oliver nodded towards Vanessa's glass of water. "We figured if Ruzek could do it so could we."

Adam's eyes widened and he instinctively tightened his grip on Kim's waist. From the corner of his eye he could see her struggling to smile. "I do. Congratulations Ollie, that's awesome news. Finally we won't be the only poor sleep deprived parents who always leave the party early." Kim leant forward and hugged Oliver.

Adam shook his hand, still holding Kim firmly. "Well done. That's great. When is the big event?"

"We are almost three months so about June." Vanessa added happily. "I must say we are secretly panicking."

Kim threw her head back and laughed. Adam could tell it was forced but had to love her for trying. "We spent the entire pregnancy and first year of Polly's life panicking, by the time number two comes around you actually start to think you know what you are doing." He wanted to get her away from this conversation so was thankful when the band started playing a slow number.

He pulled Kim onto the floor and she tucked her head under his chin and relaxed as his arms held her steady. "Darlin' are you okay?"

"I am. It's great news. I am happy for them."

"And sad for us?"

"I am trying not to be." Kim looked up at him with moist eyes. "Can we not talk about that right now and focus on what we have here. I am just enjoying being here with my very hot husband."

"At your service."

As the night wound down he took her by the hand and led her silently back to their room. Once the door was closed he pushed his hands deep into his pockets and rocked back on his heels while he watched his wife. With one hand on the small hearts at her throat she grabbed the IPod and placed it in the docking station. Finding the song she was looking, their wedding song for she held out her hand as it started playing…. _the way your heart beats_ ….

Adam took her hand, pulled her into his body and leant down and kissed those three tiny hearts. "I meant what I said on that card, you are my reason for living, and you are the love of my life."

"Oh Adam." She breathed heavily against his cheek. "I've missed you."

"I've been right here."

"I know." The song came to an end and the next one came on….. _when you need me, I'll be there_ …. They swayed gently to the music as Adam sang softly in her ear. The words, the comforting breath and his strong arms holding her up as she melted into him. He could feel her relax, her body moulding into his and every single one of his fears disappeared.

 **A/N: The song credit goes to Bruce Springsteen, it's titled 'When you need me.' & it seemed to fit the moment perfectly.**


	45. Chapter 45 - Being Here

Kim sighed softly. Adam's breath was warm against her neck as he spoke. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here with me right now." She was still running her hands up and down his bare back, feeling his muscles firm beneath her fingers and curled them into the hair at the base of his neck and he was enjoying the complete sense of peace that he felt. Nothing else mattered right now, he was exactly where he needed to be, in bed with his arms wrapped around his wife, their skin pressed together. "I feel happy."

"I do too." She kissed his cheek and wiggled out from beneath him.

"Then where are you going?" As soon as she was out of the bed he rolled over onto his back, lamenting the loss of contact he had with her body but appreciating the view as she walked across the room.

"I feel like I am about to burst. I feel like a jersey cow." Kim pulled on a robe and grabbed the breast pump out of the bag and put it together.

"You know how much I love watching you feed my babies. This…" he waved a hand in her direction "… while not quite as sexy is quite the turn on too."

"Anything is a turn on to you."

"Right now, yes but only if you are involved." He winked, hauling himself out of bed and kissing her on the head as he walked past into the bathroom. When he returned she had finished and handed him the bottles to tip the milk out and the pump pieces to rinse while she packed away the rest of it. She had always been grateful that he was so involved in the whole process and supportive of her continued breastfeeding. It had been a rough few days initially after the miscarriage and Angus hadn't been getting as much as he needed but they got there in the end and she was reluctant to miss a feed or to not express her milk for fear that her supply would drop off again. Nothing about his entrance into this world had been easy and this was one thing she could do to make it up to him, it was also helping her heal her broken heart.

Adam leant down and rested his hands on the arms of the chair either side of her. He was still completely naked and Kim grabbed the side of his face and pulled him in for a kiss. A few weeks ago she was worried that she wouldn't feel the desire she always had with him but looking at him now she was glad it was just a passing phase. He had been slow and gentle with her, taking his time to make sure she stayed with him and now that bridge had been crossed she wanted more. She wanted that wild ride.

He pulled her up out of the chair and pushed the robe off her shoulders while Kim forced him back towards the bed. As the back of his knees hit the mattress his legs buckled and Kim climbed on top of him.

Slowly their breathing returned to normal. "Oww I can't believe you bit me?" Adam sat up and held her hands behind her back.

"Well you should have tried harder."

As he held her hands tightly he kissed her stomach. "Sweetheart come on. Since when haven't I ever given it my all?"

"There was that time after…" he silenced the rest of her sentence with a hand over her mouth. It was years ago and they hadn't been dating long and their relationship was still a secret.

"I was drunk and you accosted me the moment I got home." Adam laughed as he tried to act hurt. He had gone out after work and it had turned into a bigger night than anticipated. When he got home Kim, who had also had a few, albeit a quite a few less than him was quite feisty and basically jumped his bones the moment he was through the door. It wasn't that he didn't like it or try, he just didn't have the co-ordination or stamina to go with her and she had never let him live it down. "It wasn't my best moment." Kim squealed as he flipped her over quickly, pinning her to the bed with his body. "Still didn't deserve to be bitten."

"But those women thought you'd provide a wild ride and I wanted to make sure."

"All you have to do is ask and I would be more than happy to oblige." And oblige he did.

Adam slid off to the side and Kim rolled into him and they felt something close to happy and normal for the first time in a long time. "I've had a wonderful day."

"I'm glad." Adam muttered sleepily. She kissed him softly before snuggling in and they both fell asleep.

The room was starting to lighten when Adam woke. Kim was still sound asleep when he eased himself out of bed. When he came back from the bathroom she had rolled over and reached out and felt the emptiness beside her. "Where did you go?" Edging one eye open slowly she couldn't see him.

"I'm right here." He sat on the edge of the bed and brushed her hair away from her face. "Good morning Sweetheart."

"Good morning." Kim buried herself further under the sheets. "What time is it?"

"Almost 8." He slipped one hand under the sheets and tickled her side. "Remember we are meeting Ollie and Vanessa for breakfast at nine." Kim groaned. Why had she agreed to that? "So that gives us plenty of time." Sliding his hand down between her thighs.

"I really need to empty out." Although she was smiling her eyes were still closed.

"You really know how to suck the romance out of the moment."

"Groping me beneath the sheets might be romantic when you are twenty but right now….not so much." Adam chuckled and went and gathered her feeding equipment while she went to the bathroom. He fumbled around and made a terrible coffee from the machine in the room while he waited.

"Right." Kim packed away the gear, again dumping the milk. "Come at me."

Adam leapt out of the chair, grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up so that she could wrap her legs around his waist. "Let's take a shower, save some time." He growled kissing her neck as he walked towards the bathroom. Kim squealed a little as the cold water hit her back and desperately tried to get out of the way until the water warmed up. As soon as it did they were both under it and the water wasn't the only thing that was steaming up the bathroom.

While they were hastily getting dressed Kim asked Adam to look out for her. "I am not sure I am going to be okay?" She had her hand on the charms of her necklace and he knew what she meant.

"Do you want to stay here?"

"No, yes. I don't know." She sat down heavily on the bed. "It's just I am not sure I am ready for all the pregnancy talk. What if they ask us questions? What if I cry?"

"Then you cry." He sat down beside her and held her hands. "I know you don't want anyone to know but I am not sure how we can keep avoiding it. We can't avoid pregnant women forever."

Kim just nodded. Adam leant across the bed and grabbed his phone. Flicking through the playlist he hit play and the song filled the room… _when you need me, I'll be there_ …. Kim rested her head on his shoulder and listened to it. "I promise I will be there."

"This necklace." She placed one hand on her chest. "What made you think of it?"

"I read it somewhere, can't remember exactly but this guy bought his wife a little heart charm for each of their children. They had seven miscarriages, never actually had any children." He rested his hand on hers, his fingers stroking her skin. "We've been lucky for the most part and I wanted to let you know…." His voice caught in his throat a little. "..how I feel about you, our children and what we have been through. Just because we will never get to meet one of our babies doesn't mean they are not a part of our lives."

"It is so beautiful. It means so much to me."

"One part of me wanted to see the look on your face when you opened it but…." He took a deep breath. "I didn't want you to see me cry."

Kim grabbed both his cheeks and pressed her mouth to his. "Adam." She whispered softly. "I love you." She rested her forehead on his. "We are in this together. Tears and all."

"I know."

Adam pulled her up off the bed. "Let's do this."

Vanessa and Ollie were already waiting and had ordered some coffee. "Having too much fun are we?"

"Of course. We don't get much of a chance of a sleep-in with the two insects we have at home." Adam ordered himself a coffee and Kim a tea. Kim slapped his arm at his choice of words. "Insects, really?" she looked at him questionably and he just shrugged.

At first they talked about the wedding, how much fun they had and how beautiful it had been yet they both knew that eventually the conversation would turn to Vanessa's pregnancy. It would be weird if it didn't.

"We've been back and forth about finding out what we are having. I want too but Ollie doesn't." Vanessa reached over and grabbed a packet of sugar to add to her decaf. "Can't say I am loving Decaf." She moaned. "Who won out of you two?"

Adam answered as he squeezed Kim's thigh beneath the table. "Neither of us wanted to know. We liked the surprise."

"Did you have any weird cravings?" Vanessa asked and Ollie rolled his eyes. "Ollie thinks it's strange that I want celery constantly."

"I was worried that Polly was going to come out looking like a banana, with Angus not so much a tone stage I would have been happy for Kim to eat anything." Adam continued to answer while Kim quietly sipped on her tea.

"How amazing is it when you hear that heartbeat for the first time? That was when I really believed it." Vanessa nibbled on her toast. Suddenly Kim pushed back her chair "Excuse me." She muttered. Adam reached for her hand and looked up at his wife and saw the tears starting to form. Kim nodded at him and took off. Vanessa watched and made a motion to get up and follow her. "Is Kim okay?" she asked.

Adam reached across the table and lightly grabbed Vanessa's hand urging her to sit back down. "I need to tell you something." He leant back in his chair and rubbed his hands on his thighs. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kim leave the restaurant and knew she wasn't coming back. "Five weeks ago we lost a baby. Kim was 10 weeks pregnant."

Vanessa's hand flew to her face. "Oh my god. Adam I am so sorry I didn't know. I would have never rambled on like that." Ollie slipped his arm around her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Buddy."

"Thanks. It's just been a rough couple of months, with my accident and this but we are doing okay now." He filled them in on some basic details before he stood up from the table. "I'm sorry guys, do you mind if we give this a miss?" Vanessa hugged him tightly, apologising again for upsetting Kim. Adam asked her to give her a bit of time before calling her. "I know she is happy for you. We both are. It's great news."

He found her in their room, sitting in the chair staring into space with her cheeks stained with tears. Kim looked up at him sadly as he came in. Adam sat on the floor, resting his back against the bed and watched her for just a moment until he pulled her down into his arms. "Sweetheart. I'm sorry."

"I feel bad for running out like that."

"Don't. It's okay."

"You told them?"

"I did and they are worried that they upset you. Vanessa feels really bad."

"This is exactly what I didn't want. I don't want people's sympathy. I don't want to be treated differently because I lost the baby."

"We are different now. We did lose our baby and it hurts like hell." He tightened his arms around her and pulled her closer into his chest. "I love you so much."

"I wanted this weekend to be perfect."

"It was."

"Until this. I don't want this to be what we remember." Kim threaded her hand through his.

Adam kissed her hand softly and he knew he what he wanted to do. "Let me make you forget all about breakfast, let me kiss you and hold you. Let me feel your skin pressed against mine." He turned over her hand and pressed his lips into the palm of her hand. "Let me make love to you."

She placed a small kiss on the inside of his wrist as he rested a hand on her cheek. Adam stood up and pulled her up off the floor and with one arm around her waist and the other lifting her chin he looked longingly into her eyes and slowly closed the distance between them pressing his lips onto hers. She didn't flinch and let him continue.

It was the most deeply connected they had felt in a long time.


	46. Chapter 46 - We are all Here

Ruzek shrugged down further into his coat as they exited the car. It was a bitterly cold February day. One of those days that no matter what you did to keep warm the cold found a way to seep in. After a few days in court he was happy, despite the icy wind to be out at a crime scene. "How's Elise?" he asked Atwater as they slipped beneath the crime scene tape and up the steps, nodding to the Patrol Officer on their way past.

"Sweet as honey." Ruzek laughed. He was smitten that's for sure. "Maybe we can double date soon? She loves Kim and strangely thinks you are a hoot."

"I am all that." They were joined by a Cop from the 29th District as they headed towards the bedroom where the body was. They picked there way through the house, one of those trashed out places. Mattresses on the floor, graffiti on the walls. The wind whistled through the broken windows, which at least had the effect to blow out the foul odour that usually permeated these hovels.

He shook both Ruzek and Atwater's hand. "Girl, deceased about 20. We have been told to hand this over to you guys in Intelligence. Seems like it's right up your alley."

"What's the deal?" Ruzek pulled out his notepad as they came to a stop. The older Cop motioned for someone to pull back the sheet covering the victim.

"Someone cut out her baby."

"What?"

"This woman was pregnant. The Baby is missing and she bled out. Massive abdominal trauma, placenta still attached. This is the third one this month. They think we have a baby selling operation going on here. Hence it is now an Intelligence case." The tone of the Cop's voice did not change and Ruzek glared at him wondering how he could be so unemotional.

He crouched down on his haunches to try and find some ID on the girl and to get a closer look. The sight of her stomach slashed open and the thought of what she went through and that poor baby without its mother made him sick to the stomach. For the first time at a crime scene he left the room and vomited.

Atwater rested a hand on his back. "You okay Buddy?" Ruzek wiped his mouth and nodded. They had seen some pretty gruesome stuff on this job but sometimes there was a case that just burned into your soul. Antonio had always struggled when kids were involved, he carried them with him for weeks afterwards. Now that he had kids of his own he understood why Antonio couldn't shut off.

All afternoon he stared at the girl's photo on the board; all three of them. He had read the ME reports and they all were full term or close to, young, single and drugged and left to bleed out. They had no other apparent links, no common healthcare provider….nothing. It was heartbreaking.

Heartbreaking cases with no obvious links or clues really pissed Voight off. Things weren't happening quickly enough. Mouse had compiled a list of Adoption services in the area although they doubted that this was something done through a legitimate agency. It was late when they finally got an ID on the last girl and Ruzek wanted to do the notification. He felt like he had too. Atwater offered to come with him.

Atwater waited until they were in the car and pulled out of the parking lot. "You okay Bro?"

"Yep." He gripped the wheel tighter, focussing on the slippery dark road. "It's a shit case, you know."

"I've never seen you spew though."

"Yep." Ruzek stared straight ahead. He didn't feel like talking. What he wanted to do was go home and see his wife and hug his children. "Don't worry Bro."

It was the hardest notification he had ever done. The girl's mother collapsed on the floor when they told them. They hadn't seen their daughter since yesterday morning, but thought she was just staying with a friend. No she didn't have a boyfriend and she had never talked about adoption. Watching those parents have their daughter and their grandchild ripped away like in the blink of an eye was like being punched in the gut.

He dropped Atwater off on the way home and Kim heard him come in although she was already in bed. Angus had been up and down the previous night with his teeth and Kim had gone to bed early in preparation for another restless night. Adam had sent her a few texts during the day letting her know they had a case and she had spoken to him shortly after dinner and she could tell he had been distracted.

Kim stirred a little later and was surprised that Adam still hadn't come to bed. She found him in Angus's room, sitting on the floor with his head resting on the bars of his cot and lightly stroking his tiny hand as he slept. "Adam, honey." She crouched down beside him touching him gently on his cheek. "Baby, you okay? What are you doing in here?"

Adam whispered without taking his eyes off Angus. "Making sure my baby is safe."

"He's safe. He's here with us, they both are."

"I know. I just wanted to see him." Adam closed his eyes briefly before and his chest heaved and he let out a loud sob.

"Oh Baby." Kim pulled him away from Angus's cot and he fell into her arms. "Adam." She rocked him until he calmed down before helping him up off the floor and into their room.

"This case today…." He wiped his face. "..I'm sorry, it just got to me. I had to do a notification tonight and the mother just fell at my feet. I ripped her heart out." Kim let him talk. "Her daughter was murdered. Left to die. She was twenty and they cut her baby out of her and left her to bleed out in some abandoned house like trash. That mother lost her daughter and her grandchild in one foul swoop. The agony in her eyes as she looked at me…"

He looked down at his hands and they were shaking. Kim covered them with hers. "All I wanted to do was come home and see my baby, see Polly….." He pressed her hand to his mouth. "And to see you."

"It's okay. We are all here."

"The mother, I keep seeing her face." Kim rested one hand on his cheek and he leant into it and closed his eyes. She let him stay silent. "Somewhere out there three families are probably celebrating the fact that they have a new baby while another three families have been destroyed."

"There is more than one?"

"This is the third. We only picked up the case today because they saw a pattern."

The baby monitor crackled as Angus started to stir; Kim made a motion to leave. "I'll go." Adam leapt up from the bed. He lifted Angus from his bed and held him close. He inhaled his sweet smell, the faint scent of lotion Kim used to keep their skin soft and massaged into them both after their bath. His hair was soft against his cheek as he snuggled into his shoulder and held him tightly against his chest and rocked him until he fell asleep. Reluctantly he laid him back into his bed.

Kim was sitting crossed legged on the bed waiting for him when he returned despite the late hour. He leant on the bed and kissed her softly. "I just need a shower, you know to wash this day away." She promised to wait for him and when he returned he crawled into bed and into her arms.

He spent the next day trawling through pages of phone records and GPS tags trying to find something, anything that would at least give them a place to start. Halstead and Al went and talked to the family of one of the girls and Atwater and Dawson did the other. Adam barely moved from his desk all day. Finally, with the help of Mouse they found a tenuous link. All three girls had been at the same Café, not all together and spread out over a few weeks but it was a start.

"Boss." He called Voight out of his office and over to Mouse's desk. Laying out what he'd found Voight nodded his head. "Well let's go check it out."

They sat in the café and ordered some coffees having decided on the trip over that they should scope out the place and get a feel for it first. It was a decent enough place, seemed clean and well frequented. Ruzek felt a little disappointed, he had hoped that this would be the link they were looking for but on first impressions nothing leapt out at them.

He watched people come and go. Some were ordering their coffees, or grabbing a sandwich or cake, some of them staying and some kept going. "How's Burgess and the kids? We haven't seen them a while." Voight asked as they tried to appear like anyone else who walked through that door.

"I know, Polly keeps reminding me that she hasn't been to work in like forever." He laughed as he rolled his eyes. Polly could be quite the drama queen lately. "Angus had just mastered the art of crawling so he is everywhere and Polly finds it highly annoying. Kim is really good at the moment. We both are."

Ruzek's eyes shot towards the door as a young pregnant girl came in. She looked around nervously before taking up a spot in the corner. After a few minutes a piece of cake and drink appeared at her table. "I didn't order anything." She shook her head.

"It's on the house." The waiter stayed and chatted for a bit but they couldn't really make out what they were saying

"What is it?" Voight asked quietly.

"Don't know. They just seem to be paying a little too much attention to that girl that came in. I figure she's about 7 months pregnant. Just seems odd to me. I got a feeling."

Voight let him run with it. They watched the café for a few days, taking turns to go in and grab a coffee. The same girl came back and Halstead reported that again she received a free drink and feed and spent time chatting to the staff.

After a week Ruzek and Al approached the girl after she left the Café. "Excuse me Miss." Ruzek flashed his badge and identified himself as CPD. She glanced around nervously looking like she wanted to run. "It's okay. We just want to ask you a few questions." Eventually she agreed to come with them and they found a quiet café around the corner.

"I didn't run out without paying. They said they were on the house." Jasmine blurted out when they asked about the free drinks. Al patted her hand. "We know. It's okay."

"Do you know them?"

"No, I heard that they looked after pregnant women, free drinks and food."

"Where did you hear that?"

"Around." She shrugged. "What's this about?"

Ruzek jumped in. "Are you single? Where is the father? Is he around?"

"No, it's just me." She rested her hands on her belly protectively. "Why? You are freaking me out."

"They talk to you. What about?" Al continued, talking quietly to try and reassure her.

"You've been watching me?" Jasmine was starting to get nervous and they were worried she was about to create a scene. Perhaps it would have been better to take her back to the District but they didn't want to freak her out so they tried to soften their tone a little.

"What do they talk to you about?" Ruzek repeated softly. "It's important."

"They ask about the father, like you are." The girl looked over her shoulder eyeing off the exit. "About what I am going to do when it's born. When I am due."

Al leant forward a little. "Jasmine. We are not watching you we are watching them. Three young pregnant girls have run into some trouble recently. The only common link we can find is this café."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Doesn't matter right now but we need to know what's going on and we need your help." Al asked her to come back to the District with them and she reluctantly agreed and he suggested that she bring someone with her.

She did come in, with a friend and they continued to question her in the Break room, not wanting to freak her out anymore by using the interview room. They kept reassuring her that she was not in any trouble and they eventually revealed what they thought was happening when they felt they had enough information and suggested that she avoid the place from now on.

This time they were able to use an undercover officer who was wearing some fake padding instead of putting a pregnant woman at risk and after several weeks of careful baiting they took down the perpetrators. Both Al and Voight had to restrain Ruzek during the arrests because they could see the intensity and anger raging inside him. Hell they had seen that look in themselves many times over the years. That's what made this unit tick, that's what made them feared and coveted in equal parts. The fact that each member would chase their own demons down a rabbit hole to get the results in the end.

He pulled into his garage and sat for a few minutes. The last few weeks he had been pretty focussed on this case, which meant he wasn't that focussed at home. He could go days without seeing Polly or Angus awake, although he always watched them sleep when he got home. Kim had been as understanding as possible but it had been hard on her too. Now he had to tell her that he was going away for a couple of days. While the illegal adoption ring had been busted and those responsible were sitting in lock-up perhaps the hardest part of this case loomed before him.

He had to go to Arizona and rip the heart out of a family who had adopted a baby boy in good faith. The parents of the child's murdered mother wanted their grandchild back. He wanted to be the one to do that; he needed to do it to get some sort of closure on this case. Al was heading to Colorado for the other victim's family and the final case was still open, as the victim had no living relatives that they could find.

"Daddy." Polly squealed, jumping down from the table where they were having dinner and knocking over her cup of water in the process and Kim didn't have the heart to stop her, she was just as excited to see her Daddy and Kim couldn't blame her for that. She was pretty happy to see him too. Kim could see that he was weary but the smile was genuine as he swung his daughter up in his air and cuddled her close.

"I've missed you so so much." He carried her back into dining room and kissed Kim sweetly before reaching over and ruffling Angus's hair and dropping at kiss on the top of his head. He was more interested in shoving as much of his dinner into his mouth as possible and chanting away in his highchair. "Gus, buddy. I missed you too."

"Are you staying for dinner Daddy?"

"I am indeed. What are we having?"

"Chicken Tacos." Kim jumped up and made him a plate. They had talked through the day and she knew that they had finally made some arrests but she could sense there was something else that he wasn't telling her. Not yet anyway and they never really discussed work while the kids were around and especially not at the dinner table.

Adam insisted that he wanted to bath the kids and Polly certainly didn't complain, neither did Kim she could do with the break. He bought them both back down, dressed ready for bed and Kim let Polly stay up for a while so they could all spend some time together. As frustrating as it was when Adam wasn't around because of work, particularly when she knew he was really struggling with a case, she didn't like when he closed himself off like he had in the last few weeks. It wasn't deliberate, but it was still tough, on all of them.

"So, what is it?" Kim draped her legs across Adam as he dropped down on the couch. He had put Polly to bed, reading her four books while Kim dealt with Angus. He wasn't taking much from her lately but he did like his night feed, they both loved it because it gave them time to just sit and enjoy each other for a few minutes without interruption.

"I need to go to Arizona."

"When?"

"Tomorrow. It's just overnight, hopefully no more than two." He leant his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "I need to go and bring back one of those stolen babies." His voice wobbled just a little.

"Oh honey. I'm sorry." She swung her legs down and pulled Adam down into her lap so she could cradle his head and run her hands through his hair. "Are you okay with that?"

"No, not really. I have no idea how I am going to tell this family that the baby they have loved for the last two months belongs to someone else. That his mother was brutally murdered so he could be taken and that his grandparents want him back. How do I that? They don't teach you stuff like this."

"I don't know sweetheart." She used her thumb to catch the small tear that had escaped the corner of his eye. "But I know you, I know you will do it as best you can."

"I want you to come with me."

Kim was caught off guard. "Adam I can't."

"I know." He didn't look at her. "But I still want you too."

"Baby, look at me." She begged him. "It's not that I don't want to be there for you. I do. I am just not sure I can handle it."

"Neither can I."

They sat in silence for a while. Adam closed his eyes and let the feeling of Kim running her hands through his hair calm him. Ever since he agreed to escort the grandparents to Arizona to pick up their grandson his mind had been in turmoil. He, along with a local Police Officer and Social worker would inform the parents and they would have a few hours to say goodbye.

"You know why I can't come with you don't you?"

"Is it because of our baby?"

"Yes. And I can't leave Polly and Angus."

"I know that. I know it would be too hard for you and I shouldn't have asked."

"But?"

"What makes you think there is a but?" He opened his eyes and he could see her questioning him even though she didn't speak. "But I am not strong enough to do this alone."

"You are. I know you are and you know it's the right thing to do and that is what will get you through this and when you get home I will be here with your children, waiting for you."

"Kim. I am about to ruin someone's life through no fault of their own."

"And you are also helping a mother deal with the death of her daughter by giving her back her grandson. Imagine how she feels. Losing her daughter and her grandson and now she gets part of that back."

"I know. I am trying to focus on that trust me. I just really want you with me, I'd really like you support."

"Adam. Come on, this isn't fair" She rested a hand on his chest lightly. "You know I support you, everyday but what you are asking is impossible. Despite the fact you are leaving early in the morning, what do you want me to do? Dump Polly and Angus on someone's doorstep before dawn and say I will see them in a day or two?"

"God, I know all this. I know it can't be done, but why can't I ask for what I want too?"

"You can, baby, you can." She stroked his cheek. "And I want to do this for you but I can't."

Before he left in the morning he made sure he visited both of his children. Kissing them as they slept. He held onto Kim while he waited for the cab to arrive, sucking the last little bit of strength out of her. She constantly amazed him with how strong she could be. He needed to do this, finish off this case but he hated every minute of it.

She was waiting for him when he got home. He dropped his bag inside the door and fell into her arms. Having spoken to him several times she knew how it went and that right now he didn't want to talk about it. "Go and see them." She pushed him towards the stairs. They were both asleep but knew that he would go into their rooms and touch them softly as the slept. He would rest a hand on their backs and feel their tiny bodies rise and fall beneath his protective touch. He would kiss their sweet faces and whisper that he loved them.

Then he would come into her and lie down in her arms and let her comfort him and tell him that it was going to be alright and that he had done the right thing and how proud she was of him and more than anything that she loved him more than life itself.


	47. Chapter 47 - Kiss you Beautiful Children

_Dear Kim,_

 _I hurt you and I don't know if you can ever forgive me for that. I would completely understand if you don't even finish reading this. I hope you do._

 _I have been blessed having you in my life. I have been blessed watching you and Adam fall in love and raise the most beautiful daughter and have a gorgeous son. I watched you have the most spectacular life with a man who adores you, who would walk to the end of the earth for you._

 _It has been amazing to watch and it filled my heart with such joy and I can't thank you and Adam enough for allowing me to be part of your life and the life of your precious children._

 _My heart is broken that I have thrown that all away. I wish I was as brave as you were with your heart. I wish I had your courage to love unconditionally, to risk part of yourself to be with someone else entirely._

 _I know I have lost so much. I lost the love of my life, I lost my best friends, I lost being part of Polly and Angus's life and it hurts more than I ever thought it would. Everyday._

 _If you are even still reading this I want to apologise unreservedly for what I said that day. Adam is an amazing man; he is an amazing husband to you and the most perfect and adoring father. He has been a wonderful loyal friend to Jay and was always a great friend to me and he is a special kind of Police. He'll go far. I hope one day I can find that again and not let it go._

 _I don't know what you are going through right now and I hope with all that I have that it's not too big for you to overcome. You asked me to respect your privacy and I should have and I will. I can see that you are hurting and I know that Adam is hurting too and I have this pit in my stomach. Because if you can't make it work…who can?_

 _Kim, I miss you in my life. I miss you everyday. I hope one day we can start again. Kiss your beautiful children for me. Not being in their life has left a huge whole in my heart._

 _Forever your friend_

 _Erin. XXX_

Kim wiped away a tear that had somehow escaped. She caught it on her fingertips before it splashed onto the neatly written letter. When it arrived she had sat it on the counter and tried to convince herself not to read it.

Did she want to hear what she had to say? After TJ's wedding they had been determined to put everything behind them. The hurt and the pain that they had inflicted on each other was forgotten. They didn't forget the reason behind it and Adam often found her with her hand on the necklace and a far off look in her eyes but instead of pushing him away she pulled him closer.

Would reading that letter re-open those barely healed wounds? Kim was sure that Adam wouldn't want her to read it because hated how much Kim had been hurt by her words.

But she did read it and now she didn't know what to do? Firstly she had to tell Adam, now wasn't the time to have secrets. They were really trying hard to lay everything out in front of them. It still hurt and there were still times that Kim felt overwhelmed by her grief but Adam pulled her back from the edge. Polly and Angus needed her to be in their lives everyday and that kept her going on those days where she felt like it was slipping away again. She made the effort to tell Adam when she felt it creeping up on her and while he didn't often say anything he held onto her and never let her fall.

"I know you won't like this." Kim curled her feet up beneath her and took the cup of tea that Adam handed her. "I got a letter from Erin."

"Her Mea culpa?" He didn't sound as angry as she thought he would, but there was still time for that to change.

"I suppose." Adam tucked her hair behind her ear. "I read it."

"Of course you did."

"Are you angry or upset?"

"No." He ran his index finger along the necklace and rested it against the charms. "I'm not angry at you."

She uncurled her legs and laid them across his lap. "I miss our friendship."

"I know you do." Adam closed his eyes and rested his head back against the cushions. "I am not sure I am ready to forgive her though for what she said to you."

"Baby. I know and I but would you be angry if I did?" she ran her fingers lightly up and down his arm. "I want to put all this shit behind us."

"Look Kim, I'm not saying that I want you to invite her for dinner anytime soon, but if you miss her and want to see her that's up to you. I will support you, always." He shrugged. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again." He rested his hand on her cheek. "What did she say?"

"Well. She said you were an amazing husband and father. A loyal friend and that you adore me."

"I can't argue with any of that. I am amazing and I do adore you." He laughed lightly and pulled her in for a kiss. "Let's go to bed."

It was nearly three weeks before Kim responded to Erin's letter. She kept it brief and she had gone back and forth for weeks about what to say. Adam had started getting exasperated with her. "Don't think, just write whatever you want and leave it at that. This back and forth is ridiculous."

 _'Hi Erin, thank you for your letter. It meant a lot. Your words were really sweet. Adam and I are so grateful for everything we have. Polly and Angus are the light of our lives. Take care.'_

She pushed open the door of the café and manoeuvred the pram through the tightly packed tables towards the back where she had spotted Erin. Kim had reached out to Erin at the encouragement of Adam, he had eventually got frustrated with her indecision. "If you want to see her, do it just stop procrastinating." They just wanted to put the last few months behind them and this just kept dragging them back.

"Hi." Awkwardly Erin stood up and made a move to give Kim hug but she stepped away. "It's good to see you."

"It is." She rearranged the chairs to make room for the pram.

"Oh look at Angus. He's gotten so big." Erin peered at the sleeping baby. "Almost one, I can't believe it."

"I know. He's just about up and running so that is keeping us on our toes. He loves tormenting Polly by following her around. I imagine he is exactly like Adam was as baby." His dark blond hair was an untameable mess and with his long eyelashes and soulful brown eyes there was no denying who his father was.

"How is Polly?" Erin stole a look at Kim. She looked well, better than last time they met. It seemed like the old Kim was back and she was grateful for that as well as the fact that Kim had reached out to her and wanted to meet up.

"She's really good. She's still a Daddy's girl. They are on their _Saturdate_."

"They still do that?" Erin chuckled. "That is so cute." Ever since Polly was a baby Adam had always tried to give Kim a few hours to get out on the weekend, to go shopping, go to the gym or catch up with friends or just to get her eyebrows waxed. It had morphed into 'Saturdate' and had always been a thing between them. At times he would even turn up at their place on their date just to hang out.

The small talk was excruciating. "Thank you for coming." Erin took a deep breath and dived in. "I've missed you so much and I hated the way we left things, which I know was all my fault. You look so much better, and happier."

"We are." Kim breathed out slowly. Could they get past it? Could she forgive her? In theory she thought that she could but now that they were face to face it wasn't that easy.

"Adam has been so supportive and rock solid and we are really good." Erin could see the happiness in Kim's face and she breathed easier. When Kim had contacted her she knew that they were still together because she had asked Voight. Not that he said much; even that relationship was strained now. He had his team to worry about but he did say that Ruzek and Burgess were 'fine'. She wanted to see it herself though.

"I am so glad. You were always the perfect couple."

"Ha, I'd hardly call us perfect, but we are perfect for each other." Kim smiled just a little bit. Erin felt like the wall around her friend was impenetrable and it tore at her heart. She hated that she had ruined everything good in her life, so many relationships left in tatters and this one that he had ruined hurt like hell. She never did have much luck with female friendships; they were more like acquaintances than real friendships until Kim came into her life.

"Hey, I heard about Ruzek and that stolen baby case. He certainly made a lot of people sit up and take notice."

"I am glad people noticed, her worked pretty hard on that case. I am proud of him."

The smile that played at the corner of Kim's mouth quickly faded when Erin added. "Pregnant women are definitely his weakness."

Kim dropped her head for a just a moment and then turned to look at Angus. Thankfully he was just starting to stir. "Yeah." She mumbled. As he opened his eyes he smiled up at his mother. Unlike his sister Angus pretty much always woke up happy. He was ready to go the moment he opened his eyes, whereas Polly still took a while to thaw out.

"Oh my god, it's little Adam." Erin waved at Angus as he looked at her from the safety of his mother's lap. Kim kissed the top of his head and agreed. "He's going to break some hearts."

"Don't I know it." She reached for her phone as it buzzed with a message. Adam and Polly were tucking into lunch, having finished whatever they had been doing. He was sweet to check up on her, he had never stopped doing that even on the days when she refused to look at them or respond. Thankfully that was well in their past. "Do you want a cuddle?" Erin reached out for Angus immediately and the joy on Erin's face was obvious.

"Thank you for today." Erin reached for her hand. "It's been great to see you and Angus. I have missed you so much." Kim let it go for a moment. She had missed her friend too but what she accused Adam of still hurt.

It wasn't the most comfortable of lunches and Angus did help ease the situation once he was awake. He happily munched on a sandwich and banana while they chatted about Kim going back on patrol soon, Erin's new team and some of their mutual friends, everyone but Jay.

"Can I ask you a question?" Kim finally asked.

"Sure."

"What made you think that Adam had cheated on me?" Her voice was so cold and Erin rested her hand on Kim's arm briefly and shook her head.

"Nothing. Seriously nothing it was nothing he did or said. I just saw how broken you were and how miserable he was. I tried to think of what possibly could have caused that and knew that it would have to be something so big, so huge that it caused that much pain. I really wasn't thinking straight but I was out of my mind. I know Adam, that is not him, not at all. I saw how angry and hurt he was with me, and I can't say I blame him and I realised how insane I sounded. I am so sorry if it made you doubt him."

"It didn't. I just wanted to know what you saw. From the outside." It was strange. She trusted Adam implicitly and never doubted him but when Erin threw that at her for just a moment she wondered if she had seen something; something in him or saw him with someone. It hurt her, that moment of doubt.

"Just this all consuming pain and you were both so miserable and that was never you. That was never your relationship. You were always so strong and happy, both of you."

Kim smiled weakly. The hurt and the betrayal she felt was still so raw. "I thought I could count on my friends to support me no matter what. Everyone else did, they let us deal with it in private, they supported us and didn't ask questions and that is what I needed." Kim's eyes filled with tears. "You really hurt me."

"Kim, I am so sorry. I am so sorry that I hurt you. I wish I could take it back. I hate myself for hurting you." She reached out to Kim when she wiped away a tear and for a moment there was some kind of mutual comfort.

"I couldn't have made it without Adam." She took a deep breath. "He just had an accident and I almost lost him. He was just getting back on his feet and getting back to work." Kim rested her chin on Angus's head for just a moment trying to draw strength from him. "We lost a baby." She blurted out. "And I was so broken and…"

"Oh my god Kim, I am so sorry. I didn't know." Again she made a move to reach out to Kim but she pulled away. Talking about it still didn't come easy.

"That's the thing Erin, nobody knew that I was ten weeks pregnant and they didn't run around accusing my husband of cheating on me. They respected our privacy, offered their support unconditionally and were waiting on the other side for us. Nobody knows, Atwater doesn't know, Platt doesn't know or Al. My parents don't know, or Adam's. We kept it to ourselves because it was so painful and devastating. At the end of the day it didn't break Adam and I and that's all that matters."

"Kim, I'm so sorry. I was so worried about you."

"So was Adam, you know my husband. He was worried about me, he hated seeing me so hurt and broken. There were days when I could barely even breathe. When I told him what you accused him of I have never seen him so angry. I pushed him away and you know what he never left my side. I treated him like shit some days yet he never gave up on me or us. I have never doubted Adam's love for me, never."

Erin was stunned by revelation of the miscarriage and the fact, that in her desperate attempts to help her friend she caused so much more pain. She caught the tears that we freely falling on her hands. "I am so sorry."

"So am I." She looked at Angus, her beautiful boy sitting happily on her lap and she kissed the top of his head. "We've gotta go. Thanks for meeting me Erin. Maybe we can have lunch again soon, I know Polly would love to see you."

"How'd it go?" Adam came out and grabbed Angus from the car when he heard them pull up. Kim leant over and gave him a quick kiss. He could tell that she had been crying, it was something he had seen a lot of lately, her tear stained face and it never ceased to cause him pain.

"It was so hard but I am glad I went."

Angus clapped his hands as Adam unbuckled him. "Hey Gus my man. I am guessing you were your usual charming self?"

"He was. How was your date?"

"Hey, what happens on Saturdate stays on Saturdate. You know that." Angus fought to get down as soon as they got through the door. He held onto Adam's leg while he got his balance and then took a few wobbly steps before falling on his bottom and crawling off in search of Polly. They knew he had found her when they heard Polly start admonishing him for crashing her tea party. "Angus, go away." She whined.

"Do you think Polly is ever going to like him?"

Kim laughed as she snaked her arms around his waist and took a moment to enjoy the safety he provided by burying her head into his chest. Sometimes she couldn't believe she was stupid enough to push him away. "He's not even really annoying yet. Wait to he starts walking properly."

"How are you really?" He leant back to look at her.

"I'm okay. I am glad we talked."

"Are you going to be okay? That's all I care about."

"I am, I told her that we lost a baby. It just came out and I know it was a little harsh dropping it on her the way I did but it actually feels like a bit of relief. I said we'd have lunch soon with Polly. Is that okay?"

Adam pressed his lips to her forehead. "You are an amazingly strong woman. Of course it's okay. If that's what you want. I love you so much, you know that."

"I do and thank you for being in my corner."

Adam pulled up a stool at the bench while Kim busied herself in the kitchen. She had stopped on the way home and picked up some vegetables and fruit from the market. He grabbed the paper and started flicking through looking for the sport pages.

"ANGUS." Polly wailed, followed by a crash and then Angus started crying. Adam sighed as he pointed in the direction of the playroom. "As I keep telling you. It's us against them. We need to stick together." He muttered as he got up and went to sort out the problem. Angus was lying on his back crying with his arms flailing while Polly was angrily picking up her toy tea set.

"What's going on?"

"He touched my stuff." Polly cried. Adam picked up his wailing son and Polly folded her arms across her chest. "I want him to go away."

"Polly, he's a baby. If you don't want to play with him take it to your room." Polly grabbed her tea set and stormed upstairs while Adam lay on the floor with Angus until he calmed down.

"Gus Buddy, you are not doing yourself any favours." Angus crawled over him, pulling himself up to a standing position using Adam's legs. When he was standing he started clapping and bouncing up and down. It was almost like he was celebrating his victory over his sister. "You cheeky boy."

Kim stood at the doorway and watched them together. These two boys were everything to her and watching the two of them together always made her smile. Angus had come into their lives and it hadn't been the easiest of times. From Adam's accident, to her miscarriage and the stress of them dealing with their grief. The recent baby stealing case Adam had worked so hard had taken so much of his attention and focus that for a few weeks they barely saw him.

But Angus was a light in all that darkness.


	48. Chapter 48 - You and Me Darlin'

Voight skipped down the stairs hoping to find Platt. "Trudy." He leant over the desk until he spied her coming from the back office. "Hey Trudy." He beckoned her over. "You seen this?" He handed her the piece of paper he was holding.

Platt nodded. "I have."

"Can find some way of getting Burgess in here this afternoon?"

"Sure." She smiled slightly. "Who would have thought huh?"

Voight smiled as he nodded. "Yeh. Thanks Trudy." He refolded the piece of paper and slipped it into his pocket.

Kim laughed as Angus pulled himself up against the table and proceeded to bop along to the music, waving his head from side to side and almost throwing himself off balance. "You dance like your Daddy." He squealed, loving the sound of his own voice lately. When her phone rang she moved away from the squealing baby to take the call, surprised to see it was from the District.

"Burgess." Platt barked when she finally answered.

She kept one eye on Angus who was moving around the table trying to get to a magazine, which Adam had left out. Hopefully it wasn't one of his favourites because there was no way it would still be in one piece once Angus got his little fingers on it, but then that was Adam's problem. She had told him often enough not to leave anything he valued near either of them. He'd flipped out when he found Polly 'writing' all over his latest bike magazine. His dream machine was now adorned with pretty sparkly scribble. "What can I do for you Sergeant?"

"I need to you come in a have a photo taken for your ID." Kim could hear her shuffling some papers around. "For your return to work."

"When?" This was feeling oh so familiar, what did Platt have up her sleeve this time? She thought they were past all this nonsense.

"When? Today. That's if you plan coming back anytime soon." She only had three weeks of leave left. It was hard to believe that Angus was almost one. It had been a long trying year and they had been tested like never before and Kim was ready to put it all behind her and going back to work was part of that. She adored being a mother but she also loved being a cop.

"Of course I am coming back, but does it really need to be done today. I could come in tomorrow?" The thought of showering and getting out of her gym clothes and heading into the District was far from appealing. At least picking Polly up from Pre-school she barely had to worry about looking half decent.

"No it cannot." Platt was doing her best to sound exasperated. "Is it going to be a problem?"

"Well I need to pick up Polly from Pre-school in an hour. How long will it take?" she was still confused as to why this needed to be done right now, although his was Platt and she was a law unto herself.

"Fine. Come in after you get her. It'll be good to see my babies. You've kept them from me for too long. What is with that?" She hung up abruptly and Kim just stared at the phone before looking at Angus and shrugging. "What was all that about?" she asked him and he just babbled back at her.

Platt had set up the camera and screen, which sent every other person in the building running for the hills. Her reputation for making this routine task a living nightmare was well known. "If you want to even get in the building when you get back I need to send it off today." She had Polly sitting up on the desk and tried to ignore Burgess the best she could and stall her a little by taking and retaking her photo to make sure 'she got it just right.' Like she ever cared before?

Adam jogged down the steps and Angus turned his head when he heard his father's voice and gurgled excitedly. "Hey Gus, my man." He held out his arms and practically dived at Adam and he bounced up and down in his father's arms and babbled, _Dad, dad, dad_. Platt helped Polly down from her perch and she grabbed hold of her Daddy's hand as they headed upstairs. "So what did Platt want?"

"My photo for a new ID." Kim grabbed Polly's other hand and shrugged. "She's acting weird about it though, but you know Platt. Weird is what she does and she does it so well." As soon as Polly hit the top step she ran straight to Atwater knowing that he had candy in his desk just for her. Kim had given up trying to stop Kevin from feeding her habit; she didn't get much of it at home.

Voight came out of his office and walked towards Ruzek. He held out his hand, which Adam took despite his confusion. "Congratulations." He shook it firmly. "Detective Ruzek."

"What?" Ruzek looked at Voight then Kim and back to Voight as the words sunk in.

"We finally got approval to replace Lindsay. So…" he smiled. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." He stuttered. "I don't know what to say."

"You've earned it." He patted him on the shoulder.

Kim stood back and watched proudly as the rest of the team congratulated her husband. She knew it was something that he wanted and had worked hard for, passing his Detective exam easily and then it was just a waiting game. After accepting all their congratulations he finally found his way to Kim.

"I'm so proud of you." She rested a hand on his cheek. "Congratulations Adam."

He snaked one arm around her waist and kissed his wife. "This is good right."

Adam was hit in the head by a screwed up piece of paper. "Cut it out you two." Dawson rolled his eyes. "Think of the children."

Kim looked over Adam's shoulder and noticed that Voight was standing at his office door, he smiled and nodded at her and he looked proud and happy. Platt appeared behind them. "So I didn't really need to have my photo taken today?"

"Of course not." She snorted.

Platt held out her hand to Ruzek. "I never thought in a million years we'd be here today. Congratulations Detective Ruzek." Kim wiped a little tear from the corner of her eye as Al came and slipped an arm around her shoulder. Polly had disappeared into Voight's office. They had no idea what Voight had in his desk for Polly, it was their little secret. The amount of times they found Polly hiding out with Voight in his office was alarming and he always just smiled when they asked him what went on in there.

"He's done good." Al whispered. "I'm proud of him."

Kim nodded. "He owes it all to you Al, you know that. You know how he feels about everything you've done for him."

"He did the hard work. I just pointed him in the right direction." Kim kissed his cheek.

The team decided that a celebration was in order and Kim was swiftly ordered her to organise a baby sitter…or they would. Adam looked at her and shrugged. He wanted to celebrate but only if Kim was with him. She had been beside him almost from day one and now it was time to enjoy everything that they had achieved together because he couldn't have done it without her. She had always been his biggest supporter.

The boys went to Molly's while she took the kids home and waited for Amanda to come over and pick them up. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"No, not at all. It's great news. I am so happy for you both. Go and celebrate and congratulate Adam for us." She gave Angus a quick feed, packed them some bags and also sent some more milk for Angus, not that he drank that much anymore particularly from a bottle. He really did prefer his mother and Adam was adamant that it was just because he took after his father, he was just a boob man.

"Ah, here she is." Adam shouted happily when Kim finally arrived. "My beautiful wife." He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in for a kiss. He leant back and whistled. Kim had grabbed a quick shower and changed into a short tight dress that he had never seen before. "You look good, really good. Polly and Angus all good?"

"Yep. Amanda is taking them home so we'll pick them up tomorrow."

"So, does that mean I have you all to myself later?" He whispered, his hand slipping down over her hips.

"Honey, you'll be three sheets to the wind later."

"Don't count on it. I suddenly feel a little less like drinking here and a little more like taking you home."

Jay leant across the table and punched Adam lightly on the arm. "Knock it off." He laughed, but he did like how they had put themselves back together. A few months ago he watched as they battled and fought to keep going and they had come through it stronger than ever. They had weathered the storm.

He watched them for a little while, Adam was constantly touching his wife if she was nearby, Kim would lean into him and they would share a few quiet words and when they weren't sitting together they would glance at each other and smile.

Kim slipped into the seat beside Jay as he was busy looking at his phone. "Why are you smiling?" she teased him.

"You know Ruzek's promotion. The reason we are all here."

"Yeah sure. What's her name?" Kim was having none of it.

"What makes you think…."?

"Jay." She rested a hand on his arm. "Humour me."

"Kate." He winked at his friend. Kim squealed a little and clapped her hands. Atwater was starting to get serious with Elise, Roman and Becky were happily married so it would be good if Halstead found someone too. He had a huge heart and was a loyal friend and they both wanted him just to be happy with someone. Mouse was just a lost cause; he seemed determined to sleep his way around Chicago.

"When do I get to meet her?"

"Maybe soon, you know I am not sure I am reading to unleash this unruly mob on her just yet." He nodded around the table. "She's too sweet for that."

"Oh come on, we'll play nice. I'll make sure Ruzek does." Kim did like how happy he seemed though. It had been a rough ride for all of them lately but that's what made this family tick. When the ride was rough, you never had to go it alone.

As far as Erin was concerned they had caught up a few times and each time they seemed to relax a little more around each other and they were slowly getting back to being on solid ground. Adam was still a little reluctant and she couldn't blame him but he was happy that Kim was enjoying their friendship again.

Adam was holding her hand as they waited for a cab. "Did you have a good night?"

"I did. You seemed to enjoy yourself."

"Not as much as I am going to enjoy the next few hours." He nodded and shivered a little, pulling Kim against his body for warmth. There wasn't a cloud in the night sky so the night was a little cool. "I need some loving." Adam nuzzled her neck. "My own personal celebration."

They jumped in the cab when it finally arrived and Kim did her best to keep Adam under control. His hands were everywhere. "I know you are excited baby." She pushed his hand away as he slipped it down between her thighs. "Just cool it."

There was no holding him back as soon as they were through the door and Kim was more than happy to let go of the reins. She ran up the stairs like a schoolgirl, giggling as Adam tried to catch her and she squealed when he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up and threw her lightly on the bed. "It's a special night for you." Pulling his shirt over his head without undoing any buttons. "Are you ready?"

"For what?"

"You are about to have sex with a detective. I know it's been a fantasy of yours for a long time."

"I always imagined it would be a little more sleazy."

Adam laughed out loud and grabbed both her legs, wrapping them around his waist. "Is that why you wore the this little number?" He ran his hands down over her hips and tugged on the hem, which had ridden up her thighs a little.

"No, not at all." Kim smiled sweetly. "If I thought I was going to have sleazy sex with a detective I would have worn that lacy white thong you bought me."

Adam pushed his hands up under skirt and she watched as the smile spread across his face. "You are freakin' amazing."

"Why thank you Detective."

He helped her wiggle of her dress. He ran his hands up her long lean legs and slipped one finger under the soft white lace. "You rock my world, you know that?"

Kim fumbled with his belt, her warm fingers brushing against his skin and it made him shudder. "You look a little cramped in there baby." Kim purred as she unzipped his jeans and pushed them down over his hips. He kicked them off and quickly removed her shirt and planted soft kisses on her breasts as they spilled out of the lacy white bra while he unhooked it with one hand and tossed it aside.

"Ads." Her eyes fluttered closed as he left a trail of kisses down over her stomach.

"Yes Baby." His breath was warm against her skin. His fingers worked to slide the thin fabric of her thong over her hips and crawled back up and captured her lips in a fierce kiss.

Their breathing had eventually returned to normal although he could still hear her heart thudding beneath him. His hand ran lightly up and down her thigh.

"What you thinking about?" Kim brushed a hand through his hair as he rested his head on her chest.

"You and me Darlin'." He lifted his head slightly and gazed up at her. "You and me."

 **A/N: And that's all folks...Thank you all so much for coming along for the ride. This was my first attempt at this & I was heartened by all your encouragement. Thanks for reading & reviewing. **


End file.
